# the guys' rules

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by TexasRed (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Monday, 25-Apr-2005 21:47:10

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down! Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
hints do not work. ; Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to
do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it
is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine....really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't
mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can to give them a big
laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can to give them an even
bigger laugh!!

## Post 2 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 26-Apr-2005 9:40:20

this infers that all guys are ignorant uncaring b*st*rds its obviously written by a man hating woman.

## Post 3 by sjtaylor (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Wednesday, 27-Apr-2005 0:00:45

Actually rumour has it that this particular forward was written by a woman, believe it or not.

## Post 4 by sugar (Entertain me. I dare you.) on Wednesday, 27-Apr-2005 5:09:11

so what, it rocks! hehehehehe. take a joke or don't read the joke board.

## Post 5 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 27-Apr-2005 9:52:15

just what I said a woman who detests men..sad cow

## Post 6 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Wednesday, 27-Apr-2005 9:57:21

Hehe, if you asHehe, love these rules, wish women would abide by them &LT;grin&GT;

## Post 7 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Wednesday, 27-Apr-2005 13:47:48

I love it!!!! *laughs*

## Post 8 by sugar (Entertain me. I dare you.) on Thursday, 28-Apr-2005 7:22:01

aaahh, there goes gobby again, unable to take a joke.... if anyone's sad goblin, it ain't me.... and B, maybe, one day, hehehe

## Post 9 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Friday, 29-Apr-2005 11:57:15

I can take a joke I have a well developed sense of humour however the rehasing of these old moldering efforts is beyond a feckin joke is originality too much to expect for once...

## Post 10 by Freya (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 29-Apr-2005 12:03:42

well I guess it's funnier than jokes about bagpipes......

## Post 11 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Friday, 29-Apr-2005 12:08:44

or vampires ...

## Post 12 by Freya (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 29-Apr-2005 12:13:06

even Scottish vampires who sleep in coffins hehehe

## Post 13 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Friday, 29-Apr-2005 12:14:26

with their bagpipes for company ..

## Post 14 by Freya (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 29-Apr-2005 12:19:17

and their tartan pyjamas on...och aye!

## Post 15 by Freya (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 29-Apr-2005 12:27:48

I mean, how many jokes can you tell about a set of bagpipes...!!!!!

## Post 16 by Senior (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Sunday, 01-May-2005 11:16:08

What's a joke Goblin is you, declaring yourself to be a vampire who stalks himself when really you stalked that woman you said was in hospital all that time and she was there because when she wouldn't give in to your stalking, you turned on her and believing you were a vampire began acting like one with devestating consequences for that poor lady. In fact your not a joke, your a sick nutcase!

## Post 17 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Saturday, 20-Oct-2007 4:01:18

Since Becky, (Leibra lady, for those who wish to pm her), chose to respond to another of my board posts in a childish female way,
I thought we should revisit the rules set forth in post 1.
Have a look ladies. As we say at our Thursday night poker games: "read 'em and weep".
Bob

## Post 18 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Saturday, 20-Oct-2007 9:27:17

Don't believe anything blob says. He is not even really a man. He wants to have a sex change but can't afford it on his fixed income.

## Post 19 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Saturday, 20-Oct-2007 10:03:45

Uh, when you have all the parts prostitution pays well.
Who wants an operation. It'd just cut my income in half.
Bob

## Post 20 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 21-Oct-2007 14:51:54

LOL You're a disgusting pig.
How much do you charge?

## Post 21 by SingerOfSongs (Heresy and apostasy is how progress is made.) on Monday, 22-Oct-2007 3:17:54

Is that the sound of interest there?

## Post 22 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Monday, 22-Oct-2007 4:49:37

Anybody got change for a dollar?
Bob

## Post 23 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Monday, 22-Oct-2007 14:52:21

A cheap disgusting pig. LOL

## Post 24 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Monday, 22-Oct-2007 16:13:27

Hey snuggums, even cheap disgusting pigs need love.
Bob