# Your First Time

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 05-Jul-2008 20:52:30

One of my friends called me a few days ago, asking me some advice about her situation. She was planning to have sex with this guy she barely knew. They were friends for some months now, but there not even going out. She is one of my college buddies, and she is a bit younger than me. I told her to think about it for awhile and not to consider doing it. But all she said was that she wanted to do it since last year and that she thought that the guy respected her by saying that he wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone. Okay, its good that he was honest about that, but how is he respecting her if he wanted to use her? I was telling her all the possible consequences and everything, but I don’t know if she listened to me. Its so critical these days, what if she got pregnant? Her parents are going to be very disappointed at her, and it will be harder for her to go back to college if ever it happens, she has to worry and take care of another person. Aside from the financial burdens of having a child, she is not yet ready to be a parent. What if she decides that she wasn‘t ready to be a parent yet? She will either give her baby to an orphanage, she can ask the guy who got her pregnant to take care of the child, or she will have to deal with the situation. Either of these choices does not look good on her part. I don’t want her to make the wrong decisions that’s why I want to help her. She told me that she never had a boyfriend because she is afraid of trusting someone, but why does she want to do these things to her self. She said that he was so hot, and that she was tired of being innocent and naïve about these things, and she said that she has to learn it eventually. Having sex just because you felt like it doesn’t mean that your emotionally ready or mature for the whole thing. She told me that she will not regret it and that she was ready, but in my opinion, she still needs to think about this. Feel free to give me some suggestions about this topic. I know they could use a condom or a bith control pill, but I think she needs to think about it more. Thanks for taking the time to read it, I hope to hear your comments and suggestions. I want her to avoid making the wrong decisions. When it was your first time were you given a chance to decide whether you want it or were you pressured into doing it? Did you regret doing it?

## Post 2 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Sunday, 06-Jul-2008 2:35:33

The first time is wonderful, myne involved chains, hot oil, strawbarry jelly, and a very small compaq car.

## Post 3 by Little_Mermaid_1989 (Generic Zoner) on Sunday, 06-Jul-2008 5:59:59

My " first time" hasn't happened yet. I'm only 18 years-old for God's sake. I haven't been on a date yet, and no, I've never had a boyfriend. I rather focus on important things, rather than boys and relationships. However, as for my " first time", I'm planning to leave that until I get married and am really surea about it. Umm, having sex can lead to a greather health risk for me than it would an avarage person.

## Post 4 by AngelKisses (An angel with no Halo) on Sunday, 06-Jul-2008 8:50:16

Hi. I was 16 when I had sex for the first time. If she is ready, then it's her choice. Sure we can all get pregnant or whatever, that's jsut something you take a chance on. If she is in college then she is plenty old enough to make her own decision and have sex if she wants. Just leave it up to her because it's no one elses choice.

## Post 5 by moyzey (i'm posting? huh?) on Sunday, 06-Jul-2008 10:44:15

I think a persons first time is really importnat in a number of ways. Firstly, they must feel ready emotionally and not feel they're doing it for the fact that they feel they should be having sex by now, or because someone is putting pressure on them. You know when you're ready, and that's when you want to do it for your own reasons, and nothing to do with anyone else or social pressures.
Secondly, the first time should be with someone who you know will be considerate and will pay real attention to your feelings and signs. It should be someone who won't be afended or get mad if you decide half way through or whatever that you want or need to stop because it hurts, or simply because you've changed your mind. If the other person really cares about you, it shouldn't be a problem if that happens. I'm not saying you need to be in a relationship with that person, you don't even have to love each other, just have enough respect for one another to realise that if someone changes their mind, that's final and no questions or tantrums should occur.
Thirdly, it's vital that all precautions are taken to prevent STD's or pregnancy. Of course comdoms are not entirely reliable, but it's extremely unlikely that someone will fall pregnant if a comdom is used properly and responsibly. Again, another reason why it should be someone responsible and sensative to the girls views to ensure he takes care to fit it and use it properly. It's just a tiny risk, but yet, a risk one must take if they feel the time has come to be having sex.
Overall, this person needs to consider these things and make their own decision based on nothing but their own feelings.
Just my thoughts...

## Post 6 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Sunday, 06-Jul-2008 18:28:05

I agree with post 4. Don't try to scare her, or tell her over and over again she'll regret it. I'm 18, so I know what I'm talking about. If she does regret it, she'll figure it out for herself. If you repeatedly tell her what a bad decision she's making, she'll be more likely to resent you, go against your advice, and be less likely to come to you with the outcome or any future sexual decisions she makes. I know you mean well, and I'm not trying to say you're wrong. You're being a good friend. But let her make this decision on her own. She's the one who has to live with it, not you, and she'll learn from it if it's a mistake. People should learn from their own mistakes anyways, it helps you grow up and see the world how it is, and shows you how to make better decisions next time.

## Post 7 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Sunday, 06-Jul-2008 21:21:19

I already told her to be careful and that I'll support her with whatever she decides. Yes, I want her to figure things out for herself. I want her to learn from this one. From the last time we talked, she told me that she was still deciding whether to give it up or not. I hope she makes the right decision.

## Post 8 by moyzey (i'm posting? huh?) on Monday, 07-Jul-2008 9:30:23

if she's still deciding, then she's not ready

## Post 9 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Monday, 07-Jul-2008 10:03:26

I second that.

## Post 10 by SunshineAndRain (I'm happily married, a mom of two and a fulltime college student.) on Monday, 07-Jul-2008 14:25:56

I think my "first time" was really weird. I was already taking birth control, but I wasn't married. I was worried that if the pill failed me, and I got pregnant, my family would be very hurt. Needless to say, I didn't get pregnant that time, but when I got married and went for a refill, I had sex too soon for the pill to take affect and I did get pregnant. That was after I got married when we were living on our own and going to school. Getting pregnant as an adult isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you are in a loving relationship and plan to get married, then you screw up and have sex before you've tied the knot, then you just get married and have your kid. Honestly sex and all that is a personal situational thing, and even though this girl is your friend, it's not up to you to make those decisions for her. Sure, she's making a very poor decision, but the consequences are hers to deal with, not yours. You can give all the advice you want, but when someone's mind is set on something, they're gonna do it, regardless of what you say. And if she doesn't use any protection and gets pregnant, she'll have to make even more complicated decisions about what she wants to do with the baby. And if she gets a Sexually Transmitted Disease, that will make her life even more complicated. But, in the end, she's a big girl and she needs to make her own choices, stupid or not. Hope this helps.

## Post 11 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Monday, 07-Jul-2008 19:42:50

I told her the same things. I told her that she has the free will to decide whatever she wants to do. We talked yesterday, and she told me that if ever she got pregnant, she will go for an abortion. She was more worried about the name of her family more than the child. I was telling her about some of my friends that got an abortion, and until now, they still regret what they did. Half of her wants to give in to this guy, but half of her still makes a big deal of her first time because she is still a virgin. I know that she has a high regard for her self, but I didn't like the way she approached the idea of what might have been if she got pregnant. She's having some other problems and she told me that it was not like her to decide these things, but she told me that she needed to do it because she felt that she was ready, and not because she is using it to avoid the stress she's getting from her other problems. I don't know what to tell her. I know she could do better than what she thinks she wants now. But like what you all said, its her life. I just care about her because she's one of my friends, and I don't want her to regret her choices.

## Post 12 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Monday, 07-Jul-2008 22:52:54

i don't kno what i can say that hasn't already been said. your first time is special, doesn't matter if your male or female. males give up their verginity as well. granted they won't get pregnant, but it's still something special for them as well. even if it isn't his first time, he'll still kno what it's like for her, and unless he's a bastard, he'll respect her and take care of her.

## Post 13 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Tuesday, 08-Jul-2008 13:38:56

That sucks that she would talk about getting an abortion. I don't think that's right. But if she doesn't want to have a baby by him, then that just proves she's not ready. Hopefully, though, for her sake, nothing like that will happen, and she won't have to deal with a situation like that.

## Post 14 by Ok Sure (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 08-Jul-2008 16:26:39

Wow, if I read the original post correctly, the girl being discussed is over 18 and wants to have sex. She says that the guy she wants to sleep with does not want a commitment.
Now, what is wrong with that? There are many different reasons for having sex; not being in a relationship with someone is no reason not to enjoy it. Let's be honest, if you are of legal age, you have access to birth control, and you are not taking unhealthy risks, sex is ok, it's perfectly fine.
Your friend should just get some birth control, pill, condoms, whatever she likes, she can even have the guy tested for STD's, and then just sex away!
First times are rarely special; they are more often awkward and end very quickly.
As for abortions, and adoptions, seriously, the girl just wants sex… It’s good to discuss those things before getting into a relationship, but this just sounds like she is looking for a good time. Just grab her by the scruff of her shirt, shake her and say “You just better not get pregnant! You hear me! You better use birth control!”
Yes, it is ok prudish ladies; it’s ok to want a good time and not much else. Guys are not by any means wolves out to pervert your presumed society constructed innocence, I mean some are, but that’s where personal discretion and self awareness is applied.
Again, sex is not a big deal; it’s definitely not a big deal if you are an adult. Yes, there are consequences to being sexually irresponsible, but then again I’m not advocating sexually irresponsibility, I’m just saying go for it: if you don’t use it, you lose it.

## Post 15 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Tuesday, 08-Jul-2008 19:01:59

Good point. As long as she uses birth control, I see no problem with it. I know a lot of people think sex is better when there's a commitment, but if she doesn't want that, that's her choice, and that's true about first times being awkward.

## Post 16 by OjosDeMiCorazon (That's how I roll!) on Tuesday, 08-Jul-2008 21:55:57

The definition of a good friend is someone who will be there for you no matter what bad decisions you make, and someone who is honest and will tell you the truth. sounds like she has both of those things in you, so if she hasn't thanked you for being such a great friend, I'm doing it on her behalf.
Don't tell her not to have sex anymore, you've already told her how you feel, and that you'll be there for her. You've done your part as a friend. If you wer her parent I would say you should take some drastic measures like buy her a condum, or no TV, haha. However, you're not, and you did the best you could. Tell her that her friend is just being a guy, and that she can't be mad at him for wanting to get some action. I sure hope she becomes a responsible sexually active person, not another baby breeder, we have too many of those.

## Post 17 by moyzey (i'm posting? huh?) on Wednesday, 09-Jul-2008 14:42:03

Ok Sure said all the things I wanted to say, but probably put them better than I did. As long as Both are clear and happy it's just sex, and nothing more, and that all measures are taken to avoid STD's and pregnancy, then go for it. Just be sure that both parties can say no at any time and there won't be any hard feelings.

## Post 18 by sea star (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 10-Jul-2008 3:19:30

i think you did all you could do, but she has to learn this on her own. she'll figure it out later in life. hopefully, she doesn't get an abortion, or i'll kill her!

## Post 19 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Thursday, 10-Jul-2008 19:12:24

Hey, its all right if doesn't notice that I really care about her. I just want her to think first before doing anything. I just hope that nothing happens. Yes, i know its just sex, but having sex is not just doing it with who ever you want. Its probably a common belief to think that its okay, but I have a different view as far as that goes. I respect all your opinions, and thanks for taking the time to read this, but for me, having sex means something more than just to fuck someone. It is the act of sharing your soul with someone you trust and love and not just anyone. I grew up from a different place, and that reflects how i view this topic. Its really sad because I see it often in here that people just give it up too quickly without realizing the need to wait for awhile or the thought that someone better may come.

## Post 20 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Friday, 11-Jul-2008 4:57:41

On the protection front, I believe a combination of condom and the pill will get her chances of accidentally getting pregnant down to 1 in a 1000 or so, probably less actually, since they usually just give a 99% reliability for the pill and about 80 or 90 for the condom (and I think both of those are rather low, but there is the risk of taking the pill incorrectly or not waiting long enough for it to take effect etc).
And I think sex can be both things, fun or a soul sharing experience, it doesn't have to be just one or the other for a person. With the wrong person it's just that, a bitof intimate fun, with someone you love it is an all out, super emotional experience, the latter is way preferable but it doesn't mean the former is just wrong and dirty or discusting. I don't understand people who hold that opinion but then again they probably don't understand my point of view either.
Regarding "friends with benefits" though, it may be possible but I've seen a lotof those cases and I've never seen one that didn't end with major complications, one person gets too attached or emotional, the other one doesn't and it ends up in drama. But may be the benefits outweigh the drama period, it's possible, but I don't really believe there's any such thing as friends with benefits.
I would advocate against first time with someone just to do it personally and I'm pretty sure she'll regret this decissio but, like has been said, a friend is someone who supports you after giving advice, not someone who absolutely forces to to think their way and there's just a line you can't cross as a friend. You can give your opinion and the reasons why you think so but after that you must let your friend figure stuff out for him/herself and be there for support if the proverbial shit goes pair shaped.

## Post 21 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Monday, 21-Jul-2008 21:30:08

I wasted my time because the after the day she talked to me, she did it, and she told me that she felt and thought that she was pregnant and that she was planning to have an abortion if ever it happens. She was a bit irritated because I was too blunt with her that I don't agree with want she decides to do with the baby if ever it was, but hey, sometimes you have to be honest in order to put your point accross. I think at this point, I did what I can, and ita all up to her whether to put the child for abortion, adoption, or leave it to the guy who got her pregnant. And to begin with, the guy doesn't even want a commitment with her.
Awhile ago, we were hanging out and she doesn't even know the difference between lust and love. She's getting mixed up with the meaning of admiration, infatuation, and physical attraction. I don't know what to tell her anymore. I already told her all that I could to make the situation easier for her, but she didn't listen. Its all right. Its her life, not mine. I'm just posting this to tell the result of all the advices that were given to me. Again thanka a lot for your opinions.

## Post 22 by choco ice cream (Veteran Zoner) on Monday, 21-Jul-2008 22:26:26

It is really sad to know that she didn't listen to your advice. Then now she don't want to take responsibility? She only wants good things and not the responsibility with in it. I wish I am there and I will take care of the child for the sake that she will not go into abortion. For me, sex is a sacred thing. You will do it when you are already married not for curiosity or for fun. And a lot of people especially most of us (young people) do not think the consequences. I hope that that your friend will think the right thing and not the wrong one. You tell her that she will need to tell that thing to her parents if necessary so that they will help her on her situation at the moment.

## Post 23 by Milo Theory (Zone BBS Addict) on Monday, 20-Oct-2008 13:21:40

I agree fully with post 22.
Sex isn't just something that you go for just cause you're feeling in the mood; and that, is my personal view.
Someone said earlier that it's just sex; I disagree with that. It's exactly the opisit. It's not just sex; it's much more than that.
Way to go, Cass. Glad you tried to help her; that's how I got to know you.

## Post 24 by buster gonad (Account disabled) on Monday, 20-Oct-2008 16:13:34

sorry, the day after you had sex, granted i am not female, how the bloody hell can you say you think or feel preghnent? duh, sorry you can advise friends over 18 but you can't tell them how to lead their lives infact i'd lower that to 16. what right do any of you here posting think you can say or do to try to make some one live how you perceive they should?
get out of their lives, advice is one thing interfearence is another

## Post 25 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Monday, 20-Oct-2008 22:42:31

Some people view sex as just sex with no attachment, love, and any of that shit. Who are we to judge? Just because it doesn't work for us doesn't mean it won't work for them.

## Post 26 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Monday, 20-Oct-2008 22:42:57

Some people view sex as just sex with no attachment, love, and any of that shit. Who are we to judge? Just because it doesn't work for us doesn't mean it won't work for them.

## Post 27 by cumbiambera2005 (i just keep on posting!) on Tuesday, 21-Oct-2008 18:03:19

Well first of all, Little_Mermaid_1989, I want to congratulate you! I wish I had stuck to what you believe, as that was the same as what I believed! Wish I'd still been settled down at your age!
I actually started slowly into the process, it kind of started by messing around but not actually having sex! This happened with a person I was in love with...or maybe still in love with...but anyway, not the point! My actual first time having sex was a little different than most people's experiences. The person that took my virginity was my boy friend at the time, and he really did care about me! I was very lucky in that aspect! However, technically, he wasn't able to take it all the way due to other issues he has, so I guess I can say it was almost as if we had to stop in the middle, even though it really didn't hurt. But because of this factor, I slowly began to lose it and when it came time for me to actually completely lose it, it was again with the first love, the same guy I'd messed around with before. Now this "Love Of my Life", was considerate of my feelings in every way, as it kind of took him by surprise that I should choose to give myself to him, even though technically I had already given myself up to my ex boy friend. Me and "Mr. So-Called Right", were not dating, so it was just an adventure and experience, to which I was pressured, yet not pressured. I was pressured by peer pressure as well as by his insisting, even though he never expected it, he still brought it up lots of times before!
Never once have I used a condum, and it was stupid of me. Fortunately, luck has been with me, and that's how I'd never gotten pregnant by my ex. I loved him so much that it didn't feel right for me to use one, again, my stupidity!
But anyway, that's my story! As far as the advice, I think most of the posters above have covered it! If she wants to do it that bad, that's her choice, and only she can decide that! However, if you want to give her some advice, it should be use a condum! Birth control helps too!

## Post 28 by tear drop (No longer looking for a prince, merely a pauper with potential!!!!!) on Wednesday, 12-Nov-2008 22:21:06

I thought my first time would be special, and he'd stay for the long hall, but I was very mistaken. It happened in march, and it was over four months later. I guess he got what he wanted? Apparently that was all that mattered. The unfortunate part was I really cared, and loved him, but it just goes to show that a person may not feel the same way you do. I have however, taken the knowledge that I can and will wait for that special person whomever he may be.

## Post 29 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 15-Nov-2008 18:12:06

I agree with the last poster. Its really hard to tell if someone will take you seriously or if they only want to get in your pants. All I can say is that whenever you feel like giving it to someone, think a hundred times before you do it. Its not fun and games. Most people don’t value themselves anymore. They will just give it to whoever they like to screw. Sad to say this but it applies to both guys and girls. Well, my first time was horrible. I don’t mind sharing it because I can never change what happened to me. I was forced to do it. He kept on forcing it on me, very aggressively. I kept on saying no and he kept on going. I did not know how to react to the situation. He even had the guts to look for condoms on my wallet. At least he found some. Thank God I did not get pregnant. What I’m trying to say here is that while you still have a choice to avoid these types of situations, try your best to make the right choices while you can. After this incident, It became harder for me to trust someone. Like what I said earlier, sex is not fun and games. You may have fun now, but you may never know what will happen to you later on. You’re lucky if you just got pregnant, but what if you got some sexually transmitted diseases? There is nothing wrong with having sex as long as you know that you can trust that person. What is wrong is going from one person to another just to get it over with. People today only think of what will work for the moment not what will work for a long time. I know most people hate old traditional values but it still applies to now. Some examples of these values are delayed gratification or in simpler terms learning to wait for the right time. Some other values that I found important are self respect and the willingness to stand up to what is right not on what “everyone” thinks is cool. If you know someone and you think you want to do it with the person just make sure that you will not regret it after you’re done. Think about yourself first before deciding. From a guy’s perspective, they would probably encourage it, they will even say the right words or do the right gestures just to make the girls believe that they really want her. But in reality, after they have seen everything from you, they will lose interest because they already got what they needed. They will enjoy girls that will immediately give it to them, and they will call her easy behind her back. They will talk to their guy friends and they will recommend her to them because of course, she will give it quicker than the clock. Sad to say these, but girls just be aware. There are some guys that are really serious about you, but it takes a time to find those people. In general, not everyone is bad, you got to start looking out for yourself before its too late to get out of the situation.

## Post 30 by maroon five (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Sunday, 16-Nov-2008 1:08:24

i agree with the last post. while i won't say if i have or haven't had sex, cause, it's a private thing, sex should not be viewed as "just having fun". to me, it's about sharing something with someone you love, and who loves you back. if a guy is going to pressure a girl into giving up her verginity, wich is something special that she shouldn't just give up, then he's a creep and doesn't love or respect her. as for friends with benefits, i see it as just plain out right stupid, because what if one of you start to develope feelings for the other, no matter how much talking about how you won't and all that crap.

## Post 31 by Gracesong (Zone BBS is my Life) on Sunday, 16-Nov-2008 14:53:23

I wholeheartedly agree iwth the posters who've stated that sex isn't just fun and games. In our culture today many feel that sex is just a primal act, and this has reduced people, not just women, ot objects. As such, we can disrespect people and treat them any wya we see fit because they are nothing as obects.
I long for the days when sex is once again considered holy and sacred, when people are seen as people, not objects of lust.
What hypocrisy to say that sex is just for fun and to at the same time condemn those who rape others or sexually abuse people. Even though both adults consent to having sex just for fun, it does dammage to one's soul and heart that few wish to admit, imho.
I guess until one has either known someone or are themselves a victim of sexual crime, it's hard to comprehend the soulsharing that goes on. I plan to keep my virginity till marriage. However, having known people who have been molested and myself having been so, I feel bad for those who wish to have sex for fun and treat it as littel more than an animal instinct.
Just my $0.02, though.

## Post 32 by roller (Generic Zoner) on Monday, 17-Nov-2008 11:51:08

Hey, not all guys have the same views about sex. But I would not like it if I'm trying to go out with this girl, and I found out that she had lots of sexual experiences with different guys. How am I suppose to respect her if too many guys already used her? I know the past does not matter to some people, but it would give me a good idea of who she is. I want to be with someone who has self respect, and wouldn't just give it to any guy that comes along. I agree with the last posters, sex is not only done for fun and games.

## Post 33 by Inspired Chick (Zone BBS Addict) on Tuesday, 10-Feb-2009 18:44:33

first of all, it doesn't matter how many people she's had sex with, god I can't believe that guys or certain guys would say ok this girl had five sex partners so I won't date her. How shallow is that? sorry. Just my two sense

## Post 34 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Wednesday, 11-Feb-2009 7:28:00

agree with posts thirty-thirty-one, and thirty-two. well-said, and much more eloquently-written than I could have done ...

## Post 35 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Monday, 16-Feb-2009 15:08:46

Here's my two cents on the issue. While I'll be first to admit that I enjoy my sex, I still don't just go out looking for girls to do it with. Of course you'd be suprised how many sighted girls these days would pass up a blind guy, but that's a whole other story. And it goes for real, committed relationships and not just sex. But getting back on toic here, I completely agree with the general consensus here. If I'm going to have sex with a girl, be it a significant other or, for the sake of this example, a friend with benefits type situation, I'd still wat to respect the other person's views. If that means taking steps to try to prevent...consequenes, whih I'd want to do in any case, then so be it. And you'd think that would be a matter of common sense, but it's been my experience that a disturbing number of people these days haven't got an ounce of that..