
The Great Mall
by Ray Koziel

"We are now in orbit sir, and the probe droids are being dispatched."

"Ah, good!  Just look at this planet!  See how beautiful it is?  The
green and blue colors and so appealing to the eye.  The land masses
are not very pleasing though, but that can be fixed.  What do you
think, my good man?" 

"Well sir, I have to agree that this is one of the more nicer planets
I've seen.  But I feel it is a bit out of the way to construct a
mall." 

"Oh you just sound like everybody else!  I didn't become Director of
Malls on our home planet of Quintanz for nothing!  Ever since I did
my first project - the Supermall on Vantagantas IV - I knew that I
had a certain talent for this type of thing!  Now I am ready to do my
most excellent work of all - the Ultramegamall!  But I must find a
planet worthy to build such a mall.  I am sure such a planet exists
in this system.  The first one is so darn close to the sun that the
customers will be sunburnt before they are even half done with their
shopping.  The second is so overcast and gloomy no one will have the
urge to shop.  But here...here is a pure jewel, tucked away only to
be discovered by me!" 

"Ummm...sir, the probes are reporting back with their observations."

"Good!  Good!  Quick, my good man, what have they found?"

"The probes report that this planet is quite suitable for life and
already has a number of lifeforms available."

"Excellent!  They will make some good attractions, I'm sure!"

"The predominant life form is quite similar to our own and call
themselves 'human'.  These humans refer to this planet as "Earth".

"Sounding better all the time!  Sounds like there are already
potential shoppers available to us!"

"Planet composition is about 75% water, 25% land.  A substantial
portion of the landmasses contain mall-type structures."

"WHAT!?  Malls already exist on this planet!?  This beautiful planet
is blemished by the existence of inferior malls!  How dreadful!  This
will not do!  Oh how I hoped this would be the perfect planet.  Oh
well, never mind.  Come!  Let us check out that little red planet
over there!  I'm positive that one will work out!"              {RAH}
--------------
Ray Koziel is a systems programmer/analyst for a consulting firm in
Atlanta.  Since Ray has started contributing to RAH, his wife has
become more at ease now that he has a new target for his weird sense
of humor.

