# some people need to get out more.

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Stefan (Generic Zoner) on Monday, 19-Dec-2005 9:46:03

This is more humourous than a joke but i thaught i'd share it with you anyway...
The Physics of Santa and His Reindeer
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs,
this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children,
that reduces the workload to 15% of the total — 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of
Rudolph 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which
seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,
fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh
and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be
false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75½ million miles, not
counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle
on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories
(needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take).
Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night,
which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories
in a pound (20655000000/3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds), the sleigh
is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.
Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200
reindeer. This increases the payload (not even counting the weight of the sleigh) - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight
of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion
as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.
In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater
than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
or my own personal conclusion:
Get a life you sad bastards!

## Post 2 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Monday, 19-Dec-2005 13:53:47

lol Steffan!!! I thought that was really interesting! hehehehe But then, I'm a math geek! lol
*sexy*

## Post 3 by HauntedReverie (doing the bad mango) on Monday, 19-Dec-2005 14:21:51

that made my head hurt lol, me and math, not so good together

## Post 4 by Puggle (I love my life!) on Monday, 19-Dec-2005 14:55:47

I'll just agree with it heehheeh, very cool.

## Post 5 by Selena Fan (Account disabled) on Tuesday, 20-Dec-2005 3:30:51

When I was a child I wondered about stuff like this lol!

## Post 6 by SensuallyNaturallyLiving4Today (LivingLifeAndLovingItToo) on Sunday, 25-Mar-2007 19:25:31

Now, that was fan-fucking-tabulus. roflmao

## Post 7 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Monday, 26-Mar-2007 6:45:54

hahaha.
I...will...not...do...the...math!
Bob

## Post 8 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Friday, 13-Apr-2007 6:13:27

My brain hurts. lol funny stuff

## Post 9 by SensuallyNaturallyLiving4Today (LivingLifeAndLovingItToo) on Friday, 20-Jul-2007 22:15:37

Could we do the Easter Bunny next?

## Post 10 by Heavy Metal Girl 85 (Zone BBS is my Life) on Saturday, 21-Jul-2007 18:50:24

lol Heather, and yes that was to much damn math.