# Falling in love

Category: Let's talk

## Post 1 by Nem (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 11:37:40

Ok, lets face it. It's pretty easy to fall in love, the hard part is staying there. How do you go about doing that?

## Post 2 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 11:53:39

Well, first of all, I think that you have to realize the distinction between love, and simple attraction. Sometimes, I have felt that I was in love with a guy only to find that I didn't really love him at all but was just attracted towards him. Secondly, if you find that special someone, you should make sure that your lover wants to make it work as well. I believe that when you're in love, you feel the need to want it to last forever. If the other person has the same feelings, then your love will have a very good chance of lasting. There are going to be many tests that the two of you will have to face, whether alone or together and you both need to pass the majority of them. Sometimes, arguments are tests and if you don't make up, and just let it boil inside, the love you feel will be affected. I hope this answers your question.
*sexy*

## Post 3 by Nem (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 11:56:19

So, what about the golden rule? Treating others as you would like to be treated. Does that play a part in staying in love? Should it?

## Post 4 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 12:07:24

only if they treat you with respect love consideration and everything you would lavish on them.

## Post 5 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 12:10:02

Most definetly!!! I always try to follow through with the golden rule in any case but I think that with love, you should make a special effort for it. For example, if you were to meet this really attractive girl, always think of how you would feel if your girlfriend was meeting a guy and doing and saying the tsame things you were doing and saying to him. Put yourself in that position and try to do what's right. I'll admit, I am not very good at it. I'm too much of a flurt and don't think about what I say till it's too late. But I always tell him what I say afterwords so I don't feel so guilty about it. Luckily, I haven't done anything out of hand and don't intend to either!!! hehehehehe
*sexy*

## Post 6 by Nem (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 12:19:14

that's not quite what I meant. I meant that there are different strokes for different folks. If you like say to be held, and your partner doesn't then do you hold them because that's what you like? The same applies if you don't like to be held but your partner does then what? How far should you take the golden rule if it applies to relationships?

## Post 7 by sugar (Entertain me. I dare you.) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 12:29:24

If you love someone, an they love you, as well as treating them as you would like to be treated, isn't there something in there about being honest, being open and compromising? There may be things that you dont' like that your partner does, or vice versa, an if you don't talk about those things, your putting an instant communication barrier in the way for a start which, nine times out of ten, is the finish line of all relationships. If you can't talk about how you really feel about them and things, what's the point of saying you want things to work, coz surely you can't want it that much?

## Post 8 by Nem (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 12:31:14

interesting point

## Post 9 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 12:46:47

Yes!! Compromising is the key to success!!! I am someone who doesn't really like being held but my fiance likes to hold me. So we both have talked it out and now he holds me, but not too tightly, and when I do want to be held, I snuggle up to him and he gets the hint!!! Knowing and respecting what each other feels is very essential in a relationship!!!
*sexy*

## Post 10 by Nem (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 12:49:22

I can dig that. so tell me what are the little things you do that represent your love for your partner.

## Post 11 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 13:37:23

LOL IIt’s easy to fall in love. But sometimes it takes time. You know, you can easily tell if its just infatuation. Its like a train if you catch it then have fun with it. But If you missed it, then just wait for the next ride. It might be more. But don’t expect anything. The least you expect things to happen the more it would come. I think.

## Post 12 by Reads_Dots (Account disabled) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 15:17:11

I don't fall in love easily. I get lots of crushes, but love is something deeper...more profound. I don't want to fall in love wight now, but I know that if I do, i won't have much of a choice. You can't turn love on and off like a light switch.

## Post 13 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Saturday, 23-Jul-2005 18:30:31

hehehe Dragonfire!!! hmmmm. Let's see. To show my love, I cook for him when he gets home from work. I always get him a small present when I go to the store, just to show him that I thought of him. And whatever I eat, I share with him. Whenever he's out of the house, I get worried if I haven't heard from him in a long time so I call him on the sell to let him know that I'm worried and to ask him to call me back. Because we live alone, we depend a lot on public transportation and I'm always afraid that something might happen such as a train accident, or terrorist attacks. hmmm. So yeah. That's all I can think of right now. hehehehe So I am curious. hehehe What do you do???
*sexy*

## Post 14 by Nem (I just keep on posting!) on Sunday, 24-Jul-2005 0:18:31

Well before I begin let me say that that was nice. Me, well the way I like to show I care is through the little things because that's what matters to me. When she comes home, I ask how her day was and I stop everything just to listen. I feed the cat every morning before school so it doesn't wake her up. I reach for her when I am about to fall asleep that little contact. There are other things but their a little intamite for a public forum. so that's it in a nutshell anyone else want to share? hehehehehehe.

## Post 15 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Sunday, 24-Jul-2005 21:51:35

i'm with the person that said they dont fall in love easily...i've never been in love...but i know that when i am, it'll be the best feeling in the world.

## Post 16 by Eponine (If you find a rare Gem, hold it tightly!) on Wednesday, 27-Jul-2005 14:55:22

Being in love is easy, but how to stay in love is a whole different matter. Keep in mind, these are not in any order of importance, for they are all important. First, You must have comunication. Both partners have to talk to each other about what's going on inside of them. If one is feeling neglected, insecure, or maybe even feeling smothered, if there's no comunication, it will not be known. Also, getting a bit deep here, you must talk about your dislikes both in and out of the bedroom with your partner. Doing this will insure for of a comfortable, stable relationship. If these things aren't discussed, then how will you know if you are doing the right things, or the wrong things. Nex after comunication comes trust. If you don't have complete and total trust in your partner, then nothing will work. You will be feeling on edge all the time, and so will they, and eventually what will happen is because of the distrust, the relationship will fall apart. Now, here's something some may dissagree on. If you are commited to only one person, Flerting with the opposite sex is a bad idea. Okay, I know what you are thinking, if they are secure in the love they have, they shouldn't be bothered right? Wrong! Flerting can send mixed signals not only to the person being flerted with, but also to your partner. If you are satisfied with the one you are with, why the need to flert with others? Next, Always take time for one another. Never let life get so crammed with things and activities that the relationship is put on the back burner. Also, compromise is a large part of all of these things. Not everything can go either person's way all the time. Take time to talk things out, and listen to your partner. Knowing how your partner feels at all times is benefitial to knowing if things need to be changed at not. Also, Talk things out, don't fight. Fighting solves nothing, and more often than not, it just causes hurt and anger to fester, and hurtful things to be said. I'm also going to say this much, never, never change who you are for someone. This is a recipe for disaster! What happens, is eventually, your true self will show, and you won't be what the other person wanted in the first place, so you've occomplished nothing but making yourself look fake, and dishonest. Also, love and respect each other. This goes in all cases. If there is no respect, there is no love. If your partner doesn't want to do something at that moment, don't pressure him/her. On the flip side, there must also be compromise here. Sometimes you must give even if you don't feel like it. I'm not talking just in the bedroom, but in all aspects of things. Now, I could go on, but I think there's a word limit, and I think you get the general idea. So, I'm done now. :)

## Post 17 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Wednesday, 27-Jul-2005 15:40:55

I think rf makes tons of excellent points here. I think open communication and trying to communicate basics likes and dislikes is the key to a successful relationship. You may find yourself very attracted to aperson and you may even discover the feeling is mutual but that does not equate to love or even a successful relationship. Some people (before they get married e.g.) get as far as draw up a list of situations and responses that they can agree on, what constitutes flirting, what is excessive flirting, basically draw up clear guidelines to avoid jealousy or misconcetions or interpretation of a situation that arises. I think it's going too far but I think it's important for people to consider their current life style and personality and use that as a starting point to compromise. Also opencommunication is the one and only key to success in relationships, talk about it, even if you feel you're in the wrong and your feelings are unjustified or exaggerated or even if you don't want your partner to get hurt because you fear you have something negative to say, it will keep bothering you and eventually you will explode if something else come up and then you use the pent up negativity and events to attack your partner that truly feels that 90% of your accusations at that point have to do with something totally unrelated to the one incident at hand and will rightfully feel negative towarsd you because you are using all your ammunition to bring him/her down. Compromise is obvoiusly a key ingredient, you can't dislike and like all the same things even if you wanted to one will have preferences for things that the other person doesn't and both need to feel like their partner cares enough to go out of his/her way to make you happy (and, again, this might apply to some sexual things but it's really meant to generally apply to all aspect s of relationships). I think you need to keep your intimacy, well, alive not through games or anythhing (unless that's something you go for) but you need to be excited and desiring your partner physically, if you need a bit of a break from that or be separated for a couple of days or if you need to take a trip or whatever it takes I think sex life is important, not all important but it helps to keep you attracted and focused on the relationship. For me independence is also key, I don't like a person that gets so immersed in the relationship that he/she (well she for me obviously but I'm tyrying to stay general) gives up friends and personal life and refuses to do anything at all unless the other person is a part of it. I'd want some time with my friends doing my thing, even going out with my friends from time to time and I'd expect my partner to want the same things, I'd want her with me on the majority of occasions of course (I mean being with the person you love at a party makes it somuch more special) but I know there are times Ijust want to relax, be a guy or be an Icelander or just be with friends. I like coming home, sharing stories about the day, learning about wht my partner did, howher life was, how her job/school was, feel I'm a part both of my world and hers and vice versa. I guess personally I need a bit of a challenge to stay focused on a relationship. Flirting is a contensious issue. I love people and talking to peole andlearning about different cultures and persons and their backgrounds etc and I know I can get flirty at times but the point is you have to know where your line is and where your partners line is as well and try not to overstep either, if you feel so attracted to a person that you flirt with them way passed the line I feel that indicates that you have major relationship problems and you should re evaluate your dating situation. If you'remarried that's different, you can't do it unless there's a major problem that is underlying or causing the distance, you made a promise and you stick to it as long as your partner tries too and isn't treating you horribly or cheating on you, just lack of interst isn't enough to cause a devorce, forever is a long time not just a couple of months/ years.
But utlimately, the key to this all is communication, talk about things problems, .. that being said I admit to being a horrible communicator but I've worked hard on becomeing better because I've seen it a thousand times how lack thereof kills relationships. :) "I know the pieces fit, cause I've watched them fall away"
cheers
-B

## Post 18 by Puggle (I love my life!) on Friday, 29-Jul-2005 2:07:46

falling in love is something that can only happen with time. you can have initial attraction, and you can love someone for the way they are, the qualities they have, the things they do, but to fall in love with them. Give it lots of time, and it never gets to a point where it stops, it's constantly changing, getting stronger, and weakening. Lets face it, how on earth can we expect ourselves to stay in love like we were initially with our partner for our whole lives? Things happen. you upset each other, circumstances impact on our mental state, career, kids, environment, location, personal goals, age, illness, accident, anything else you decide to ad to the list.
If you ask me it's about how you cope with falling out of love that will keep you in it. Its perseverance, dedication, respect for your partner and yourself of course, and over all communication. I've heard people describe a wedding as a proclamation of 2 peoples love for each other. I think it is deffinetly that, but it is also the public agreement that 2 people are prepared to compromise their choices, and to live like they were haf of a pair, rather than as an individual, and that is what will determine weather I agree to marry my partner or not when I get him that is hehe. Because it’s a trust thing. You don’t want to just agree to share your life with someone who you don’t feel you can trust imperatively to be always aware of your needs and your desires. To protect your hopes and dreams, to be sensitive to your disappointments and fears. And you don’t want to go into it unless you are prepared 100%to do the same in return, and that! People , for me is the most important thing.
I mean it is all fine and well to say I want to be loved in this way by this type of person, but why should that person love you? What does you being in love with them mean for that person.
That is where treating others as you want to be treated comes into it.
Love is deffinetly a 2 way street. Give all that you want to get and more, and don’t think that your not worthy of it, because that’s irelivant. but by the same token never settle for second best. Our hearts are such precious things, and everyone is so special in his or her own way,noone diserves to have theirs broken.

## Post 19 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Friday, 29-Jul-2005 6:35:50

I think that rf and puggle and b all make some very valid points, I do think it’s not so much about falling in love, but staying there that is the hardest part. Communication is the absolute key, and without communication, it is easy for a relationship to break down. I also think that it is important for both partners to be equal in a relationship, and sometimes changing circumstances can alter that balance. If for instance, both partners work, and then they have a child together, one of the partners, often the woman, may choose to give up work and raise the child, and that may cause her to be seen differently by her partner, because although raising a child is by no means a menial task, the partner can sometimes see her on a different intellectual level as himself, it’s not necessarily a conscious thing, but it can happen without either partners noticing until it’s too late. Also, having a child for instance changes the whole dinamic of a relationship. where once there were two people, now there are three, and one is dependent on the others for everything,and that can be hard. And don't be blasay about it and say "oh that won't happen", I learned from personal experience that what you think will be the case is sometimes further from the truth than you ever thought possible. I think that with regard to flerting, there are definite limits, and what people should remember is that what you may view as totally acceptable and harmless, your partner may view as a potential threat to a relationship. Also, what you may view as harmless, the person you are flerting with may view as a come on and a positive sign that you are interested in them, so even a bit of harmless flerting could potentially threaten your relationship if the third party decided to try and persue the issue further. After all, if your partner absolutely assured you that there was nothing going on, yet someone else was constantly there wanting to talk to him/her, you would feel threatened anyway, it’s a natural reaction. I definitely think that the little things count, not necessarily flowers/chocolates, but maybe cook a nice meal sometimes, call and let that person know you’re thinking of them when they’re not around – I’m one of the greatest believers in doing that, I like to know when someone is thinking about me, so by the same token, I tend to let them know I’m thinking of them too. I think that as long as people are aware that nothing stays the same, and that as a couple you can grow and change together, there is always hope for a lasting future. Sometimes you need to learn from past mistakes in order to make the future a better place.

## Post 20 by iammewhoru (Veteran Zoner) on Friday, 29-Jul-2005 9:18:08

Puggle, we are definately on the same page here!

## Post 21 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 30-Jul-2005 9:12:15

V'inlubitsaya!

## Post 22 by Twinklestar09 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Saturday, 30-Jul-2005 19:01:25

I also have never fallen in love before, but have had crushes and been attracted to some guys. I don't think I'd be ready for that either especially with being in college and wanting to put that first. But when I do, that would be really nice. As for the Golden Rule, I agree that there should be some sort of compromise. I usually don't like being held either, but if my boyfriend were to really like holding, I'd let him hug me and try to relax at the times I wouldn't mind, and I would also let him know when I wanted to be held by snuggling up to him.
Leilani

## Post 23 by Pink Flamingo (Generic Zoner) on Friday, 19-Aug-2005 11:53:45

Love is being able to accept the little quirks about your partner that drive you crazy. To be able to take the bad with the good. To show my live for my boyfriend is that I always have tea waiting for him when he comes home from work. I sit and listen as he tells me about his day and any problems that he has. It's the lisittle things that we do for each other that make it count. Kisses as we ass by, the way he holds me and strokes my hair, cuddling during movies, sharing a bowl of ice cream. And so much more. I dunno, sometimes being in love is indescribeable and is different for everyone.