# Would you date someone who has kids?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by Jess227 on Tuesday, 29-Nov-2005 15:10:48

This has been bugging me for a bit now. Unfortunately the guy I like so much happens to be very busy. On Saturday I thought I'd call him and see how his Thanksgiving went. Instead I hear a baby crying in the background. The lady in the background I assume is his ex gf. When she asks him who he's talking to he claims he's talkingto me, his gf. Then I hear the baby crying. It sounded as if the little thing was pushed onto his lap but one doesn't know if it's true. But then I said "Who's that?" And he said "Thats my son in the background. I have two." Yes not one but two kids unsure how old either one of them is. Here he says he's single and keeps to that. But I don't know how comfortable I am dating someone who has kids. I always felt that I'd be the third wheel as and will always be. I emailed him last night about the matter but he never replied to it. I don't know what is the best course of action and assuming he might be back working I don't wanna pester him. Understand folks he's 25, I'm 24. There's not much of a age difference between him and I. I just feel he's too young to be playing parent but he put himself onto it by being careful while having sex. My question for you all: Would you consider dating even marrying someone who is the same age as you who has kids? My concern is my parents finding out and not accepting the fact that he's young and has kids. This is a way confusing issue for me and I've lost sleep over it.

## Post 2 by PorkInCider (Wind assisted.) on Tuesday, 29-Nov-2005 18:07:02

If the person in question for you is the right person. If you love them, and they love you, then their children are a part of them, and they are a part of those children. it comes as a package. I guess the hardest thing for anyone who isn't a parent, and I'm not, is knowing and accepting that the children will always come first. Or at least should do. If all that's in place, then why not, I've been atracted to more than 1 lady who had children, both were slightly older than me, but don't personally see age as much of a consequence in that regard. I think you just need to figure how much you love this guy, and work on it from there.

## Post 3 by BB (move over school!) on Tuesday, 29-Nov-2005 19:54:03

I agree. If you care for someone even though they may have children it shouldn't matter. Just see where things may go and go with it.

## Post 4 by icequeen (move over school!) on Tuesday, 29-Nov-2005 20:01:20

As for worrying about your parents, you really shouldn't. I know easier said than done. Here's why, a person can't live their life based upon the ground rules and expectations of other people. Period end of story. So if you are into this guy, stick with it a bit longer and see what happens. You just may find out you like his kids and aren't bothered by the package deal afterall. Good luck. :)

## Post 5 by Jess227 on Tuesday, 29-Nov-2005 23:37:19

Well, I guess I need to face my fears. The thing thats eating me alive right now about this boy is that well... On Saturday we were talking. A female in the room asked him who he was talking to. He said "My girlfriend, do you mind?" I don't know who that was directed tords as I asked who was in the background. However his myspace profile is the same as it has: Status - Single. I don't know who's the girlfriend, me or her. And I'm worried that I'll get my hopes up again and get hurt.

## Post 6 by OrangeDolphinSpirit (Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?) on Wednesday, 30-Nov-2005 5:00:52

Hey, Blindvi. I'd run the other way, but that's just how I feel. I don't think I could ever date someone who had kids. There was a guy I was interested in a while back who had a ten-month-old daughter at the time, and I just never followed through with my feelings. Never even gave it a second thought. The thing is, I wasn't worried about being second to his little girl; I was just worried about the mama drama that might have been involved. And I just didn't want to deal with it.

## Post 7 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Wednesday, 30-Nov-2005 10:20:06

I actually have mixed views on the matter. I agree in part with kev in that if you have feelings for someone and they have kids, then you need to be aware that that someone and their kids come as a package and you should except the children as well. However, taking on someone else’s children is never easy, especially if those children live with the person you are in the relationship with, you can go from being single to a step parent over night, and I do not in any way blame anyone who does not want to make that kind of commitment. Also, taking on kids also often means taking on an ex, because invariably the ex will still be a part of those children’s lives, unlike a relationship where both partners are single and any exes are in the past, and that can bring added tentions to a relationship. I think that it would be easier to take on someone else’s children if you already had kids of your own, because in that sense you are then both equal, it is hard to take on kids if you have no experience of them. I think though that people should be honest from the outset, if you’re not prepared to take on children then you shouldn’t become involved with someone who has them, but by the same token if you have children then you should declare it as soon as you are in a position where a relationship is likely.

## Post 8 by changedheart421 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Wednesday, 30-Nov-2005 12:48:34

i would date a woman if she had kids. the only thing i would ask is that she doesn't thorw that in my face all the time. like for example, if we are out to dinner and we're are having a good time just don't all of a sudden say o my kids wanna meet you. or o my kids really don't like it that i have a girlfriend again or something.

## Post 9 by saiyan4414 (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Wednesday, 30-Nov-2005 18:05:50

I don't know if I would or not, I guess if I really liked the person then maybe, but also I would have to pray about it first.

## Post 10 by Jess227 on Wednesday, 30-Nov-2005 18:24:02

I thought about it and I agree with ODS, it's not being second in line of importance. It's the mama drama that comes with the package. She will always be apart of the child's life. And I don't think I could be comfortable about that. I mean would you want to feel like a third wheel? I found out last night that he has a 6 month old and a 5 yr old. So something tells me they're still dating. And if so they might be in the same room together. So I just chose to move on. If he cared about me that much he'd set aside time for me. But he keeps saying "I'll get in trouble if I do." Meaning she might find out and she might do something drastic.

## Post 11 by Rune Knight (Ancient Demon - Darkness will always conquer Light!) on Thursday, 01-Dec-2005 4:19:20

I personally wouldn't date or even marry someone with a child to be honest with you. There is a great deal of responsibilities that are involved whether what status it is married or just dating. Helping to take care of a child or even raising a child is very hard work. If your not ready for that type of a commitment in a relationship as far as child care goes you seriously may want to think it over and decide what you really want and if you decide to go with that person then I wish you well and hope things work out for you. I am an Uncle so I know how it is.