# Part 2 - 14 signs Santa needs to lose weight

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Friday, 21-Dec-2007 20:13:45

The Top 14 Signs Santa Needs to Lose Some Weight
(Part II)
14> His pantry is bare and several elves are missing.
13> Instead of leaving cookies out for him, kids around the
world leave greasing butter on their roofs so he can slide
down the chimney.
12> Santa's belt is frequently mistaken as I-90 in Ohio.
11> Workshop elves can't seem to get into double-digit "days
without an accident" before another one gets offed by
a flying button.
10> This year, he's staying at home and telling kids to come
pick up their presents.
9> His sleigh currently needs 29 reindeer to make it move, and
Blitzen is in secret talks with Sleigh Pullers Local #324.
8> During his stint on "The Biggest Loser," the other contestants
all call him Lardass.
7> Not only is the plate of cookies and glass of milk gone, your
tree is also missing the gingerbread man ornaments your mother
made in 1957.
6> He hasn't seen his "south pole" since the Crimean War.
5> The first Mrs. Claus left him in disgust. The only
replacement on Earth with qualifications and experience:
a wise-cracking Leah Rimini.
4> The large sack for the toys has been replaced by the available
space in his navel.
3> Lately he's begun to sweat egg nog.
2> In order to get the sleigh off the ground, Santa's added
two new reindeer: Mack and Peterbilt.
And the Number 1 Sign Santa Needs to Lose Some Weight...
1> That effeminate elf following him is actually Richard Simmons.

## Post 2 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Friday, 21-Dec-2007 21:14:06

lol, great!

## Post 3 by Glenja (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Saturday, 22-Dec-2007 20:16:01

#3 combined with #1 gives new meaning to “Sweating to the Oldies with Richard Simmons.”

## Post 4 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Wednesday, 26-Dec-2007 19:12:25

Hahahahahahahahaha! loved the one about sweating egg nog! just roflmao!

## Post 5 by buk buk buk (move over school!) on Wednesday, 26-Dec-2007 20:54:48

Rofl becky! you always great. Nice!