# Wanting a relationship, need opinions

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Friday, 17-Jul-2009 16:00:00

There is a girl whom I've known since highs school, which is about 3 years. She is very tender-hearted, smart, and is a Christian, like I am.
So here's the problem. Three years ago, which was not the best time to do this, I wrote this girl a letter that explicitly told her I liked her. She was disturbed over it, simply because we were only 16 years old at that time. I apologized to her for that, and she forgave me.
But 3 years later, my feelings for her are stronger than ever. I've had dreams about her, I've felt a lot of compassion toward her, and I feel shaky when I'm around her. How should I go about this? Should I tell her that I like her, or simply just go on my merry way and leave this alone. Please keep in mind the letter I wrote her when replying because as I said, it wasn't a really good idea to write that letter. And please, no drama on this board topic, I just want your opinions on this.

## Post 2 by LeatherAndLace (Generic Zoner) on Friday, 17-Jul-2009 16:15:57

well michael hon do what's in your heart but if she can't except that then she isn't worthy of you. and that is my opinion and you can do as you like but follow what you thinnk is right not what everyone else says. *hugs*

## Post 3 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Friday, 17-Jul-2009 16:23:39

I never said I would follow another person's advice, nor do I plan to do that. I just wanted opinions on it. But thanks, Robyn. huggles

## Post 4 by Izzito (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 17-Jul-2009 16:29:37

has she shown any interest in u?

## Post 5 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Friday, 17-Jul-2009 16:45:14

Well, she had wanted to go out to a tea place with me, but I'm not so sure that has anything to do with her interest in me. To be honest with you, I think she does have a little interest in me.

## Post 6 by Senior (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Friday, 17-Jul-2009 19:51:54

It may be that the girl has had an innocent strict upbringing. If you're not prepared to take on her family at all costs to yourself and to her family relationships if necessary, you shouldn't get with her.

## Post 7 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Friday, 17-Jul-2009 20:49:24

Ask her if she remembers that letter and then tell her you still have those feelings. Tell her you'll move slow and that you don't want to scare her but that you'd like to go out and see if things work out for the two of you as a couple.

## Post 8 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2009 4:14:50

Ok, firstly, she did not have a strict upbringing that I know of. Secondly, I believe that she still remembers that letter, and that's exactly what I want to do. Move slowly into a relationship. When you're a Christian, of course you won't date anybody at only 16 years of age because it's not normal for us to do that.

## Post 9 by V.I. p (Zone BBS Addict) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2009 15:59:06

Why don't you just ask her how she feels about you. Communication is the key and prayer too since you both are Christians. I have some experience in this department and believe me, talking honestly does work. You both should be on the same page if you want it to work.

## Post 10 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Sunday, 19-Jul-2009 2:06:32

All of these questions that you all have been posting are not at all very easy to ask, but I guess that's the key to all of this. People have told me that it is best to do this face to face. Do you all think that this is what I should do?

## Post 11 by season (the invisible soul) on Sunday, 19-Jul-2009 6:53:44

hmm, personally, i do believe you need to talk to her about your feelin some how. but do this indirectly, in a way that won't disturb your both friendship to start with. maybe is a good idea to have a meal with her or something, and slowly bring out the letter? observe her when she talk about it, and go from there. usually girls don't hide with that kind of things, either she thinks the letter is a joke from high school, or take it seriously till now. from his reply and tones and they way she talk about it, you may able to catch some of the clue either she wanting more, or just a friend.
good luck Micky.
*hugs*

## Post 12 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 19-Jul-2009 15:15:07

I think you've gotten some good suggestions here, Michael. Yes, face-to-face probably would be best, but if you can't quite work up that courage, and I wouldnt blame you if you couldn't, writing or talking to her on the phone is your next best bet. I would let her know you realize that writing what you did at 16 was a mistake, and you're not trying to scare her off now. but tel her how you're feeling, that you've prayed about it and feel the need to at least talk to her about it, etc. Everyone is right, communication is key, and for Christians, prayer as well, which it sounds like you've been doing a lot of. If you don't talk to her, you'll never know, and always ask yourself what might have been. Believe me, that's not a fun thing to live with, wondering what could have been if you'd only spoken up.

## Post 13 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Sunday, 19-Jul-2009 20:54:21

It's a really scary thought that the opposite could happen. In other words, if I were to tell her that I like her and she didn't accept that, that would be absolutely scary. When I think about talking to her about this, I alsothink about that happening. But I know that it's always good to speak up, so I might as well try it, regardless of what happens.

## Post 14 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Monday, 20-Jul-2009 17:59:37

Well, to give you all a news update on this, I almost sent her an e-mail yesterday, telling her about my feelings, but I didn't actually send it out. I'm just trying to figure out a way to tell her about this in a very delicate manner, as we have talked about since I've posted this topic, I don't want to scare her. What you all have given me is very good advice, but I'm trying to figure out how I could tell her this delicately--in other words, in a way that won't put this friendship in jeopardy, and also in a way that wouldn't make her want to get her parents on me because of it. Though we are both 19 years old, her parents may still be babying her, which really isn't a good thing. To put this in a nutshell, I pretty much want to just broach this subject.

## Post 15 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Tuesday, 21-Jul-2009 17:15:08

Be as delicate as you can, yes, but don't overthink the issue too much. don't water down your point so much that it's no longer a point, if you get my drift. You are both of adult age now, so what you do is up to both of you, and her family will need to accept that.

## Post 16 by Ok Sure (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 21-Jul-2009 22:32:23

It sounds a bit like you have this big secret inside of you, and the secret needs to get out. But before you let this secret out, consider the following:
Does she have interest in you?
You mentioned that she might have some interest in you. What leads you to this conclusion? Has she made any obvious indications which you can point to? Does she behave differently with you then with other guys? How does she act when she likes someone? What is her type, and do you fit that type?
Are you currently in a position to start a relationship with her?
Sometimes emotions get the best of us and we make a rash decision and then find ourselves not knowing what to do afterward. So, if you ask her out, and she says yes, what are your plans then?
Are you prepared for her to answer with a “no?”
What if she has no interest in you, and now you have left all of your emotions and thoughts out in the open: can you handle the rejection? Will you still be friends after she says no? You might find that your interest in her has been only there because you have feelings for this person. What happens when you need to cut off those feelings, do you then cut the relationship off as well?
How many other girls are you interested in beside her?
This might seem like a strange question, but if she has been the only one to haunt your dreams for three years, you might just be a bit too into her, and she might not feel the same as you do, even if she does like you. This isn’t a big problem, unless your falling for her is more do to obsession and proximity (her being the only girl in your radar at the moment)
Then what you might consider being in love, or at the very least, wanting to have a healthy relationship with her.
And as pointed above, think about these things, but don’t over think. You are young, so is she, and emotions are on fire.
So have fun, and good luck.

## Post 17 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Tuesday, 21-Jul-2009 23:49:41

It sounds to me that you just need to reconnect with her, which is something you would love and something that she might be interested in.
Take the first step. Ask her out for a drink (coke of course). Nothing else. After you've done that then re-evaluate. Did you have fun? Do you think she had fun? Would she do it again?
It sounds to me like you've put her on a pedistal and statues on pedistals don't make for enjoyable relationships.
In other words, just lighten up. Get to know her better and let her know you. No commitments, just fun.
Bob

## Post 18 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Wednesday, 22-Jul-2009 1:49:36

I have tried lightening up, and those questions are too many questions to handle from that ok sure person. See, we haven't really gone out places alone, so whenever we do that, that will be the first time. We have planned to go out for some tea sometime--I don't know when that'll happen, but it will at some point. lol And don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to overthink the situation. Yes, we are pretty much the same in some ways; for example, we have the same interests. She and I are both interested in English and Psychology, which we are both majoring in. Also, both of us like the same type of music in general.

## Post 19 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 0:47:32

Well, on Friday, we're going to a concert with some of her friends, so we'll see how that goes. I'm not really in a hurry for a relationship with her, but I feel that it's getting close to the right time to do this. In the fall, there is a workshop that will be held in Colorado about dating, which I will be going to. Perhaps that will give me some tips on how to pursue this relationship.

## Post 20 by tear drop (No longer looking for a prince, merely a pauper with potential!!!!!) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 10:23:43

A workshop for dating? hmm

## Post 21 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 13:47:58

Well, this workshop is being held at a conference that my college bible study group goes to every year. This is actually the first time that this workshop will take place.

## Post 22 by Ok Sure (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 14:34:40

You're waiting for the fall? What if some other guy beats you to it?
I hate to say this but if you are looking forward to a workshop on dating before making your move, you're not ready for this girl, and, she will defenetly notice this about you.
it's much easier to just figure out if she is into you, and then decide where to go from there.
So, are you her type? have you met any guy she has dated in the past?
Has she dated anyone in the past?

## Post 23 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 18:01:32

I just explicitly stated that she's a Christian, so of course she hasn't dated anyone in the past. I see what your point is, ok sure, but consider this. This is not just to learn the basics of dating. I already know those basics, and everyone does, I'm sure. We are Christians, so you have to understand that to understand my point on this.

## Post 24 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 18:23:03

OK Sure, Michael is right. In his case, religion factors very strongly into how he's approaching this, even if it doesn't for you, or others on here. To eachh their own. Just like someone's culture and country may influence how they think about various aspects of life such as dating, so may their religion. Second, also consider his age.

## Post 25 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 18:45:27

Alicia is right. And I'm not trying to bash you at all for that suggestion; I definitely see your point on this. The thing is that we are both Christians, so when we date, it is important to stay close to God, rather than back away from him and start having premerital sex, which I am against.

## Post 26 by Ok Sure (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 18:46:06

Of course religion is a factor, but this does not factor into confidence. Christian or not, women, girls, people like people with confidence.
I would say that you being christian, it might be a good idea to attend this workshop in order to enhance a relationship which is already in progress. Not everyone will have the same outlook that the two of you will have, and it is important to have support from like-minded people who can help with those sort of questions which concern a relationship rooted on faith. But to wait a couple of months and then attend this workshop, and then ask her out?
I'm sure dating is not uncommon in your christian community. You are both 19, and from now until the Fall, well, it's a long time.
I'm not saying you should rush, but consider that while you are getting yourself ready to start a relationship with her, someone else is already prepared
So the question is, do you have a shot?.

## Post 27 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 19:16:30

Yeah, but the thing is that I'm in no hurry for a relationship. And this particular workshop is only for one gender at a time, which means that it's not necessarily for relationships that are in progress. Yes, of course, relationships are built on confidence, but it's always good to, in our Christian ways, wait and pray about it before we take a step forward. But I can see your point.

## Post 28 by season (the invisible soul) on Thursday, 23-Jul-2009 22:55:42

Micky, is good to attend BGR workshop or confrence like that. it got lots of information about boy and girl relationship, as well as relationship with God. which is essential.
good luck. keep us update, would love to hear your progress

## Post 29 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Friday, 24-Jul-2009 2:17:11

Exactly, Joanne, and that's what I'm trying to get across to ok sure. It's not all based on confidence; it's also based on God because it would be God's will that a relationship started. Thus, it is good to have a talk with people like me that want to start a relationship, and are praying about it. You can't just start a relationship, not knowing whether or not it's God's will, so it is best to wait until you find that out. And since Alicia, or Sister Dawn, knows what I'm talking about here, she could probably tell you that she went through the same thing when she was younger.

## Post 30 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 2:42:20

Ok, here's a good update, and it's really god news. I went out with her tonight to get coffee, and she was holding hands with me and things like that. This is only the start, though. We'll just have to wait and see what happens in the future.

## Post 31 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 9:18:18

okay, hold on a second. first, i realize your both christians and all, so just work with me here for a sec. let's take the religin out of it for a moment...from what i've read, this sounds like the first girl you've been interested in, in regards to being boyfriend/girlfriend, so, holding hands is a good start, because if i'm right, and this is your "first crush", not "love", cause you don't actually kno if her feelings toward you are the same as yours ar to her, then just dumping a whole stack of questions on her will make her back away from you completely, and that's not what you want. i kno at first you said that you wanted a relationship with her, and now you don't, but the important relationship you can have with her, and should have with her, is friendship.

## Post 32 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 9:31:20

if you are willing to build that up, then maybe something more will come of it later on down the track. unfortunetly, you do have to be prepared for the worst though, because like it or not, that part...the rejection/hurt/pain/sadness is a part of life, and it does help you learn from your mistakes as well. that's when you call on your faith to help you through, but, like someone else said, you can't over think things, or you'll just end up more confused about the whole thing. yeah pray if that's what you choose to do, but another thing you can do is write a letter to yourself, and write down your thoughts/feelings, then read it objectionally after. my point is, regardless of religin or family, at the end of the day, it's up to you if you how slow you choose to take things. talk about that letter, but don't make it an issue.

## Post 33 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 9:43:38

if you feel like you need to ask her how she feels about you and you don't want to scare her, then make it a part of the convosation. talk about your interests, or whatever it is your doing at the time, but don't just dump, "so how do you feel about me", on her, be diplamatic about it. that letter you wrote her 3 years ago, probablly wasn't something she was expecting from you, if you two have been friends before that. so, maybe just a friendship would be the best way to go for now, and if you do want something more down the track, and she's open to it as well, then talk to her. al relationships, no matter what type they are, are all based on comunication, and seeing that you are both christians, and you do have things in common, then your already off to a good start.

## Post 34 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 9:55:06

if you do decide to be closer friends with her, in hopes of someday being more, then follow your heart, communicate with her, take her feelings into consideration, keep believing in your faith, and above all, don't let anyone get in the middle of your and her relationship, be it as friends or more.

## Post 35 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 13:32:44

I really do like your suggestion, Liz, although I never said I didn't want her as a girlfriend. What I was saying was that we were only 16 at the time I wrote that letter, and I don't think she knew how to handle it. And I brought some issues up with her last night when we went out for some coffee, but I didn't just dump that out at her--I just started a conversation about it. We've been friends now for 3 years, and things are starting to open up for us. But I really do appreciate that suggestion, Liz.

## Post 36 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 20:44:55

well good luck with that, and remember to comunicate and be open with her, even if it is only something small. also, i never said that back when you wrote that letter, you didn't want her as a girlfriend, but you obviously see that maybe it wasn't such a good idea, because she didn't kno how to handle it. we all do things, and then think better of them later, it's a part of life. so try not to keep it as a part of your relationship with her now. talk about it, sure, but try and put it in the past, and focus on the now, rather than the past. keep taking things at your own pace, and even let her choose how fast or slow things progress, it's the gentlemanly thing to do, and no matter what anyone says, it doesn't make you less of a man if you let her either.

## Post 37 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Saturday, 25-Jul-2009 23:02:50

Oh, I see how it was. When I was reading one of your board posts, you had said that I didn't want her as a girlfriend now, but I was confused. Sorry about that. To sum it up, she has started holding hands with me and we've been communicating, and will continue to do that.

## Post 38 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 26-Jul-2009 3:25:18

Good for you both. Just take it slow and see where it goes.

## Post 39 by season (the invisible soul) on Sunday, 26-Jul-2009 6:19:57

hmm, agree, good for you both, just take it slowly and see where things go. maybe an idea, ask her for this confrence too? since she's a christian, and perhaps might be a good idea for you both to do it together. it usually encourage for a new couple, or couple, or whoever you are to do it together anyway. at least, something for sure, the least, you are her brother in Christ, thats a gift from God itself.
as you said earlier, and if its in God's will for you both to be together, no matter how, you both will be together, if not, no matter how hard both of you try, it won't work. not to scare you, but, the key is to pray and ask God to show his signs and open the door for you both.
good luck, God Bless

## Post 40 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Sunday, 26-Jul-2009 17:09:36

Yep, we're just taking it one step at a time. She held my hand, we talked, and had a good time. I didn't bring up the relationship stuff yet, but I will when it's time to do that.

## Post 41 by Jeff (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Sunday, 26-Jul-2009 22:59:52

I'm a Christian, and there is nothing in the bible nor the Christian faith about waiting untill you are 16 to date as far as my knowledge, and I went to Cathlic school for 6 years. The fact that your a Christian should not effect your love life now I've heard of parents not letting there kids date untill 16, but never heard of being a Christian restrickting that. Also I've been dating since I was 13, and so have my brothers, and we all atend chirch regularly.

## Post 42 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Sunday, 26-Jul-2009 23:07:27

First of all, I apologize if this is taken the wrong way, but you should not disregard ok sure's questions just because you'd rather not think about them. Questioning things in the area of dating, especially in a touchy situation like this, is something you really should do. By not choosing to think about things such as the future of your relationship, you're essentially saying you're not ready. Sure, you're young, and you said you weren't entirely sure you wanted to date this girl right now anyway, but if you do, you should really think about what she means to you, and what would happen if your relationship didn't work out. I know ithey're not things anyone wants to think about, and I'm not trying to be negative at all, but when you take a friendship to the next level, it can get complicated, which is why I think others were telling you to really look within yourself, and also within the relationship you have now with her, to understand where things are going, and all the good and bad things that could possibly happen with this situation.

## Post 43 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Monday, 27-Jul-2009 0:34:02

Yeah, but did I say I would disregard his questions? No I didn't. I simply said that that was quite a few questions that he had asked, and that it was pretty confusing. And I never said that I wasn't willing to think about the future of this friendship. So actually, you were the one who took this all the wrong way--I'm not trying to bash you or anything like that. I can't simply follow what everyone else says on here.

## Post 44 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Monday, 27-Jul-2009 12:28:55

And don't get me wrong, what you guys are telling me is very good advice. All I'm saying is that I can't follow what every else says on here; I'm doing this out of my own heart. And since we held hands that Friday night, it looks like we're getting close to a relationship, and I know that because she has never done that before. But we are just taking things one step at a time until it's time to start it up.

## Post 45 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Monday, 27-Jul-2009 23:19:47

And we do plan to go and see that new Harry Potter movie, which is cool. Random thing to post, but I did it anyway. lol

## Post 46 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Wednesday, 29-Jul-2009 15:01:46

Well, thank you all for your suggestions and help on this. I will keep you all updated on how this goes.

## Post 47 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Saturday, 29-Aug-2009 13:41:29

Well, here's your news update on how this is going. We did go to a movie a few weeks ago while I was on break, and we did hold hands. Also, I have her in one of my classes this semester, which can be a good thing. So everything's going well.

## Post 48 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Saturday, 29-Aug-2009 23:42:53

Michael, congratulations on your progress.
I just wanted to bring something back into the light, specifically referring back to post 41.
I just wanted to reiterate that the Bible states no age at which one is allowed to begin dating. I myself have been dating since I was fourteen. I really dislike the fact that you are making it seem as though dating before sixteen or adulthood is wrong, and that any devoted Christian does or should do no such thing.
I also don't like that you've stated that everyone knows the basics of dating. Fyi, not everyone does, and there are different basics for different individuals. When it comes to dating, different people have different preferences and expectations.

## Post 49 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Monday, 31-Aug-2009 22:22:08

Yeah, so Raven, if you're saying people have different expectations, then why in the world are you wasting your time on this board topic?

## Post 50 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Monday, 31-Aug-2009 23:58:51

Michael my dear, I'm not wasting my time at all. I just wanted to point out to you that being a Christian doesn't automatically mean that a person isn't allowed to or doesn't date before sixteen or adulthood. Also, it shouldn't be assumed that everyone knows the basics of dating because not everyone does, and the basics for each person varies for different individuals.
See, not a waste of time at all. I just wanted to make those two points clear.

## Post 51 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Tuesday, 01-Sep-2009 20:42:47

Ok, then here's the schpiel. You're right on the fact that some Christians date earlier than 16, so I shouldn't really have said that. However, the only reason I said that was because some of us believe that dating at an early age like that isn't safe, and if we were to date at 16, we probably would not have been able to handle it. I'm sorry for overgeneralizing the topic.

## Post 52 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Monday, 05-Oct-2009 13:05:23

Well, it's been quite a while since I've posted to this topic. Things are going very well for the two of us. We have not yet started up a relationship, but we are doing well. We haven't really had time to hang out because of college and things like that. But I've continued to think about these suggestions as well as pray about them.

## Post 53 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Thursday, 08-Oct-2009 11:34:09

Well maybe this time u can mention that u like her again and if she has the same reaction she had three years ago, then just leave it alone! U never know she might actually agree to take things to the next step this time around. Maybe three years ago, she liked u too but she was just to afraid to admit it maybe because of something that happened in the past, but just give a shot one more time and if it doesn't work again, then that's your cue that she just wants to be friends.

## Post 54 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 08-Oct-2009 14:49:56

Wel said, Tilly. Ad I have stated, I'm thinking about all these suggestions, and trying to incorporate them into how I want to approach this subject. Of course, I won't follow what everyone else says on here, but this is definitely good advice.

## Post 55 by Ok Sure (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 08-Oct-2009 20:31:27

Hi, I just wanted to point something out again. By this time, she should be aware that you are into her and want her for more than just a friendship.
It can be devastating for someone to put energy into a friendship only to discover that the other person had different intentions all along.
I'm not saying tell her, I'm saying don't pretend to be a friend. If she doesn't want you in the same way you want her, then you have to be sincere and know that this is a possibility, and that you are still willing to be there for her, even if it means that she would have spent all this time with you and then she goes out and meets someone else.
This is college, life moves very fast, I think that you should go for what you want and not be so passive.
If she is into you then great, but if she is not, then you have an opportunity to move on, meet new people and not have regrets about spending months in pursuit of someone who doesn't see you in the same way.

## Post 56 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Thursday, 08-Oct-2009 21:06:28

I think you're overthinking this, Michael. if you're into her as much as you claim, just take the plunge!!! wouldn't you rather do that than keep wondering what could be? at least that way you'll know for sure one way or another. if you want something, or in this case, someone bad enough, you'll make a move. just my two cents.

## Post 57 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 08-Oct-2009 22:18:15

I can see both of your points, but you need to not be pushy and let this go the way I want it to go. I'm not saying this to be mean or anything like that, but the thing that I've stated before is that I'm not in a hurry for a relationship, and I'm only 19 right now. You have to understand that. And there is no way in hell that I'm pretending to be a friend; I've been her friend for over 3 years now. So just be patient and let's see how things come out. I will ask her when I think it is the right time to ask her, and since we're pretty busy ahdn don't really have time to hang out, the time is not right now.

## Post 58 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 08-Oct-2009 22:34:34

And please understand this. The main reason why I'm taking this approach is for safety's sake. There's always that chance that when you get a girlfriend and you think she's cool, then suddenly she becomes demanding and has a short temper, and things end up where you hate each other. Yes, some people are very much in a hurry to get into a relationship, and I understand that. But relationships can be difficult, and you have to be careful about which person you choose. This is why I'm going so slowly with this, folks, and from what I've heard from the older generation, that's the best way to go about wanting a relationship.

## Post 59 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Friday, 09-Oct-2009 14:00:44

but you know what? if that were to happen, you'd learn from it as we all do and move on. age isn't a factor...that happens to lots of people. I've dated when I was younger, and had plenty of hard relationships. however, I've learned from every one, and used them all as tools to learn what I want, don't want, etc. it makes us better people in the end. I'm not being pushy; simply stating my opinion.

## Post 60 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2009 17:41:20

No pressure only u know when the time is right to approach this subject no matter what anyone else says just follow your heart! But as for the relationship thing, i think i made the mistake of rushing in to a relationship to yung! I dated this guy for six years and sometimes, i wonder if i should've not taken this relationship thing seriously until i'm older. Don't get me wrong, the relationship is good, but sometimes i just those thoughts in the back of my head because i never really got to experiment to find out what i truly like in a guy! That's why i think it's better not to rush in to things, that way u find out what u truly expect out of a person!

## Post 61 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2009 20:05:05

Tilly, well said.

## Post 62 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Saturday, 20-Feb-2010 17:54:08

I know this was quite awhile ago, but, any news yet?
Michael, I'm not trying to bash you at all when I say this, but the posts you don't agree with are just opinions. Nobody is commanding you to follow their advice.
Personally, I think it's best to follow your heart, ask when you're ready, but don't question it too much, because you might just talk yourself out of it. You never know what happens until you try. Best of luck with this, if you are still thinking about it.

## Post 63 by Perestroika (Her Swissness) on Tuesday, 23-Feb-2010 9:27:41

just be honest with her. don't write her a letter though, tell her truthfully how she makes you feel, maybe leave out the stuff about the dreams though, that can have odd effects on people.
but being honest with her gives her the opportunity to say yes or no and it also gives her the opportunity to forgive or let you go as a friend.
I know it could be a bad ending, but I am of the opinion that you can't really be a good friend if you have interest for her.
this is what happened with my bf and I, I told him because I didn't want to be untruthful with him and I wanted him to have the opportunity to let me down and abandon our friendship, be my friend still but knowing how I felt for him, and the best option, whitch is what he did, accept me and love me in return.
I spent ages loving him from afar but terrified to actually tell him how I felt because his reaction scared me, but every time we would talk, every time he'd complement me or call me dear would just send shivers up my spine and I felt retchard when he'd go. and it was always on the tip of my tongue to tell him just how much I liked him an d how he made me feel.

## Post 64 by margorp (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Tuesday, 23-Feb-2010 11:39:29

As was said, honesty is the way to go.

## Post 65 by play_girl (Generic Zoner) on Tuesday, 02-Mar-2010 18:04:18

Michael I want to say this to you. Good things come to those who wait, having said that, I don't think you should be so focused on looking for this relationship, you're still young, and you need to just let go, and let God go to work. Just put it in God's hands. If the time is right for you to have this relationship, you will know, it'll just feel right.

## Post 66 by CrystalSapphire (Uzuri uongo ndani) on Tuesday, 09-Mar-2010 9:08:54

Michael take it slow, and do what your heart says. pray about it :) hugs

## Post 67 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 08-Jul-2010 16:54:47

Haven't given you all an update about this in a long time, so I'll update you guys now.
I haven't seen this girl in a whole semester because I didn't make the grades at the college I attend and she attended as well. However, I've leaned toward the conclusion that she is not the right person for me. However, I'm not 100 percent sure that this is the case. I did get a girlfriend earlier this yea, but I had to break up with her because she lived so far away. We both decided that it would be difficult to sustain a relationship at such long distances. In short, the girl I have been talking about is still on my watch for a relationship, but I've been looking out for other girls that might be interested in as well. In other words, this girl is not the only one on my radar, which I guess can be a good thing. Anyway, post away if you want.

## Post 68 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 08-Jul-2010 17:05:21

And I guess I might add that this first relationship I went through was one heck of an experience. It wasn't necessarily overwheming, but the fact that we held hands and hugged each other and things like that made me see what a relationship is like. So even though it only lasted a month, it was a wonderul experience.

## Post 69 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Thursday, 08-Jul-2010 17:06:27

And apparently I can't type. bleh!

## Post 70 by illumination (Darkness is history.) on Monday, 26-Jul-2010 21:11:28

Bringing this board post back up so the curious ones can comment on it. lol