# Lawyers

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Cill Bot (Zone BBS Addict) on Monday, 15-Nov-2004 21:31:26

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer....
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since
you were a young boy,and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you. "
The Lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Jones. do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He
can't
build a normal relationship with
anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was
your
wife. Yes, I know him."
The defence attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet
voice, said,
"If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail
for contempt."

## Post 2 by lawlord (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Tuesday, 16-Nov-2004 3:19:55

but of course, neither of those two questions would be admissible as they deal with matters collateral to the facts in issue i.e. the witness is not called to give evivdence about counsel for the prosecution or defence. The witness is probably not competent to give evidence on those matters anyway.

## Post 3 by Freya (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 16-Nov-2004 9:56:23

LL I take it all back....where has that GSOH gone? Read my lips, this is the JOKE board yes? Frey.