# Who has it harder? Visually impaired males or females?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by Chymera (Generic Zoner) on Friday, 09-Jun-2006 22:50:29

When you get into a relationship, do you think it is harder if you are a male or female when dating? I am a male and think that it is very hard to date someone when you are visually impaired. When you date someone who is visually impaired, it is not too big of a deal to the most point. But sighted women want you to be able to drive and provide and do things that "normal" men do. Why is this? Why are so many sighted women like this? This is really stereotypical. How about trying to find someone who is accepting to you regardless of gender and love you for who you are and what your limitations are. I would like to hear your comments on this and I will personally answer them. Matrix

## Post 2 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 10-Jun-2006 8:44:59

Hmm I think it really depends on the independence of the women and many are happy to do the driving ect,it sounds as if you have been dating the needy types. I've been lucky so far, but I have been badly caught out, and experienced the other side of the coin where my blindness was seen as a colossal problem and even an embarrassment.

## Post 3 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 10-Jun-2006 10:16:30

I've run into some of the same things back in my twenties when I was pretty much wanting to date only sighted women. However, I just am not into playing hte whole game of one group has it better than another, because I am pretty sure females have their own pressures they have to deal with from society unless they're the type who would rather tell society to go jump in a lake for all they care. I just can't make broad comparisons like that.

## Post 4 by Chymera (Generic Zoner) on Saturday, 10-Jun-2006 12:19:39

Labyrinth, I cannot make any broad strokes either. I just think that males do have it a bit harder. Guys are supposed to drive and take care fo the woman and all of that. Women do have pressures as well and I am not going to deny that either. But I just want some clarification as well. I will date either, but it just seems iether to date someone who is visualy impaired or blind. I would like some female input on this as well for their view on this as well. thanks ffor your input man.

## Post 5 by jessmonsilva (Taking over the boards, one topic at a time.) on Saturday, 10-Jun-2006 19:29:01

Hmmm, let's see here. Well, I think women have it harder as well but yes, for very different reasons. I odn't necessarily think that either one has it harder than the other, but they do have separate issues as far as the whole dating thing goes. I do remember when I only wanted to date sighted guys, and becuase guys are real big into how someone looks, women always had to make sure they looked fine and were presentable and all that to a sighted guy's standard. Even still, the blindness is what would scare them away, so threfore, as you can see, even though blind guys deal with driving, women have to deal with how they look and their appearance and what not. Theres' my two cents for what it's worth.

## Post 6 by Chymera (Generic Zoner) on Saturday, 10-Jun-2006 19:45:46

i do think it is something. I think guys go through some of the same issues. Guys also have to worry about how they look and of the like. I can probably guess women don't wnat to date a guy who is a slob and doesn't take care of himself. True? Also, I can say that girls freak too when guys tell them of their vision anomalys too. It is a double edged sword and no one is safe.

## Post 7 by mdyer1983 (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Saturday, 10-Jun-2006 21:32:03

I think datting a sited person would be hard to do because they woyuld want to do everything for us, but that is a personal prefrencwe.

## Post 8 by season (the invisible soul) on Saturday, 10-Jun-2006 21:46:14

its really depends on individuals i will say. depends on how she or he can take another party is visually impaired, talking about sighted. and on the other hands, its pretty much depends on how much you can take your partner, your another half is just like you, who's visually impaired, and probably can't do what the normal couple do, going for fun, driving all along the freeway, and stuff like that. but yet, what is the point to love if you can't accept all these?
as for myself, i always dream for someone that will drive me all over the place, and take me to wherever i want. but when i grow older, when getting mature, i'll feel that, what i dream about its rather stupid. just because this is what i can't do, doesn't mean that i must find someone who must do this.

## Post 9 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Sunday, 11-Jun-2006 1:02:00

It's not my blindness that turns off most sighted girls, it's that hole being an asshole thing that sceems to drive them away in droves.

## Post 10 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 11-Jun-2006 18:46:28

I'm surprised. I thought at least some women would want to date the asshole, the bad boy, the one that would be exciting and dangerous and a challenge.

## Post 11 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 11-Jun-2006 18:49:29

Here's my question, though. If a man is supposed to do all the driving and take care of the woman, what are the consequences if you question it or don't go along, outside of rejection from those who think it's better to play along than question or do your own thing?

## Post 12 by Star (Honorary Bitch of the Zone) on Sunday, 11-Jun-2006 19:33:51

OK, here is my input for what it's worth. I think that blind guys/men have it easier than blind girls/women. Here are the reasons: First, women are more prone to 'take care' of their bf/husband, so a blind guy will have an easier life with a sighted woman who does the household chores and takes care of the kids. I am not saying that a blind guy/man can't or won't do any household chores, but let's say he doesn't HAVE TO. It is the other way around for a blind girl/woman. She still has to do the household chores so it's harder for her. Second, it is looks. Women are more 'pushed' by society to look good, be thin, look sexy, dress sexy, wear make-up, be fashionable. All these prerequisites create a burden for any blind girl/woman. On the other hand men do not have have the same pressures from society. They don't have to take as much care of their physical appearence to be attractive. So again, blind guys/men have it easier because for as long as they wear clean clothes, shower every day and shave, they look good enough to date. Finally, it has to do with emotions. Women are more compassionate than men. This means that a bigger percentage of sighted women will choose for a blind guy/man, than the percentage of sighted men who will choose a blind girl/woman. Blind girls/women who are younger and good looking will always have a far better chance to date a sighted man than older less attractive blind girls/women. Bottom line: blind guys do have it easier. If you still disagree think that a blind girl/woman still has to deal with having her period every month and not making a 'mess' or others might see it while she can't. Star

## Post 13 by mdyer1983 (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Sunday, 11-Jun-2006 20:03:33

I think that is an intresting consept. I guess I never really thought of it that way.

## Post 14 by Chymera (Generic Zoner) on Sunday, 11-Jun-2006 20:45:30

All of you rsise good points. I think though in my old fashioned ways that guys and women should be equal if not in all aspects. Regardless of whether or not you can see or not you should shoulder your own weight whether working or housework. I guess some people do take advantage of things and it is not fair. This is probably an age old debate and there are no true, clear cut winners. I value all of your input and it is a great comfort to hear about what y'all think. About the bad boy, mysterious guy thing, I guess blindness/visually impaired has it advantages, but the thing is never take advantage of it and if you do, do it in ways that is very unnoticable and give him/her the same in some way.

## Post 15 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 11-Jun-2006 22:00:03

I don't know what blindness has to do with being the bad-ass, and really, I was always the nice guy. But I heard that some women are attracted to guys who will be assholes or mistreat them, either because they think nice guys are boring or wimpy or else they just have no self-esteem or self-worth and think the only type of guy they deserve is a jerk because it's what htey know if it's happened before or they ahd an abusive father or such.

## Post 16 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Monday, 12-Jun-2006 8:15:12

Hmm I've met a few like that they thought I'd be the arc angel gabriel because of my blindness, they were shocked when I went questioned their safe cosy ideas of convention.

## Post 17 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Monday, 12-Jun-2006 9:02:52

I agree with Star to a large extent. also, you have to look at the statistics so to speak. how many of your male blind friends have relationship/have married sighted partners, and how many of your female blind friends have sighted partners. Generally, a lot more blind guys end up with sighted women than the other way round. I think there are a lot of reasons for this. I do think that looks/appearance play a part, but I also think that it has to do with the old-fashioned "the guy should ask the girl out" thing. So a blind guy might not hesitate to ask out a sighted girl, but generally I don't think a sighted guy would ask a blind girl out.

## Post 18 by Bryan (This site is so "educational") on Monday, 12-Jun-2006 14:27:10

Wow what a lot a good points, I am 37 and have lost my sight over time, it was easy getting a good looking woman when I had sight but when they found out about my limits like driving and limited to the kind of work I could do it scared them off, so it really depends on the needs of the other person, I have learned love is finding someone that accepts you for you and the other way around.

## Post 19 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 13-Jun-2006 9:26:36

I couldn't agree more..

## Post 20 by jessmonsilva (Taking over the boards, one topic at a time.) on Tuesday, 13-Jun-2006 15:15:45

I have to agree wholeheartedly with star and sugarbaby.

## Post 21 by Nage (Your father's friend's daughter's roommate's niece) on Tuesday, 13-Jun-2006 17:08:09

Well, interesting discussion. I don't know as it's one group has it harder than the other. Although I don't know because, obviously, I'm not a guy and haven't experienced the other side of things. Having been mainstreemed my entire life though, I do know the disappointment of finding out a guy or girl you've been crushing on likes you back but is simply scared, embarrassed, or unwilling to put up with the setbacks that accompanies blindness. at first it used to really hurt, but now the way I see it is do I really want to date someone that superficial and simpleminded? Of course, I'm not saying it still doesn't occassionally sting, but I can deal with it. And there are those guys nice enough who don't care. Well, not nice, but mature enough.

## Post 22 by data (Cheese flows through my veins!) on Wednesday, 14-Jun-2006 14:44:56

Interestingly enough, most of the sighted women I've dated, have hadsome experience with another blind person, either a friend of the family or a relative. I guess that history makes them more comfortable in a dating situation.

## Post 23 by kat (Newborn Zoner) on Thursday, 15-Jun-2006 20:45:16

This is the very first time I have posted anything, but I wanted to give my thoughts on the whole dating issue... I am a 24 year old female, and I lost my sight shortly before I turned 17. Since losing my sight, I have only dated a couple of guys seriously, and I have found the same thing happening... at first the guy wants to do everything for me, until he sees that I can do things on my own, and half the time, I have ended up in relationships with guys who have taken advantage of my sight loss; I have been cheated on, and my last boyfriend used to be all over other girls right in front of my face, and he would rationalize it by saying they were,

## Post 24 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Thursday, 15-Jun-2006 21:52:17

KittyCat, your last message was cut off, and I sure hope you complete it. You've been struck by the evil character limit monster. Please finish it.
I've found the hard thing is usually the first date when you are both getting to know each other. I think that's probably true for boys and girls alike. It's when you start thinking of long-term relations that truth will out.
I've found that, if you are trying to force something, then it won't happen. If you're just having fun, you may suddenly find yourself with someone you like being with. I think all these truisms are true for both guys and girls.

## Post 25 by dissonance (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Saturday, 17-Jun-2006 0:57:57

Hmm, interesting topic. I personally think that it's equal between boys and girls, because yes boys have the driving pressure and girls have some of the fashion pressure, but the fashion thing can be overcome and blindness doesn't really conflict with that in the end....as SugarBaby said, I guess some sighted guys wouldn't ask out the blind girl, but that could happen to anyone. I think it just depends on the two people involved in the relationship, not the visual impairments of the guy or the girl.

## Post 26 by season (the invisible soul) on Saturday, 17-Jun-2006 6:46:09

agree SB, when look at the statistic on sighted married blind, its definitely goes that way. sighted women with blind men. even in my friends, 3 couples at least, the husband is blind and the wife is sighted. sometime, i really pety the wife, as for me, she already taken her husband role, making sure the family is well, from driving to gardenning, from babysitting to repare the sink at home.
i guess, this won't happen if the role change, the husband is sighted, and the wife is blind. will the sighted husband willingly do all those thing? from very women work to something very manwork?

## Post 27 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 21-Jun-2006 8:03:02

Damn! If blind guys are more likely to end up with sighted partners, I must have been downright hideous in my dating days. Best I could do with sighted women was friendship! Shame on it!

## Post 28 by Chymera (Generic Zoner) on Thursday, 22-Jun-2006 20:13:14

Almost funny. This subject should be laid to rest. This cannot go on with this. I think it is a point that is held in just the way a person feels for another and the other person reciprocates.

## Post 29 by Dubstep1984 (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 27-Dec-2007 22:28:08

i really think that society puts way too much pressure on women. society tries to mold women to its ideals of beautiful. bee stung lips, hourglass shape. i do not have an hourglass figure or bee stung lips but my husband still thinks that i am sexy. btw he is legally blind. he can see perfectly compared to me. lol. i am totally blind with light perception and moving shadow perception in my left eye, and a very very miniscule amount of light perception in my right eye which i am getting ready to have removed due to constant sharp pain waves in that eye.
i still do the majority of the housework, dishes, cleaning floors, wiping counters, laundry, etc. my husband says that i do a very good job in the house keeping. he sometimes does the house keeping as well to take the load off of me for a change.

## Post 30 by Lisa's Girl forever (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Saturday, 26-Mar-2011 11:37:37

I'm all most totally blind. and myb/f is blind also. but i still look sexy. to. him. smile. helooks. sexy to me. also. but. we both do own things. smile. together. and a part too.

## Post 31 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Tuesday, 12-Apr-2011 13:42:13

My soon-to-be x is one of those who defintely had a problem with my blindness. Oh she said she didn't and it sure seemed like it at first but once we moved in together her true colors came out. About the only chore she'd allow me to do around he house, and then only if she couldn't get to it, was take the garbage out. And heaven forbid I triedto do anything else around the house if she wasn't around. Because if I missed a part of it, say didn't get one dish all the way clean, she would basically bite my head off. Even more disturbing was her tendency toward childish pranks, usually involving moving things (drinks most of the time), just as I was about to reach for them, then laughing when I reacted. And she's the sort of person that gets upset and offended if you don't find something she says or does funny and you tell her so.

## Post 32 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 12-Apr-2011 14:11:17

The problem is the American ideal of saying I have it harder, so that makes me a greater victim and poster child.
My daughter tried to tell me girls have it harder, until I started explaining in full detail what boys do to one another, perhaps what more modern people think of as bullying, what we all just called scuflling, and getting carried away.
I had challenges dating, my wife had challenges dating, and she's sighted. To the original poster I'll just say this: Be a man, and give it up: it's really unmanly to compare who has it harder. I know women do it, and are praised for doing it, and those who don't do it are often told there's got to be something magically fortunate about them. I'm not a woman so I can't say one way or the other. But the sooner you throw that shit to the curb you'll be the better for it. Nobody wins the who-has-it-harder contest when it's too women. But between a man and a woman, you will *always* lose that game, and to what end?
Now as to what you actually said: That depends who you're with, but yes, even the most liberated women tend to opt for a man who makes more money than they do, has more resources than they do, etc. Probably because as a man, you and I work because we have to. Single women do, of course, and many other sensible ones do also: But at the core of their thinking is their choice: their choice of to work or not to work, etc. I've even seen some pampered poodles spouting off about another woman's alleged choices, while said other woman was a single mom abandoned by an ex who probably works under the table so as not to pay his share for the kids: she's working two jobs (choice? yeah right!)
So I'd say give up on the pampered poodles, and find you someone sensible with whom you can get along. Sensible women are everywhere, unnoticed by the who-has-it-harder types, because they are not competing in the boo-hoo-contest of the month. They're working, designing the websites you use, running the small shop you visit on a semiregular basis, etc. Women's entrepreneurship is on the rise, not from the who-has-it-harder kind but from the more sensible kind.

## Post 33 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Wednesday, 13-Apr-2011 20:18:24

To be honest, the title of this topic alone bothers me more than the content. First of all, "Who has it harder"? Wow. What an aditude to have. It seems having it the hardest is becoming the new "cool", so to speak. Second of all, "visually impaired males or visually impaired females"? We all have obsticles, and sighted people have them too. Blindness, (yes, I said "blindness"), is a characteristic. It's only a setback if you let it become as such. I'm not saying this topic doesn't have any validity, because a lot of people are close-minded, but that's where you step back and say, "Well, that person wasn't worth my time anyway". Easier said than done, yes, but everyone deals with rejection at least once in their lives.

## Post 34 by DRUM GODDESS (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Wednesday, 13-Apr-2011 22:02:32

Totally agree with the last poster. I wouldn't ever want to dat any close minded folks is just not worth it to me. If you can't look past my blindness and understand really I'm like anyone else then I'm sure not for you. its like that with anything that might make you different though. People all have different ideas of who they want to date and some work togethr and some don't. When they don't I just move on its not wrth worrying about I'll find someone who loves me for who I am just like I'll love him for who he is.

## Post 35 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Saturday, 16-Apr-2011 17:00:19

Exactly. My soon to be x is that sort of person. She claims to have no problem with dating a blind person yet she smothered me and played childish pranks on me.