# answers to annoying questions blind people get asked

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 10:44:11

Yes, I know. You all expect us to be polite and forthcoming when you ask us one of those typical questions that can only be answered by common sense.... Surprisingly enough, there are times when some of us would like our privacy and space to remain uninvaded. I have here, free for circulation, some useful smart...answers to those silly questions sighted people ask blind people.
These are to be saved for those inopportune times when blind people find themselves trapped on a bus, train, aircraft, or when attempting to eat a quiet meal in a restaurant etc.
1. QUESTION: Have you been blind all your life?
ANSWER: Not yet.
2. QUESTION: You blind people have great hearing, right?
ANSWER: Pardon?
3. QUESTION: Is that a Guide dog?
ANSWER: No, it's a drug detection dog. I'm a nark disguised as a blind person.
4. QUESTION: Is that a Labrador?
ANSWER: No, it's a Dachshund.
5. COMMENT: I'd have to kill myself if I went blind.
REPLY: Why wait?
6. COMMENT TO GUIDE DOG (working): You're sooooo beautiful.
REPLY FROM HANDLER: Thank you, but I'm spoken for.
7. QUESTION: Those dogs are smart, aren't they?
ANSWER: No, it's pure luck that we get anywhere.
8. QUESTION (directed to the person standing next to the blind person in a
store): Does she need something?
REPLY (from blind person): Yes, 'she' needs to speak with your manager

## Post 2 by johndy (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 13:03:24

Question: Do most elevators have Braille in them? Answer; I dunno, I haven't been in most elevators. I actually said this once and immediately regretted my bitchiness.

## Post 3 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 13:03:47

That actually made me laugh out loud! I'm sharing it.

## Post 4 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 15:44:01

Question: Is that a guide dog?
Answer: No, it's a hunting dog. We're hunting for stupid people, and it looks like we found one.

## Post 5 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 15:51:25

Hahahaha. Thanks for posting, Becky. I'll have to remember some of those. My personal favorite that I dealt with is:
Question: Are you a Brailler? You read Braille after all.
Answer with rhetorical question: Are you a printer?

## Post 6 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 16:22:19

Smile.

## Post 7 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 18:01:04

I like these. I'll have to use some of them in the future.
I remember one I heard, I don't remember where. Someone was asked, "Is
that one of those blind dogs" in reference to their guide dog. There response,
"God I hope not".

## Post 8 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 18:35:49

these are great; thanks for sharing.

## Post 9 by vh (This site is so "educational") on Saturday, 17-May-2014 18:45:24

Very funny.
Wish I'd been thinking quickly enough when a nurse said this to me:
nurse: "I pray to God that I don't ever go blind."
me: "you probably won't, no need to worry."
what I wish I'd said: "Well, let's hope God likes you more than he likes me."
Of course, she would have thought I was a rude bitch.

## Post 10 by silly_singer (The girl who's always lost in a melody) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 19:49:25

LOL! These are great! :-)

## Post 11 by Smiling Sunshine (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 20:20:17

These are all great!

## Post 12 by KC8PNL (The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 20:24:23

One time when I was in the hospital, this nurse came in, and in a very patronizing tone said to me: "are we going to shower today"? My answer: "well, maybe, but are you sure that shower stall is big enough for both of us?" She left the room, and another nurse nearby couldn't stop laughing. needless to say, I showered alone. LOL.

## Post 13 by johndy (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 17-May-2014 21:32:02

Question: Is Braille hard to learn? Answer: Is print hard to learn?

## Post 14 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 18-May-2014 1:31:16

Scott, as many times as I've been in the hospital, I've never had a nurse use "we" when asking me a question, although I've always heard that that's the way nurses talk. But good for you for your answer.

## Post 15 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Monday, 19-May-2014 1:14:14

hahaha to the original and Johndy; awesome! :)

## Post 16 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Monday, 19-May-2014 1:32:57

hahaha Scot; that's hilarious! :)

## Post 17 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Monday, 19-May-2014 16:21:30

Damn these are good ones! In the mome, it just seems you're too caught up with what you're doing, or taken off guard, and so don't think of a witty response.
These could be quite fun.

## Post 18 by DrummerD (Veteran Zoner) on Monday, 19-May-2014 17:16:15

At a barbeque yesterday, a friend of mine was looking up train times on her phone for me. The following exchange ensued.
Friend: Why am I getting adverts for Vision Express?
Me: They know you're searching for me.

## Post 19 by LittleSneezer (The Zone-BBS is my prison, but I like it here.) on Monday, 19-May-2014 22:07:09

These are great. Thanks for posting.

## Post 20 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Saturday, 05-Jul-2014 6:46:18

I like these and they were pretty funny, smiles.

## Post 21 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 9:17:10

How do you wipe your ass when you can't see?
I use a sighted person's face. Care to volunteer?

## Post 22 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 14:21:17

Do people really ask that? I mean even a sighted person can't see their own ass when on the toilet. I've heard other blind females say they've been asked how they know when they are on their period. Thank God I haven't been asked that one. I usually try to be polite when being asked about being blind, but some people go too far and deserve rude answers.

## Post 23 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 18:07:50

count me among those who have been asked how I know I'm on my period.
I firmly tell the askers of that question that my sense of feel is intact, even though my eyes aren't.

## Post 24 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 18:24:50

I'm personally really sorry that women get asked that. I can't believe this. I mean I believe you guys, don't take me wrong. But, in a culture where women have been asking that men be more sensitive about a woman's period for over 40 years at least, it strikes me as totally callous that one would ask you that. Obviously I can't speak from personal experience, but, aren't most the signs the period is coming internal anyway? Emotions, cramping in the lower back and lower abdomen, bloating and all that? I know women I've been with usually know when it's going to start before it starts. Approximately, that is. And any number of sighted women would have it start at night when they're sleeping anyway.
Sorry, just had to throw that out there, that's really too bad you all get that kind of treatment.

## Post 25 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 20:48:43

Question: I know you're blind, but you must see something, so what do you see?
Answer: Division by zero.

## Post 26 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 21:01:10

Comment: I feel so sorry for you because the world is so beautiful but you live in darkness; I pray that God will one day allow you to see the light.
Response: I must confess that right now, all my suffering is being brought upon me by sin. Yours.

## Post 27 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 21:05:28

Question: How do you even manage to get out of bed in the morning?
Answer: I hope I haven't yet so I can wake up from this pointless conversation.

## Post 28 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 22:13:31

And I've actually given an answer similar to this before.
Question: How do you know when you're done wiping?
Answer: I learned to wipe my ass in calculus 1. You see, it's all about friction, which in this case depends both on the softness of the toilet paper and the um...stuff.
So let's say the function f(x) returns a number describing the friction between the paper and my ass after a given number of wipes. As x goes to infinity, it gets less slick, so the limit of f(x) approaches the coefficient of dry skin.
Its derivative, fPrime(x), describes the rate at which f(x) is changing. F prime approaches 0 but never quite reaches it, since with each wipe there's always just a little more...stuff... that comes off.
So to answer your question, I wipe until my skin is almost dry and my ass is very close to, but not quite, clean.

## Post 29 by vh (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 23:19:58

people are always asking me how I can tell which paper money is which, I explain how I know denominations (my ibill) and that I keep them separated, sometimes in a wallet or if I don't have space, I fold them differently and sometimes add different styles of paperclips as identifiers as well. And then I ask them how they thought I did it and about half the time, they tell me that another blind person told them that each denomination has a different texture and that is how they can tell a 1 from a 20 from a 5. The other half of the time they say they couldn't figure it out and that is why they are asking.
I don't get why blind people in the USA are telling people paper money denominations have different textures. Is it because they are annoyed at being asked?
I know some of them might have been talking about the little braille markers to Braille your money, but if so, you'd think they would've explained that part as well.
And yes, the toilet paper one. I'm always appalled at the rude manners and don't answer. I do my best to be civil about most other questions.

## Post 30 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 24-Jul-2014 23:48:53

I will answer any question, no matter how rude. But I might answer it in a manner that says, "I'm cleverer than you."

## Post 31 by Dolce Eleganza (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Friday, 25-Jul-2014 1:38:10

Lol these are funny and cleaver! thanks for posting

## Post 32 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Friday, 25-Jul-2014 9:49:25

VH, I don't think blind people are actually saying this. My SWAG (scientific wild-ass guess) is that it's the "I know a guy who knows a guy" fallacy. Usually perpetrated against women and gays and African Americans, but also against the disabled.
I usually catch them on it by asking: "Really. Never heard that before. What's their name? When did they tell you this?" Prepare for an instance of mumble fumble that usually accompanies the aforementioned fallacy. The cleverer ones will be quick enough on their feet to come up with a name and a time and place, but most won't.
Oh this next one is beautiful:
"No! That's just wrong! You're not supposed to be an atheist! You're blind! That means you know about blind faith!"
Heard that in a coffee shop the other day. Made me and others around me laugh.

## Post 33 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Friday, 25-Jul-2014 10:16:25

I know at least one blind person who tells people that paper money can be identified by its different textures. ever heard of having a little fun?
leo, in case you were under the impression that men are the ones asking the question of how one can tell they're on their period, I'll clear it up that it's women, not men, doing the asking.

## Post 34 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Friday, 25-Jul-2014 11:20:43

Still strikes me as insensitive. Perhaps doubly so, since these same women probably claim that many men are not sensitive to the needs of a woman on her period. So one would think that they would be the betters in the situation. One would think, but rationality is not generally behind human motivation.

## Post 35 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 25-Jul-2014 13:21:12

The only blind faith I know is a little project some famous musicians like Eric Clapton were involved in. It's a good album.

## Post 36 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Friday, 25-Jul-2014 13:31:36

Yes, very much so. Good ol' Slow Hand is still out there, still rockin' it as good as he used to, or better.

## Post 37 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Friday, 25-Jul-2014 15:12:26

although I don't think asking someone how they know they're on their period is exactly a nice question, I'd much rather them ask and be educated, than not ask, and never know the answer.

## Post 38 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2014 16:12:38

But it's usually strangers who ask those types of questions. I could sort of understand it if a close friend or relative asked the question, but asking me something like that, or how I wipe my ass, is an invasion of privacy on a pretty basic level. I don't feel like I have to answer questions that make me uncomfortable, and those would sure as hell fall under that category. Would you give a stranger at the bus stop your address just because they asked, and you wanted to educate them on where you lived? I would hope not. Well, to me, this is the exact same concept.

## Post 39 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2014 16:39:39

But the reason for not giving out your address to a stranger is that the stranger could harm you with that information. They can't harm you with knowledge about your bathroom habits.

## Post 40 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2014 17:20:11

voyager's last post is exactly right. giving your address to a stranger is very different than educating a stranger on something they're curiously asking about.

## Post 41 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2014 20:05:42

There is curiosity, and then there is just plain rudeness. I think asking extremely personal questions such as how do you know when you are on your period and how do you wipe your ass is extremely rude. Like someone else said, if a close friend or relative asks those questions I would answer politely. But if a complete stranger asked those types of questions I would simply point out that they are being very rude and not give an answer. I'll also point out that I'm much more tolerant of young children asking inappropriate questions than I am of adults who should know the difference between curiosity and rudeness, and if they don't, I'm happy to point it out to them.

## Post 42 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2014 20:18:20

The last post is exactly right.
I deliberately used an incongruent example in order to make my point, which is that there's a difference between educating people about blindness, and educating people about your bathroom habits. The two are not connected in any way, and people should remember that.

## Post 43 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 27-Jul-2014 20:24:14

Oh, here's a good answer for those who get asked how they know they're on their period. It's simple, when I feel like strangling people like you for asking silly questions, now go away!

## Post 44 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Monday, 28-Jul-2014 3:49:54

I will answer intimate questions posed by strangers only if I am allowed them the same treatment, and I know if I dared ask intimate questions of strangers they would get very offended. What, should I defend myself by claiming I had good intentions? Part of educating the sighted if this is anybody's goal is that they will have to treat us literally equally, no more allowances because of good intentions or curiosity if we are not allowed to do whatever we wish to them out of curiosity. We have to stop looking at sighted people as better than us, more powerful than us, etc, unless in reality we do not want equal treatment by them.

## Post 45 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Monday, 28-Jul-2014 10:26:58

How can you wipe your ass? Really? I've never been asked that one.
Wiping your ass is a tactile skill, unless sighted people are much more limber than blind folks: at least this one.
Bob

## Post 46 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Monday, 28-Jul-2014 10:56:00

I'll have to agree to disagree with those of you who think that, no matter the circumstances, adults don't have the right to ask personal questions of others.
I also don't get you all's logic of, "I'll tolerate such behavior from children, cause they're young and don't know better."
if you aren't gonna give adults a free pass, you shouldn't do so with kids, either.
to each their own, though.

## Post 47 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Monday, 28-Jul-2014 14:17:28

I really think people who ask us how we wipe our ass think they're being cute.

## Post 48 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Monday, 28-Jul-2014 14:28:28

Now I've asked this elsewhere when the topic's been brought up so I'll ask it here. Those of you who actually have been approached by random folks, were you usually alone? I'm wondering if we're more approachable by strangers if we're alone but if we have other people with us, even other blind people, do we end up being left alone? Really I get more strange comments than questions, and most of the comments are the usual bits about how they think my life is worse than theirs or they see me doing something ordinary and tell me I'm amazing. Now, the weirdest question I was asked was when I was living in Atlanta, GA and some dude asked me what I thought of the music of Stevie Wonder. I told him I preferred Ray Charles, which I do but I should have said Frank Zappa perhaps. I was told once by somebody who thought she could heal me that my heart was pure. Oh if she only knew the impure thoughts of my then 20-year-old self. Also we'd have some lady who would inspect the house we were renting on a regular basis and she'd come into my bedroom and check the closet doors and such. Always before she left she would say "keep up the good works." She never explained why I should do this, maybe she thought enough good works would restore eyesight I never had or something. And that's my rundown of at least the few weirdo exchanges I've had with people.

## Post 49 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Monday, 28-Jul-2014 14:39:44

What Becky said. Becky, I think the word the Wife uses about those behavior things, is boundaries. I am finally beginning to understand what She means by that, even though she says I have 'healthy boundaries' while people She helps at Her work, well they don't.

## Post 50 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Tuesday, 29-Jul-2014 12:30:00

like Becky, I am more tolerant of children. But, I have a good friend who isn't.
He and I were walking down the street with our canes clicking away when this little girl started asking "what's that?"
Before I could give her a tolerant answer, my friend spoke up and said "it's a goddam vacuum cleaner kid. Now beat it!" As we walked off I heard her whisper "na uh."
I was once turned down by a landlord because I might piss on the floor. He told a friend of mine this, not me. The next day my friend and I went back for my friend to look at the apartment. While we were there I went into the bathroom, guess what I did?
Bob

## Post 51 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Tuesday, 29-Jul-2014 13:45:55

LOL Bob, good for you! I once heard the concern that blind people can't live alone because they might burn down the building while trying to cook. Want to go burn down that apartment for me?

## Post 52 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Tuesday, 29-Jul-2014 13:53:41

Them: Hey, how many fingers am I holdin' up!
Me: I dunno, but one of them smells like shit.

## Post 53 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Tuesday, 29-Jul-2014 15:26:49

person: "you're blind, do you know sign language?"
me: "yeah" (as I hold up the middle finger.)

## Post 54 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 30-Jul-2014 1:50:30

Person: how many fingers am I holding up?
Ne: Oh I dunno, how many fingers do you think you're holding up, and get them out of my face will you? Grumph, I can't take you anywhere without you misbehaving!

## Post 55 by blindaudio (Zone BBS Addict) on Saturday, 18-Oct-2014 11:39:46

These are awesome!
I need to use these sometimes. Honestly, don't think I could, I'm too nice, haha.

## Post 56 by kinky blinky :) (telling it like it is) on Thursday, 30-Oct-2014 17:28:51

question I got asked; how do you have sex?
my answer: so do you have sex with the light on then?

## Post 57 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Thursday, 30-Oct-2014 19:11:02

Lol, I've used that one before.

## Post 58 by johndy (I just keep on posting!) on Friday, 31-Oct-2014 4:58:58

Q: Where's your dog? A: Do you see one? Q: Well, you should have a blindness dog. (Note that the person who said that doesn't even know the term is guide dog?) A: You shouldn't be minding other people's business for them when they know how to lead their own lives.

## Post 59 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 31-Oct-2014 6:37:55

Another of my favorites that I've gotten asked.
Q: How can you feed yourself since you can't see where your mouth is?
A: Do you eat sitting in front of a mirror? No? How in the world do you feed yourself? You're even more amazing than me!

## Post 60 by johndy (I just keep on posting!) on Friday, 31-Oct-2014 19:36:15

Love it!!!

## Post 61 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Saturday, 01-Nov-2014 2:13:17

Y'all do know that my original post here was a joke and meant to make you laugh, right? I think some of you are taking this way too seriously. Yes, I know we really do get some stupid questions sometimes, but I, personally, choose not to spend too much of my time worrying about stupid and rude people.

## Post 62 by johndy (I just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 01-Nov-2014 5:18:45

Yeah, but it's still fun.

## Post 63 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 01-Nov-2014 8:20:36

I think this thread has become more about us telling the amusing answers we come up with to such questions.

## Post 64 by GuitarGuy (Veteran Zoner) on Saturday, 01-Nov-2014 17:16:48

Yes I have read this through a lens of humour. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.