Copyright 1995(c)

                          A SUNDAY KIND OF GLOVE
                          Ruby's Home Made Fudge


     "Yo, did you hear the President took away the knife the
Congress was holdin' to our throats?" asked Ruby.
     "Kung Fu?" asked David.
     "Nah, it was some political somethin' about the deficit or
somethin'. It's been a eventful day. The President did that major
rescue thing an' Richard Gere started datin' another super model,"
said Ruby. "What is it with that, anyway? You reckon he's
stereotyped and just relivin' that Pretty Woman thing over and
over?"
     "You want an opinion about Richard Gere's taste in women?"
asked David.
     "I'm makin' what's called polite conversation, here, Freeman.
Ain't you got no couth?" Ruby demanded.
     "Del's in charge of couth," said David. "DEL!! Ruby wants to
talk to you," he shouted.
     "I tell you, there ain't no substance to life no more," said
Ruby, including Del in the conversation. "You take E Fashion File.
Gotham fashion? Plastic eyebrows? Rupaul was there, for God's sake,
an' they was showin' clothes by Anna Sue-we," Ruby went on.
     "Sui," said Del. "It's only pronounced Sue-we."
     "That's how you call pigs," said Ruby.
     "Didn't she die?" asked David.
     "I think you're thinking of Anne Klein," said Del. "This is
Anna Sui."
     "That's how you call pigs," said Ruby.
     "I like some of the suits by Sui," said Del.
     "That's how you call pigs, that sue-we thing," said Ruby.
"Sue-we. Sue-WEEEE. Here, piggy, piggy, piggy... It's how you call
pigs. SUE-WEE, SUE-WEE."
     "Must you yell?" asked Del, as both she and David grimaced.
     "Sometimes y'all don't pay attention to me," said Ruby. "Y'all
try to ignore me," she said and frowned. "Y'all ain't quick
studies, are you? You din't even notice how good this blouse with
the sleeves fits me."
     "What's with the Michael Jackson glove?" asked Del, pointing
to a stretch silver lame' glove on Ruby's right hand.
     "I can't find the other one," Ruby complained. "I think Rudy
ate it." 
     "And while we're talking about clothes," said Del, "do not
wear my classic suits."
     "Do them classic ones got sequins?" asked Ruby.
     "Very few," said David, as Del frowned, again.
     "Well, I ain't wearin' none but the ones with rhinestones and
sequins," said Ruby.
     "I'd say your classic stuff is pretty safe," David told Del.
     "Now you've got an opinion and you didn't have a clue when I
wore navy blue pantyhose with a black skirt?" Del demanded.
     David shrugged.
     Ruby flicked down the channels, stopping at a retrospective of
Memphis just as it focused on the home of the king of rock and
roll.
     "You know," said Ruby, studying the jungle room with its wall
fountain, "you got to hand it to Elvis. He did his own decorating.
It ain't exactly conservative but it's honest.
     "An looka' that -- David Hasselhoff's explainin' to that E
fellow that Baywatch is a light P.I. humor vehicle. I bet he thinks
MacBeth is a musical.
     "An' there's that whole thing with them people what got the
six kids. Can't you just see the mess if they grow up and have the
same tendency to get divorced as that Kimberly what's her name gal
does? News just keeps right on happenin' an happenin' an we're
livin' in this modern age where we got experts to tell us what
everybody said. Is this a great country, or what?" Ruby demanded,
gazing in rapture at the McLaughlin Group.
     "I hate Sundays," said Del.
     "More than Mondays?" asked David.
     "At least I get to dress for them," said Del. "It's cool
enough to wear a decent suit, for a change."
     "I'm wearin' the orange top with the sequins an' glass
jewels," Ruby piped up. "You know, that one you got in Miami?"
     "Sue-wee," said Del.
     "That's how you call pigs," said Ruby, staring pointedly at
Ruby.
     "I've already got one, thank you," said Del.
     "Did I tell you that bit about the president wrestin' the
knife from Congress?" Ruby asked Del.
     "Egad," said Del to David, "don't tell me she repeats every
top of the hour, too?"
     "No off button and no volume, either," said David.
     "I hate Sundays," said Del. "I hate them worse than all
Mondays on which I am not wearing navy hose with a black skirt and
shoes. Or, God forbid, wearing one silver lame' glove."
     "Look-a-here," said Ruby, "at least I ain't wearin' my glove
only up to my first knuckle, like O.J. Ain't none of 'em fit if you
do that. It's like pullin' your shorts only up to your knees and
expectin' to get your pants on."
     "She finally has a point," said David.
     "Thanks hon," said Ruby. "Did I tell you about how the Prez
saved us from certain death?"
     "Is it that late?" asked David.
     "Top of the hour," said Del.

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