# telling someone you don't want to bee married any more

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by starfly (99956) on Wednesday, 15-Dec-2010 8:05:44

I was coming into work and heard this topic talked about on the radeo show called "Bob and the sho Gramm". its a radeo show that comes on in the morning here in raleigh NC on G1.05. So what would any of you say if someone was married to a person for 2 or 3 months and desided they just did not want to bee married?

## Post 2 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Wednesday, 15-Dec-2010 10:18:36

Marriage is a huge commitment, and while I think it's perfectly normal for things to go horribly wrong in a marriage, if only one person doesn't want to be married anymore, I would say to that person that he/she should have thought about it more before getting married. It's not like girlfriend/boyfriend relationships when you can just up and leave if you're not happy anymore. the only time I would encourage divorce is if the couple just can't get along, ever, or if there was cheating involved, or, of course, if one or both partners became abusive and/or violent.

## Post 3 by starfly (99956) on Wednesday, 15-Dec-2010 13:23:27

agreed :)

## Post 4 by squidwardqtentacles (I just keep on posting!) on Wednesday, 15-Dec-2010 15:56:56

Depends on WHY it is they don't want to be married any more. It amazes me the stuff folks don't talk about BEFORE they make this decision, like whether or not they want kids (I know a young woman in divorce proceeding from a man it turned out wanted to remain child free while she didn't). Anyway, maybe someone found signs there was a third party, or that their husband was impotent, or didn't realize they didn't have anything in common, including family goals, only after the event. I don't have enough info here to form an opinion.

## Post 5 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 15-Dec-2010 16:29:23

Agree with all that's been said here. If If it's not something serious, then they should really try to work on things before jumping into a divorce, especially if they've only been married for a short time. But I also think that people shouldn't marry until they are honestly and truly ready. As was said here, marriage is a deep commitment. As for impotence, I blame both parties for not having sex before marriage, or at the very least, the impotent person for not communicating things properly. This is definitely something that both people should know about before deciding to marry.

## Post 6 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 16-Dec-2010 1:27:05

I think if someone tell the other person they don't want to be with them anymore that person should et them go. Have a separation for say a month, come back talk about it, then if they're still feeling as they do, then let them go. You can't hold anyone unless they want to be their. Pretending it's working only leads to worse heart ache in the future when the person that wanted out starts abusing the other. Suck it up and learn from the mistake.

## Post 7 by Miss Prism (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Thursday, 16-Dec-2010 2:57:18

Seems that this could just be cold feet, rather than a fatal problem. After the whirlwind of the wedding is over, dull reality sets in.

## Post 8 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Thursday, 16-Dec-2010 8:22:28

Yeah. I like the separation idea, actually. I hadn't really thought of that, but it's a good idea if you're having problems.

## Post 9 by starfly (99956) on Thursday, 16-Dec-2010 17:16:56

sorry I did not have much info myself, this topic got me wondering when I heard it on the radio. If you want to know more just to to the G.105 website and download the podcast from the show.

## Post 10 by Lisa's Girl forever (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Friday, 17-Dec-2010 7:31:44

i agree. marrage is not foreveryone. smile. you have to be loyal. and faithful to that person for a long time smile.
well. that's all.you also have to have good talking skills. and say what you feel also smile.

## Post 11 by squidwardqtentacles (I just keep on posting!) on Friday, 17-Dec-2010 19:59:08

For some insight on why couples divorce, I would reccommend these books: 'Wake Up and Smell the Coffee' by the late Ann Landers; 'The Best of Dear Abby'; and Dr. Laura Schlessinger's 'Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives'. Even in a very short time everything may come up from untreated mental illness to finding out your beloved is a registered sex offender in another state.
Also in some religions there is much less stigma in divorce. For example it has been my experience dealing with Muslims that they see it as less of a stigma than Christians, but IMO even if a faith is casual about divorce that is all the better reason to get acquainted with someone for at least a year before making this crucial decision...see them in ideal times and during illness, injury, less than ideal circumstances...then go from there if both parties want to marry at the end of a year. Divorce is a major transaction and a life's change, so it isn't something, outside of something major like abuse, to approach casually.

## Post 12 by changedheart421 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Friday, 17-Dec-2010 22:45:35

wow. to the person who says make sure to have sex before marriage to see if they are impitant, I feel bad for me because I am a christian and will not even talk about sex until my wedding night. I feel divorce is definitely unexceptable unless cheating, abuse, or you get left happens. People need to know the person they marry and mainstream radio loves asking these questions and starting these little things to get people rowled up. The bottom line is to bring god in to it and be sure to pray to see if the person you want to marry is who he has planned for you.

## Post 13 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Saturday, 18-Dec-2010 9:23:51

I used to have the same outlook as anewheart0910, but thankfully that has changed for the better.
that being said, I feel bad for anyone who allows anything other than themselves to make such decisions for their life.
sex before marriage, in my opinion, is absolutely necessary. how are you gonna know whether you're compatible with said person?

## Post 14 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 18-Dec-2010 13:03:32

Indeed. I have no problem with praying for things to go well, or even for guidence in certain situations, but you'll never know your partner unless the two of you communicate. The Gods, or God if you like, aren't there to tell you whether someone is good for you. They may have some kind of plan, but you can't expect Them to hand you everything on a silver platter. You need to work out problems and discuss important issues with those whom you love, to do your part, in other words.

## Post 15 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 20-Dec-2010 22:21:31

Muslims have the best outlook on it. If you marry a woman or man that just are not working out you split the union fairly. A woman that has children the man must take care of his offspring, but not her, and if she is childless she just must do as she did before the match. God is a lovely thing to put in to a marriage, but if you do then you will not suffer and you'll resolve it again fairly. A young man or woman is not going to cut off their sexual, or other desires because they pray. You create many bitter people, and that is sad to see a bitter person for life. I have understood that talking about sexual matters and other things should be enough, but it's simply not. I'd not marry anyone I could not be with for a while as close as possible. You have to add that human factor in, meaning, if a person is has some sort of oddity they'll lie to get married. Then you learn later that the talk you had was just that. Promises get made, then because people know, specially in the Christain religion, that marriage makes a person bound, they lie. Smile. So I stick to my first post. Separate for a time, come back together and if you can't do it don't. If you get cold feet right away you weren't ready now where you?

## Post 16 by starfly (99956) on Tuesday, 21-Dec-2010 7:51:06

As for sex before marridge I belive its a touch and go topic such as, if you are in volved with a person who is not a vergen and you are then telling that person to wait for marrige is hearder on your partner. Its hard to wait ya but if you do not know what your missing then is can see waitng. yet if your partner or you have have sex then good luck, shoot this ant easy. Trust for a lot of us men and I can only speak from my gender point, "pussy is a powerful thing when you getting it."

## Post 17 by starfly (99956) on Tuesday, 21-Dec-2010 7:52:12

gurr!! I appology for the grammar and spelling mistakes

## Post 18 by DevilishAnthony (Just go on and agree with me. You know you want to.) on Tuesday, 21-Dec-2010 9:09:14

I know that marriage is not for me, so I won't get in to a situation like that. This way, I won't have to figure out how to riggle out of it later.