# letter to Xerox

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Friday, 25-Jul-2008 12:17:31

This is a supposedly true letter sent to the Xerox Corporation,
"LETTER TO XEROX"
Dear Kings of Kopiers:
I just started a new job as an exterminator's assistant, and part of my job is mailing out invoices to our clients. Today, while printing all the invoices, I ran out of printer paper, so I ran down to the local office supply store and picked up several boxes of Xerox MultiUse Paper. While the invoices were printing, I noticed something on the package of paper that concerned me, and I thought I'd better check with you about it.
On the box, there is a little thing that says 99.99% jam free. I know that sometimes wood finds its way into paper, but jam? I was always taught to keep all food and drinks away from computer equipment, especially something as sticky as jam. Now, I realize that it is a very small amount of jam in each piece of paper, but we use an awful LOT of paper, my friends, and all that jam is sure to add up. Won't that adversely affect the life of our printer? I mean, I'm sure you know what you're doing when it comes to paper, but we use more than the average consumer, so maybe we would be better off with a "Jam- free" paper, if you offer such a product. I will look for it next time I am shopping, which will be soon, as I don't want to use any more of this paper until I find out if it's really safe.
If it is safe, why not say "Contains .01% jam, but it's perfectly safe" in big letters, since I'm sure that I am not the only one who has this concern. You may end up selling a lot more paper that way. By the way, I'm curious as to why you would even put jam in paper. Does it help bond everything together so it doesn't look like confettii?
Just curious.
Also, I'd appreciate a Xerox keychain.
Thanks, Dave Cilluffo
----- The Reply -----
Thank you for your message. We greatly appreciate your taking the time to send us your feedback regarding our 99.99% jam free paper. We have restricted the manufacture of paper to the morning because we have so many folks who eat jam for lunch. Nevertheless, it has been our experience that small amounts of jam have found its way into the paper via morning bagels and jam-filled donuts.
Our tests have shown that the .01% jam isn't harmful to machinery and you may continue to use it. In fact, the jam has improved the overall quality of the finished print. However, you may have to keep a can of ant spray around. You may wish to enhance paper performance by using the 99.99% jam free paper with our new line of 99.99% peanut butter free paper. They absolutely work best when used together. Or, if you prefer, you can save time by using the 99.99% PB & J free paper.
Whatever you choose, we are sure you will be pleased with the results.
In appreciation of your e-mail, we will be sending you a Xerox T- shirt. If we can be of other help in the future, please let us know.

## Post 2 by blindndangerous (the blind and dangerous one) on Friday, 25-Jul-2008 12:23:21

Wow. lol. wow.

## Post 3 by soaring eagle (flying high again!) on Friday, 25-Jul-2008 15:04:59

Becky, where do you find these gems?? Love it!

## Post 4 by The Elemental Dragon (queen of dragons) on Saturday, 26-Jul-2008 14:53:52

oh, snicker, my, gasp, fucking, sputter, gods, lol!!

## Post 5 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Saturday, 26-Jul-2008 16:36:01

If that's a real letter, wow, that is one stupid person. Lol, I love it.

## Post 6 by blindndangerous (the blind and dangerous one) on Saturday, 26-Jul-2008 16:37:22

Yes becky, where do u find these.

## Post 7 by motifated (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2008 5:11:22

Becky, that is great! If yoyu want to see similar things, there was a book written in the 1980's that I believe NLS has on tape called the Laslo Letters by Don Novello. If anyone remembers father Guido Sarducci from Saturday Night Live, this was him. He wrote letters to all these companies telling of rediculous complaints, or praising them for things, and the companies wrote back. As an example, he wrote a letter to the M and M's manufacturer complaining because he got a defective M and M. He starts out how he used to consider the company the GM of the Chocolate World. He rants about this, and says the Russians would have no respect for American Technology and knowhow if they found this, and that they should fire the guy who inspected the candy. There's lots more letters like that.
Lou

## Post 8 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2008 11:05:38

Thanks Lou. I'll look for that book. Sounds funny.