# The Wife just got diagnosed with ovarian cancer

Category: Health and Wellness

## Post 1 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 10:54:27

Yesterday, She went to the ER thinking it was some kind of intestinal blockage. They first thought it was Her uterus but an ultrasound and a CT scan later they diagnosed ovarian cancer.
She's not in pain or anything like one might expect, in fact She went to work this morning. She'll be making an appointment to see the gynecology / cancer specialist and we'll go from there.
I'm not too informed on this sort of stuff but know enough to stay strong and be Her shield and support.
Leo

## Post 2 by Smiling Sunshine (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 11:36:03

OMG, Leo, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say other than I'm here if you need a friend. I know you'll be her rock. She's lucky to have you.

## Post 3 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 12:01:50

I'm so really sorry Leo. I know too much about ovarian cancer; it seems to run in my family. I'm around too if you need to talk or just bounce things off someone.
It really really sucks to be diagnosed with any kind of cancer. Just be strong as you said, and inform yourself for her sake as best you can. Judging by the years of posts I read by you, I know you're the best kind of person she could possibly have around for her to help her through this right now. So I know you'll hang in there and do the best you possibly can for her. And that's what counts. People gain strength from the support they have from the people around them.
And that said, I know there's a lot of drama and disagreements and petty bullshit on the zone a lot of the time, but many of us on here have gotten to know you a bit through your posts and interactions with us, and we care enough to support you through this as well. It's important to talk to people and to vent when you need to, and I'm sure we all welcome you to make this your outlet whenever you feel like it.
Stay strong. These things don't have to become a real nightmare.

## Post 4 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 12:28:20

Guys, thanks so much! I know Her Christians friends are praying for Her, and that's a comfort to Her.
Medical stuff is an area I have a lot of trouble separating the real from the bullshit, so I'm as open as anything for you to say what yu know.
They figured it's ovarian because they did both a ultrasound (inside and out) and a CT scan. She saw online where they said the ultrasound can detect the difference between cancer and other stuff based on the waves. She was on the Mayo Clinic site, or however you write that.
I took Her out to dinner last night so She could eat and talk and have a change of scenery.

## Post 5 by margorp (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 12:43:02

I know plenty of women who have had them remove do to said cancer. I believe that is a last resort though. Anyway, hang in there.

## Post 6 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 12:44:22

Huge huge hugs to you. Grandma died of pancreatic cancer on 11 December, 2012. Two days later, Joanie (Mom's partner and now wife) was diagnosed with ovarian and uteran cancer. She had a hysterectomy and was on chemo until June 2013. But after that, she was pronounced cancer-free! Mom was her rock through all of this, as I am sure you will be for your wife. But please don't think that you have to be superman. It is normal and human to experience all sorts of emotions, especially when the person with cancer is so close to you. And remember that everyone who has it handles it differently. Some, like Joanie, joke about it in order to stay strong. Others are straight forward, while still others hide from it. It's really an individual thing. Just let your wife know that you love her and are there for her, no matter what she does. Take it one day at a time. For what it's worth, I'll be here for you if you need to talk.

## Post 7 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 12:58:51

Yeah thanks I appreciate this. She's not into the stories and such as She says it can scare Her. She's very down to earth and trying to stay positive but of course had some very emotional moments last night. And yeah mentally I admit I'm all over the place. I'm good at doing stuff and being there, but frankly don't always understand myself.
She deserves no less than the very best, so I intend to give Her that.

## Post 8 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 17:29:57

Well, we're starting to deal with insurance stuff now. She got referred to a specialist that isn't in our network, so we now have to get someone in network.
What a nightmare!

## Post 9 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 17:51:18

Well hopefully we'll find one, I got the insurance company to send us a list of the ones that are in network.

## Post 10 by margorp (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 18:14:19

good luck in that department.

## Post 11 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 19:37:14

I know nothing about it, but women survive it all the time.
I'll be here as well for support.
All will be good. Smile.

## Post 12 by CrazyMusician (If I don't post to your topic, it's cuz I don't give a rip about it!) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 22:45:25

Thinking of you and praying for your wife and you. My stepmother also had ovarian cancer two years ago, and has been cancer free for 18 months!
Just know that we're here for you, and it's so normal to be all over the place - angry, frustrated, sad, scared, all those emotions are NORMAL!

## Post 13 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 22:52:21

Unfortunately ovarian cancer is one of the most deadly cancers. You need to find out what stage she is in because obviously stage 1 will be easier to treat than 3 or 4. Also find out as much as you can about the disease and various treatments. I know only rich people can afford to travel to the so-called best cancer hospitals around the country or seek out doctors whom they have heard have a high cure rate. The rest of us have to deal with what our insurance companies will pay for. So, good luck, and my prayers are with you both.

## Post 14 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Tuesday, 30-Jun-2015 23:06:51

I'm so sorry to hear this Leo. :( Good on you for staying strong for her though I know it will be difficult.

## Post 15 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 10:10:32

Thanks all. She needs to get that figured out, you're right, but we have to get to a cancer doctor for them to tell us this. I know they say ovarian can be the most deadly. She can feel a lump there which is why She went to begin with.
Yes, internally my emotions are all over the place, from wondering about life after her if it ocmes to that, then feeling guilty about thinking that way, what to do to help Her, sometimes just downright angry and frustrated, especially when we had the setback yesterday due to the insurance problem. I contacted the insurance company and She's now going to call a cancer doc who has pioneered some laproscopic techniques specifically for women with these types of cancers.
I guess being shelved for awhile is really hard. She has to wait till She can get seen, and this insurance business set Her back. Now She has to contact all involved to make sure they send Her information over to this new guy, and that She can get seen right away.
Thanks for your words and your thoughts, and yes, for those who do that, She really appreciates your prayers. I appreciate all of it.
I just don't want Her to have to wait long to see somebody, that's all. She needs to be able to be okay that She didn't get it too late, or at least that things are moving forward. I don't know if I was wrong to say it, but I said if it was really too far gone they wouldn't have let Her leave the ER, they'd have admitted Her to the hospital.
They were sort of prepping anyhow, if it was the uterus they'd have just done surgery then and done a hysterectomy.

## Post 16 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 13:30:37

Well Leo, on that you're actually right. If they suspected an advanced case of Ovarian cancer at the ER, they would have rushed her to the hospital and operated.
My aunt was 33 when this happened to her; she had a historectomy, and then, a few months later, they had to remove the uterus. by that point, though, the cancer metastasized to the lungs and the pancreas and, well, I'm sure you can guess the rest. No; they wouldn't send her home if they thought it was very advanced. there are signs they watch for at the ER when they diagnose this type of cancer. But you're right also, that time is of the escence. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you get to see a specialist soon. You guys are in my thoughts. As I said before, ovarian cancer hits very close to home for me, and I was actually my aunt's translator when she was ill, because she spoke mostly polish and I was the person in my family who spoke english most fluently at the time. I was charged with asking all the questions and translating all the answers, and a lot of what was said, etc. really stuck with me even though this all took place six years ago.

## Post 17 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 13:36:39

Thanks Bernadetta. I'll keep you guys posted.

## Post 18 by DevilishAnthony (Just go on and agree with me. You know you want to.) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 13:38:19

I can't really say anything here that hasn't already been said. I hope it all goes well. I'm around here as well if you need to talk or vent. Y'all will definitely be in my thoughts.

## Post 19 by margorp (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 14:35:42

The worst part is all the waiting but I'm always around as well.

## Post 20 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 16:33:49

Best wishes to her, man.

## Post 21 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 16:58:28

Thanks all. We're working on getting an exception waiver so She can use the surgeon that was initially recommended. There's no others out here in our particular insurance company's network. That and you have to pick one that works with a hospital in the same network.

## Post 22 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 18:20:37

God damn all that crazy red tape with insurance companies! It's not enough that a person is facing a serious illness; they also have to deal with the ridiculous rules of insurance. Screw that.

## Post 23 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 19:09:10

This must be very scary for both of you. I agree that it is important to try to stay strong for her, but letting her know you are as worried and scared as she is will also be appreciated.

## Post 24 by Smiling Sunshine (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2015 19:23:51

Oh good God! Insurance is worse than the treatments half the time. Sorry yall are having to deal with all of that crap too.
How's your daughter handling things or have yall told her?
Keep us posted.

## Post 25 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 02-Jul-2015 13:36:09

Leo, I'm sorry. There's obviously nothing I could say that would fix anything, but I notice you've written quite a bit on here about your wife. She's a very important part of your life. I wish y'all the best, and keep us posted, okay?

## Post 26 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 02-Jul-2015 17:09:54

Thanks a lot for the words, guys.
We're now on track to getting Her an appointment. Insurance has the paper from the doctor's. We now have allies with an insurance person and the doctor's office, so I need to get through to someone who is on voicemail now to get Her appointment set up.
We're going to leave for the weekend and get away, not sure where, just the 3 of us.
The Daughter is being a Champ.
Becky, I understand what you're saying too. I'm not a macho, but I often have troubles describing what's going on inside myself, even describing that to myself. At least until after the fact. I was honest with Her about last night, though, how in the middle of the night I felt a big weight of sadness sitting on me for awhile. I just watched Her breathe and sleep, petted Her hair and thought about what everyone's been saying, and tried to do what she calls "let it happen". It finally lifted and went away for awhile I guess. I was really glad to be able to do some constructive things today to reach this goal.
I still have to get through to the person to set up the appointment but should be able to do that one way or the other.

## Post 27 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 02-Jul-2015 17:11:32

And, I thank you all for your words and advice.
We were told that Her case is marked urgent but it's not becoming more dangerous by the day, not like that. That is actually helpful to know, since people say it can spread.

## Post 28 by ADVOCATOR! (Finally getting on board!) on Friday, 03-Jul-2015 21:05:51

Leo, I know that's scary. Mom had Uteran Cancer, so she spent some time in the hospital when we were little. I thank God they got it, but then they had to test me for Ovarian Cancer, because I get cists. Thank God, they aren't Cancer, but, I know it's tough.
I'm glad they are working with you guys with insurance. I'm ready to scream rants about insurance, because I have so many allergies. See if the insurance has a "Case Management," program. Having an advocate that might know something about cutting red tape, will help.
We had a recent Cancer scare, with Grandma, and she made it through, with all cells destroyed. I'll pray they can kill this Cancer. And, I want to be a support to you. Even if it's just you know I'm a friend, and no questions asked. I've had some scary things happen, and there's nothing better than family and friends all around.
I'm praying for both of you. For her, so she gets through this, and for you, so you have the strength and courage to hang on. It's not easy. And, you are a good man for sticking by her side. Actually, I'll say this, and I've thought this a lot. I've wondered if I found a man to be part of my life, if he should be a lot like you. You know you aren't perfect, but you don't run, when the stuff hits the fan. That, takes a lot of guts. And, I speak from my heart.
God Bless you both through this!
Sarah

## Post 29 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 04-Jul-2015 23:46:46

Leo, I just sent you a couple of DM's on Twitter. Hope you get them. I'm not sure what to say. I know you personally are not into prayer, but I know your wife is. Please let her know I am praying for her. I know insurance is a real bitch ,and that puts it mildly. I'm glad you've found some allies. I'm here if you ever need to talk. or vent, or whatever.

## Post 30 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Monday, 06-Jul-2015 11:41:40

Thanks Sarah and Alicia.
I take everyone's prayers and well wishes as they are intended. and yes, I
always do pass along anything someone says from a faith perspective, and I do
so without a filter. I want to make any Christian aware that She's not being
denied anything in that space. Not by me. Possibly it's easier for me to do so
than some secular people you have run into, because I merely found myself on
the outside of faith, rather than making a deliberate decision that way. My own
Father has told me about their prayer group, I merely listen and affirm. So if
you're Christian, you have a right to know; please know that She isn't going to
be denied by the "evil unbeliever" that many people seem to talk about. It's all
good in that space. Your messages get passed along without a filter, which in
my mind is the only fair way to be.
This weekend was good, if pretty tiring. We went to the took a trip to the coast,
and as a family had a good time. She really does need reprieve from Her job,
though. And I'm hoping that She gets some of that and better support there.
Today I took off as a vacation day before we knew about this cancer, so have
just been cleaning the house and doing other paperwork / domestic things. But
I'll admit it's kind of a hard day, even though I try not to think about things.
They're going to call me either today or tomorrow to confirm or change the
appointment date. So I am waiting on that too, doing my best to cool the house
down as much as possible since we have no A/C and Portland area has been
experiencing the hottest summer in recorded history this year.
Anyhow my internal thoughts are all over the place. Hoping it's like a fibroid or
something like they've found before in Her breast, or hoping that they can just
get it all from one single surgery, and even just wishing I could just take it all
away from Her.
Fortunately, I've had the same employment with the same company now for 8.5
years, so some of my off time is a bit backed up. This will help in the event that
She needs full-time care when She gets home from whatever treatment they
have for Her. Even without that, I can telecommute and help Her at the same
time. Done that as a parent, so should be able to do that this time.
I am proud of our Daughter, she is willing to help out as a driver for her Mom
for appointments and such. I could make other arrangements, but am glad she
will be involved in this. We'll just have to add her name on to the ZipCar
arrangements so she can drive those.
I know this is shallow of me to say, but I am also concerned for the financial
aspect too. The reason is, if you're really tight on money, you have a lot harder
time dealing with the stress of things, and your resource options are a lot more
limited. I really don't want to put Her in that kind of a situation.
We're seriously considering the fact that She may have to leave Her job
permanently, since cancer survivors are more immune-compromised, and the
place She works at is a veritable germ factory. Everyone who starts working
there gets really sick in the first six months or so. My job is stable, but it doesn't
earn a ton of money. About mid fifties per year, which is a lot to people on fixed
incomes, but doesn't go real far for 3 people and insurance and extra out of
pocket expenses, etc. We've been in that situation before, for years in fact, but
in those days everyone was reasonably healthy.
Again I know this is a shallow dick move thing to say, we're talking someone's
life here. But I want to make it the best I can for Her.
Even without the cancer situation, I found that now I just don't have what it
takes to moonlight anymore either, for a variety of reasons, so taking on any
sort of second gig type situations just isn't in the cards, not unless the second
gig were merely physical in nature. I happen to be a physically fit person with
good physical stamina. Just not the mental ability to do all-nighters for mentally
concentrative stuff like programming, not since I hit 40 or so.
Anyhow, guess I've probably rambled on more than enough, but I really
appreciate all your words, thoughts and prayers.

## Post 31 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Monday, 06-Jul-2015 13:16:53

You are not being shallow at all, just realistic. Finances are a genuinely difficult thing, and certainly, when you love someone as much as you love your wife, you don't want her to suffer anymore than she is already doing by having to worry about money. Don't beat yourself up. You should see if there are any kinds of funds, government programs, etc. to help you if you need to stay with her or if she can't work. I wish you and your family all the best and hope that the appointment is confirmed and goes well. Maybe, it's not even cancer at all, and they screwed up, or if it is, it could be very early stage and caught immediately.

## Post 32 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Monday, 06-Jul-2015 13:26:58

I seriously doubt there are government programs for someone making the
money I make. It's not a lot for supporting 3 people one as a cancer survivor
and one as a college student, but it's not close to Section 8. I think you gotta be
pretty poor before the Man will start ladlin' stuff out. Though I'm beyond the
stage of life where I'd be too proud to take it. But na I don't think so.
Anyway thanks for the thoughts and ideas though.

## Post 33 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Tuesday, 07-Jul-2015 1:27:14

Leo, no shallow thoughts in your posts as far as I can see. Money is a real issue, if a bit impersonal. It's still a necessity. I think maybe you shouldn't dismiss the government grant possibility just yet. Fifty grand a year isn't dirt poor, but it's not rich either. You might also be able to find grants or such through private means, depending on what you'd be interested in or willing to do.
When my partner's mom was diagnosed with cancer and had to close down her daycare business for good, we couldn't help much in terms of physical needs, but we started a Go Fund Me campaigne for her. And we also helped with organizing a local benefit event for her. She lived in the same small town all her life, born and raised, and she had taken care of almost every family's kids in the town at some point over thirty years or so of daycare, so people really wanted to help her. Between the Go fund me campaign and the benefit we raised just a little over 60,000 for her. They weren't dirt poor, her husband and she, but they were both independant contractors and her insurance couldn't cover all she needed it for. And plus, we wanted to fund some nice trips and things for her with that money, and to have it contribute to general day to day living since she wasn't going back to work anytime soon. But unfortunately, things didn't work out the way we hoped and she didn't get to go and do fun things at all much. Just kind of struggled through her last year and passed away this february. So we used the rest of the money we raised for her funeral and for the remainder of the medical expenses to try and keep her as comfortable as possible in her last weeks prior to that.
So my point is, don't be ashamed to feel like you're financially strapped right now Just because you make a certain amount of money a year doesn't mean you won't need more to get by and to try and make things less stressful especially now.
You should be spending all the time in the world, as much as the two of you want to, with your wife, not worrying about how you're going to make that extra cash or by working your ass off to try to make it happen. Moonlighting will only take you away from the time you could be spending with your wife.
So just take it easy.
And if you want me to help you organize an online fundraiser or research grants or give you more ideas about resources, just hit me up on twitter or message me on here. I'd be more than happy to help you guys out however I can. I did all the campaigning stuff for my partner's mom so it's all stuff I'm familiar with.

## Post 34 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 07-Jul-2015 10:42:26

Absolutely. Anything I can do or you're willing to do to help us, I'm not too proud to gratefully accept.
As I write this, I've yet again run into another insurance snag. Trying to solve that as we speak, it's kind of a setback.
I admit I know next to nothing about these types of campaigns, so welcome your responses. Go ahead and message me on here or Twitter if you want, I'll do likewise on here.
I thank you for the idea.

## Post 35 by bea (I just keep on posting!) on Tuesday, 07-Jul-2015 11:15:03

Leo, could you get a window air conditioner installed through Sears or home depot? My nephew lives in Seattle, and says it's hot there too. Just thought for the wife's comfort you could get a window air conditioner with your daughter's help and have someone install it.

## Post 36 by margorp (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Tuesday, 07-Jul-2015 13:49:16

What does that have to do with this topic?

## Post 37 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 07-Jul-2015 14:39:43

I could actually install it myself except this is an apartment and for most the year we need the screens. They don't remove that without special permission and for most the year if we want a window open we want the screen. May settle on a portable A/C unit and are discussing that. It's cooling down now, often it doesn't stay hot for very long in Oregon.
Mostly it's the waiting and dealing with insurance right now. You know what? I'm actually getting rather pissed. I paid for results, lab work, I should by rights know what those results are before we have to get seen if it's gonna take awhile. After all, in most industries the customer gets the product before they pay for it. I think keeping people from getting the results intact is a scam, personally. Otherwise you're kind of held hostage to the red tape, and She would do better just knowing one way or the other how bad it's gonna be. Damn fool grubberment tards, Jesus Christ on a cracker that part just pisses me right the fuck off.

## Post 38 by ADVOCATOR! (Finally getting on board!) on Tuesday, 07-Jul-2015 16:32:00

Insurance makes me mad, too. It gets worse as the years progress.
And, for AC, that's so she's not miserable while she isn't feeling good. The Military did the same thing for my stepdad when he got heart failure. So, an AC is a perfect suggestion in this topic, I think.
Also keeping the vitamins coming helps too. I've not had Cancer yet. But knowing too many that have, I know that stuff like vitamins, being comfortable, staying upbeat, and just knowing people love you helps. And, that doesn't even include knowing you are prayed for. That helps a lot.
Leo, what gets me about insurance, is they wait till someone's really sick, to do anything. It's not fair at all! The crap we as people have to go through, is outright disgusting. Half the reason I can't work fulltime, is I waste too much on trying to get stuff approved. Every little thing...! It's like they are so desperate for new workers, they got people to fiddle with paperwork, and our heads, so we have to fight like we're in a brawl, just to get what we need. That says nothing for comforts! How dare someone who's not rich want a comfort or two! It's terrible! Like we have no right, till we're million-dollar-rich, to get comfy. Said who? They did. Just my complaints on the subject.
All that to say, you have a serious right to be frustrated. You pay for something, you better get it.
You both are in my prayers. Take care!
Blessings,
Little Old Me

## Post 39 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 7:05:37

Margorp, Leo had been talking earlier about trying to keep his wife comfortable in the summer heat. That's how the window AC came into it.
Leo, I don't blame you for being pissed about insurance. In most industries, the company has to give half a shit about the customer, which is why they get the product. Insurance doesn't give a crap about the person. They know they have you over a barrel and can do whatever they damn well want. You're right to be pissed off, and I hope you can use that anger to keep pushing at these people. My trick has been to try to learn to be assertive when I'm pissed enough to want to be aggressive.
The GoFundMe site is a good idea. The one thing I'll say is this. It's better to set it up yourself rather than have someone do it for you. Or at least that was my experience. Someone set one up for us, and the way they wrote it was just terrible, both grammatically, and the way it portrayed what we needed and why. We also now can't post updates to it, because we aren't the creators of it. So, if you go that route, set it up yourself, or make sure the person who does is someone you trust to do it right. Also be aware that GoFundMe and WePay, the entity they use to allow you to withdraw to a bank account, take a very hefty percentage off the total you raise. So if you raise like 1,475, you're only going to get 1,350 or so. Not cool in my opinion, but crowd-funding can be useful. It'd still be money you didn't have before.
Hope that helps.

## Post 40 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 12:04:46

Alicia, it does help. Then again, it always does.
Thanks all, and we found out Her appointment is going to be on the 21st of this month. She is seen as having a serious situation but not so urgent as to require immediate attention today, as it were. They did say that if an appointment comes open due to cancellation they'll offer us that slot, we'll see how She does with that. Her job is such that She can't always get off but next week would be a time She could. So anyway glad to know it's safe enough to wait for the 21st, as long as that might seem to us, because it means She's not in immediate danger.
To everyone who has responded with word or thought or prayer or what have you, I thank you all.

## Post 41 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 12:13:38

RE: GoFundMe and other sources.
Points well taken. I think we'll wait for the official words from the doc before setting up the page. After all, I can write a nice bio of Her accomplishments, etc., but we'll need to have exact details before people will be willing to donate money I imagine.
I also don't know how to promote, and in my past when I've read books and articles on the topic, following the instructions, I've either been ineffective, too spammy or both. Never been able to successfully promote anything, and I've read marketing materials since my management days of the 1990s.
I believe I have legitimate concerns about how unsuccessful I'm likely to be in the promotion department. Getting the content right, I believe I can do.
Thanks for the words on the money. I'll definitely read the terms and factor in percentages when determining costs, put that under miscellaneous. I don't know yet since I've not looked into it, what sort of breakdown of expenses they expect to see. I've sent a letter to a charity before in my life, when we were between jobs and needed some things. That's ten years ago now, and I was unsuccessful even though I'd done the Google searches and had all the ducks in a row. Everything was spotless for anyone caring to vet the costs and see I was being honest.
I'll be prepared to submit proof or whatever's necessary for this new type of funding.

## Post 42 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 12:58:30

You can get a water cooler as well.
These require no removal of screening.
You pour water inside, and it is much like the window AC unit, but you put it on a table, or the floor.
Window fans are also products that don't require removing the screen.
These work best at night, or early mornings, and are not expensive.
If you cool a place early, and keep the sun out, it remains that way.
This is were the window fan works good.
If weather here is any indicator of what this summer will bring, you'll probably have more hot then you expect.

## Post 43 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 14:18:34

We use a big breeze box in the house often, but will have to consider the water cooler option also.

## Post 44 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 18:21:48

Leo, yes, I'd definitely wait till after her appointment to set any kind of GoFundMe site up. Then you'll know more about her situation, what you'll need, and the costs of getting those needs met. That way you can be specific. As for promotion, once it's created I'd say put the link up on Facebook, Twitter, email it to anyone who doesn't have FB or Twitter. Ask your Twitter, FB, and email friends to share the link for you to their friends. Heck, post the link on here, too and ask Zoners to share it if they're willing. That way it gets circulated as widely as possible. But you can just relax on that till after the 21st, and you know more about what you're dealing with. I'm sorry you have to wait that long for concrete answers, but also glad her situation isn't deemed urgent. Kind of a blessing, and curse. Thoughts with you, prayers with her!

## Post 45 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 19:14:11

Leo; I have the Go Fund Me Info that I promised and I'll send it soon as I'm off the train, or early tomorrow morning. *traveling and stuck in a spot with unsecured wiFi now*.
I agree that the content for this should be filled in post-appointment, so that you can enter some specifics should you wish to do so. But you can set up the account now and familiarize yourself with the sight since it's a real pain in the ass. lol. As I said, I'll help you with promotion, whether it be just giving advice or actually helping you distribute it. Whatever you feel comfortable with.
I do something similar for a bunch of my clients on a regular basis so this is a piece of cake for me.
I'll be in touch with you, as I said, soon. :)

## Post 46 by Remy (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 08-Jul-2015 20:48:45

Leo, living in Canada without any experience, I can't add much save my sincerest wishes. It's a shame life can't be put on hold while someone is going through something like this so they can get as much rest and as little stress as possible. I hope you will all be able to support her and each other during this difficult time. Hopefully there will be more foreward momentum in the coming days.

## Post 47 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 09-Jul-2015 15:24:05

Thank you all. I do feel better knowing it's not critical, and this morning I found out the insurance people finally got the paperwork from the doctor's office, so now the approval process begins.
We're going to stay with this doctor with or without insurance, without being that we pay out of network costs (50%) ... but this guy is the best in the business out here and we've just got everything settled in for Her.

## Post 48 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 09-Jul-2015 19:41:17

Damn, Bernadetta, wish I'd known I should hit you up when I was looking at setting up a GoFundMe site, instead of having a particular family member do it for us. Oh well, live and learn. Leo, glad to hear the insurance process is moving forward.

## Post 49 by silly_singer (The girl who's always lost in a melody) on Sunday, 12-Jul-2015 3:15:10

Leo, I am so sorry to hear this.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
All I can say is, don't forget to take care of yourself during this ordeal.
If you need to sit in a room alone and cry, by all means find some time and
space to do that.
If you need to just talk about anything at all, even if it is just something random
and totally unrelated to what your family is in the middle of, do not hesitate to
reach out to someone.
Everyone who has commented here so far has had some great advice, and I
have no doubt all of us are willing to do whatever it is you need.
*hugs*

## Post 50 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Sunday, 12-Jul-2015 17:52:34

I am trying deep breathing meditation (sort of) after work every day. Not trying
to worry about what to do with the thoughts, etc., but just deep breathing and
listening to nature sounds like rain or wind, etc. That is my latest thing. Plus,
although I'd love to have a keyboard to play, I play on my guitar instead which
helps both Her and me.
I really appreciate what everyone is doing. I just helped Her set up an email
group on Her mac for those She prays with and also let my Facebook people
know Her email address, since She doesn't have a Facebook right now.

## Post 51 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 12-Jul-2015 18:39:42

Let her know she is still in my prayers, and will continue to be.

## Post 52 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Monday, 13-Jul-2015 8:54:51

mine as well. Peace.

## Post 53 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Monday, 13-Jul-2015 12:27:56

Thanks a lot guys.
We talked this weekend, and are hoping She can get seen earlier than the 21st, due to a cancellation, something they said they'd do if there was one.
Also, looks like She is going to have to leave Her current job. It's not suitable for a recovering person going through treatment. Even as She is, She gets little support from those above Her and is often left doing a lot of work evenings and weekends.
So She can't really stay there. So I'm going to have to be all we've got financially, which will be harder now than it was when the daughter was in high school, since we're supporting her also. But the Wife is going to spend some of the recovery time with Her mac online and trying to figure something out re: consulting or online activities like She was going to try at one point before.
Anyway I know it's the best decision for Her, seeing as Her current workplace isn't the most positive of environments for Her.
That's the latest we've got. That and I read most people don't raise more than a thousand dollars via GoFundMe, so I just have a lot to contemplate here.
Again, thanks for everyone's thoughts prayers and words on Her behalf.

## Post 54 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Tuesday, 14-Jul-2015 10:34:46

No, most common people don't raise much more than a thousand. We raised a tad more than that, but not a lot more. That, and what you figure out is that everyone is eager to donate at the beginning, then they never do again, even though your expenses are still coming without let-up. I do hope she gets in earlier than the 21st, and they can figure out specifically what's up, and what the plan is. It angers me to hear how her employer is treating the situation. Frowns. Again, talk to American Cancer Society if you need to, maybe they can help you find sources of financial support. Many cancer patients and their families have problems with finances, so I imagine they may know of some resources.

## Post 55 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 14-Jul-2015 11:03:53

You're right, thanks for reminding me about them. She checks them for information on Her condition but I'll have to mention them as a funding source. Her employer has been good with words and cards, and Her employees and volunteers are very supportive physically. Not so much other people there, She's still left to do a lot.

## Post 56 by ADVOCATOR! (Finally getting on board!) on Tuesday, 14-Jul-2015 19:38:22

Another we hear a lot about, is: Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Fred Hutch is up here in Seattle. So that's how I know of it. If you need any information, ask and I'll do my best to help. I can't donate anything, but I can help find resources. That's one of the best things out of my training. Source after source. Also, how to look something up in any if not all directories.
I know it's hard, but stand strong. I'll keep praying.
Blessings,
Sarah

## Post 57 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 15-Jul-2015 9:59:14

Cancer Treatment Centers of America is only partially covered by the insurance provider, and people get turned away from that one just like anything else.
The most successful way I've seen people paid for the cancer treatments, is by having a cancer that is so rare they're doing all experimental treatments anyhow.

## Post 58 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 15-Jul-2015 12:20:28

I posted the following on Facebook ... I'm omitting the Wife's name in this post since She has never been on this site, out of respect for Her personal privacy. I hope it works and that someone local to me has what I'm looking for.
I have what may sound like an odd question to some: Does anyone have a keyboard with external speakers that they're not using? I'd like to borrow one for the duration of Her treatments.
I'm pretty good with playing healing type music: I cut my teeth on that style as a teenager playing for my brother Andy when the pain from his muscular dystrophy would get really bad. I've done it for other people, but these days I don't have a keyboard. She really responds to relaxing music.
Last night I played my guitar and ukulele for a couple hours so She could relax. She wasn't feeling well and the stress at Her workplace has been pretty unbearable. My problem is, I'm really crippled and slow on instruments like guitar and uke. Sure, I've been through a couple of method books for each, but nowhere near the type of guided instruction I was privileged to have for years on the piano as a kid.
Anyhow, keyboards come native to me, and a lot of that 90s so-called new age healing type music, George Winston, Michael Harrison, Ray Mansfield, Kitaro, -- that kind of style, I studied a lot when younger. I know it would help Her a lot. I'm just asking if you've got one that's not a toy, and you're not using it right now, if I could borrow it for the duration of Her treatments and recovery. I have the technical skills and experience to make it work for Her, and She responds to that kind of music when it's live , as I've seen in the past when She was recovering after giving birth and other circumstances.
I understand this is an odd request, and may seem a little frivolous, but I've seen people react to that kind of music in such a way that they felt better. Don't ask me how it works, I don't actually know. I just know how. Even with my impoverished abilities finger picking on the guitar, Her breathing slowed and She was able to relax and go to sleep like I've seen done before. Anyhow, I hope this doesn't come off as frivolous; I understand. I probably wouldn't believe it either had I not seen what I have, both with my brother Andy and other people, with my own eyes.
I'm not asking for any gear you're using, just, if you've got a keyboard that has an external speaker so She can hear it, collecting dust that you never play, I'd appreciate borrowing it for the duration of Her treatments.
Thanks, and I can appreciate this request is probably a little odd.

## Post 59 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 15-Jul-2015 22:38:00

Yes, CTCA only takes private insurance, and as Leo said, only partially that. I've heard they're good, but they're not accessible to many of the common people, as it were. Leo, ACS isn't a financial source in themselves, but they may know of resources for financial help. As for the keyboard, I wish I could help, but I have nothing like that. I will say however that it's not an odd or a strange request. Music is powerful, in many ways, so it makes sense that it would relax and help her. I wish I could do something to help in that area. I can ask around, see if anyone has what you're looking for.

## Post 60 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Wednesday, 15-Jul-2015 23:23:49

Try music written by a gentleman who uses the penname Liquid Mind. I have a friend who says that stuff sounds like something you'd play for someone who is dying, but I use it a lot for stress-relief, meditation and for sleep on nights when it even stands a chance of helping with the insomnia.

## Post 61 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 16-Jul-2015 10:21:11

Alicia, thanks a lot.
Reyami, I'm very familiar with the style, and in this case my own experience has borne out that performing in front of the sick or injured party is far superior to just playing a CD, because as they slow down, you can respond. I've a lot of experience including being used to play atmospheric stuff for even wine tasting dinners -- mainly for yuppies -- back in the mid 90s, In order to cooperatively interact with the atmosphere of the situation, the musician has to be present and understand how to interact with it. The "vibe" thing definitely seems to be a thing in that situation but to really be effective there's a lot of technical know-how not just music theory / performance but how to properly interact with various sound types on keyboards. Anyone familiar with writing background tracks for film productions, plays, etc. will be totally aware of this. Probably on a site like this with so many musicians {who are far more up to date than I} there's probably a lot who know exactly what I'm referring to. Even if kids these days have never deconstructed a sound to its linear wave forms filters and various envelope settings.
A CD is a poor substitute because a CD cannot interact with how the person is feeling at the time. The trick is to be responsive to the sufferer. Admittedly I haven't done this in a couple of decades, but this much surely has not changed.

## Post 62 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 16-Jul-2015 13:14:16

Looks like we'll be getting a digital piano this Saturday. A friend from college has one he's not using at the moment and is willing to let us borrow.

## Post 63 by ADVOCATOR! (Finally getting on board!) on Friday, 17-Jul-2015 0:12:48

Great! Leo, I know all about Music Therapy. I would work with a local school once a week, on singing just to sing.
And, with dealing with my personal "Issue," singing has helped me a whole lot.
Try laughter, as well. In my most recent training, I had to study coping skills, and laughter is one of them. If you knew how much less, we as grown men and women, don't laugh, like we did as kids, you'd be shocked. The more you laugh, the better you feel. One thing I try to do, is when I know I'm going into something frightening, I search for something funny.
I'm glad you did get that piano, and that should be enjoyable for you both. Time playing for her, is time you spend together.
Blessings,
Sarah

## Post 64 by silly_singer (The girl who's always lost in a melody) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2015 0:49:30

Leo, I am glad you were able to get ahold of a piano. :)
I truly believe that music and laughter are the best medicines around.
I also agree with you that having live music whenever possible makes all the
difference.
This is good for the whole family.
You all remain in my thoughts and prayers.

## Post 65 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2015 1:16:21

Tried to say this earlier today, but the site went down for back-up when I tried to post, so here we go. Leo, as I said on Twitter, I'm glad you found the piano, for several reasons. Yes, a musician has to be able to read and interact with his/her audience and atmosphere, but there's also the listener side. I have several friends who are musicians, and there's no experience like listening to music, knowing it's being played or sang by someone I care about. There's a bond, a feeling of pride in that person, and more that I can't begin to put into words. It creates an energy between the musician and listener. No CD could match that, not even one recorded by that same person. How much more for your wife, when she knows it's her husband, playing especially for her? That in itself has to be powerful, let alone the power that music itself can have.
Sarah is also right: laughter is an amazing thing, even if it's over something totally stupid. It can make you forget, if only for 30 seconds, the troubles you're facing.

## Post 66 by ADVOCATOR! (Finally getting on board!) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2015 17:07:07

I wonder if that's partly why Medical Marijuana is so helpful? You start laughing at something that strikes you funny, and can't stop. I find that marvelous. Especially, when my little Nephew is trying to learn the Microphone, for the first time.
I know, personally, there's more to it. But, you have to admit, laughing is easier when you're "Medicated," with that stuff.
Leo, is your wife considering that for pain? If I didn't have it, I would be skinny as a rail, because sometimes, like now, I have a heck of a time eating food.
Hunger for me, must be triggered.
Blessings,
Me

## Post 67 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2015 20:45:54

Is medical MJ even legal where you are, Leo?

## Post 68 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Monday, 20-Jul-2015 16:06:01

Medical is yes and now recreational. She knows what I think about it, but is still making Her decision I think. I'm all for it of course but it's something She will have to be comfortable with. I'd gladly help Her ... She's very sensitive to smoke so I would most probably find ways to cook it that She would like. Vaporizing the times I tried it was so easy, but that's me talking, not Her. She can smell and be affected by smoke that I can't even detect. So provided She becomes willing to try it, I'm more than willing and ready to help make alternatives for Her to use.
And again, thanks all.

## Post 69 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2015 0:26:16

So this may sound confusing, but: Today we went to the oncologist (cancer
doctor) who reported this is most likely not cancer, only about a 0.08 percent
chance that it is. That's wonderful news. They feel like they know why the
others said cancer from the emergency room, and this will still mean a full
hysterectomy, but no chemo, nothing like that.
So yes we have to get through a surgery, one made easier these days using
robotic technologies, but still it's way better than what we thought it would be.
w're a very grateful family at the moment, I feel like a weight was lifted from
my chest and that I have a new lease on life. Makes you not want to take other
people for granted.

## Post 70 by margorp (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2015 11:20:09

Ah she's getting the robot. That's great because that means a quicker recovery time.

## Post 71 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2015 12:48:17

This is wonderful news! I'm sorry that she has to go through the pain of surgery, recovery, etc., but at least she doesn't have cancer!

## Post 72 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2015 13:24:43

Hey leo, that's fantastic!! I haven't been around for a while due to my little guy being sick, but I'm sure glad to come back and see such great news on this thread. That's really really fantastic and I'm overjoyed for you guys.

## Post 73 by Flidais (WISEST IS SHE WHO KNOWS THAT SHE DOES NOT KNOW) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2015 13:45:48

Great news Leo! Keep us updated on the surgery. Hopefully she heals soon.

## Post 74 by ADVOCATOR! (Finally getting on board!) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2015 21:09:01

Leo! That's wonderful!
Actually, my doctor, when I asked about Breast and those kinds of Cancers we ladies can get, told me that what happened to your wife is just why she wouldn't do scans like that on me. Not till I need them, at any rate.
She explained that there's all kinds of things that can go wrong, even if a biopsy shows nothing. It's the damage to the body.
That knowledge is why I'm so happy your wife is Cancer Free! What they thought she had, is as unknown as Breast Cancer used to be, if not more so.
I heard someone interviewed on a Christian memorial tribute, on a Christian station, once, quoted that he isn't sorry for the years lost when someone dies. But that we they whatever, should be happy for the length of our lives. Even if we live short lives, we had the chance to live that long.
I agree. And, someone says someone lived "Only," so long, I say that's a full life, and every year is a good year. Just like a couple Statuses say, paraphrased:
"...Life's too short..." So, I try to live it to the fullest.
Blessings, and so so so so, happy and glad for you, and your wife!
Take care, and enjoy being with her!
Sarah

## Post 75 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2015 22:31:42

Absolutely fabulous. Smile.

## Post 76 by silly_singer (The girl who's always lost in a melody) on Friday, 24-Jul-2015 6:24:45

Oh Leo! This is absolutely fantastic news!
I hope the surgery goes well.

## Post 77 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Friday, 24-Jul-2015 17:40:11

Thanks guys,
So I have set up Her appointment for September 2. That's a ways off and the growth may grow some more, or fill with fluid, or whatever it does. I hope not too much, but we couldn't do it sooner to compete with Her schedule and theirs.

## Post 78 by AgateRain (Believe it or not, everything on me and about me is real!) on Friday, 24-Jul-2015 22:04:20

This is amazing stuff! I'm so happy for you and your family.
You're absolutely right Sarah. Doctors who actually know what they're doing don't bother things that looks cancerous because it could cause things. My mom's doctor told her the same thing when she went in to get her breast checked since we have breast cancer in the family.

## Post 79 by Smiling Sunshine (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 27-Jul-2015 23:17:08

Leo, this is wonderful news!
I'm really happy for yall. A hysterectomy isn't a piece of cake but I know she's lucky to have you and your daughter to help her through the recovery. Like you said, it's certainly way better than what you were expecting to have to go through.
Did you figure out something for AC? I wish I weren't so far away because I have exactly what yall need taking up space in my garage.
Anyway, three cheers for MRS. Leo!

## Post 80 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 28-Jul-2015 11:50:17

Thanks all.
As to A/C:
We're planning to get over to a store and pick one up sometime this week, I think.

## Post 81 by CrystalSapphire (Uzuri uongo ndani) on Saturday, 05-Dec-2015 10:04:19

I'm so sorry to hear this. hugs to both of you!

## Post 82 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Sunday, 06-Dec-2015 12:47:53

Thank you so much. They took everything did a full isterectomy but now She's
fine, we just moved even. And this new place we're living at would be a much
better situation if She did have to go through any more, but they said She won't
have to.
Again thanks.

## Post 83 by CrystalSapphire (Uzuri uongo ndani) on Tuesday, 08-Dec-2015 10:43:57

You are welcome. best wishes in the new place.

## Post 84 by Brooke (I just keep on posting!) on Tuesday, 08-Dec-2015 23:08:22

I'm really sorry Leo, sending a hug!