             ADVENTURES AT RUBY'S PEARLS TRUCK STOP

Copyright (c) 1994  
  
             WE'VE GOT THE CAT; HOW DO WE SKIN IT?  
  
     "I'm worried, David," said Del Freeman to her husband.  
"She's whistling while she works."  
     The two frazzled Freemans watched as Ruby dusted, scoured, 
and mopped the new truck stop. She finally stopped whistling, and 
working, and settled herself on a stool at the counter.  
     "Whaddya think, Freemans?  Are we ready for business, or 
what?"  
     David cleared his throat. "Uh, Ruby, I think we need some  
customers before we can really get started."  
     "Okay, bub--go get some."  She looked expectant. An  
expectant Ruby was a dangerous Ruby, and David chose his next  
words carefully.  
     "Uh, well, I think we need to advertise. We've got a great 
location near the I-Highway, but we don't even have a billboard." 
     "What's Sweet William got to do with it?  Never mind," Ruby 
interjected, "Ah'll just ask my bud in Virginia."  
     "You really shouldn't drag, uh, I mean, ask Michael for  
anything right now," Del cautioned. "I think he's still  
recovering from your last visit to his house."  
     "Phooey, Freeman. You and the pompous old poop don't know  
'im like ah know 'im. He'll be happy to see me."  Ruby tripped  
gaily out the door, "so many men, and so little time...but take a
number" tote swinging from her arm. The Freemans heard the sound
of a Harley squealing out of the parking lot, and David breathed
a sigh of relief.  
     "At least that'll keep her out of our hair for a while. He 
likes to send her on wild goose chases."  
     Del sighed. "Don't count on it. He helped her build this  
place, remember?"  
                               *** 
     Debbie Hahn was reading over her husband's shoulder when she
heard the Harley pull up outside. Michael reacted a second later. 
   "Was that what I think it was?" he asked Debbie, now at the 
window.  
     "Don't worry--I'll answer the door."  When she left the  
room, she was wearing an impish grin.  
     Michael sighed an "Oboy", and snapped off the computer. He 
heard the front door open in response to the bell, then heard a 
muffled, "WHOA!!"  Puzzled, he rushed to the living room.  
     Outside, pinned to front walk, was Ruby Begonia. Pinning  
her to the ground was Dino the Wonder Dog--or at least, it looked
like Dino. The rapidly wagging tail was Dino's, as was the large
pink tongue giving Ruby a thorough bath. He seemed way too big, 
though; the ninety-pound Labrador Retriever looked to be the size
of two Great Danes on steroids. It was all Michael could do to  
keep a straight face as he watched Ruby's plight.  
     "Hey, hon!  Couldja call off the moose?!?" Ruby sputtered. 
     "What are you doing here, Ruby?" Michael asked, allowing a 
small half-smile to paint his features.  
     "Ah need to talk to, ick, ya about some advertising. My,  
ugh, new joint's a little short of payin' customers."  She paused,
wiped some of the dog saliva off her face. "Could ya call off the
dog?!!!?"  
     "Sit, Dino," Debbie said, and Dino sat, effectively pinning
Ruby from the waist down. Debbie turned to her husband. "You'd 
better get your jacket and go; this woman won't leave us alone  
until you do."  
     Michael sighed again, then went back into the house. He  
grabbed his grey leather jacket from its hook, slung it over his
shoulder. "Uh, darling," he asked his wife as they passed at the
doorstep, "how did Dino get so big?"  
     "Remember what you told me about that?" Debbie said,  
pointing at the jacket over Michael's shoulder. "It helps you  
become a little larger than life. Well," she paused, grinning, "I
got Dino a 'Marmaduke' collar."  
     Michael stopped just short of laughing out loud, winked,  
kissed his wife, and helped Ruby to her feet. Debbie watched as 
the man in the grey leather jacket and the woman in the silver  
leather miniskirt disappeared in a cloud of motorcycle exhaust. 
     "Come on, Spud," she said, patting her oversized dog on the
head, "Daddy'll be back soon."  
                               *** 
    Shortly thereafter, four people were gathered around a table
in Ruby's new truck stop. David Freeman was saying, ". . . and we
got the jukebox fixed. Ruby wanted to fill it with nothing but  
'Devil with a Blue Dress On', but I talked her into a little of 
country and western."  
     "So the party's all set, but nobody's shown up yet, eh?"  
The man in the grey leather leaned back in his chair, stroked the
bridge of his nose with a forefinger.  
     "I really don't mind the quiet," Del volunteered, "but Ruby
wants something to do."  
     "Ah wanna see all my old buds," Ruby chimed in, "so how do 
we get 'em here?"  
     Michael thought for a moment longer, then sat forward again.
"There's no problem with the location--you have a prime spot here.
I think all you need is a little advertising. And I think I have
the perfect strategy . . ."  
     A couple hours later, Ruby roared off on her Harley.  
Michael, Del, and Dave waved with obvious relief. "I've got to  
hand it to you," Dave said, "you're awfully good at getting her 
out of here."  
     Del eyes suddenly became the size of dinner plates. "Why  
don't you move your office down here?  We've got an empty room in
the back, and," she lowered her tone an octave and raised an  
eyebrow, "it'd keep Ruby out of Virginia."  
     Michael considered it for less than a nanosecond. "How do  
you feel about dartboards?"  
                               *** 
     Meanwhile, Ruby was on the move. Along a virtual highway  
she roared, arriving first in Kauai. She screeched to a halt in 
front of Dick Burkhalter's house, stuck a flyer in his mailbox, 
and roared away. Five minutes later, Dick and Lucy crawled out  
from under the bed. An hour passed, and they ventured out to the
mailbox.  
     Ruby cruised up and down the west coast. Lyn Rust found a  
flyer stuck to her front door; Michael Gibbs found one tacked to
the fence. Ruby and her Harley criss-crossed the continental  
U.S., even popping into Canada to surprise Headly Westerfield.  
She stopped in Indianapolis, delivered a flyer to a cowering Kent;
Eric Loeb tried to run, but he couldn't hide.  
     A kamikaze raid on Burke, Virginia left a thousand pink  
flyers floating in the air, and Diane Linkous, Al Ruffin, and  
David Chessler were among the startled recipients. Pennsylvania 
was not immune, and Howard Palmer found a flyer in his 4X4.  
     In Boston, Ruby went to the Loo--Michael Loo, that is. Zach
Klein, polishing his newly-won softball trophy, heard the doorbell
chime. He found a flyer stapled to the door. Down the east coast
she came, scattering the colorful flyers everywhere an e-mail  
outlet could be found.  
     Avenir Reynolds turned to find Mr. Avenir holding a hot-pink
flyer; and finally, in Fort Myers, Florida, Jackie Jones found  
Curt Akin sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. 
   "What the matter, Curt?" she asked, and he numbly waved in  
the direction of the flyer in the center of the table.  
     "Read it and weep," he said. "I'll go pack."  
     Jackie picked it up, and read:  
  
                      Come One, Come All!  
                            to the  
                         GRAND OPENING  
                              of  
                 The Ruby's Pearls Truck Stop  
                           featuring  
                             Food,  
                             Fun,  
                       and the legendary  
                        RUBY BEGONIA!!  
  
            (y'all come visit, or ah'll come back!)  
  
Jackie shuddered at the last line, then joined Curt in packing. 
                               *** 
     The joint was jumping when Michael moved the last box into 
the back room. He pulled his nameplate from the box, centered it
neatly on the edge of his new desk. He plopped into the chair,  
dipped his hand in the bucket of darts at his side. He smiled,  
fired a dart at the board tacked to the back of the door. He  
could hear the babble of a hundred voices in the truck stop, then
a familiar beat as "Devil with a Blue Dress On" began to play.  
     "Yup," he thought, "this is going to be interesting."  
                      END


