














 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 THE EXHAUSTION THEOREM
   by Greg Borek
 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


 Proctor: "You will have two hours to complete the midterm.
          Starting now. Good luck everybody."

 John: "Eight questions . . . doesn't look too bad. OK, let's see,
       question 1: `Describe how the coefficients in the binomial
       theorem are related to combinations of the exponents. Express
       the theorem in concise summation notation.'  A little work, but
       definitely doable. That would be . . ."

 <<<POOF>>>

 Hal: Hi Bob!

 John: "Whoa! Who are you?"

 Hal: I'm an hallucination. You should definitely NOT have stayed up
      all night last night cramming for this midterm, Bob.

 John: "An hallucination? How does an hallucination know it's an
       hallucination? On second thought, never mind! Just be quiet
       and leave me alone. I only have two hours."

 Hal: Not so fast, Bob. Your exhausted mind created me so now you
      have to deal with it! Hah! This is sure is going to be fun,
      Bob!

 John: "The binomial coefficients . . ."

 Hal: Say Bob, isn't that a huge hairy spider climbing up your arm?

 John: "Aaaaugh!"

 Proctor: "Is there a problem up there?"

 John: "No, sorry, sir. <aside> Don't do that."

 Hal: Got you that time, Bob! That was way too easy! Whoopee! This
      is such fun!

 John: "Where was I? The binomial coefficients are . . ."

 Hal: Say, isn't that Patty LeBombshell in the front row? Ooh-la-la!
      What a honey!

 John: "Huh? Oh, yeah, she is. I can't think about that right now."

 Hal: I know someone who CAN, while you're too busy that is . . . .

 <<<POOF>>>

 Lust: Who woke me up? Oh, wow! Look at the hooters on that
       honey in the front row! I wonder what she would look like
       covered in strawberry preserves. Hmmm . . . .

 John: "Who are you?"

 Lust: I'm Lust, as if it wasn't obvious from my profile. I'm one of
       the Seven Deadly Sins you read about this semester in English.
       Let's see the others are . . .

 <<<POOF>>>

 Envy: Oh, I wish I had his profile.

 John: "Please, I can't think about this now. Will you guys just go
       away? No? Okay, then just be quiet."

 Envy: Ooh, I wish I had his command presence. Beautiful speaking
       voice. Not like my whiny little voice. It's so forceful.

 <<<POOF>>>

 Mr. T: I pity the fool that created a hallucination that looks
        like me!

 John: "Oh my God! What part of my mind created him? What's next?
       Rosa Lopez?"

 <<<POOF>>>

 Rosa: Si?

 John: "Aaaaaagh!! Will you people please shut up?!?"

 Proctor: "Excuse me, but these outbursts are disruptive to the other
          students. Please try to control yourself!"

 John: "Sorry, sir . . . sorry. I'll try to keep them under control.

 Proctor: "Uh, what?"

 John: "Never mind. Sorry. <aside>  Now listen you guys, you have to
       stop . . . ."

 Lust: Hey, Rosa, honey, what are you doing after he passes out?

 Mr. T: Where's the food? I pity the poor fool who doesn't cater his
        hallucinations! I could eat a dinosaur!

 <<<POOF>>>

 Barney: "I love you, you love me . . ."

 <<<POOF>>>

 Gluttony: I could certainly help you eat part of that dinosaur.
           As a matter of fact, I could probably tackle the whole
           grape flavored morsel . . .

 Envy: Ooh, I wish I had his appetite. I couldn't even finish that
       huge hairy spider on John's arm.

 John: "Aaaaugh! Ooops. Sorry."

 Hal: Don't look at me that way. It wasn't me that time. Looks like
      you need an exterminator.

 <<<POOF>>>

 Terminator: Are you Sarah Connor?

 Lust: I don't know her? What does she look like? Does she wear
       thong bikinis?

 <<<POOF>>>

 Kathy Ireland: Oh, Hi John. Could you help put sun screen on my
                practically naked body?

 John: "Please, not in front of Barney."

 Barney: I love you, you love me . . .

 <<<POOF>>>

 Michael Crichton: JURASSIC PARK was a good movie, no matter what
                   you say. Okay, so it wasn't as cerebral as the
                   book, but you have to "dumb things down" for the
                   great unwashed masses.

 John: "No, you don't. I hate when you make that assumption."

 Michael Crichton: It made lots of money, anyway.

 Envy: Ooh, I wish I had his money.

 <<<POOF>>>

 The Baltimore Orioles: Listen, this isn't about the money . . .

 Hal: It certainly is getting crowded in here.

 John: "I'm sorry, were you talking to me? I was just thinking there
       was something I should be doing . . . HEY, somebody get Lust
       away from Kathy Ireland!

 Proctor: "Time's up, people. Please put your work on my desk as you
          leave."

 John: "Party time! Hal, you buy the pizza!"

 <<<<POOF!>>>>

                                 {DREAM}

 Copyright 1995 Greg Borek, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------
 Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (OK, "Beltway
 Bandit" - but don't tell his boss we told you) in Falls Church, VA.
 He has previously been mistaken for a vampire. Greg can be reached
 via e-mail at: gborek@dreamforge.com
 =====================================================================

