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  THE END  
    by Karen Williams
  -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  
  
  January 13, 1993:
  -------
  
    I started this diary when I saw a TV show. It terrified me.
  I can't tell anyone, because they will just laugh and not
  understand my fears. I don't even know why I'm writing in this
  diary. I mean, it'll soon be the end of the world, so who will
  read it?
  
    I guess I'll first write a little about myself. My name is
  Rose. As I was growing up, I thought it was a stupid name.
  I was always teased by my classmates, but now that I'm older,
  I think it's a beautiful name. I'm 23. Still wet behind the
  ears, and still single. I don't know if I will ever get married,
  I mean, what's the point? Why should I get married, settle down,
  have children, then kaboom? There's no logical reason to settle
  down, and it would be insane to have children, and bring them
  into the world, as it is now.
  
    I work at a liquor store. I hate my job, but it's feeding me,
  so I guess it'll do for now. I'm going to college. I only take
  a few courses per semester, but I want to make something of
  myself, and not settle on being a liquor store clerk the rest of
  my life. 
  
    I guess you're confused now, I mean, why should I go to 
  college, if I'll die anyway. What's the point of trying to 
  improve. I should be having fun, and living high on the hog. I
  should get a bunch of credit cards, and charge, charge, charge.
  They can't make you pay your debts if you're dead, right? I have
  principles. I mean, I think I'm a good person, at least I try to
  be. And there's this little part of me that believes maybe the
  world won't end.
  
    I guess I should tell you why I think the world "will" end. I
  believe in God, and I know he must be disappointed as anything
  at the way the world is now.  The TV show said a huge asteroid,
  bigger than the earth, is heading towards us. They said it
  should hit in 1999. Let's see, I'll be 29 years old. Gosh,
  that's still so young. Too young to die. Anyway, they say
  it'll just make the earth blow up. There's no way out of it,
  and there's nothing we can do. Yeah, I know, you think it was
  just a scam, a TV show that is based on those stupid magazines.
  Well, it could happen. And, it's just made me so afraid. So
  afraid, that . . . I'm afraid to live.
  
    I don't know how often I'll be writing in this diary. I guess
  when the fear is so overwhelming, and I have no one to talk to
  about it, I write to . . . .
  
  
  September 29, 1993
  ---------
  
    I just read over my last entry. I guess I've put the end of 
  the world out of my mind, until today.
  
    The past few months I've been spending a lot of time with 
  this guy. His name is Troy, but everyone calls him Bud. Isn't 
  that a hoot? I mean, my name's Rose, and his name's Bud. Well,
  things are starting to get serious. Last night, we slept
  together for the first time. Yeah, I know what you're thinking,
  I'm just a tease, to string him along so long, before I finally
  gave myself to him, but I have principles. I have to love someone 
  before I'll give myself to them. Anyway, after we made love, we 
  were laying in bed, holding each other. It was so romantic. He 
  told me he loved me, and I got scared. I just held tight, and 
  began thinking about the end of the world again.
  
    I don't understand! When I should be so happy, I think such
  negative thoughts. The TV show I saw months ago, echoed through 
  my head. Fear enveloped me, I began to shake. Bud just held me, 
  and told me not to be afraid of him, that he wouldn't push me at 
  all. He didn't understand what I was afraid of, and I couldn't 
  tell him. I didn't want him to know what my greatest fear was. The 
  fear of being happy, having everything to live for, then the world 
  ending.
  
  
  March 3, 1994
  -----
  
    Bud and I were married a few weeks ago. It was one of the 
  best days of my life. It was so beautiful. I wore my mother's
  wedding dress, and my father walked me down the aisle. The
  church was filled with our friends and family. We had a wonderful 
  honeymoon. We spent a week on a cruise, it was magical. We didn't 
  see many sights as we spent most of the time in our cabin.
  
    Now, I think I'm pregnant. I only hope God will see how happy 
  we are, and not take this away from us. I know there's so much 
  bad out there in the world; so many people have ruined the world 
  for the rest of us good people; I hope God sees that not everyone 
  is evil.
  
    I still haven't told Bud about my fear. I wonder if I ever will.
  
  
  July 4, 1997
  ----
  
    My daughter's name is Hayley. She is so beautiful. She'll be
  three in November. I just put her down for a nap, and she looks
  so precious. No, I'm not working anymore. When Bud found out
  I was pregnant, he made me quit working. He's such a good man,
  and he loves me and Hayley so much. He works as a computer
  programmer for a small company here in New York City. We hate
  the city, but he's working hard to get a better job to get a 
  home in the country.
  
    Sometimes I think we should build a house underground. I mean, 
  I know it sounds crazy, but I still think about the end of the 
  world. Then again, if the world is hit by that asteroid, then it'll 
  blow up, and we'll be gone anyway. I still try and think of ways I 
  can save my family.
  
  
  January 1, 1998
  -------
  
    Bud's laying on the bed, drunk. We had a huge party and 
  everyone got pretty well toasted. I guess that's the fun of New 
  Years. It's pretty late, well, early in the morning. All the 
  guests left, by cab of course, and I'm stuck cleaning up. No big 
  deal though, I think everyone had a good time.
  
    I wonder what my new years resolution should be. Every day it
  gets closer to 1999, I keep thinking about the end of the world.
  There was a segment on the news about the asteroid the other day.
  The announcer says the asteroid was on course to earth. She said
  the military was planning on destroying it before it came into
  the earth's atmosphere. I wonder how they will do it, and I
  wonder why they haven't done it yet. I casually asked Bud what
  he thought about it, and he said it was no big deal, not to worry,
  that the military will do it's job, or the asteroid will change
  directions. I didn't let him know I was terrified. I'm really
  scared now. Only one more year, and then everyone will be dead.
  What's the point of living? Why were we put on this earth, if
  it was just going to be taken away?
  
   
  December 31, 1998
  --------
  
    Christmas is over. I haven't taken the tree down, there was 
  no point. All the TV channels show their emergency screens. You
  know the one I'm talking about. Hayley is asleep, next to me, on
  the sofa, her head leaning against my shoulder. She's so beautiful. 
  Bud's around the house boarding up the windows, but I know there's 
  no point. Last night we made love, and pledged our undying love to 
  each other. There's not much else we can do but hold each other 
  tight, and go out together.
  
    The military couldn't blow up the asteroid. They tried, but
  missed. How could they miss? Everyone wondered, but I know.
  You see, God is putting his foot down. First he sent diseases to
  wipe out some of the population, but then they found a cure for
  AIDS, so he decided to send something we couldn't compete with, 
  or find a cure for. The asteroid. The world is just so crazy.
  Everyone is selfish. People are fighting, drugs and gangs are
  taking over the streets. No one cares about the environment, or 
  their neighbors. Hate is everywhere, taking over everyone's mind 
  and body.
  
    I wonder if God will make another earth. I wonder if the next
  people on earth, or whatever planet God will create, will know
  about our mistakes, and make sure it doesn't happen to them. You
  know, the best way to learn is from history. That is what we will 
  be --  history.
  
    You may not believe in God, but I do. It makes sense, I mean, 
  how did the earth get here? Someone or some great force had to do 
  it. God is that great force.
  
    I hear Bud hammering outside the house. I think I'll call him 
  in, and have him hold me and Hayley until it's over. There's no
  point even trying, it's too late, we blew it. The whole world
  just blew it. We should have seen the signs earlier and changed
  our life, and started working together to make the world a better 
  place. The murders, rapists and other criminals should have changed 
  themselves into better people. There was just too much evil and bad 
  in the world, and we acted too late.
  
    I'm not going to wake Hayley up. She doesn't know what's going
  on, and it's best that way. I'd hate to see her suffer, and I
  want to see her happy, since this is the last day I will see her.
  She's so beautiful, so innocent and sweet. Why do bad things
  happen to good people?
  
    It's quite ironic, the military says the asteroid will hit at
  12:00 on the dot, tonight. Instead of counting down, for the ball
  to drop in Time's Square, we'll be counting down for the asteroid
  to hit.
  
    Here comes Bud, so I will close. I hope that I will be writing
  in this diary tomorrow, but I don't think so. I see Bud is crying, 
  he tries so hard. He's sitting beside me now holding me, reading 
  over my shoulder. I just looked at him and smiled. I can't 
  understand why I'm so calm about this. He's smiling now, because 
  he knows we're at peace, though we will soon be dead, he knows, if 
  there is such a thing as reincarnation, and God creates a new world, 
  we will find each other.
  
    Though I've known this would happen for some time, I did find
  happiness in this life. I did not regret falling in love, and
  having a beautiful child, though it will all be gone in a few
  hours.
  
    I must now spend the last few hours of my life with my husband
  and child. The last moment on this earth I will spend being happy, 
  with my family, something I will never regret, for as long as I 
  live.
  
    Good-bye sweet life and world. Maybe if we get another chance,
  we won't take everything for granted.
  
                                 (DREAM)
                                 
  Copyright 1996 Karen Williams, All Rights Reserved.
  -------------------------------------------------------------------
  Karen has a mystery novel making the rounds, looking for a home.
  She can be contacted at: FidoNet: 1:301/12.2 (The Precinct BBS) 
  505-892-2422. She's looking forward to hearing your comments! 
  Email:  karen.williams%350-0@dbbs.mainelink.net.
  ===================================================================
  
