# think before you speak...

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by midnight sun (you can't catch me, i'm the palobread man) on Tuesday, 11-Mar-2008 16:01:37

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - The
Last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take
The words back...
Or that you could
Crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
Job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... He knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
Was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
Several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
Works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
And said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I rep lied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I
Turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
Forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY
Size=5 :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
Release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold
Of
Her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
Patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
Would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
Threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
Saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night !" The silence was deafening
After this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
Doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
With my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
Behind me, were screams of
Laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
Three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
Him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in
Between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
My taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
Seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not
Asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said
"No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
Have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't
Have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
Because the smell was
Getting worse. Soooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have
An accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, Bent over,
Spread his cheeks,
And yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
Better,thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
Very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the fut ure, likely think
Before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? We had a
Female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
Didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
They
Were laughing so hard!

## Post 2 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Wednesday, 12-Mar-2008 22:53:09

roflmao! God, that was hilarious.

## Post 3 by Albanac (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Thursday, 13-Mar-2008 6:12:08

hahahahaha, the last one ties with the one about looking at your nuts, roflmaoooo, brilliant italianness, hugs.

## Post 4 by laced-unlaced (Account disabled) on Thursday, 13-Mar-2008 6:28:01

lol. i like the last one. thanks lorrie. :)

## Post 5 by TheAsianInvasion (The Zone's invader) on Thursday, 13-Mar-2008 6:38:01

roflroflroflroflrofl hahahahahahahah just fucking rofl!

## Post 6 by Thunderstorm (HotIndian!) on Thursday, 13-Mar-2008 7:51:07

lmao mario....

## Post 7 by The Elemental Dragon (queen of dragons) on Monday, 17-Mar-2008 8:12:27

omg, I should stop reading this board when I'm in class!! I'm trying so hard not to burst out laughing!!