# Relationship vs. friends?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by CrazyMusician (If I don't post to your topic, it's cuz I don't give a rip about it!) on Wednesday, 31-Jan-2007 17:56:35

hi...
I had a conversation with my best friend last night that still sticks with me. I should mention that she lives about four hours away, so she's never seen my b/f and I interact... but she told me that if I invited her to church and my b/f came along, she'd feel like a third wheel. How would she know what she'd feel like, never having seen us?
My question is: hjow far do you take your friends' advice/opinions into account when you date?
Kate

## Post 2 by motifated (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 01-Feb-2007 5:58:28

Wow, that's a tough one. I haven't dated for several years. I can only tell you that my wife and I got married over her family's very strong objections. That was almost 22 years ago, and I now get along better with them than my own family. Having said that, The only thing I can suggest is that you consider your friend's comments and see if they have merritt, and if they have any validity. The hard part is to listen to what he/she says with an open mind. From reading all your posts, you seem like you make good decisions, so from what I know of you, I'd trust your own instincts to a great degree. Hope this was of some help. Good luck.
Lou

## Post 3 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Thursday, 01-Feb-2007 6:58:05

I don't think your friend's comments were meant to be personal against your boyfriend; I just think she meant that often when three people go someplace together, and two of those people are part of a romantic couple, the third person feels a bit left out.
Now with regards to the question of whether or not to listen to a friend's opinion of your boyfriend, I agree with Lou. You should take it into consideration but not let it be the deciding factor. You have to realize your friend might have some reasons for not liking him that aren't important to you.

## Post 4 by JH_Radio (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 01-Feb-2007 9:51:48

I agree with Becky. I wouldn't take it as a personal slam. And I've been there, done that (gone to a place ware its a boyfriend and girlfriend and me. Maybe an idea would be to keep the efection to a minimum, IE not be so efffectionit. This way its just three people having a good time, and you guys can do all that stuff later.
John

## Post 5 by SensuallyNaturallyLiving4Today (LivingLifeAndLovingItToo) on Thursday, 01-Feb-2007 20:12:06

Well, your friends' advice is very important. You should always listen to your friends' advice, but you need not always follow it, if it just doesn't feel right. Rank your friends in terms of their life experiance with different situations, so that you can judge how valid one friend's advice might be when compared with another's. For example I would value my friend Kaitlyn's opinion about matters of a spiritual nature as related to Wicka or Reki over those of my Friend Amy, however I might value Amy's opinions and advice about relationships with in a large famly. Also, try to look at what possible biases your friend might have. For example do they dislike your boyfriend? Are they angry with you for any reason? Just don't get too paranoid when you're looking for potential biases.

## Post 6 by Grace (I've now got the ggold prolific poster award! wahoo! well done to me!) on Thursday, 01-Feb-2007 20:49:47

Perhaps your friend could bring another friend of hers along and make it a foursome? It would seem with a four hour trip as it is that she is making that she might like to have someone along with her as it were to share in the trip.
Also with your friend making the four hour trip to your place I wonder does when she come does she stay for more than just the day, like maybe for a weekend or so... if that's the case I could understand her desiring that only you and she do something together and that not all events taken in are to have your boyfriend tagging along.
Wishing you well
Connie ~ Grace

## Post 7 by CrazyMusician (If I don't post to your topic, it's cuz I don't give a rip about it!) on Friday, 02-Feb-2007 1:04:41

hi Connie,
She'll be here for a weekend, but she specifically mentioned church activities, which is strange. Would ie be less weird if the three of us got dinner somewhere or did some other group activity? If we're in a church, whether my b/f and I are dating or not isn't the point... we'd be sitting in pews (chairs in our case), learning about God....

## Post 8 by SensuallyNaturallyLiving4Today (LivingLifeAndLovingItToo) on Friday, 02-Feb-2007 17:36:21

That shouldn't have any baring on it. I just don't see how attending church would be effected by being in a group of three, or four, or two, or fifty-seven for that matter. God isn't going to care. The people at your church aren't going to care. Why would you care? I think we're all missing something here. Either that or you worry too darn much.

## Post 9 by JH_Radio (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 02-Feb-2007 18:01:34

Yeah, if anything the place whare there is a promiss of nothing going on would be a church. I should add that who cares? What are we missing.

## Post 10 by Grace (I've now got the ggold prolific poster award! wahoo! well done to me!) on Friday, 02-Feb-2007 19:42:39

CM,
It would seem the one place your friend wouldn't mind if your boyfriend joined in along would be at the church meeting given that it will already be a group gathering so others more than likely will be talking with all of you... only thing I can possibly think of is that there is some personal church related matter she would like to discuss more so privately with you only she could do that with you privately anywhere I suppose. Asking her a few questions should get this matter all cleared between the three of you.
Connie ~ Grace

## Post 11 by SensuallyNaturallyLiving4Today (LivingLifeAndLovingItToo) on Monday, 05-Feb-2007 16:26:18

Yes. Talk this out, with both of them, before you waste any more time or loose any more sleep worrying about it.

## Post 12 by Siriusly Severus (The ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w7 The Taskmaste) on Monday, 08-Jun-2009 6:52:24

This question shouldn't just apply to when you date, it should just be in general.
I use a thought tool that so few people today use, it's called filteration, and taking what I want. I consider everything, think it over for a long time and if it's good, I'll apply it. I don't just use it with friends, I use it with everyone.

## Post 13 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Monday, 08-Jun-2009 21:15:24

I agree with the previous posters. Listen to both parties and evaluate the situation before making your decision.

## Post 14 by jessmonsilva (Taking over the boards, one topic at a time.) on Tuesday, 09-Jun-2009 5:36:09

and I agree as well. It's best to try and talk things out rather than just ignore them, or at least let them give you whatever advice they feel they have to give you. You don't necessarily have to follow it but it helps knowing that you listened to it, and you understood what he/she was trying to say.