# More Michigan jokes from my local paper

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Wednesday, 15-Nov-2006 18:05:25

TIT FOR TAT
Q: How many University of Michigan alumni does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in and two to argue about how Bo would've done it.
Q: How many Michigan freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It's a sophomore course.
Q: What did the Ohio State grad say to the University of Michigan grad?
A: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
Q: How do you get a Michigan graduate off your front porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q: What do you have when you have a University of Michigan fan up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What should you do if you find three Michigan fans buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Get more cement.
ON THE FIELD
Q: How do you make Michigan cookies?
A: Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Q: What kind of car does Jim Tressel own?
A: A Lloyd Carr.
Q: Why should Michigan change its mascot to a possum?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: Why did Ohio State replace the artificial turf at the 'Shoe with grass?
A: So the Michigan cheerleaders could graze.
BREAKING NEWS
* Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library? Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
* Did you hear about the fire at Michigan's football dorm? It destroyed 20 books. The real tragedy: 15 of them hadn't been colored yet.
* Did you hear that Lloyd Carr is dressing only 20 players on Saturday? The rest of the players will have to dress themselves.
* Did you hear that a Michigan football player was almost killed in a tragic horse-riding accident? He fell off and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily,
the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse just in time.
JUST PLAIN MEAN
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a University of Michigan fan?
A: A Doberman pinscher.
Q: What's the difference between a Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Q: What does a University of Michigan player do after college?
A: Five to 10 years.
Q: What's the No. 1 pickup line in a Michigan bar?
A: "Nice tooth."
Q: What does the average Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
STORY TIME
One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was driving north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they
hit each other head-on. Miraculously, both drivers were uninjured.
The Wolverine fan walked over to the Buckeye fan and said, "I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead
of rivals." The Buckeye fan thought for a moment and said, "You know, you're absolutely right. We should be friends."
The Buckeye fan then popped open his trunk and removed a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. "I think this is another sign," the Buckeye fan said.
"Let's drink to our newfound friendship." The Wolverine fan agreed and sucked down half the bottle. He handed the bottle back to the Buckeye fan and said,
"Your turn!" The Buckeye fan calmly twisted the cap back on the bottle and threw it over the bridge. "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show
up."

## Post 2 by fuzzy101 (The master of fuzz!!) on Wednesday, 15-Nov-2006 22:41:27

Now we should see if the Michiganfans can make an attempt with lines for Ohio state.
I seriously doubt it however.

## Post 3 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Thursday, 16-Nov-2006 7:32:13

&LT;lol>
I think we should reduce the character limit to 2 in the joke board, and move the joke board to the anonymous section of graffiti. &LT;grin>
Thanks Becky.
Bob

## Post 4 by Musical Ambition (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Thursday, 16-Nov-2006 9:34:37

LOL becky. These are great. I couldn't pick out which ones were my favorite.

## Post 5 by sparkie (the hilljack) on Thursday, 16-Nov-2006 21:49:35

Love them! Go bucks!
Troy