# Medical Laughs

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Monday, 14-Aug-2006 18:48:36

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several
cabs -and I was in the wrong one
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Submit ed by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me
to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk,VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used
to the taste" the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly." Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdrorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you? She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name!

## Post 2 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Tuesday, 15-Aug-2006 10:50:19

These are great Bob. LOL

## Post 3 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Tuesday, 15-Aug-2006 19:40:18

lol, love them!

## Post 4 by ezziejc (The Bathroom Skyper!) on Wednesday, 16-Aug-2006 10:37:08

Great!

## Post 5 by laced-unlaced (Account disabled) on Wednesday, 16-Aug-2006 11:25:25

haha. funny