# How do you deal if they dont deal?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by candekissez (Generic Zoner) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 7:52:09

I find it very difficult most of the time to find people who don't mind/care about the blind/vi issue.
For example, I dated a guy for a short period of time and granted their were other issues but he even said to me that he didnt know how to deal with someone who was blind/vi....because we lived about an hour 15min apart and since I couldn't drive to see him then we didnt get to see eachother much, plus id totally agree it wouldnt be fair for him to come my direction all the time.
I know they exist, but where is everyone finding the people who can deal with the issue and overlook it?! Is it just because I'm in a majorly rural area?
Thanks yall.

## Post 2 by Witchcraft (Account disabled) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 9:07:35

Honestly, I've met a few guys from the Net, and some are good, but some aren't. My thing is in that situation is be extremely careful... I've also met guys through school and friends. The guys I prefer to date are those who don't even really think about me being blind. There are people out there who won't care; though sometimes it sure doesn't seem like it.

## Post 3 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 18:50:24

You were lucky in that that guy actually admitted he had a problem dealing with your blindness. When I was dating I was never sure if that was the issue or not when I was rejected. lAs I look back, I think I had other issues which also might ahve not made me a prime dating candidate. Hahahahahaha! But anyhow, I would suppose people who can deal with the blindness thing are out there, but they seem to be rare. I wonder exactly what aspect of blindness that guy had a problem with. Was it lack of eye contact or worrying about offending or what his friends or family might think or what.

## Post 4 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 20:36:23

Just keep on looking someone will be able to overlook your inferiority eventually.

## Post 5 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 20:42:38

Well, I don't know about dating and what not, but as far as friends go, I agree that the best ones are those who don't think or care about your blindness, it should be a minimal part of the relationship. People are out there that dont' care about the blindness. It just takes luck and patience to fin them. Also, I don't think of blindness as making me, or anyone else, inferior. Quite the contrary. We're equal to sighties, in some way we're better at things, and in some ways they're better at things, but it all evens out.
Caitlin

## Post 6 by shaken not stirred (Veteran Zoner) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 21:15:26

I have to agree with previous posters that there are guys out there that don't mind nor care about the blind/VI issue. It depends on their maturity and their willingness to compromise among other things. The driving might be an actual issue for him, although I know of numerous successful relationships involving those who are blind/VI. One important thing is to not allow it to be an issue for you. The less of a barrier it is for you, the less it will matter to the other person. So far, all of my relationships have been with sighted guys, and I'm visually impaired. I haven't seen it as an issue, and I don't think they have either, but some just aren't able to cope...those are the people you don't want anyway...lol.

## Post 7 by sparkie (the hilljack) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 21:48:22

For me if they don't want to deal I just say the heck with them. People like that arn't worth my time.
Troy

## Post 8 by blink183 (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Sunday, 21-Nov-2004 23:41:52

I've focused on trying to be the kind of person that women will WANT to be around. If somebody is attracted to you, it's amazing the things they will do to be with you. Somebody who is attracted to somebody else usually doesn't complain about having to drive all the time to see them.

## Post 9 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Monday, 22-Nov-2004 0:26:25

I agree with the Sweet Serindipity. I've had successful sighted relationships and I know the girls' parents (I had two in fact) were very strange about this at first, and the second time around actually against it, even if we had been best friends for a long time. It didn't matter really and it worked out fine. Sure those ended

## Post 10 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Monday, 22-Nov-2004 0:33:14

...
Sorry about that, my computer messed up ...
Yes, both of those relationships ended and the first time I broke up with a sighted girl I spent weeks blaming my blindness and being bitter and telling her how the only reason we weren't still dating was her unwillingness to deal with my blindness and that there were so many better guys out there and I could totally understand it. She ended up sitting me down and giving me a lecture about how utterly pathetic and loserly I was behaving and that our issues had nothing at all to do with me being blind, and she even asked me if she should have continued dating me out of pity. I think it sort of opened my eyes (only meterfrocially of course) to the fact that often we create our own bareers and let our blindness be more of an issue than it needs to be. I know there are people who may be unconfortable with our blindness but us being unconfortable with it and constantly thinking about how it's affecting our frienship or relationship will mangify their unconfrotable feeling a thousand times. So, try to keep an open mind. I don't agree with sullydog in that if they can't deal with this it's not worth it. Yes, he's right but you can't run at the first sign of unconfotableness, try and find out what's causing it and may be it's a little stupid thing and can be fixed or explained. Some things can't and those who can't deal with that are not worth your time. I mean, sure dating blind people may seem a little strange to sighted one's family at first, but so does dating any other disability or people with drug problems or may be very poor people or uneducated people or people awho are overweight or dress like freaks or come from a different country, are too rich .. I mean, if we think about it practically everyone we meet has his/her own problems to deal with and that you will have to deal with being involved with that person. We need to keep as much of an open mind as they do and in the majority of cases the problems can be overcome. I seriously have lots of friends and they're almost all sighted. I've met people who couldn't deal with me but they were not many, and most problems came from people being too sensitive or considerate and not daring to treat me like another friend (that sometimes includes being nasty or unfair and stuff, sometimes we have to get the bad stuff along with the good stuff if we want to be treated equally).
So, be open minded folks, be yourselves, try to accomodate and explain to those who don't accept you right of the bat, give them a chance, and more often than not it will pay off, I promise. :)
cheers
-b

## Post 11 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Monday, 22-Nov-2004 1:15:19

Exactly. If the person having problems with the blindness is willing to open up and get to the heart of the matter, then you ahve somebody who's willing to learn and trust and be flexible. It's the ones who think they dare say nothing lest they hurt your feelings that are going to make it hard. But it takes a lot of guts for somebody to admit that somebody's disability makes them uncomfortable, even if it's an excuse for other things.

## Post 12 by Precious (The elusive One) on Monday, 22-Nov-2004 1:41:16

Well, I dated someone sighted for almost three years. He delt ok with the blindness most of the time, but had a hard time understanding the transportation issue, and that I absolutely hate, being staired at when I'm in the kitchen cooking! His friends didn't deal well though, and that did cause some issues. Me personally, I don't care if I date someone who is blind or sighted, as long as they can understand and deal with me. In my case, that's almost impossible lol. One thing though, it was easier having someone there with a car, but I often wondered if it was worth having that small comfort, when I was so miserable? Probably not.

## Post 13 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Monday, 22-Nov-2004 12:41:34

If I lived ah hour and 15 mins away from someone i liked I'd bloody well walk!.
If that was all that was stopping the 2 of you from getting together and familiarising this fella with your blindness,then how can expect him to become confident with you.........................................................
Iv'e crossed busy roads, negoitated the subway and dealt with getting lost twice to see a former lover..if you don't make the effort he wont either.

## Post 14 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Tuesday, 23-Nov-2004 0:38:22

Your a dumb fuck, first she lives in the country, no subways. Second that's an hour driving time, not walking time. That means it's about 60 miles away, at 4 miles an hour that's 15 hours, hay go find someone who lives that far away in the country so you get the fuck off this sight for a while.

## Post 15 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 23-Nov-2004 9:35:05

I'm nothing of the sort thankyou.
And thats rich coming from a numpty who takes everything and twists it around then wraps the verbage in a semblence of sarcasm
thats the personification of a person struggling for intelligent thought.

## Post 16 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 23-Nov-2004 10:25:03

And the word is S.I.T.E
ok I hope I don't have to repeat it.
And I have someone thankyou here we've been together for 8 years and no i didn't need to get her drunk for my lethal seduction technique to be successful.

## Post 17 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 23-Nov-2004 10:35:00

And the word is S.I.T.E
ok I hope I don't have to repeat it.
And I have someone thankyou here we've been together for 8 years and no i didn't need to get her drunk for my lethal seduction technique to be successful.

## Post 18 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Tuesday, 23-Nov-2004 14:57:00

You are a dumb fuck, the fact that you have to poste twice proves it.

## Post 19 by CatWoman721984 (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Tuesday, 23-Nov-2004 18:40:56

Me being a sighted person, if I were to date a blind guy it wouldn't bother me. I treat everybody the same. If your nice to me I'm nice to you, if your mean to me then well you get the picture LOL. But it's something I could quote deal with. It wouldn't even be an issue.

## Post 20 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Tuesday, 23-Nov-2004 19:31:01

The majority of people are so afraid of blind people. That's why I have about 4 friends. But you know what? You cant let peoples ignorance get to you, cuz that's just giving them what they want. Besides, they're the ones losing out on a great friendship, and if they cant deal with the fact that im blind, then they can go screw themselves.

## Post 21 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 0:38:33

You go, Nib! i don't think people are scared exactly, at least, not all the time. Just timid and unsure of how to approach?
Caitlin

## Post 22 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 6:08:26

From what one sighted acquaintance told me, he thought most sighted folk think we already have it pretty bad merely for being blind and are pretty depressed or touchy about it. People dare not approach lest they say the wrong thing and we are hurt and offended even worse. So in imagining all this pain and touchiness on our part, they dig themselves even deeper, right? But this is how they imagine themselves to be if they were suddenly struck blind one day, so of course we're exactly the same way. In the end, they've just scared themselves into avoiding a situation that might not be as bad as they imagined.

## Post 23 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 10:00:52

Nib, with all due respect, the fact that you're blind is not the only explanation why you have "only?" 4 friends. Lots of sighted people have less, lots of blind people have more. It's got to be more of an attitude or compatibility issue than an issue of being blind or not. I just think so amany people in this discussion seem so touchy about being blind and what others think of them because they are blind, it's a self-perpetuating attitude because if even you can't be confortable around sighteees you won't attract any (not that you necessarily want to). Being blind does not define who you are, it just changes your hobbies/interests and in some cases abilities or preferences. It does not have to change your social appeal in any way.
But, seroiously, you're lucky to have 4 friends, I know peple with fewer, I have been very fortunate and have at least 12 people that I can call close friends, but I think it's got a lot to do with luck and I got most of my friends either through my swimming career, where I got to train with some amazingly cool people or through music, I was involved in bands etc and being in a band gets you very close to people and it's easy to make friends that way.
Good luck to everyone and just relax a bit about that blindness thing.
Cheers
-B

## Post 24 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 13:53:42

Yeah, I meet lots of people who make a big issue out of the blind thing. And yet I meet others who disregard it completely. I think a little bit of both is a good thing: accepting and dealing with it, but not letting it interfere or take over in the least.
Caitlin

## Post 25 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 13:54:30

Also agree with Wildebrew and would like to add that it's not only your attitude, Nib, it's their attitude, so it's not your problem, it's not theirs, it's just compatibility and the situation and environment and so on? Am I making sense hlol? Sorry ...
Caitlin

## Post 26 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 17:03:33

I agree with Wildebrew here. There are sighted folks who might have one or two friends and there are blind folks who might have dozens. Depends on the individual. You've got people who are more awkward in social situations or who are intraverted or just like their own company best or are just a little too different for the majority of folks. Then you have others who are really in their element around people and are more extraverted. All of this is OK and you're not a loser if you have four friends or less.

## Post 27 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 17:55:40

I was not asking for pity, thats the last thing i want, i wasnt even complaining. i said that if the sighted people have a problem, its their loss, not mine. i dont even wanna be around people who are awkward and uncomfortable about things they dont understand. i dont feel sorry for myself because Im blind, not even close. All i said is that certain sighted people are ignorant to what we really are, that we really are equal and can like basically all the same things they do.

## Post 28 by blink183 (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 19:44:25

Just remember that in every situation, you have something going on called "dominant reality." Every person is living in a reality. So when you interact with sighted people, are you a guest in their reality, or are they a guest in yours? If they're a guest in your reality, then they shouldn't even care that you're blind.

## Post 29 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 20:10:36

Agrees with Nib.
Caitlin

## Post 30 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 24-Nov-2004 21:06:01

Blink183, where can I find out more about this idea of dominant reality? Never heard of it before.

## Post 31 by blink183 (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Thursday, 25-Nov-2004 1:19:21

Well the only source that I know of is this one.

## Post 32 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 25-Nov-2004 2:26:42

Dominant reality? ,... What?
Caitlin

## Post 33 by CatWoman721984 (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Sunday, 28-Nov-2004 19:27:57

Nib, I'll be your friend. I'm not afraid of blind people. Now spiders yes but blind people NO LOL. I like everybody. So if you want a friend let me know

## Post 34 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Sunday, 28-Nov-2004 19:31:29

There you go, Nib, lol! Well I'd say I'll be your friend, but we're already pals so that's already established lol! But I'm alwaysh ere for you, xoxoxox! Caitlin P.S. Catwoman, we can be friends, too! Grin!

## Post 35 by CatWoman721984 (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Tuesday, 30-Nov-2004 15:22:49

Thanks caitlin it's a pleasure meeting you :D

## Post 36 by Siriusly Severus (The ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w7 The Taskmaste) on Monday, 08-Jun-2009 6:35:27

Yes, old topic I know just putting this stuff out there.
First of all, only one reality, so I don't know what you are speaking of...
and, find people who are excepting and willing to not care. It takes time, but you can find them. The more intellectual you get the more places that are opened up for you to find them. The ones who really don't care are the smart ones.

## Post 37 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Monday, 08-Jun-2009 20:53:00

Hello, I’m blind in my left eye but I can see enough from my right eye to get around. I can tell whether someone looks good or not. I’ve dated both sighted and blind people. There is no difference. Guys are guys no matter how you put it. I agree with the previous posters, if someone is really interested in you, they will go out of their way to see you. Distance is not an issue as long as both of you compromise and take turns when seeing each other. The relationship will work out. I think, the major problem for everyone is their attitude and their insecurity. In reference to the previous poster, if people see your confidence, awkwardness, nervousness, or you being self centered on your blindness and acting like everything is about your blindness, they will immediately pick up. People will treat you the way you perceive yourself. Yes, everyone is an equal with different personalities and attitude toward things. We may not all agree in one thing, but just a reminder, the main issue is how you deal with people. How you treat them, the way you communicate with them, you being fair and considerate to them. Its not about the disability, but the person. There is no such thing as plain normal because everyone has their own differences whether blind or sighted, everyone has their own issues to deal with. When your dating someone, their blindness or their physical imperfections should be the least of your concerns. On the other hand, sometimes blind people make their own boundaries by telling themselves that they are only limited to date those that are like them because those people understand. Okay, it’s a good point, date someone the same, but there is no thrill and no risk taken. You’re not allowing yourself to be open minded. First of all, you’re limiting yourself. If you won’t try, you will never know. It’s a narrow minded way of thinking, its just like saying, you don’t want to date people from different races because they are not the same. Its just like saying that you don’t want to date people because of their appearance, their age, their race, their religion, their political views, and the list keeps on going on. As far as friendship goes, I have a lot of friends from diverse backgrounds most of which are sighted people from my college. It does not bother me when I hang out with blind people as long as they don’t make it an issue.