# pun ishment

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Tuesday, 27-Feb-2007 3:39:04

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight
attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!".
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen
Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to
buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat
up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent Florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he Suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh man -- this is so bad, it's good) a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally . . .
10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the
hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
did.

## Post 2 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Tuesday, 27-Feb-2007 9:14:10

One pun in ten did make me laugh. I liked #9. Thanks.

## Post 3 by dream lady (move over school!) on Tuesday, 27-Feb-2007 13:44:22

justt what i needed. you actually made me laugh. how about that.

## Post 4 by motifated (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Tuesday, 27-Feb-2007 17:47:44

Thanks Bob. I enjoy puns immensely, and this reminded me of some I'd forgotten.
Lou