# The Drunken Priest

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Striker (Consider your self warned, i'm creative and offensive like handicap porn.) on Tuesday, 30-Sep-2008 0:16:34

The Drunken Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

## Post 2 by SunshineAndRain (I'm happily married, a mom of two and a fulltime college student.) on Tuesday, 30-Sep-2008 3:04:01

Lol. Good one.

## Post 3 by laced-unlaced (Account disabled) on Tuesday, 30-Sep-2008 6:22:49

haha. lol. that is funny

## Post 4 by Nicky (And I aprove this message.) on Wednesday, 01-Oct-2008 3:06:33

liked them think that they wer funny.

## Post 5 by SEPTEMBER-TWILIGHT (CAN I TALK? PLEASE?) on Friday, 05-Dec-2008 3:11:59

omg james, just fucking roflmaooooooo. I couldn't help but laugh at these, but they're soooooo funny, omg, lol

## Post 6 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Friday, 05-Dec-2008 10:53:26

Oh my Gods! Wow I couldn't stop laughing! I must! pass this around.

## Post 7 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Wednesday, 31-Dec-2008 11:27:37

I chuckled. It's cute. And tell the priest not to share his drink with the leading alto. lol!