# Getting older.

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by YankeeFanForLife! (Picapiedra: king of the boards!) on Saturday, 01-Nov-2008 17:29:51

>The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper
>was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him
>and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your
>garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door,
>and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
>As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open,
>and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about
>his 'garage door.'
>He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask,
>'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
>She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van
>with two flat tires.
>
>An elderly gentleman...
>Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the
>doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
>hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
>The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
>doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
>pleased that you can hear again.'
>The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
>I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my
>will three times!'
>
>Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
>bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm
>83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
>about my age. How do you feel?'
>Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
>'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
>'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
>
>An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
>eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
>The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went
>out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend
>it very highly.'
>The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
>The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the
>name of that flower you give to someone you love?
>You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
>'Do you mean a rose?'
>'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the
>kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we
>went to last night?'
>
>Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
>discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
>elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
>suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave
>the hospital.
>After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel
>him to the elevator.
>On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
>'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom
>changing out of her hospital gown.'
>
>
>A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
>things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
>physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to
>help them remember
>Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
>chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
>'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
>'Sure.'
>'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
>'No, I can remember it.'
>'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should
>write it down, so as not to forget it?'
>He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
>strawberries.'
>'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write
>it down?' she asks.
>Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember
>it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for
>goodness sake!'
>Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
>The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of
>bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
>
>'Where's my toast ?'
>
>A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
>'So I hear you're getting married?'
>'Yep!'
>'Do I know her?'
>'Nope!'
>'This woman, is she good looking?'
>'Not really.'
>'Is she a good cook?'
>'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
>'Does she have lots of money?'
>'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
>'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
>'I don't know.'
>'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
>'Because she can still drive!'
>
>Three old guys are out walking.
>First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
>Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
>Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
>
>A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It
>cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
>'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
>'Twelve thirty.'
>
>Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
>A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with
>a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
>A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
>really doing great, aren't you?'
>Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
>be cheerful.''
>The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
>murmur; be careful.'
>
>One more. . .!
>A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
>himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his
>breath, he ordered a banana split.
>The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
>'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

## Post 2 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Sunday, 02-Nov-2008 14:11:04

lmfao! i've heard that last one somewhere, but the rest are bloody brilliant. loved those. Thanks for posting.

## Post 3 by sexycop (Account disabled) on Wednesday, 05-Nov-2008 4:50:50

lololol

## Post 4 by SEPTEMBER-TWILIGHT (CAN I TALK? PLEASE?) on Wednesday, 05-Nov-2008 6:22:23

omg, i loved these, omg, loll. i have to tell it to my elderly teachers in school, roflmao, omg, so good, lol

## Post 5 by blindndangerous (the blind and dangerous one) on Wednesday, 05-Nov-2008 10:04:45

I've heard the second to last one, but I loved the others.