# the humor network alerts you to viruses...

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Thursday, 06-Sep-2007 16:53:06

The Humor Network alerts you to the viruses that can infect your computer at anytime:
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
The Verizon virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bobbit virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)
Congressional Virus: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Congressional Virus #2: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
important part of the computer.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
Jimmy Hoffa virus: Your programs can never be found again.
Kevorkian virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
O.J. virus: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your file and vows to find the virus that did it.
PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

## Post 2 by jmbauer (Technology's great until it stops working.) on Thursday, 06-Sep-2007 17:40:29

lol, that's great. However, the George Bush virus appears to have been excluded.
From: Eset Customer Support
Dear Nod32 Customer,
Discovered on Thu, Sep 6, 2007 at, "well, sometime before the chickens started dat dare crowin' and noisin," as one of our smarter users put it, the w32.George.W.Bush virus emploies a two-pronged attack against your computer: the lesser threat scrambles your dictionary, removing the endings from ing and ey words and reducing most consonants to binary soup. Our virus analysis desks have been barraged with hundreds upon thousands of users; some baffled and furious, others jubilant that misnomers such as strategery and privitizisisation are finally being recognized by their backwoods spell checkers without any intervention on their part. For those who wish, we will be releleasin' a signatiory updat en...oh, 'bout two o dem dare minute thinggies.
Message continued from a non-infected system...
Second, this ultra-sophisticated superwerm randomly predesignates a benign section of your hard drive as a threat, and immediately devotes all of your system's resources to its complete and utter termination. No exceptions! As a somewhat disturbing aside, some users have reported that, upon the launching of such an invasion, this virus stops every thirty seconds to remind you that 'this's a dad blamed war, we're winnin' by the grace of the good lord, and...money to AIDS in Africa? Did I ever promise that?'

## Post 3 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Friday, 07-Sep-2007 11:11:48

rofl Jim.

## Post 4 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Friday, 07-Sep-2007 20:20:35

These are all good.
Sorry no favorites, just... all good.
Bob

## Post 5 by Resonant (Find me alive.) on Friday, 07-Sep-2007 22:29:04

Oh, Jim's is the best thing! Privitisisisization!