# How long does it take for you to realize?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Friday, 10-Aug-2007 11:40:20

What circumstances would lead you to distrust someone? Dishonesty, lies, little excuses to avoid tough conversations, What if you saw the person in a different way (positive way) and everyone kept telling you that the person was the total opposite player. Would you believe the whole story told by other people or the actual person that was involved with the story.

## Post 2 by mistressamber87 (That sarcastic smart ass opinionated bitch you wish you didn't have to hear from) on Friday, 10-Aug-2007 14:56:59

Well,
My opinion for what it's worth.
I've been distrusted because of talk, and I've distrusted because of talk. Neither are fun.
Being distrusted because of talk, is hard, because sometimes, some of it is true, but then a lot of it's not.
People tend to take something small that they know about a person, something they know a person did maybe once or twice, or even, long long ago in their past. They take that knowledge, and they try to make them look absolutely horrible with it.
This is what happened when I was distrusted. When things were said about me. So this really does come from experience. I lost my marriage because of it, and am still totally in love with the girl, to this very day. Trying to get over her, but it doesn't appear it's going to be easy. She's been gone for 6 months, and I don't feel any better.
Now, as for the doing the mistrusting.
I've done that as well.
And it just depends.
Sometimes the talk is right.
Sometimes, it's not.
Sometimes, people say things to try to come between you and the other person (be it friendship or more.)
Sometimes, the people talking don't like the fact that you are happy with yourself, or that the person in question is happy with himself/herself. So they try to destroy that happiness.
Mostly, it's just best to go with solid evidence against the person, rather than talk.
Because talk is cheap.
(I'm sure you've heard that before), it's true.
And that's it from me.
Amber

## Post 3 by Susanne (move over school!) on Friday, 10-Aug-2007 15:12:58

Prettygurl, I don't think you have to or even should make up your mind, as it were, in a vacuum. By that, I mean that you should neither simply believe nor totally discount what others tell you about the person in question. Just continue to get to know him on your terms, and sort of keep what others tell you at the back of your mind, That way you won't lose a potentially good thing, but you're also more sensitive to possible problems. Eventually you'll find out what he's really like.

## Post 4 by Liz (The Original) on Friday, 10-Aug-2007 18:42:05

I agree 100% with Susanne. That's exactly my philosophy. I donlt 100% believe what people might tell me, although I will take it into account, especially if the people who tell me are close enough friends who can be trusted and not just out there to create more drama or see me hurt, as it were.

## Post 5 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Friday, 10-Aug-2007 20:10:59

I'm still stock in the middle. I strongly want to believe in the person, but there are some instances that makes me doubt him. I don't know. I'm so confuse. One thing though, i try my very best to give the two sides a chance to voice out what really happened, but sometimes, i don't get the full story. Sometimes i don't get the whole honest truth of whats really going on.

## Post 6 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 11-Aug-2007 4:57:32

I agree 100 % with the posts before me. When it's all said and done, it's your choice, and your choice alone, if you believe in this person or not. Yeah, listen to what other people say about the person, then make your own mind up about them. It's hard, I kno. I've been there, done that. Just one more thing though, talk to the person themselves, and be totally honest with them. It may not all be happy endings like you hope, but don't ly to the person, cause it will catch up with you, and you'll not only loose a good friend, but [if you choose this person to be], you'll loose a patentual partner as well.

## Post 7 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 11-Aug-2007 10:07:41

There were some small evidences that lead me to what is really true. Some of it came from his past actions and some of it came from other people. I tried connecting all of these events and i find out somethings that really upsets me. I dont know if i should leave it like that, let it go, or still continue to find out information cause the more i find out information, the more i get confused.

## Post 8 by Ninja Ipad (666) on Saturday, 11-Aug-2007 11:31:10

Hello ,casandra, as far as listening to the "He said She said" stuff ultimately there's three sides to every story. There's His, her's & the trueth. The tricky part sometimes is figuring who's story is closest to the trueth. I don't know the story here but it could be a number of things going on. The person in question may or may not be a good person, or they just could have made some bad decisions. We all make wrong choices, sometimes it's what it is & it's the wrong choice & other times it's a cause & effect cituation. Many times we as people look at what we do or what others do in very skude ways. Sometimes people's deceptions are not 100% intentional. They can easily look at cituations from their own perspective & justify what had happened. Anyway, if the person is being deceiving intentionally you will probably see evidence in other aspects of their life & stories. Unfortunately, it can be very hard to distinguish the crap from the trueth. And many times we don't see the truth until it's to late. Always be true to yourself & trust your instincts. Good luck & take care.

## Post 9 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 11-Aug-2007 13:37:18

I'll let it go. I do care about this person so much and i don't enjoy hearing bad things about him. I really don't know what the other people's intentions were for telling me those stories or to why they lost their respect toward this person. There's always a reason behind people acting negatively toward other people. Me, personally, i still care about this person even after hearing all these things about him. I know i'm a fool, but who can blame me anyway, i knew this person in a different way. This person was really nice to me and a good friend. Everyone has their own reasons and opinions about others and my perception about this person will not change unless i know what really happened straight from him and not from other sources.

## Post 10 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 11-Aug-2007 20:17:54

My point exactly. Like I said in my other post, talk to this person, cause when it comes down to it, if this person cares about you [in anyway], they'll be honest with you. Don't go into all this he said she said crap! at all. specially as you already said that it confused you. If you really want to kno something about this person, ask them.

## Post 11 by choco ice cream (Veteran Zoner) on Sunday, 12-Aug-2007 14:31:26

Well Casandra,
It is really difficult to find out if a person is telling the truth or not. For me, I distrust a person when he/she did a worst thing. I mean, if that thing will make me distrusted by other people, or make it in trouble. You can also believe on what other people were saying if they are his/her close friends. It is also fair to ask the involve person if this or that thing is true or not. You can feel it if she/he tells you the truth. I hope it helps you.

## Post 12 by speedie (move over school!) on Monday, 13-Aug-2007 14:16:51

Murder once they've crossed that threshhold there's no place for them in my life at all.
Stevie

## Post 13 by Squeak (rythmic banging expert!!!) on Monday, 13-Aug-2007 14:37:53

honostly I do not know
one time my friend did something to get with my bf and it worked... I believed my BF for a long time, until I thought what I found was evidence against him, and we broke up and my friend andh er got together...
I promised myself taht I owuld believe my bf after that... wrong answer! I tried to believe someone I was talking too, and I believed the stupid "they hated me and they were bored and came up with this lie" and come to find out that it was all true... so honostly I don't know, maybe to a certain extent... but never all of the way...

## Post 14 by changedheart421 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 13-Aug-2007 18:04:29

personally, I am dating a lady and my friends think she is offal. They say she is only with me for the sex and it is true. I know the things they say about her are right but I am to in love. At times as in my situation it will take something really big for me to leave her though she does not want what I do. At times people know the truth but are scared of the unknown.

## Post 15 by morgoniousmonk (Generic Zoner) on Wednesday, 05-Dec-2007 10:00:28

This topic hit home with me. I was in a relationship with a guy who seemed to be wonderful. I am widowed 6 years, and I had not dated anyone since my husband died. I became friends with David, we talked for months and got to know each other, I waited on the physical stuff, I did not want to do it the wrong way, didn't want to rush into anything. My friends adored him. My family approved of him. We dated and enjoyed a lot of really good times together. He presented the image to me of a relationship that was blossoming into something really really special. I was honest and sincere with him. After several months of dating, he decided to tell me he was in fact not single, but separated from his wife, and they were getting back together. Needless to say I was shocked, surprised and disgusted. He had used me to get back at his wife, and he had fooled everyone I knew. The worst of it was that I am a very careful person. He flew in under my radar and conned me. Needless to say, i wanted to push him down and take his lunch money.
So I have two choices here. I am a week away from this bombshell, and recovering nicely. The issue is not one of how long it takes me to distrust someone. It is more an issue of how long does it take to meet someone trustworthy and deserving of the affection and love I have to give. There is a man for me, i feel certain of this. The trouble I have is recognizing him when I meet him. I am 34, and have a great deal to offer. So when i do meet him, I don't think I will need to worry about it.
It is hard to work through a situation when people are dishonest with you, but it is also unfair to make future significant others pay for the crimes of your ex.