# Advice on being physically attracted..

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Sunday, 22-May-2011 18:30:30

Hi all!
Ok, first off, I do realize that I may be coming off as shallow. After all, I'm no, "miss thing," iether..
It has to deal with my boyfriend. I'm not being physically attracted to him like I once was.
We have a lot in common, are very compatible..but I don't know, I just don't like the feel of his body.
He's a great kisser..He always smells good..
Now, I know for me I want to lose weight and I've been taking steps to do that. I've lost 30 pounds but I'd like to lose some more. Also, there are some things that I'm self cocious about concerning my body.
I think we all have issues like this when it comes to our boddies..
What to do about this? I have not brought anything up to my boyfriend; I don't want to be hurtful or anything like that. He's a great person! And, the people that are sited have told me that he's very nice to look at.

## Post 2 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Sunday, 22-May-2011 22:13:17

you can't "make" yourself be attracted to someone, and vice versa. you either are, or you aren't...so try not to beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.
that being said, I'm a firm believer in honesty 100% of the time. so, while knowing how you feel may hurt your boyfriend in the end, at least he'll know where you stand.

## Post 3 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Sunday, 22-May-2011 22:21:22

But the thing is, that I do love him..It's not that simple..I know that he wants to marry me..I don't want to get off topic or anything like that.

## Post 4 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 22-May-2011 22:36:11

That love is a mighty word. When you "love" someone then you don't have issues with his or her physical actraction. You see living with a person for years, beor if you just "love" them, will mean many changes. Maybe they gain weight. Maybe they get disabled in some way, or sick for a short time. You "love" them, and that means you "love" their souls, not others opinions of them, or how the feel. So maybe you are infatuated, or in love with the idea of being in love. Because if you are having issues with his physical, you don't love him. Smile. Sorry. It will only get worse, because as pointed out you can't make yourself be acracted to what your not.

## Post 5 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Monday, 23-May-2011 5:25:46

Sounds like you've got a decision to make. Do you love him enough to deal with this issue, or will it be enough for you to end the relationship? Trust me, having to live with yourself when you've broken a relationship for very shallow reasons is a curse. So, think good and hard before you'd do that.
What specifically are you finding unattractive? You brought up weight. If that's your issue with him, it can be worked on, if the two of you agree to that. Even if it's not weight, perhaps you could work on it together. And there's another thing: the two of you. I'm a little disconcerted that you brought it up on a public, very searchable board system before bringing it to his attention. I don't really think that's fair to him.
In any case, sounds like you have some thinking to do, and I'd hope, some talking with him to do.

## Post 6 by starfly (99956) on Monday, 23-May-2011 9:07:26

As stated earlier we all go through changes. Hell if you met me in person in my early 20s I was in dam good shape. Now i am average and fluffy like a teddy bear. lol!!

## Post 7 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Monday, 23-May-2011 19:28:15

lol starfly i know what you mean..we all change.
I want to clarify that I do not want to end our relationship over something so peddy..the fact being we all have flas..physical as well as mental ones.
It could be a faze, cause honestly me feeling this way has just started.

## Post 8 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 23-May-2011 20:56:39

I still think what you like is the fact you have a boyfriend. You enjoy going out, being called, and such things. You'll not decide you like him physically just because you have to. I think its normal to enjoy the boy friend factor, but if you add that love in their, then you simply don't have it. That is fine. You'll not "love' the first person, or even the 5th that agrees to be your boy friend, but can enjoy it. Maybe you didn't know it before, because you have just become intimate, or close enough to know? Smile. Its how it works. Try not to be hurt to much when its your turn. I'm not saying that to be mean or saying you'll deserve it, it is natural, and can and might happen. You might like a guy, but he learns he doesn't like the way you taste when he kisses you. I guess thats why we date.

## Post 9 by tequila sunrise (Account disabled) on Wednesday, 25-May-2011 1:26:02

maybe an open relationship? I know it may not sound very good, but a couple of my friends tried it and it has surprisingly worked. For those who arne't sure of what that is,
An open relationship is where both members of a relationship can go out and only physically get involved with someone else, sort of like a no strings attached relationship. You can still obviously trust each other explicitly and very much involved emotionally. I hate to say it, but if your not sexually attracted to your significant other, it puts a major strain on a relationship and you can't just get attracted to him at will. Believe me, I've seen it happen before with my friends.
I also want to point out that a open relationship doesn't mean swinging as this is in a much different circumstance as swingers.
Try talking it over with him and see what happens.

## Post 10 by Miss M (move over school!) on Wednesday, 25-May-2011 13:33:09

Have you tried encouraging him to join you in your weight-loss habits, like exercising together or cooking/eating healthy meals together? If you're taking steps to lose weight and be healthier, you're fundamentally changing your daily lifestyle. When two people are in a relationship and their style of living doesn't match up, that's often a much harder relationship to maintain.
You're dating him, but you're not in his body. If he doesn't care that he's carrying extra fat and enjoys his current level of activity, it's his choice. If he wants to try your way and change up his routine, that's his choice too.

## Post 11 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 25-May-2011 20:47:30

She's never said why she doesn't like the way he feels. Maybe he's got to much hair, his skins to ruff, he's to thin? Heck, maybe his legs are to short? Might be something he can't change, and just because you lose weight might not change how you feel physically. Sexually even maybe? I agree with the open relationship deal, or what I call dating for a while until you find someone you like. No crime in that. As pointed out it doesn't mean she's sleeping with everyone she meets and all. How is she gonna know if she doesn't date a few people? Besides if you are talking about marrying somebody changes as I pointed out before will and might happen. If she gains 5 pounds to much will he lieave her? She's losing weight, and believe it or not some men wouldn't like that at all. So date. The man that turns you on will still turn you one when he's old, fat, bald or trim and fit, because its him you want.

## Post 12 by starfly (99956) on Thursday, 26-May-2011 9:16:04

true that! I would hate to have my wife meet me when I was younger and that is all she would have liked. Dam I would have gotten dumped in a heart beet. Oh well, to the poster who started this board look deep into yourself and ponder if your man is who you want to bee with fore a long time. Seriously my wife loves her teddy bear and she still loves to put it on me. lol If he does not find you sexually atractive seriously have another heart to heart talk with him. If he ant feeling you and you ant feeling him sexually then all you got is a roommate. Just saying! shoot if a lady is my wife or gf "we cutten rug!!" no questions asked. lol

## Post 13 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 26-May-2011 20:49:33

I'm still waiting on her answer why?

## Post 14 by tequila sunrise (Account disabled) on Friday, 27-May-2011 17:35:06

I just think even if a physical thing, its still a big thing. I hate to say it, but maybe the two of you were simply not meant to be. I think true love is being able to not only accept one's differences, physical attributes, but to embrace it as a characteristic of that person. In this case, this is obviously lacking which is why I think it might be better if you just broke it off.

## Post 15 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Friday, 27-May-2011 19:50:31

Let's just be honest. for better or for worse, sex is a part of relationships. it is a bigger thing for some than for others, but it's always part of it, like spices on your dinner, or icing on your cake. It can work without it, but honestly, would it work forever?

## Post 16 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Saturday, 28-May-2011 17:05:48

I don't think there has to be a reason why you're not physically attracted to someone. After all you can have deep feelings of friendship or even love for someone without necessarily having to be physically attracted to them. That doesn't mean they're unattractive, just that you're not physically compatible. Nothing wrong with that.
In terms of making a relationship work without physical attraction I would say it is a non-starter. You can love someone without necessarily being in love with or fancying them, but it is not sustainable in the long-term and will only lead to feelings of annoyance on the part of the partner who does not feel the physical attraction, and rejection on the person who is the subject of the non physical attraction. It's not fair on your partner if you don't find him physically attractive, to then expect him to stay with you. He deserves to be with someone who loves him in all aspects.

## Post 17 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 29-May-2011 1:45:49

All true the last 3 posters, but I'm still interested in what it is? She won't post. Lol

## Post 18 by BELLA LOVE (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Sunday, 29-May-2011 3:28:20

I totally agree with post 17.
Lol, forereel, she probaby wont say since she hasnt already.
Hope things got taken cared of tho...

## Post 19 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Sunday, 29-May-2011 7:12:40

does there have to be one thing though? does it have to be about a turn-off as opposed to a turn-on.
I have had male friends over the years who I love to pieces in terms of feelings of deep friendship for them. I am not remotely physically attracted to them, not because they have something that is physically unattractive, but because I just don't feel a physical attraction to them. Doesn't mean I don't care about them though, but if you asked me what it was that turned me off of them physically i couldn't tell you.

## Post 20 by tequila sunrise (Account disabled) on Sunday, 29-May-2011 13:35:43

I would look at it as the physical attractiveness as salt. you can eat your meal with out it, but salt makes it more worth while and I guess same thing for spices as well. Its doable, but there will be something lacking for sure.

## Post 21 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Sunday, 29-May-2011 16:07:02

Everyone has their preferences. there's nothing wrong with you for not being attracted to him, and there's nothing wrong with him just because you're not attracted to him, like Sugar baby said.

## Post 22 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 30-May-2011 0:14:41

True all true, but I still wanna hear "I just don't like the dude's body!" Or something? Maybe she liked him until she got her hands on him and then well, but I said that before. Maybe she just posted this question to get us talking?

## Post 23 by SatansProphet (Forever in the service of Satan, my King...) on Thursday, 02-Jun-2011 5:51:51

Well, in any case, I do hope you talked to him about it. You oughtn't to keep in the dark, especially if he's wanting marriage. Hope you managed to resolve it somehow.

## Post 24 by starfly (99956) on Thursday, 02-Jun-2011 8:15:55

I still vote to raddle his cage! "get your freeken dress on girl!!" Maybe that will change his tune.

## Post 25 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Saturday, 11-Jun-2011 22:10:48

Hi all!
I'm back, I haven't been on the zone as of lately..been pretty busy.
I've actually done a lot of thinking on the matter.
I agree with what Sugarbaby has said. Although my feelings are not of annoyance or anything like that..and I do love my bf..
With that being said, some things have come to light concerning our relationship.
I think that I love him like a really good friend. A, "friend," kind of love.(I can hear the scoffing and the, "yeah, what girl/guy hasn't heard that one.." but it is true.)Maybe the chemistry is off..
I didn't realize this until some things about my bf came to light..for example, the way he deals with money..the way he really doesn't think before doing..etc.etc.
Then again, maybe that's a man thing?
Also, my bf has brought up marriage several several times...even though I've told him I'd like to go to school first in order to better my life. He really doesn't seem very supportive of this.
So, with all that being said, maybe it is his pressuring me? (he could be doing this without meaning to..), the way he deals with money..
(I know I've brought that up..however, I have friends/family that got way in debt because of bad choices..)
I just don't think I can really marry/start a family with someone who for 41 years has made careless wrong choices..and then says to me, "but you're different..you aren't like the other women that've hurt me.." etc.etc. How many, "other," women has he said that to?

## Post 26 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Saturday, 11-Jun-2011 22:18:08

Pay close attention to his tone of voice. He'll have a hard time sounding sincere if he really isn't. Some people are good at hiding it, but not forever.

## Post 27 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Saturday, 11-Jun-2011 22:30:36

Yeah, thanks Ocean..I was going to mention the tone of voice thing..whenever I mention school or the like he's always saying, "yeah..that's interesting.." but the tone is off..like it carries disappointment in it if that makes sence..

## Post 28 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 11-Jun-2011 22:48:58

So I guess its time you called him your "friend" and not your '"BF" Smile. You are now looking, or will be shortly. I'm still interested in why he's not to your liking physically, or maybe its not that at all?

## Post 29 by margorp (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Saturday, 11-Jun-2011 23:22:32

This may make me sound like a real ass hole, but perhaps you just want something totally different?

## Post 30 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Sunday, 12-Jun-2011 1:17:30

ForReal..
Maybe that's it..I don't want to look..I'm really excited about school and learning and trying to get my "professional," life together..in order to better my, "personal," life.
I actually feel really bad..
Margorp..you aren't an ass..

## Post 31 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Sunday, 12-Jun-2011 13:19:48

There's no shame in wanting to better your professional life before looking for that special someone. Plenty of people decide to go that route.

## Post 32 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Sunday, 12-Jun-2011 19:39:54

Thanks Ocean..I appreciate that. :)

## Post 33 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 13-Jun-2011 23:51:13

I mean really. You can't expect to fall in love with the first or even the 20th person just because you are dating him or her? You don't really think you should feel bad do you? Even if you are sexual for a while it might not be a match completely, so you move along? I don't understand why people feel like they should fall in love right away anyhow. Maybe that is the reason for so many divorces. Just my musings.

## Post 34 by UniqueOne (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Tuesday, 14-Jun-2011 15:33:25

Yeah 4real, I can see your point totally..

## Post 35 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 27-Jun-2011 17:29:03

One other thing to bear in mind throughout this whole thing is that physical attraction can change, can die down as well...and it can just as easily flare back up again. For some it never really changes, but I think for most there's a little up and down from time to time. That kind of fluctuation is healthy enough, but given what's been mentioned here, I think that's what I'd call a show-stopper. There are too many things, in my view at least, which don't add up here, and this isn't love, it's maybe the idea of being loved or being able to love...which is a different matter altogether. I'm not in the situation and I guess that means my opinion's scope is very limited, but I've seen this sort of setup way too many times to doubt, I'm afraid. Best of luck with whatever you decide you have to do.