# put offs

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 27-May-2014 0:23:01

hi and I was wondering what would put you off some one when looking to be in a relationship with, mine is if a guy smokes, drinks, has tattoo's or has issues with anger then I'm put off by it, what puts you off a guy?

## Post 2 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 27-May-2014 17:33:23

Liars! I can't trust them.
It is hard to be in a relationship with someone that just won't tell you what's what.
I have a saying.
If you don't want me to know, simply don't say, but don't make up a story to please me. Tell me the truth, or say I'm not saying, but keep your lie.

## Post 3 by vh (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 27-May-2014 19:16:48

4reel there is a lyric from Maroon 5 that I love:
"Don't patronize me with lies
I'm a man
be a woman now

## Post 4 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 27-May-2014 20:20:13

Yair! Smile.
I've got a few others, but that one is tops.

## Post 5 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Wednesday, 28-May-2014 6:36:06

that is a good one you've mentioned as it causes issues with trust so it is always best to be open and honest with each other, smiles.

## Post 6 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Wednesday, 28-May-2014 11:49:19

Smoking, religion, an overly loud personality.

## Post 7 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 28-May-2014 12:27:31

Lying is definitely one: fidelity is one of the codifying components of a social animal.
I'm not sure that all withholding of information is lying, as some would have you believe. If something is not yet settled, or if you know the information would be too painful for the partner involved, I think it is well and humane treatment to carry it yourself and withhold from the other partner. But that doesn't include sexual infidelity, financial infidelity, or all the other countless ways we know of to be dishonorable in a relationship.
I know people who think they should confess innermost thoughts to their partner, as a way to come clean, when they know those innermost thoughts would harm their partner, and those thoughts were not liable to result in actions.
Thoughts don't necessarily result in actions: I've had all sorfts of inner thoughts that never would or could result in action, and we all have.
I put this out here, because there is this romantic notion, often even propped up by majority parapsychology and religion, that all things must be shared between spouses, and it is a crime not to tell everything.
I admit, this viewpint of mine has got me into trouble in my own relationships sometimes. Not for dishonesty but them feeling sometimes left out. But, I think deciding whether or not to tell your partner about something, deserves the same level of consequence analysis that we do for any number of other actions: there are lots of things you don't do around your partner because you know that will bug them, for instance.

## Post 8 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 28-May-2014 16:21:13

But in this case, I don't think she's talking about a relationship you are in for the long term.
I think she means getting started.
Fidelity only has to do with with holding information, not flat out saying, I really don't wish to discuss that with you.
If we are having a comversation about your utility bill, note I said your's, not mine, and you are going on about how you had to pay 300 dollars and all that.
We agree it is good to always pay these things monthly.
In about 3 weeks you are telling me about your shut off notice, and asking me to borrow 300 dollars.
What good was that lie for 3 weeks ago? Could have just not said anything about it, or if I'd ask, how do you handle your utility, you would have said, I don't want to discuss that.
That is just an example.
In a nutshell, I don't want to hear about something that later turns out to be not true at all. Just don't say! If I'm nosy, say so.
It is difficult to conduct relationships like this, because you can't totally relax. Even if you go out with the woman and she promises she's picking up the tab, you have to make sure you and her, for that matter, don't go over your budget.
One night I was out, and the lady said she'd cover the taxi ride home. Well, when that time came, she didn't have the money.
It's 2:30AM in the morning, and I don't like sleeping on bus benches, not to menschen, it is about 15 degrees outside.
Smile.

## Post 9 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Wednesday, 28-May-2014 17:16:18

dishonesty is the top put-off for me. if a person can't be honest, or doesn't wanna be honest cause they think they'll hurt me, they shouldn't associate with me.
so, I don't agree that not telling someone something cause it will hurt them, is a good idea.
there's a difference between flat out malicious intent, and it being unavoidable that whatever you have to tell someone, or multiple someone's, will be hurtful to them.

## Post 10 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 28-May-2014 19:12:04

I'm gonna step back and just imagine I met this girl like fifteen minutes ago.
Here are a few of my put offs. One, smelling bad. No thank you, get some
perfume and take a frickin' shower. If you want to impress me, make that
perfume something worth buying, (sorry, bath and body works does not count
here). Number the second, deep or gravelly voices. If you sound like Miss Cleo
or that talentless hack who played bella in twilight, no thank you, I'll pass.
Three, not being able to hold a conversation about a wide assortment of
subjects. I don't expect you to know something about everything, but if the only
thing you can give an opinion on is whether doggy is better than missionary, or
the proper way to prepare for when your boyfriend wants to try a threesome for
his birthday, I'm no longer interested. Go read a book and then we'll talk. And
last but certainly not least, religion. I lose interest quickly when you thank god
for everything or ask to pray for me, or say you prayed for anything really. Its
so unattractive.

## Post 11 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 29-May-2014 1:40:44

fair enough, some one who does drugs is another one

## Post 12 by Dolce Eleganza (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 5:18:24

Dishonesty is a major one for me.
Smoking is another one. I don't believe a person should be rejected for their past. If I am with someone who had tattoos and they did it when they were much younger and regret it, I don't see how that will affect my relationship. People have the right to a chance and to change. Besides, tattoos aren't signs of evil or only bad people. I can get a tattoo of a trebble cleff on my finger, and that won't make me a gang member or anything. Will I do it? No. But that's what I think regarding this matter. Infidelitty: If you can't keep your end of the barggen with me, which you chose to engage in, I can't force you, but you can't expect me to remain with you. I wholeheartedly agree with wayne, here. And Leo too, But here are a few issues I have with both. I don't want to know everything. I don't need to. I agree it is important to consider one's feelings, but there are things that I need to know. Lys will be lys no matter what. And the truth always comes to light. Sometimes if you keep something from a partner for fear of harming them, and when you just can't keep it in any longer, and tell them, and you come to find out that their reaction wasn't as expected it makes you wish you had done it before. But if there's something you wish not to discuss with me, I totally respect that but don't make up something different to try and impress me. When I find out you won't have an explaination. Then comes the issue of trust. Keep your lie, but it also depends on what. "I went to the bar and had some drinks with the guys." "The meeting took much longer than I thought." Likely stories, but again, infidelity here isn't only physical but otherwise. I guess each situation is different. That's why I believe it really depends on each one for what has been discussed.

## Post 13 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 10:52:21

I thought of another one for me, which is people saying something far different than what they actually mean.
if you can't say exactly what you mean, don't expect me to spend time trying to be a mind reader.

## Post 14 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 11:07:29

Oh Dolce, when it comes to relationships or what I am doing with whom, I am very straightforward with Her. When I traveled on business, I always told Her where I was and what I was up to. I don't personally have the same need from Her, except Her safety. But, this I always did so that I knew I was in the clear.
Now other things I agree, there are a lot of things one would have to be honest about. a lot goes without saying.
What I was referring to is this idea many have that the partner should always divulge his or her innermost thoughts and struggles. I'm not sure that is the case. For one thing, I happen to be one of these who, when I am in the midst of a internal turmoil of sorts, I cannot really answer all the questions that understandably come up if I present it before I've codified my thoughts. A failure on my part, perhaps, but nonetheless accurate.
I also agree one should never withhold anything that will otherwise be found out.
But, how many times in life have you seen, or ben a part of, a situation where one partner wants the other to share anything, and when the other one does, she now becomes resentful because she finds out the other thought something or was divided about something or some such. This is common. In my opinion can be avoided by not divulging everything.
If asked directly, I agree, be honest.
But as to your bar comment, you live in a society where women have the right to know these things from the man they're with, and they have the tools and the social sanction to make that happen. What a man would need to do in that situation, if he was the asker, I do not know, because I personally just don't happen to swing that way. If I know She is out after work with friends, I am only glad because She got to do something She likes. This is perhaps a simple minded way to be, but it is as I am and always have been.
And consideration of others' feelings is not wishy washy or dishonest. It is perhaps misguided at times, I will grant you that. Any characteristic of a human can be misguided. But it's simply how I function. It's not a result of enlightenment, an aha moment, or some 70s school lecture on how inconsiderate all males are. It is simply part of the makeup, apparently, just as Chelsea is the way she is. I say this to say this to make it clear I am not making any special claim for myself here.

## Post 15 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 15:43:47

My second is nastiness.
I don't like going to a woman's hourse where I can't get a clean glass to get a drink of water.
Can't sit on her toilet seat. Sit in chairs, and because I'm not expecting the chair to be dirty, getting the seat of my pants messy.
You know you're having company. Clean up?
Shove the dirty panties and clothes, and such things under the bed.
Brab the hefty bag and toss everything in the bathroom in that bad boy, and toss the bag in your closet.
Make sure you have clean sheets, a towel, if that towel is yourT shirt, fine, just make it clean.
Do the same with the dirty dishes, and wipe stuff down.
Hell, get paper wear, just make it clean please!

## Post 16 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 16:01:44

you don't wanna go to a woman's hourse, Wayne? can't say I blame ya there, buddy. lol.

## Post 17 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 17:15:15

Wait, what's wrong with tattoos? I have a tattoo, and I love it. I will be
getting more. I don't get what's wrong with them. Explain please?

## Post 18 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 17:21:31

Agree with the last poster. My daughter has two. So long as she gets it done in a legit tattoo parlor - no friends doing it in the basement like the old days - and, follow aftercare instructions.
And of course, pay for them hrself. I think the anti-tattoo mentality probably comes from yesteryear when everythone thought of bikers and people getting AIDS from questionable tattoo establishments with unsafe practices, something you don't see anymore.

## Post 19 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 17:47:40

I agree about the tattoo comments above. I don't understand.
I have a small tattoo on my left wrist that was done by a sort of sighted friend of mine in the eighth grade at the school for the blind, wwith india ink. I regretted it as soon as it swelled up, but have worn it proudly ever since then.
Bob

## Post 20 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Thursday, 29-May-2014 19:32:27

Oh oh I know one of mine, ghetto speak.

## Post 21 by Dolce Eleganza (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Friday, 30-May-2014 2:28:08

I never said there was anything wrong with them. I personally won't do it. i find
nothing wrong with them, the OP did, which is why I expressed my views on
them.

## Post 22 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 30-May-2014 5:37:03

well I just have a dislike to them and think why ruin your body like that, I'm not judging those who do it as that is there right to choose to do but it is just some thing that has always been a thing that I've not liked, not trying to offend any one but just stating my preference.

## Post 23 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Friday, 30-May-2014 10:51:12

but who are you to say that people are "ruining their body?" do you not believe in each person having the freedom to choose, for his or herself, what's done to his or her own body?

## Post 24 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 30-May-2014 11:57:08

I agree, it is a preference, as stated. She doesn't say you can't do it, she says she thinks it is messing your body up, and doesn't like it herself.
I don't have any tats either, and feel the same. I don't want anything on my skin, I like it clean.
I don't personally mind a woman with a small one, or a couple, but if she's painted her body like some people do, it's not going to look so good when she wrinkles in these places. Smile.
Now, that isn't saying she shouldn't, but if I'm picking...
I also think personally it is messing up your body to allow it to get slopy fat.
Am I saying people don't have the right to eat themselves in to fatness? No, do as you will, but I'm not going to date a girl that is to fat. It not turn me on.

## Post 25 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 30-May-2014 13:14:26

I just have to point this out. You can't say the phrase "ruin your body" and
then follow it up by "I'm not judging". You're judging. The word ruin denotes a
judgment unless you can demonstrate a harmful effect of absolutely every
tattoo.
Now, if you want to say "I don't understand why people get dirty tattoos with
bad needles in the back alleys of hong kong" or something like that, that's not
judging. Its a demonstrable harm and risk. But unless you can actually
demonstrate how tattoos ruin a body, you are, by your very actions, judging.
Plus, I have to point this out, we're blind, or most of us are, you're never
going to know if they have tattoos unless they tell you. It isn't like they're 3D,
or at least most of them aren't. So what does it matter to you? You can't even
see, taste, feel, smell or hear it. Are tattoos going to mess with your powers of
ESP or something?

## Post 26 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 30-May-2014 14:35:37

This is of course providing I wasn't married, but they're a bit obvious. Somebody who doesn't like me or want to go out with me would be off-putting as well as somebody who had little to nothing in common with me. If we're in it for the long haul we will need to have things to talk about. See, I dunno if I want to be picky about physical things because if everybody's pursuing the hottest people, that's a pretty small group. I dunno if I could put up with somebody really into religion because they may not put up with my atheism. How about somebody who says what she means and means what she says, no speaking in code and hoping I get it. No, it's not because I'm a stupid man, that's called straightforward communication and it benefits everybody. Biggots, racists, gossips, that's probably a given but not sure if that can be avoided much. How about somebody with some empathy, some compassion for others, who didn't have to prove how bad-ass she was to society by not caring as loudly and rudely as possible. Somebody who highly values being an individual and being different, last thing I'd want is some conformist apologist who just goes along with everything and everyone in the name of not making waves. God, would I be asking for the impossible here?

## Post 27 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 30-May-2014 15:03:18

Ah, okay judging. That be correct.
Now, on the messing up the body part, I was once highly visual, so in my view and this is a judgement, when people get older, hangout in the sun to much, no age on this one, forget to take care of there skin, tats or not, but worse with tats, they've ruined the body.
Judging again, an older person with wrinkled skin with a big picture should get it removed.
Natural skin looks better over a blue and pink bunny on a woman's back that has started to grow age spots.
On the blind side, you'd be correct, you can't tell at all.

## Post 28 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 30-May-2014 15:06:53

Ah, but I forgot to add, this is a personal put off topic, not a health topic, and if she doesn't personally like tats?
Doesn't she have the right?
Smile.

## Post 29 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Friday, 30-May-2014 16:39:17

this isn't an issue of whether or not she has the right, Wayne. we're simply asking why she feels the way she does, and it shouldn't be hard to answer, given that she obviously feels strongly about it.

## Post 30 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 30-May-2014 17:57:53

True. I'll get off her defense and allow her to answer. Lol

## Post 31 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Friday, 30-May-2014 18:23:33

Women who have extreme moodswings all the damn time.

## Post 32 by vh (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 30-May-2014 20:14:55

so you like us totally bitchy all the time, Imp?
:)

## Post 33 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Saturday, 31-May-2014 5:57:39

look its nothing to do with the person as I'm not saying they are allowed or aren't allowed to do it, yes I know you can't see it but you can feel them and to me they don't feel nice.
I may of worded it wrong but it is some thing that puts me off, just like piercing does as all that metal can not be good for you.
Now I ask that you don't take offense to what I write as its my opinion and hey I know we will disagree or agree to things but not nice to say some one is judging when they aren't.
Another one is some one being to harsh with there words

## Post 34 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Saturday, 31-May-2014 9:22:53

You can't feel a tattoo once the scab has fallen off.

## Post 35 by Ed_G (Zone BBS is my Life) on Saturday, 31-May-2014 9:36:30

Hi Imp. It's all very well to introduce criteria in order to thin the field, but is it
really wise to eliminate 95% of the possibles? smile.

## Post 36 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Saturday, 31-May-2014 10:28:28

Can't be helped, my friend. Us picky folks aren't made, we're born that way.

## Post 37 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Saturday, 31-May-2014 14:56:42

loves animals, like it or not, when you say you aren't judging, then follow that up with a statement about how someone is hurting their body for having tattoos, you're being judgmental.
you can call it anything you want, but that is exactly what it is.

## Post 38 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 31-May-2014 15:12:52

Well, I'll have to admit on some things I'm judgmental. Like that nasty house.
Of course, a person should be comfortable in their home, I'm just not. Smile.

## Post 39 by Runner229 (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 31-May-2014 17:23:04

Here's a few I have, that are actually based off of experience. All the general, obvious ones have all ready been braught up anyway.
Someone who gets attached quickly, and brings up "our future". It takes time to get to know you. You shouldn't need to feel forced to rush things. I understand that some women, not all, get attached easily especially when you find someone that you seem to bond with quickly, but it's risky to get attached quickly. Don't do it until you figure out what the other person's intentions are.
Someone who acts different around me alone as opposed to being with a group of friends and me. I've experienced situations where the girl was fine when it was just me and her, but she was a totally different person around her friends, and she either made me feel awkward or treated me like crap in front of them.
Someone who gets jealous of me if I do something like say hi to a girl. If you trust me then there's no reason to get jealous.

## Post 40 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Saturday, 31-May-2014 21:49:02

true but I think it can be difficult especially when your trust has been broken so many times then you can become insecure.

## Post 41 by Westcoastcdngrl (move over school!) on Sunday, 01-Jun-2014 5:49:29

The definite "deal breakers" for me are as follows:
1) does he do drugs? I am not interested in dating potheads or other
types of drug addicts, including recreational users.
2) does he smoke? I have nothing against smokers in general but I have
allergies to cigarette smoke and as such am not interested in dating or
marrying an ash tray.
3) does he drink excessively? I'm all for drinking socially, but when he's
drunk more than he's sober, it's a bit much.
4) how does he treat his Mom, children and small animals? If he has a
healthy relationship with his Mom, then chances are that he's got a healthy
relationship with women in general and is a keeper. If he treats little kids
or animals poorly, chances he'll treat our future children or children of my
friends and family poorly as well and I won't have that.
5) back hair. Yes, I'm vain and kind of picky, but I find back hair to be a
turn off. If it's fine, down like hair, that's o.k., but if his back resembles a
carpet or a sweater, it's a turn off to me.

## Post 42 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Sunday, 01-Jun-2014 6:50:25

well I don't know if you know but you have posted the same thing twice and good things you have mentioned here, smiles.

## Post 43 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Sunday, 01-Jun-2014 11:12:56

Women with facial hair.

## Post 44 by Westcoastcdngrl (move over school!) on Sunday, 01-Jun-2014 12:27:50

So, no eyebrows on women for you then, Matt?
Smile.
Yes, I know that i got the dreaded double post... am sorry about that and
wish that I could delete it.

## Post 45 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Sunday, 01-Jun-2014 19:01:14

its alright and not to worry, smiles.

## Post 46 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Sunday, 01-Jun-2014 19:25:16

The topic of interfaith relationships came up on a forum of nontheists. Especially if kids
will be in the picture, the general consensus seems to be that, for orthodox or
fundamental theists at least, compromise means the nontheist gives all ground to the
theist, for sake of their creed. Not so with moderate theists. There are some cases of
theist / nontheist relationships but neither party can be particularly orthodox or intolerant.

## Post 47 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Saturday, 05-Jul-2014 4:41:34

what does that have to do with this topic?

## Post 48 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Sunday, 12-Oct-2014 18:41:34

Let's see.
1. Sudden, unpredictable mood swings. I dated a girl with that problem a few years back, where one moment she'd be happy and laughing and the very next with no warning at all she'd suddenly be ready to rip your head off.
2. Exxessive smoking or drinking. I don't mind a girl who smokes or drinks occasionally but if her life revolves around that then I'd rather not be a part of it.
3. Humorlessness. A good sense of humor is vital to getting through life at least in my book.
4. Getting attached to quickly. My very first girlfriend was talking getting married within a week of us getting together. Ican understand feeling astrong emotional connectionwith someone quickly (I've been there myself many times), but whe you start talking as if the wedding's already arranged after only a week that gets to be a problem.
5. Netspeak. I really take issue with that. Things like LOL are one thing since they at least make a certain amount of sense. But the rest of it I can't stand and have been known to refuse to talk to people ifthey use what Ifeel to be too much netspeak.

## Post 49 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Monday, 13-Oct-2014 0:07:23

That's exactly what I meant in my earlier post about moodswings.

## Post 50 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Monday, 13-Oct-2014 12:50:00

Yeah. And constant talk of religion and how I'm bound for hell is another major turn-off. That was another thing of which my first girlfriend was gilty.

## Post 51 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Sunday, 19-Oct-2014 21:25:13

I think everyone has covered what I'm about to say. I don't care about the tattoo thing either. It's okay to have those. i'd get one myself, but i'm scared of needles. lol
Okay, here's my list, and this is in no particular order.
Biggest put-offs for me:
smoking or drug use: I am sensitive to cigarette smoke, and I refuse to date anyone who smokes or does drugs for the simple fact that their actions every time they light up or whatever, tell me they don't seem to care about their health. yes, it can help people relax, but those things do more harm than good in the long run. I have had personal experience with cancer in my family due to smoking, and would not want to watch while someone I would be close to, makes that possibility a reality over the years again. Plus, contributing financially to that kind of thing is distasteful to me.
infidelity: This one can be hard to catch unless they slip up and leave a text message on their phone for the significant other to see, (yes, this includes pictures), they leave flirtatious comments on facebook walls of mutual friends, or something else social network-related is going on. If I ever found out he was cheating on me through a mutual friend, it's time to talk. Oh, and during that conversation, if he is cheating, he'd better have the balls to tell me flat-out that he is doing so verbally. There had better be none of this going through third parties to find that out bullshit. No, this rant was not inspired by true events, just my thoughts on the subject. Moving on ...
poor personal care: Yuck, foul body odor, doesn't shower regularly, etc.
doesn't give a flying shit about their personal appearance: I'm not sure if that falls under the previous listing, but there it is.
relies on me to be a babysitter: You know, the high-needs people who need someone there constantly to entertain them, keep them company, remind them of things they should already do themself as an adult or that they should know how to do, such as showering ... Bottom line, I'm not their mother.
clinginess: This kind of fits in with the previous comment, I think. asking me, "When will you be back," every single time I head out is extremely irritating. It's okay to spend time with me, but not allowing me some space when I need time to relax or time to myself is not okay, especially if I need to sleep, or if I'm sick. They should at least have the decency to suggest I sleep when I'm under the weather.
doesn't pull their weight with domestic chores, either through taking initiative or offering to assist if I seem like I'm having a tough day: This is assuming I'm ever living with a significant other.
doesn't trust me or displays controling behavior: I'm sure we've all seen it before: asking with whom I'm speaking and the subject of the conversation when I exchange written or verbal messages with someone, is okay occasionally, but if it's done every time, alarm bells start going off mentally for me. Another example of clingy behavior to me, is isolating one from family and friends ... freakin scary and to me that just screams insecurity with oneself if they're doing that. Not trying to quell curiosity, but if the other person is constantly putting their nose where it doesn't belong, that's a no-no.
doesn't comunicate with me: By this, I mean if things aren't going well, or one person feels there are things the other needs to work on or address as far as relationship issues are concerned, I feel time should be taken at least every month, (less if it's looking like things are rocky), for both partners to sit down with each other and discuss concerns we may have about how things are going. This should not be a session to place blame on the other person or to use sentences that start with confrontational phrases like, "I hate it when you," to vent frustration. It's a time for both people to make sure the other is okay with where they are in the relationship and where the relationship is going. I feel it is never okay to let frustration build until it all explodes and both parties are upset. I'd much rather find out sooner if the other person is upset about something I have done, (or that i am doing), rather than having it all come out later in an ugly screaming match. These civil and serious conversations to evaluate the relationship, are extremely impportant to keeping the relationship alive, and they need to be had regularly. Time must be found for this kind of thing.
Good cuddler: Enough said ...
I think everything is covered. *walks away

## Post 52 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Sunday, 19-Oct-2014 21:32:00

whoa, sorry, ignore that last one. i'm totally dozing off over here. lol Um ... meant to say doesn't like physical contact. Right, going off to bed before I really make an ass of myself ... night.

## Post 53 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Monday, 20-Oct-2014 20:54:07

what good comments you have made, smiles.

## Post 54 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Friday, 24-Oct-2014 0:56:07

Very true. Smile.

## Post 55 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Saturday, 25-Oct-2014 2:45:31

Women who want kids.

## Post 56 by Mumbledore (... procrastinating again. i meant to write this days ago.) on Saturday, 25-Oct-2014 2:49:11

One that I don't think has been braught up here yet is clinginess. I'm happy to spend time with a girl but I need my own space as well. And if I don't get it I'm not going to be pleasant. I appreciate that this works both ways btw, and that guys can be just as bad at times.
I'm pretty easy going as far as the others go - clenlyness and such aside. Don't care about smoking, drinking or drug use, as I do all of them to varying degrees.

## Post 57 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Saturday, 01-Nov-2014 22:05:03

LOL I've dated a few clingy women in my time. Not fun.

## Post 58 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Wednesday, 05-Nov-2014 20:25:45

Ok, I'll put my two cents in on this topic.
First and foremost, any kind of body odor or bad breath will definitely put me off someone. It's not that hard to make yourself smel presentable.
This goes for pet odor as well. if you smell like you've been rolling around on the floor with your dogs all day, or your shirt smells like your cat used it to mark his territory, I really won't be interested.
A person who hates music, or is disrespectful of it or makes sweeping generalizations about certain genres, while not knowing anything about them, is most likely not a good match for me either. I've dated people in the past who either hated music or belittled my choices of what I liked to listen to. While I'm certainly up for intelligent debate about what a person likes and why, I am too passionate about music to get serious about a person who can't stand it at all.
Someone who tries to convert me to a certain way of thinking when we first meet is a big one. Whether that's religion, or some other kind of philosophy, if that's the only thing that defines you, we're going to have a problem.
Similarly, someone who wants too much, too soon. First of all, I'm very guarded when meeting someone. Even if the person is attractive, and all signs are saying go, I tend to want to move somewhat slowly. If a person is pushing a level of commitment I'm not comfortable with, that's about the fastest way to make me take 100 steps back, and is definitely a put off.

## Post 59 by Siriusly Severus (The ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w7 The Taskmaste) on Wednesday, 19-Nov-2014 0:16:23

1. does drugs or smokes
2. in to the looks and
3. self egos in general/narcissism.
4. controlling/dictatorial feels as if it is necessary for him to dominate and show off his manly muscles
5. condescending
6. anger and trust problems
7. men who has issues with playing around with girls/one night stands even in the past
8. rigidness, overly traditional
9. closed mindedness- not open to speak about different topics.
10. non-understanding.
You probably understand what I mean.

## Post 60 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Wednesday, 26-Nov-2014 10:38:32

Oh oh I know another one, seafood lovers. Sorry, but the taste and the smell just makes me wanna projectile vomit everywhere. Yeah, I'm picky. So sue me.

## Post 61 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 27-Nov-2014 5:55:02

interesting one you have brought up but fair comment as it is like not liking some one who smokes as the smell from there breath is horrible and the same with some one who's drunken beer, the smell on there breath is not nice and you want to avoid any lip action, lol, smiles.

## Post 62 by AgateRain (Believe it or not, everything on me and about me is real!) on Thursday, 27-Nov-2014 18:46:47

mine are already here, but here goes....
1. Clinginess: If he's always wanting to talk at all hours of the day, or if he just can’t go a day or two without talking, and/or is pushing to talk after a short time of text chat, especially on here, that's a no-no. A woman just need her space, not that I don’t want to talk or haven’t thought about you at all that day.
2. Being closed minded. I am a very liberal individual, and just being narrow minded about life, or isn't willing to accept other possibilities is a no.
3. Being extremely controlling. Dated one who was sexist, to the point where he joked about it so much, that I'm willing to bet that he's serious.
4. The inability to hold a proper conversation. Sitting here asking a million questions about each other isn't a proper conversation, and to me screams needs social skills classes!
5. Smoking is another bad one. I don't need a man with lung cancer.
6. knowing absolutely anything about the world around them. There's so much more to life, than I don't know, issues in America.
7. This one might be a little crazy, but a man who doesn’t know anything about sports. I hate asking a guy about a local team, and they didn’t even know they had a team.

## Post 63 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Monday, 15-Dec-2014 23:37:38

I don't mind a day or two without communication. It's when it goes for weeks on end, and yes that's happened to me before, that it gets to be a problem.

## Post 64 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Tuesday, 16-Dec-2014 16:14:13

Yeah, that would suck for sure.

## Post 65 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Wednesday, 17-Dec-2014 7:54:12

yes it does and especially when you communicate for a bit and then they disappear on you for quite some time with out any warning or any explanation when they come back in communication with you.

## Post 66 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 17-Dec-2014 16:59:48

Been there, done that for sure.
It's not good.
All people need to say is there going to go away.
Or, I'm not interested in doing this anymore. Or whatever.
I think in situations like this, somethings going on they can't tell you about, or are hiding something.
That's how it makes me feel.
Because I'm open with people, they have no need.
Just tell me what is happening.
I can deal with what I know better then what I have to figure out, or guess att.

## Post 67 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Wednesday, 17-Dec-2014 17:56:43

Another major turn-off is the lack of a sense of humor.

## Post 68 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 18-Dec-2014 3:16:30

i agree with you, smiles.

## Post 69 by Runner229 (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 21-Dec-2014 23:51:23

Another one I thought of. When I compliment a girl and she says she's ugly or just average. I find it sexy when a woman is confident and she thinks she is beautiful. I can understand in the beginning if she wants to be humble, but please don't bash yourself after a guy, or girl in the case of you guys, compliments you. I've felt like girls wanted more to do with me when Iwas confident but not cocky. Correct me if this isn't the case, though.

## Post 70 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 23-Dec-2014 4:12:55

yes true but also some girls and guys whom might have a hard time believing in what has been said because they might of been mistreated or some thing could of happened to them to cause them to have low confidence with in themselves but just know that all you can do with people like this is to reassure them and that should help to boost up there confidence.

## Post 71 by Imprecator (The Zone's Spelling Nazi) on Tuesday, 23-Dec-2014 16:02:42

People who write sentences that go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on with no bloody commas.

## Post 72 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 23-Dec-2014 16:06:49

,,,,
,,
,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,
and ,,.

## Post 73 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 23-Dec-2014 16:08:12

Oh, in for you that don't have you punctuation turn on. comma comma.

## Post 74 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 23-Dec-2014 18:40:06

I don't see what that has to do with this topic

## Post 75 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 23-Dec-2014 19:59:36

He thinks that women that can't write put him off. Lol

## Post 76 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Tuesday, 23-Dec-2014 21:30:00

this topic is about things that put people off, and for imp, people who can't write correct sentences would seem to fall into that category.

## Post 77 by AgateRain (Believe it or not, everything on me and about me is real!) on Wednesday, 24-Dec-2014 13:40:42

lol Yes, huge turn off for me...that's where this post is going.

## Post 78 by loves animals (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 25-Dec-2014 20:17:00

ah yes now I can understand and fair enough, smiles.

## Post 79 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Friday, 26-Dec-2014 15:16:24

I agree with that. I don't expect everyone to be a perfect speller, but how you write does say a lot about you. If you use 10000 stupid acronyms in one sentence, or you don't use any punctuation whatsoever, to me that says you're lazy and can't be bothered to make yourself clearly understood.

## Post 80 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 26-Dec-2014 20:28:49

rit lazily and don u's not signs

## Post 81 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Saturday, 27-Dec-2014 12:40:15

Or too much of that netspeak bullshit.

## Post 82 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 27-Dec-2014 12:54:51

Nestea? The drink?

## Post 83 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Saturday, 27-Dec-2014 18:59:06

lol Wayne.

## Post 84 by Mad dog (Hammer headed knock knock) on Thursday, 08-Jan-2015 0:34:54

Ok, I'm going to use my own lady friend as an example.
We're both reading this here topic, only she's stood behind me reading over my shoulder, holding a ladel in her hand if I tipe the rong thing.
Joking about the ladle.
but here it is.
My lady, A young Asian from the fillipenes, stands at around 5 feet and 2 inches, with raven black hare and oliv skin.
She does, I will admit, Have many falts, But I'm happy to say her good attributes by far outway the bad ones.
But here's what I like about a female.
I like them to be soft natured. This is a big thing for me, because my mentality reacts badly to harsh words or administrations.
Posative things like, you did a good job on the kitchen, sweety. Are the things I like to hear. If I did something rong, Instead of saying, That was shit, do it again, I'd rather here something like. Perhaps try improveing by doing such and such a thing.
Second for me is a soft voice. that gos with the soft nature, It's a given.
3rd, is that she accepts me for my imperfections, as there are many.
The things that put me off her is that she can sometimes be unclear about what she's thinking. sometimes she has trubble putting thaughts into words, And so she's unable to properly express the way she's thinking or feeling.
Another putoff is shoutyness. Sarah, as an Asian lady, was razed in a shouty household, But she herself, doesn't shout.
Not even dureing arguments.
This brings me to my next point, of arguments or disagreements. If we are at odds for what ever reason, I prefer to sit down over a coffy and discuss what's gone rong, and we'll work together to fix it. Either by coming to a compromise, or by iraddicating the problem all together.
The rest of the things like infidelity, dishonesty, caginess, bad hygene and all those other things, thankfully she doesn't have those.
One thing I think is crewcial in a relationship is, Common ground. I never ask for something from my lady unless I'm able to return it.
For instance, A deesent massage every so often. I wouldn't ask for that unless I'm prepared to do the same for her.