# top 15 historical changes made possible by Scientology

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Thursday, 08-Mar-2007 21:41:46

John Travolta claims that if Anna Nicole Smith
had only followed the teachings of Scientology,
she'd be alive today. Um... okay, John....
The Top 15 Historical Changes Made Possible by Scientology
15> Young Ben Franklin, experimenting with tinfoil, baling wire
and suet, invents the first rudimentary E-meter.
14> After breaking with Rome, a newly-converted Henry VIII
proclaims his love for Ann Boleyn while jumping up and
down on his throne.
13> An eager public finds beloved actor Tom Cruise's recent
behavior downright inspiring.
12> Presidentologist George W. Bush leads us into a war to remove
the evil dictator Xenu from the planet Nostra and any other
planets that aid or abet thetans.
11> November, 1963: A Dallas postman accidentally switches
the mail order rifle for Lee H. Oswald with the mail order
E-meter for Oswald H. Lee. November, 1964: JFK is reelected
in a landslide.
10> "We hold this truth to be self-evident: There is a sucker
born every minute."
9> With a little help from his Scientologist-beard wife,
Reverend Ted Haggard is free to snort meth and hump dudes
without all that pesky media attention.
8> William Shakespeare channels his creative energies away from
all those silly, overly-verbose tragedies and comedies and
instead pioneers the genre of cheesy science fiction.
7> It's back to renovating kitchen cabinets for carpenter Jesus
of Nazareth.
6> Instead of organizing the first Crusade, Pope Urban eases back
in his papal throne with his feet propped up, just chillin'.
5> Psychotherapy is obsolete as a self-help technique called
FreuDianetics helps us achieve awareness of our penis envy
across many lifetimes.
4> Jackie Kennedy leads the 1960s fashion world in a tinfoil
pillbox-hat craze.
3> "I did not have sexual relations with that Thetan."
2> With no need to invent modern psychiatry, Sigmund Freud
spends his days castrating hogs for "Ma Freud's original
mini-bratwurst and fish-taco stand."
and the Number 1 Historical
Change Made Possible by Scientology...
1> The Iraq war is narrowly averted when UN inspectors realize
the only bomb makeup artist Saddam Hussein is working on is
"Battlefield Earth."

## Post 2 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Friday, 09-Mar-2007 0:13:32

&LT;lol>
Thanks.
Bob