# Should relationships be taken very fast or very slow?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2015 20:19:18

I'd like to say one thing before start. My last thread on teen pregnancy
got a lot of negative posts. While that is a very controversial topic, that is
ok. I just want to say that everyone is entitled to their opinion and that
was my say on that topic. You don't have to like it or hate it, it's just my
opinion. Now onto my topic.
A lot of people have a tendency to take relationships very fast. This is a
very bad thing. If you take a relationship too fast, you don't have an
opportunity to get to know the person inside and out. You want to at
least get to know each other first before sleeping together. Sometimes
people are not always who they say they are, and it can be dangerous. If
a relationship is taken too fast, there can be a lot of problems. I think it is
so important to take a relationship very slow. Even if you have to talk on
the phone for a year before sleeping together, that is perfectly fine. You
want to get to know the other person very well before starting anything.
The reason I am posting this topic is because I have a friend who is taking
a relationship way too fast. This is the same friend I was forced to end my
fwb relationship with for any of you who saw that thread in this board. In
the middle of July, he joined a facebook group called blind penpals. Some
of you may know or have heard about that group. There is another girl in
that group who he began to correspond with. They talked on the phone
twice. She lives in Ohio and he lives here in New Jersey. She has a sister
who lives in New Jersey, and her parents were driving to New Jersey to see
her sister. She does not get along with her sister, so she was driving to
New Jersey with her parents to come see my friend. He told me she was
staying with him, but I thought it was just going to be a friend thing. So
they talked on the phone twice, and then a week later, she was at his
house, and they were in bed naked together. She stayed for 4 days. She
came back to visit him at the end of August. She planned on staying until
the end of September but she had to go back early, and I'm not going to
go into too much details as to respect his privacy. Then, 20 days later,
she came back to stay with him and she is staying with him until
November. She was with him from the 28th of September until the end of
November. She was supposed to stay for 2 weeks, then a month which
would have been next Wednesday, then she extended it again. They have
only known each other for 3 months and they are already talking about
living together, getting married, and having kids. I think this is way too
quick. Plus, she has a brain injury that causes her to have moodswings
thus causing her to get aggressive and violent.
I also think you should wait to introduce your partner to your family until
you really get to know each other and decide if they are the one for you.
I think 3 months is way too quick to decide if someone you are interested
in is really the one you would like to spend the rest of your life with. I also
do not want to see my friend get hurt. You don't know someone until you
live with them.
So, what do you all think about all of this? Do you all think relationships
should be taken really fast or really slow?
Leave your responses down below; I look forward to reading your
responses! :)

## Post 2 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2015 20:22:24

Nothing wrong with sex. If you don't want to have sex until you've known someone for a while, that's your call.
But stop shaming other people for enjoying it, and not feeling the need to be close to someone before they sleep together.
The problem with your posts isn't that you think the things that you do, it's that you present your opinions as facts. They are not. You can think what you want, and do what you want with your life. But don't come around telling everyone else what's right and wrong.

## Post 3 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2015 20:41:25

I don't want you to think of my response as negative. We are discussing right?
If I disagree, it isn't negative, it is I disagree.
Now if we are using your friend as our example, looks to me they are getting to know each other just fine.
In the 3 months’ time, they've spent lots of time together.
What we, meaning, you and I don't know, is what that time spent consisted of.
Maybe they talked about her injury, and other factors, and how he should deal with it when, or if she has a bad day.
Maybe she’s had some bad days too.
They’ve spent time in bed, so maybe they know they are compatible in that area.
They have lived under the same roof for many days, so they’ve explored living habits.
All that probably has lead them to believe they might make a match. The only way to figure that out, is to put it to the real test.
In my personal relationships, I tend to go slowly as far as having a person live with me.
When I sleep with them depends on them, because I don’t see sex as the measure of how much we are in love, or loving each other.
If she wishes to sleep with me after the first date, I respect her. If she wants to wait awhile, I’ll do that too.
Spending time is how I learn about them generally. How long that takes also depends on them.
Some people try to reveal as much of themselves as possible quickly, others hold back.
As to family, that doesn’t matter at all. You are not living with your family; you are living with the person you have decided to live with.
If your family hasn’t met him or her before you are living together, it really makes no difference.
Your family could dislike the person for false reasons, or just they feel you should wait, but that isn’t your problem.
I couldn’t put a time frame on this sort of thing, because it depends.
How long would you say parts of relationships should start?
First you meet however you do and talk.
Next is intimacy.
Next is spending more time together and planning to move together.
Next might be kids.
How long would you give each faze related to success of the relationship?
Lets talk. Give me some feedback.

## Post 4 by VioletBlue (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2015 22:41:18

Does the opinion of strangers really matter to you? Are you asking mainly in hopes of being told your opinions are valid?
This all strikes me as sour grapes, on your part, and I think it's in poor taste of you to put details of someone else's life and their business on a public forum, that is what I think.
Perhaps you mean well, but you have to let people make their own mistakes, AppleGirl.

## Post 5 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2015 22:59:31

Yeah I guess I'm the kind of person who does not like to rush into things. I
guess with some people relationships happen faster than others.

## Post 6 by VioletBlue (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Wednesday, 21-Oct-2015 23:56:21

It's good to know this, about yourself. Soon enough, you will meet someone you are interested in, and awareness of your own needs and boundaries is a good start.
There are many examples of successful relationships and marriages that progressed quickly. So, caution is wise, but not being so doesn't necessarily doom an involvement. You might even find that out for yourself.

## Post 7 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 0:02:11

I could never take a relationship that slowly. All these descriptions of fantastic
relatinships where you spend time together and eat ice cream sounds incredibly
close to friendships. I don't get where the difference between a good friend and
a girlfriend is in that instance.

## Post 8 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 7:03:05

Speed of a relationship is basically down to those involved. I think caution with sex should be a given, but that doesn't mean going a bit faster than someone else is shameful. Take precautions, and do everything you can to know exactly what you're in for -before you get into it.
If you're the type to take it slow, that's fine. Just don't get on anyone else's back if they're not that way, is all. No one ought to be criticizing you for taking things slowly, after all.

## Post 9 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 10:14:15

Hey AppleGirl, guess what? I agree with you that generally taking a relationship slower rather than faster is wise and it's what I'm personally most comfortable with. and had you left it at that, I'd have respected your oppinion and I'd have acknowledged that you actually have something to contribute.
Ugh.
But then you go into detail about a relationship that a former friend with benefits of yours is having... really?
First, it's really pretty creepy how many specifics you know about him and this girl. You know when she comes and when she goes, you know about a brain injury of hers... You know, or presume, when they're in bed naked together? And you care enough to bother to distastefully post it up here for all of us to see and digest. Seems to me like you're more jealous of his relationship than worried about its consequenses.
Kind of creepy; it's like you're the crazy ex girlfriend who's stalking him--except you weren't even a girlfriend of his in the first place. Yeah. Very disturbingYou need therapy, and I mean that in the kindest way possible. .
If I were him, I'd be cutting you off pronto, changing my number, skype info, etc. You'd be cut out like a bad picture from a magazine.
Here's my advice to you: buttt out. It's none of your business how slow or how fast your friend takes his relationship and with whom. Sure, you can have an oppinion about the matter in general; that's perfectly fine. But when you start applying it to specific people with whom you yourself aren't in a relationship, that's when you're taking it too far. You sure you, too, dont' have a brain injury? No mood swings on your part? And did you wait a year and talked to your ex friend with benefits on the phone for that long before sleeping with him, too, as you suggest people should do? In short, did you follow your own timeline? lol. Take a good look at yourself and your own problems before you start dissecting someone else's baggage. What I'm reading from your post is that you somehow think you're better than this girl with a brain injury and mood swings, and it's unjust that he chose her and not you.
In the end though, it's his choice. if he wants to deal with and love someone who has a brain injury, that's his choice. If that's who he wants to sleep with and date, that's his choice. If he found someone worth being exclusive with, in his book, worth committing to, that's his choice as well.
If you can't respect that, you have no place being in any kind of a relationship in the first place. If you can't respect his choices, it's pretty clear the guy chose well not to date you instead. For all your good intentions and insights, whatever they may be, you have a lot of growing up to do before you can sit there and dictate to someone else what kind of life they should lead and with whom.
I know girls with your attitude. My partner had the misfortune of dealing with a crazy ex girlfriend; she went very very far to try and break us up, even long after we were already in a solid relationship and it was clear we were building a life together. She Went over the borderline of nuts, almost succeeded in splitting us up for good. Key word though, is almost. And had she succeeded in breaking us up, there would have been three miserable people in the mix, not just one. I saw the desire you expressed in your FWB thread about wanting to break up your ex friend's new relationship. That's where this new post stemms from, isn't it? lol. I'm pretty sure you're more jealous than you are concerned about how fast his relationship is progressing. In any case, it's none of your business. Smile and be happpy for him. He found someone else to spend his time with; it happens not to be you. So what. Lick your wounds solo and get over it. Because girls with your attitude spell trouble for themselves and for everyone else they choose to involve. Here's a thought: go out and look for someone to be in a relationship with, and take it slow as per your own advice. Let your friend take his at his own pace. Whether he is happy and successful in it or not is absolutely none of your business. it shouldn't be.
Rant over.

## Post 10 by oddly-charming (Generic Zoner) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 12:02:28

There's an interesting theory on relationships that you should look at if you're interested, Robert Sternberg's triangular love theory.
Here's a link with more info below:
http://www.psych2go.net/according-sternbergs-love-theory-three-components-love-commitment-passion-intimacy/
Anyway, my personal opinion on this is that they should do whatever makes them happy. My partner and I have been together for a year and 4 months, and we moved in together after 3 months. We met online, we dated and spent a lot of time together, we had lots and lots of sex, and then we decided to move in. Maybe not responsible, maybe wouldn't work for everyone, but it worked for us. We had passion, intimacy, and commitment with each other at the beginning. We still do, though passion and sex is slightly declining, as it does for most couples after a while.
You've contradicted yourself in saying that they should get to know each other before moving in and marrying, and then you say that you disapprove of them spending so much time together. I think you are more motivated by your jealousy than your friendly concern.
So I don't necessarily agree with your opinion. I think relationships are highly individualistic things, and you should, quite frankly, stay out of their relationship and their bedroom.
Jake

## Post 11 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 12:38:41

I over looked the FWB part, because I didn't want to bring that up.
You said you like to take things slowly.
How long is slow?
If you live across town from a person you are interested, are you going to talk to him for a year before you'll have sex with him?
Give me the time frame that you and your friend did before you were in bed?
Last, I know others have blamed you for having to much information, but he had to share this with you. I don't suppose you were peeping in his window, so I'd have to say you weren't in his business, he opened it up.
He had to tell you he was in bed naked with her after even 3 minutes, so. Smile.
I also doubtd he was planning on her coming all that way to shake her hand and be her friend. He was actively seeking a date on a dating group, so.
But, I'd like to set that aside, and just deal with the facts.
You said slow, how slow?

## Post 12 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 17:23:08

A levelheaded person sets that sort of info aside even if it is volunteered by the other party, Wayne. A levelheaded person without an ax to grind won't post it up on a public board because, a, that's rude and it says more about the poster in question, not the person they're writing about, b, the info is not relevant to them, and c, the levelheaded person wouldn't be overthinking that info to such a degree that they can recall every meticulous detail. Since this poster chose to link this topic to her ex FWB, why overlook it. she clearly isn't, and so calling her out on it is fair game. lol.

## Post 13 by AgateRain (Believe it or not, everything on me and about me is real!) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 18:11:56

Oh my! I completely skipped over the personal information of the post, because I agreed with the OP completely, but how do you know any of us don't know who these people are? That information you posted was too much, and I wouldn't be your friend anymore if I knew this type of information was out.

## Post 14 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 19:06:07

I hear you writer, but why does your friend that knows you still have the hots for him tell you all about how he's naked in bed with his new girl?
I'd talk about him on a public board too. hahaha.
She has way to many details for a woman that wanted him. Why is he providing all that?
Sure, she's jealous some, but I over looked that, because I want to know her general thought on relationships not her jealous reaction.
Now, if I can't get that, then I'll have to concede your point. Smile.

## Post 15 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 21:47:20

Wayne, did it occur to you that Apple girl might have made these things up? That because of the jealousy that she displayed in the FWB topic, she's clearly seeking revenge?
Apple girl, I suggest you think about getting into therapy and trying to get help for your issues. Because whether you like to hear it or not, it is not normal to put someone else's personal business out here for anyone and everyone to digest. No matter how mad you are or how much you may claim you were just posing a question, you clearly need some help of your own.

## Post 16 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Thursday, 22-Oct-2015 22:21:03

Wayne, I'm pretty sure the guy isn't calling her up saying, "hey, so my girl's just been here and we just had sex." lol. She's probably contacting him, and in passing he probably says something like, "yeah, she's visiting me next weekend." or "Yeah, we're doing well, I'm going to see her in a couple of weeks." lol. A person without an agenda or at least with an ioda of respect for their friend would just brush it off as an "oh, that's nice." comment. Something in passing.
Applegirl, here, isn't like that. She files it away as important info. Then she compiles it together like she did in this thread, kind of like a journalist or researcher would.
And come on, man. You and I both know that when two people meet after dating long distance, they're going to get naked in a matter of minutes and get down to the fun. Seriously. Applegirl isn't even beneath that assumption. lol.
Clearly looks like a girl that reads way too much into what's not her business, and a guy who makes no secret of spending time with a girl he's interested in. He's not advertising how he spends his time. He's not putting his details up on a billboard, he doesn't have to. Applegirl is doing that for him. Hahahaha.

## Post 17 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 23-Oct-2015 10:31:02

IN all actually, what's probably happening, though bernadetta isn't far off I
don't imagine, but what is probably happening is that apple girl heard from a
firnd, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another that apple girl's x
fwb visited his new girlfriend's house. And while fwb guy and new girlfriend
were having dinner and playing dominos, apple girl was driving herself into a
jealous bit of imagination that had fwb and new girlfriend playing aked twister
while doing shots and snorting cocaine, and ending the evening with a rousing
bout of tied up anal sex which involved food, or something equally as kinky.
When you're jealous, nothing can be innocent. The idea that the person you like
could be simply doing something basic with someone else doesn't really occur to
you. You think of what you'd like to be doing, and convince yourself that they're
doing that exact thing with someone else. I speak from experience.

## Post 18 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Friday, 23-Oct-2015 11:24:46

Gees cody. Ya think?
lol. :D
Good one. :)

## Post 19 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 23-Oct-2015 12:19:44

Why, I never!
Putting events in to a man's life. I'd never think of that.
Of course, she was doing a good job with his eventsif that is the case.
Therapy isn't necessary here, she just needs to get another FWB or something, and that will cover it.
AppleGirl, you are getting your information from your X lover, right?
Help me out here. I'm honestly trying to get a discussion, and reasons for your thoughts. They are flat out wrong, right?

## Post 20 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 2:56:40

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
I was not making any of this up. First of all, I didn't mention their names,
so I am not doing anything wrong. You can find these board posts on
Google, but you have to know very specific keywords in order to find it,
and the chances that they will find it is very unlikely. You also have to be
a member of the zone to read it, and they don't use the zone. As far as
having sex goes, he didn't tell me specifics; I just figured it out. A dating
relationship comes with sex, so I just figured out on my own that they are
sleeping together and having sex. He also doesn't tell me details about her
personal life, and I think he should because I wouldn't repeat it. Friends
share things with each other. And when you have been in an fwb
relationship, it's hard to see the guy doing the exact same stuff he did with
you to another girl.

## Post 21 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 8:06:30

Their sex life is absolutely none of your business. Friends or not, if he wants to tell you what's going on, that's his perogative, but for you to pry like that is absolutely immature and disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself for even suggesting that he should tell you about it, and if you're not, then there's no help for you. friends don't have to tell each other everything, and when they do, it's generally expected that trust and confidence won't be broken.
BTW, if i'm not mistaken, board posts show up in google search results. You don't know that a potential mutual friend could come across it and come back to him with, "Hey, look what I found. Your name's not mentioned, but it still sounds like something that happened to you."
Right, walking away from all this immaturity now. Just ... go back to middle school and stay there until you're emotionally able to cope with the world of adulthood!

## Post 22 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 8:38:49

Why in the world should he tell you about her personal life? Its not his place
to tell anyone about her personal life. How immature can you get.

## Post 23 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 10:04:27

Oh my gdness, applegirl, sweetie, congratulations. You just proved my point. I won't bother to reiterate what my point was, because everyone else gets it too, I bet.
Wayne, can you see the big picture now? lol.
See... I'm as much a fan of giving someone the benefit of the doubt as the next guy, but I also can't help but tell it like I see it when it's obvious enough.
Applegirl, I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you if I were this guy. Your immaturity and thought process astounds me, as does your naivety. You have a long long road ahead of you...

## Post 24 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 10:38:21

Uh, oh!
Well damn. You win Writer.
Yes, I can see the big picture. Smile.

## Post 25 by oddly-charming (Generic Zoner) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 18:07:49

I love the use of the word "should" here, why the hell should he tell you anything about his sex life or her personal life or anything else?
And what is this, you hate seeing him doing the same things he did to you to another girl? So now you're on her side, and trying to see that he doesn't hurt her? Right. First of all, he's not doing to her what he did to you. He's thinking about being in a serious long-term relationship with her, which is not the arrangement you two had. You two had a friends with benefits relationship. Period. And now you don't. Period. He found someone he wants to sleep with and be with long-term. They are two different things. Secondly, he is not doing anything destructive to her, nor did he do anything destructive to you. You had an agreement that you would fuck and be friends and nothing more, and it's not his fault that you got all wrapped up in him and expected him to do the same.
I agree with most everyone else; you're acting very immaturely, probably out of jealousy, and I will offer you the advice which I did in your FWB topic:
Please, take a step back, calm down, get over him, and move on with your life. It's over.
Jake

## Post 26 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 20:25:37

Cody, friends usually tell each other everything. Someone said how long is
slow, and I forgot to answer that question yesterday. My friend and I took it
very slow I started visiting him at his house in January of 2013. He began
touching me and I objected because I was shy and wanted to get to know
each other. In August of 2013, all we did was lay next to each other as a
start. Then things progressed from there. We had sex in August of 2014 and
didn't start sleeping together in November of 2014. So we took it slow, but I
guess that is just me.

## Post 27 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 20:29:49

Yes, friends do tell one another things they might not tell other people. But that is 100% their choice. He owes you nothing.
I have a lot of friends and I know nothing about their sex lives, and nor should I unless they want to share. It's none of my fucking business.
So take some advice, back off and stop feeling so entitled.

## Post 28 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 20:42:27

Ah, I see. You took it slow and put much time in to it, and he changed quickly.
I really think people shouldn't get in to relationships hoping they'll change when one or the other person has been totally honest.
I think if I took things that slow as you did, I'd not have accepted the FWB, you didn't want that from jump street.

## Post 29 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 24-Oct-2015 22:21:48

I second what Holly said. Yes, friends tell each other many things, they do not
have to tell each other everything. His sex life is none of your business. Besides
that, you didn't say he should tell you about his sex life, you said he should tell
you about her personal life, which is certainly none of your business.

## Post 30 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 2:27:08

Yeah but when your friend tells you stuff they do not tell others, that means
they trust you. So it is a little different. I wanted the fwb relationship. I
went into it with good intentions; I just didn't know how I would feel if and
when it had to end sooo abruptly.

## Post 31 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 8:16:50

That doesn't matter, I'm afraid. It doesn't justify the things you've been saying, and it doesn't grant you any entitlements. As others have said, you are no longer in this relationship. If you feel a little jealous, that might be understandable and maybe you can't really help it. But what you -can help is what you do about it. So, before this gets any worse, stop. Stop thinking about him and her together, as much as you can. Stop posting details, however much you think you're safe in doing so. Stop judging this other girl, because frankly she doesn't matter.
You had an FWB that exploded because you got too wrapped up and he wanted to date someone else. That hurts and I'm sorry. But the only thing you can do short of becoming "that girl" is getting on with your life. You will be better for it.
And for future reference, friends who act entitled with one another often don't work out long-term. Yes, they often share confidences, but when those confidences are expected (to the point where not receiving them makes you feel betrayed)...well, it's an awfully slippery slope. Basically, the only things you have any right to expect pertain specifically to you. You should expect a friend not to openly lie to you, or steal fromm you, or abuse you, stuff like that. You should -not expect that a friend has to tell you everything.
If I was the guy in this situation, I would've seriously considered cutting you out of my life, but might have given you one last chance...sat you down and basically had a strong word with you to the tune of "cut the crap, and do it right now". And if I saw any signs that you hadn't, you'd be gone.
I'll further something said earlier about zone posts. They do show up in google results, and nothing stops either your ex-FWB guy, his girlfriend or another mutual friend seeing this one day. They won't have to be rocket scientists to put the pictures together, and if they manage it, you're going to look awfully bad. It's really a pity you can't delete messages or threads, because I'd get rid of this one if I were you. It's a bad idea pretty much from start to finish.

## Post 32 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 9:48:22

They show, but the content you have to come on the Zone to see.
Next they'd have to be looking. Why would they?
Someone that know her and him would have to use the Zone and point it out.

## Post 33 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 12:57:14

Though, with it being the blind community it is actually pretty likely that a mutual friend could come across it.
And even if they couldn't, have some self respect and stop behaving like a child.

## Post 34 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 13:12:20

Actually I just checked. you can see board posts when not logged in. Sorry guys. Big boom bust. You no longer have to be logged in to read board posts.
And another thing apple girl.
I'm far from a controling person. I love that my partner is his own person and he gives me room to be my own individual as well. However, if he had a friend like you, and ex FWB who just couldn't quit, if he had a friend like you who felt entitled to my personal details or to the details of our sex life and relationship, you'd better believe I'd give hid a bit of an ultimatum. If our relationship were to blossom and flourish, a crazy girl friend like you would be out of the picture, or I'd be packing my bags and distancing myself away from the guy. A guy with a friend like you in the wings is a guy with too much baggage for me. I just don't have patience with such nutty behavior or with someone who has such entitled, possessive feelings twoard a friend. No way. lol. You stated in your FWB post that your friend's new girlfriend is controling... no sweetie, she's not. She's smart. she's preserving what she feels wil be a worthwhile relationship, and she's weeding out drama-queen friends that could cause potential issues down the road. I am all for autonomy but if I'm going to put an effort and time and emotions into a relationship I thought of with serious potential, I'd b doing the same. It's not worth having crazy chicks around when you're building a lasting foundation.. I speak from experience lol

## Post 35 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 13:26:47

Well even if you could delete posts, when you delete something on the
Internet, it is still floating around somewhere. Once you post something on
the Internet it's out there forever.
My friend's girlfriend is a freak. While she was at his house, she called her
ex-boyfriend and told him she loved him. You do not call exes when you
are with your current boyfriend or girlfriend. That's not appropriate. He
was emotional abusive toward her, and my friend knows what he did to
her; he won't tell me and yes I do expect my friends to tell me stuff if they
confided in me in the past. Her ex-boyfriend was/is an alcoholic too. She
told him what my friend's salary is too which is nobody else's business.

## Post 36 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 14:47:29

I think you're hardly in a position to tell someone else what they should or shouldn't be doing. lol. If people were to adjust their moral compass according to the likes of you, they would be pretty screwed up from a moral standpoint.
There you go again, spouting that which is none of your business. And your bias against the people about whom you're writing gives you pretty much no credibility, therefore, what you're saying is irrelevant. You think that just because people aren't going to see what you write about them or because you don't mention them by name, it's ok to spread their business all over the place like that? If that's true, your sense of judgment is at best twisted, and you hardly have any right to be pointing fingers at anyone else. If you want to see a freak close and personal, you don't need to look any further than your own mirror. lol.

## Post 37 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 19:50:00

Thank you, bernadeta. To post 35, what part of, "we don't care about other people's business, and you shouldn't even be putting your supposed friend's personal life, or that of his GF's, out there for everyone to see," is so difficult to understand? Oh, yeah, clearly all of it, as indicated by your most recent post. So, even if this topic could be deleted, you can't take back what you said or retract it. it's out there for everyone to see. For Heaven's sake, at least have the decency to keep your friend's personal business quiet. telling us, (complete strangers), online, is just as bad as verbally telling someone about his and his girlfriend's business, so it's obvious you can't be trusted. And don't even try to sit there and spout off a story about who's done what where in this situation, because that'll only make you look worse than you've made yourself look thus far. seriously, go find some like-minded high school freshman and teenage drama queens to befriend and come back when you've understood the concept of put on the adult panties and keep them on.

## Post 38 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Sunday, 25-Oct-2015 21:36:34

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha a macbook!

## Post 39 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 26-Oct-2015 7:43:06

Honestly, even if your fwb friend's girlfriend is controlling, or a freak, or is behaving inappropriately, it's none of your concern. If you were told by the ex-fwb thing, that's one thing I suppose. You're allowed to have an opinion about her behaviour. But as far as actually meddling or trying to do anything about it? Nope, that's where your rights end.
And yeah. We really don't generally want to hear about it because you're just digging the hole deeper every time you post. We caution you not to put personal details about other people out there, and what did you do? Your very next post does precisely that. Priorities, I'm afraid, need straightening.
Frankly, we don't have enough info to know whether or not this guy's girlfriend is doing anything really wrong or not. Your point of view is suspect. She very well may be in the wrong here, but let your ex-FWB guy figure it out for himself, why don't you?
Honest question here, but do you have so little respect for this man that you think meddling in his business is your right? Do you think so little of him that, if the girlfriend really is bad news, he can't figure it all out eventually? If you do, then clearly your feelings for him are suspect as well; it's one thing to feel like you want to help someone, quite another to feel as if you possess moral authority to get involved in their affairs. The former means you're honestly looking out for someone else's well-being or safety; the latter usually involves jealousy, spite, or both, and I'm quite sure it's the latter that's taking place here.

## Post 40 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 26-Oct-2015 21:23:13

She has said flat out in another post she'd like to break them up.
So, all the post don't matter to her.
I also learned that she made up events in the guys life, so I can't believe the girl called her X and told him she loved him.
But if she did, people often time love X mates, they just move on too.
AppleGirl wishes to do as she's doing.
I've learned that she is just looking for somone to agree with her.
Smile.

## Post 41 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Monday, 26-Oct-2015 22:31:10

See wayne, sometimes I wish I was as nice as you. Sometimes, I wish I gave people more of a benefit of the doubt... This isn't one of those times. lol.

## Post 42 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Monday, 26-Oct-2015 22:33:47

Isn't that slander if you go around writing untrue things about someone for everyone to see?

## Post 43 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 27-Oct-2015 17:45:06

No. She'd have to use names, and the words would have to cause them some type of trouble.
But, first they'd have to find the post.
Writer, you're smarter then the average bear. Lol
I was trying to give her the benefit, and have a discussion.

## Post 44 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 27-Oct-2015 20:10:52

I have a lot of respect for him. He hasn't figured out that his girlfriend is bad
news. Some people just stick with someone who is bad news because they
are lonely and they feel that they always have to be with someone. That is
exactly what he is doing.

## Post 45 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 27-Oct-2015 21:54:55

I disagree. He wasn't lonely, he had you right?
He broke up your relationship to be with her, isn't this correct?
Why, or how was he lonely before, unless you made him do withought your company for long periods of time?

## Post 46 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Wednesday, 28-Oct-2015 14:39:51

Has he figured out yet that you're bad news? lol. That's the real question. It looks like he has--it certainly does, doesn't it.

## Post 47 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Wednesday, 28-Oct-2015 21:03:55

I dunno. I think at this point the best thing you can do is put your money where your mouth is, so to speak.
A good friend, at this point, backs off and keeps their opinions quiet, particularly where it pertains to the new girlfriend. If you're wrong about her, you'd hate to get in the way of his relationship. And if you're actually right about her, then give your ex-FWB the benefit of the doubt. He'll figure it out. And if he gets hurt in the meantime, let him. He'll manage.
You, as that good friend you say you want to be, have a duty, in my eyes, at least. If you really want to claim that title of "good friend" then you'll try and act in his best interest here, before your own. That means that if his relationship does explode, you won't make a move on him, you won't laugh in his face and you won't say "I told you so". I'm not saying you won't feel a little vindicated in your heart, and I'm not saying you should start letting him walk on you anytime his life goes bad. That's a slippery slope. But at this point, if you're really the friend you say you are, then you have to let him get hurt (or not) on his own, and if he -does get hurt, then your primary concern shouldn't be making a move, or establishing how right you were, but in helping him get himself together again. And if you can't do even that much, then stay back and let someone else with a bit more truly vested interest help him out. Because what this man -doesn't need from you is self-righteousness.

## Post 48 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Wednesday, 28-Oct-2015 21:41:40

Well he would have been better off with me than that freak he's with now.
Yeah if they broke up it would be an "I told you so" kind of thing.

## Post 49 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Wednesday, 28-Oct-2015 22:30:50

...yeah. That tells me everything I need to know right there.
You are not a good friend, and it was probably good for this guy that he got away from you, romantically, when he did. Hopefully you learn one day, but right now, your approach is just wrongheaded, and nothing short of having life punch you in the face, metaphorically speaking, is going to prove it.
Like I said before, having a little vindication in your heart if things go badly for him is something maybe you can't help feeling. Some people are just built that way, I'm afraid, though it still makes me cringe. But you could sure as help acting on it. And if you're plainly stating that he'd be better off with you and that it'd be an I-told-you-so thing, you're clearly not ready for a relationship. Calling her a freak, no matter what she's like, is also not painting you very favourably right now. Your profile says you're twenty-two or twenty-three, but this sort of behaviour is the kind of thing I'd have expected to see early in high school, not from a grown woman.

## Post 50 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Thursday, 29-Oct-2015 10:43:30

No words. lol.
...
I can't even..
...
Here: Dance to this, applegirl. This song sums you up perfectly. It's just as ridiculous as you are, sweetie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bg59q4puhmg
Oh, and hope you're ready for a visit from dear old karma. I hear she's a real bitch. Bet you'll find out soon enough whether you two are compatible or not.
lol.
Sorry guys. I'm bored. :D

## Post 51 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Thursday, 29-Oct-2015 11:57:43

You know an argument has gone south when Bernadetta surrenders words in
favor of youtube links. Brace for the four horsemen everybody.

## Post 52 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 29-Oct-2015 17:25:29

No, she's acting like a grown woman. Sorry to break it to you.
Even grown women get mad when they get dumped for creeps. Smile.

## Post 53 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Thursday, 29-Oct-2015 18:35:20

No. She's acting like a high-school girl with a jealousy problem and something of a score to settle. I suppose there are women who act that way, you're right, but I'd argue that most women kinda, y'know, grow out of that before they get out of their teenage years?
Ah well. Frankly, I don't have to deal with it from my own partner at all. She's awesome. And since any other exposure to that sort of behaviour is voluntary for me, I guess I can't bitch. I offered my opinion, and that's me done with it. I'm glad I don't have to deal with you in real life, AppleGirl. I can say my piece and have an end to it on a forum, and I don't lose sleep or find myself too worried about you or anyone in your life because I don't know them. I hope your ex-FWB realizes what a piece of work you are and puts you at an even greater distance, but beyond that, livve long and prosper I suppose. Haha.

## Post 54 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Friday, 30-Oct-2015 22:05:12

When you have been in a physical relationship with someone, it's hard to
just abruptly end things. He should have weaned me off of it slowly;
weaning is very important when you want to stop something; you never
want to do it cold turkey. Weaning is the best approach.. For example,
say you want to get a child to break a pacifier habbit. You don't just rip
the pacifier away from them one day and throw it in the garbage. You
wean them off of it slowly. So first you might tell them if they want it,
they have to go get it. Then you elliminate the pacifier during naps. Once
they are doing well with that, you ellimnate it during bedtime and tell them
it's their doll's bedtime and we need to help their doll fall asleep. And you
do this until they are weaned. So the point of this topic is to say that
when having sex, you should wean off of it slowly like say during a
weekend visit you do it 10 times. The next weekend you can do it 9 times,
then 8, then 7, and so on until you get to one and then you eventually
stop once you are fully weaned.

## Post 55 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Friday, 30-Oct-2015 22:12:28

Oh. My. God.
This is a joke right?
Because no, no, relationships are not like this. If you want to leave a relationship, you leave it. Yes, it can suck for the person on the other end, and often for both people. But it's what you do.
Girl you need to have a good look at your life and what you expect from it.

## Post 56 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Friday, 30-Oct-2015 22:30:42

I'm sorry. I thought I was done. I'm not.
Let me clarify this, AppleGirl. Weaning works for babies. It also works for drug habits. It doesn't work for relationships.
If you think everything's fine and you get dropped very suddenly it hurts. No lie. That's totally understandable. I've been in a relationship that I thought was doing all right, only to be dumped rather suddenly. It was an awful feeling. But at no point, no matter how upset I got, did I think my ex needed to -wean me. Frankly, she'd had enough, and she left. That's how adult relationships work.
I'm really, really hoping you're some sort of troll, and don't actually believe this stuff, because if you do, then you're even less prepared for adult relationships than I thought. Even high-school girls don't believe that weaning is necessary. Would it soothe your ego, maybe, or let you down easy? Perhaps it would. But don't give yourself any illusions. No one, absolutely no one, is under any social pressure to do this for you.
And frankly, there's one very very good reason -not to do this. Let's say boy and girl are in a relationship. Girl wants to leave, boy doesn't. Girl decides to wean boy rather than dump him right away. Well, depending on what she's actually told him, guess what boy might think? "Hey, maybe it's not all over yet." or "Maybe if I really try and work on things, she'll come back." And sometimes, maybe boy should have that chance, it's true. But under no circumstances should girl be forced to wean boy if she's just really and truly done. Even if boy isn't too bad of a guy, and could mend his ways, sometimes relationships just end. One party, or both parties, realize it isn't working, and realize there's no way to make it work. Or hell, they realize they want something that their current partner doesn't provide, and they have to leave, so they do it. At that point, holding them back by insisting they take you down easy might just make it harder on you. It's like that silly band-aid analogy people use. One good sharp tug, hurts like hell, and it's done, rather than easing it off by degrees.
And don't pull any bullshit about being addicted to sex, or even sexual activity in general. Sure it's nice. Sure you like it; most people, statistically speaking, enjoy it. That's fine. But if you don't get it, you aren't going to die. You aren't at any medical risk. At worst, you're going to feel listless and sad for a bit. Learn to live with it. You'll get on with your life, and those feelings will go away. I have sympathy for those feelings, actually. Just don't use them to supposedly justify behaviour which, quite frankly, is juvenile.
The more I read from you, the more I think the ex-FWB decided that he wanted something in a relationship that you didn't provide. And that something, as it happens, might very well be maturity. He realized that he wants more from a woman than you were giving him, and decided to take his chances elsewhere. I could be wrong, but I think it's at least a distinct possibility. At this point, you really have two options. The first is to keep making excuses, blaming others and feeling sorry for yourself. The second is to grow up. Pray you take the latter.

## Post 57 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Friday, 30-Oct-2015 23:27:39

Holy shit... Weaning off of sex? Hahahahaha. Thanks for the laugh. I love your flawed logic. You've finally said something correct: you've effectively showed us just what a child you really are. lol.
My goodness... Weaning off of sex. Thanks. I'm stealing your ridiculousness for a book I'm going to write. I'm happy to feature a colorful albeit nutty character based on you in my storyline. hahaha

## Post 58 by AgateRain (Believe it or not, everything on me and about me is real!) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 0:12:38

lol Wow?

## Post 59 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 0:34:59

The cure is to get some sex. Go get the cure. Smile.
I'm serious. There is no way he could have done as you described honey. Even if he'd gone away for 3 weeks, as soon as you had sex and it was good, you'd want another taste.
Just get another guy.

## Post 60 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 7:40:26

She can't wayne. All the guys who find out how crazy she is are going to automatically run. She can't keep them for long enough, poor thing.
Then again, maybe... Hey wayne. You're a brave soul... And you love sex as much as any man, right? You have a healthy sex drive?
Why not do applegirl a favor and get to know her a little more intimately... You know. A mercy lay. Lol.
What do you say.
Are you gonna volunteer?
Are you brave enough? lol.

## Post 61 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 8:34:15

LMFAO, this made my morning. Weening? seriously? SMH ...

## Post 62 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 8:41:46

and comparing adult relationships to raising children ... just doesn't work. two different things entirely ... *sigh*

## Post 63 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 12:41:48

Are we match making now Writer?
I never do mercy, only mutual pleasure, with understanding of what type of relationship we are sharing pleasure in.
These are the best, because if it is love, you agree, if it is friendship, you agree, if it is just a one night deal, you agree.
That way everyone enjoys the pleasure, and things are less complicated.
Sure, we miss them when they have to end, no matter the reason, but weaneing, just doesn’t apply.
Especially after a man has had his pacifier sucked.
Once he's had that, he'll never want to give it up.
Wait, that was children pacifiers she was talking about.
I got confused.
Seriously, I understand the hurt, but you’ve got to get on.
If you have sex 10 times on a great weekend, you're going to want to repeat that weekend. You will never get weened.

## Post 64 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 15:05:08

Nah, wayne. I just thought, with how merciful and understanding and easygoing you are, you might like to help applegirl here wean herself from the man that got away.
hahahahahaha

## Post 65 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 15:06:42

But I totally understand that you might not want your pacifier sucked by her, though, wayne. I totally get it, man. lol.

## Post 66 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 16:27:18

Okay. There does come a point where overkill happens, and I think we might be hitting it pretty hard now. Hammering a point to pulp is one thing. Mercilessly mocking is good for no one, except maybe the mocker, at which point I have to ask who's getting any good out of it, and for whose benefit.

## Post 67 by VioletBlue (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 16:48:32

Damn, this is the funniest thing I've read in a while! Hahahahahaha!
No weaning, Applegirl, best thing you can do is focus on something, or some one else. You may have to force yourself to, but you will start to feel better. This is just one thing you will go through, as an adult. Cut off contact with this guy, for a while, to allow your feelings to fade. Your problem is that you're dwelling. Do. not. dwell! Do something new. Talk to someone you don't know. Throw yourself into an activity you've never tried before. Learn something new. The key point here is, make a conscious choice to get past this.

## Post 68 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 16:58:35

So long as it's two consenting adults, nobody wants a nosy busybody policing
others' behavior. That includes not only the two involved, but other nearby
people. Busybodies are stereotypically useless and unproductive. Ironically,
perhaps, I actually agree with what the Christian texts say about the busybody
intrusive types needing to find productive use of their time. By productive,
sadly, it seems they too often believe that to mean get involved in legislating
and otherwise manipulating others' behavior at the financial expense of the rest
of us.
It's not my business, and ought not be my responsibility financial or otherwise,
how others do relationships.

## Post 69 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 31-Oct-2015 16:59:30

Ah, but with the exception of the pacifier, I couldn't resist that, I'm 100% serious.
She needs to replace him.
It is the fastest, and best cure for this sort of thing.
If you are involved in another relationship, and enjoying it, you'll move on.
People tend to still think about past lovers, especially if they enjoyed them, but if you've got good, you are going to replace these memories with the new.
In my experience, it is also true that some past people just were the type that turn you on even now if you think about them. But, if it is just that, a thought, unless they become available, and you get back together with them.
Writer, I have set my terms. Smile.

## Post 70 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 13:24:32

The weaning thing was not a joke. Weaning is very important. For example,
I have both a mac and a windows PC. I use both machines, and I'm not just
using the mac. This is because I have software on the windows PC that I
need for school. If I wanted to go mac only, I would have to do it slowly
instead of doing it cold turkey. So I would limit how much time I used the
windows PC over a period of time such as a few weeks until I was completely
using the mac. There's a song by Katy Perry it's called the one that got
away. I should write a song called the man that got away.

## Post 71 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 13:32:03

How incredibly original!!!
Except it's not.
The phrase "the man that got away," is a cliche if there ever was one.
You want to to write a song about the man that got away?
Too late it's already been written.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRYVIGjZk_U
lol

## Post 72 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 14:32:39

reality's a right bitch, ain't it.
Welcome to the real world regarding relationships ...

## Post 73 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 16:05:25

Lets talk seriously about weaning.
You were suggesting he should have done this, so you'd not want him so much, or pretty soon, not at all, right?
Here's my question. I really want you to answer this.
Each time you had sex with him, did you enjoy it?
If you really enjoyed it, wouldn't it have bothered you that he was being distant to you?
If you'd asked, and he told you he was weaning you from sex with him, you'd have asked why.
If he'd told you he wanted to stop seeing you soon, because he wanted to pick up with the girl he's with, would that have made you feel any better then you do now?
Also, because you've not had sex for a while, are you all of a sudden not interested in sex anymore, like you would be your Windows PC?
Answer this, okay?

## Post 74 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 17:33:38

Relating sex to the switching of one PC to another computer is just plain stupid. They're not the same at all. And, even if they were, I might actually argue that if you know what you're doing on both machines but want to switch, you can and -should do it cold turkey, or else you might try and use your old machine like a security blanket. Take it from me; it can be very comforting to stick to what you know and like. New things take getting used to, and for many people, the best way to get used to them is to just dive right in. So, even if we allowed for a moment that weaning off of sex and weaning off a PC or Macbook were comparable, I'd be arguing strongly that there's an excellent case for being dropped from a relationship fast, lest you cling to what you know and like.
You don't need this sort of coddling. No one does. To -expect this sort of coddling is more than just unreasonable. It's unhealthy. My strong advice to you is to stay away from romantic relationships for awhile. You're not ready, from the look of things, and you're going to hurt yourself and someone else if you try. Neither of you deserve that, especially not the as-yet-unknown partner you find.

## Post 75 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 19:20:00

I don't thik she should stay away from a relationship. She needs to have more of them.
I just find her comparisons different.
Interested in her answers though.

## Post 76 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 19:34:54

When we had sex, I enjoyed it a lot. I treated it like a security blanket. I
never wanted it to stop. I wish he hadn't found someone he wanted to date.
He is 20 years older than me, but age is just a number. The degree of love is
what matters.

## Post 77 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 19:38:42

The age doesn't matter.I was just interested in if you were now not interested.
It is more like you are saying if you don't have something, or get smaller amounts of it, pretty soon you'll not want it.
That isn't true in this situation though, is it?
Love, sex, and relationships aren't the same as eating, or drinking, or computers.
You didn't really answer all my questions though.

## Post 78 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 01-Nov-2015 19:41:57

I would agree that love and sex are like a security blanket. It's warm, nice, and pleasing to have. When you don't, it's cold. Smile.
Get new.

## Post 79 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Monday, 02-Nov-2015 23:00:44

Yeah no I am interested in him. I have a bad habbit of comparing apples and
oranges which I did here.

## Post 80 by blindaudio (Zone BBS Addict) on Tuesday, 03-Nov-2015 0:33:01

Applegirl,
I just read all of these posts on this topic. Everyone has said what needs to be said. Sounds like you're a bit jealous. There's nothing wrong with how you feel, it's what you do with those feelings that may be wrong. I usually don't post on these boards that often, but I do have to point to a song, much like Write away.
Weaning off of relationships doesn't, and will, not ever work. I like to fix things. I had a girlfriend once, and if she would have tried to wean me off the relationship, I would have tried to fix it. I would have tried to put the pieces together that may have broken in the process. But now that I have grown up, I know that doesn't work. What others have said on this topic is correct.
As for weaning off of sex, a song by the name of Second that emotion explains to us that the taste of honey is worse than none at all. I'll let you figure out what that means.

## Post 81 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Tuesday, 03-Nov-2015 6:07:49

I don't think she understands metaphors, but we'll see ...

## Post 82 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 03-Nov-2015 22:59:52

What that means is that honey probably doesn't taste that great, but
something like that is better than nothing.

## Post 83 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Wednesday, 04-Nov-2015 0:25:11

I must admit I was thrown by the weening comment. I have never, and I mean never, had a woman try and ween me off sex with her or any kind of romantic contact, nor have I had a woman ask me to do the same to her. Your jealousy is understandable as others have said. It's what you decide to do with it that could cause problems for you. Believe me, you don't want to let your jealousy run away with you. I was in such a situation eleven years ago. Granted it was a full-on relationship and not an FWB thing (I honestly don't know if I could do that), but there was certainly jealousy and resentment on my part and a great deal of both. We dated for almost a year-and-a-half before she suddenly got on one of those stupid phone chat lines and met a guy. At first she told me he was just a friend but within a couple weeks she'd dumped me. Two or three weeks later she asked me back out, and since I was still in a vulnerable state I said yes. Well two weeks or so later still she found out she was pregnant with the other guy's child and dumped me again for the other guy. I met him once and couldn't help feeling she was selling herself short since quite frankly I found myself wondering where his brain was. I was certainly jealous and wanted to break the two of them up or, failing that, to somehow find out if they did ever break up. And I was only a year older than you are now. I kept imagining the two of them breaking up and me saying I told you so. Trust me, it accomplishes nothing.

## Post 84 by oddly-charming (Generic Zoner) on Wednesday, 04-Nov-2015 0:33:51

Here's the big problem. You keep insisting that this guy owes you shit. Like he is somehow obligated to share every detail of not only his sex life with you, but also details of his new partner's personal situation with you. He's obligated to "wean" you off of him before moving on and dating someone else.
Here's some tough love:
No one owes you anything. I don't care if they're your family, your friend, your partner, or some random jackass on the street. No one is obligated to do anything for you beyond common courtesy as it is dictated by law and social standards.
You can ask for things, but you can not demand things and expect that you will be pandered to. You are acting like a princess who has been denied her way for once in her life.
If everyone was obligated, even by means of custom and common courtesy, to wean each other off of relationships before they were allowed to break up with each other, we'd have a world full of very ill-adjusted, entitled, overly emotional and hormonal teenagers. The reason has been stated many times in this thread. Weaning someone off of a relationship will cause the other person to develop false hope about their chances to salvage the relationship, and desperate attempts to fix something that is unfixable.
I could go into a lengthy diatribe about the different hormonal activities which take place in the brain during love and sexual contact, and how these hormone balances shift and readjust during the break-up process, but I don't think you'd get it and I don't think you or anyone else would necessarily want to go into it anyway.
All I can say is that the break-up process, to be most effective and healthy, needs to be a clean break. Our brains treat love like a drug, and thus breaking up is much like withdrawal. In some cases I would disagree that weaning works for substance addictions. I've been trying to quit smoking for a very long time now, and although I try to convince myself that weaning myself off of cigarettes will make it easier to quit, but honestly the only thing which will ultimately be the end of smoking for me is my eventual resolve never to buy another pack.
Similarly here, you need to build a resolve to stop seeing or talking to this guy for a while until you allow those crazy hormone imbalances to even out in your brain. Then he won't be so intoxicating to you.
Honestly, I agree with most here in saying that you should stop fucking dating or having sex with anyone right now. Step back and think about yourself, heal, and figure your shit out. Because seriously, you are not ready for adult relationships yet.
Also, jumping from one relationship directly into another just to heal the wounds from the last relationship is called rebounding, and it's not healthy and almost never works.
Jake

## Post 85 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Monday, 16-Nov-2015 21:25:57

I feel like he was cheating on me though. I feel like he was just using me as
an object. I don't expect people to tell me because I want to piss them off
that's not my intention. I get upset when I don't know something because
when I don't know something, there is uncertainty.

## Post 86 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Monday, 16-Nov-2015 21:44:25

you weren't even together. he can't cheat on you if your not together.

## Post 87 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Monday, 16-Nov-2015 23:11:55

Yeah, but we sort of were. We were doing dating-like things. I hope that
what he did to me comes back to bite him one day cause ya know what?
Karma's a bitch!

## Post 88 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Monday, 16-Nov-2015 23:23:29

i don't know why i'm bothering, but you weren't dating, even if you were doing
dating things. you clearly stated, friends with benefits. friends! F R I E N D S!
not dating. If you wanted more, you should have said so, and now he moved
on. that's your own fault as harsh as that sounds.

## Post 89 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 17-Nov-2015 16:16:12

He knew I wanted more but he couldn't give me more.

## Post 90 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Tuesday, 17-Nov-2015 16:40:32

Or didn't want to, seeing as he ended up with someone else. I'm not trying to be a dick, but seriously. If you are friends who fuck you shouldn't expect anything more.

## Post 91 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Tuesday, 17-Nov-2015 16:56:19

Exactly what Scarlet said. you knew he couldn't, so you have no right to expect
more. What i mean by that is, you physically can, but if you really expect more,
than you have a lot of maturing to do. We get your jealous, but seriously. He
couldn't/wouldn't give you more than fucking because that's what you agreed
on. He has every right to find a real, mature girlfriend who won't go spreading
his personal life around. If you really wanted an actual relationship, you should
have said something to him about it. If that's what he wanted with you, it would
have happened. Yo can't blame your problems on other people just because you
don't like that they moved on from you

## Post 92 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 17-Nov-2015 21:51:53

Yeah it's just that intimacy is something that dating couples do.

## Post 93 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Tuesday, 17-Nov-2015 22:09:31

That's different for everyone. You clearly stated, ". This is the same friend I was
forced to end my
fwb relationship with..." meaning, you had a friends with benefits relationship
with him. not a dating one.

## Post 94 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Wednesday, 18-Nov-2015 20:25:31

Yeah

## Post 95 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Wednesday, 18-Nov-2015 20:36:57

ok then.

## Post 96 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 18-Nov-2015 21:25:09

I tend to blur tht line.
My FWB although a friend, also has to be someone I like to hang out with, or do things with.
We have no promise or 1 on 1 marrying, and we are not boyfriend girlfriend. Just friends that enjoy sex as well as the friendship.
Now, the girl that show's up in the evening or whatever just for sex, is a booty call.
We do nothing but maybe have a coffee, or a drink, something to eat, and have sex.
We don't go out in the public on a date, and we might talk on the phone some, or email/text.
That is usually someone that is married, has a mate that is long distance, or has kids, and doesn't want to complicate life with a partner.
In both cases, there is no promise. Only that we'll enjoy each other as long as that last.

## Post 97 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Thursday, 19-Nov-2015 15:05:27

Yeah, and it can be very hard to let them go.

## Post 98 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 19-Nov-2015 15:59:11

Time to grow up. Take some personal responsibility. Life ain't the movies. You made an agreement with someone and they honored that agreement.
If you change your mind, you find an equitable way to change the agreement, or get out.
Adults take responsibility for things, children find ways to blame their troubles on other people.
Sadly you seem to be the norm more than the exception anymore.

## Post 99 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 19-Nov-2015 17:16:51

I understand it is sometimes hard to let go.
But if you don't, what will you gain?
Forcing someone to be in a situation they really don't want to be makes the relationship worse.
I much prefer they be happy and I have a better relationship with the next person.
Ijust enjoy what I've got now to the hilt. Marage, or other. When it ends, if it should, I can look back and say, that was good.

## Post 100 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Thursday, 19-Nov-2015 21:37:51

Apple Girl, after reading all these posts, I can see where you are coming from. The main difference, however, is I was 15 when I held these opinions (except the weaning part. I do not believe in this concept being applied emotionally whatsoever).
With that slight release of annoyance out of the way, this looks to me as though you have zero self-confidence. I can’t quite blame your feelings in this respect, given you were tossed out of an FWB arrangement. It sucks, and I know this for a fact, having developed feelings for an FWB before.
What I can by no means condone, though, is how you dealt with this subsequent inferiority complex and envy you now seem to possess. If I was a friend of his, I’d slap this link right in his inbox with the clickbait to the tune of, “LOL.”
This is going to sound ridiculous to you, but hear me out. I’m going to tell you what others have and give you a personal account to go with it.
For years, I lived in a staunchly conservative home with beliefs regarding the oppression of sexuality. I am a woman. I’m just looking for trouble with a high sex drive like mine. Talking to boys made me a troublemaker, and I was shamed for being interested in men even three years my senior. Then, I went to college.
During my semester away, I’ve found out quite a lot about my inner workings psychologically and sexually through active self-discovery. I had incredibly low self-esteem and confidence in any aspect of my persona. I’ve done a lot of things I used to swear I’d never do, and one of them totally changed me for the better in some ways I desperately needed alteration in for my own sake. I fucked a near stranger.
It was just that: I met the guy and spent a few hours with him at a conference, we went out for a night on the town, had some drinks, and went back to his place. What we knew was the other’s love of intellect, activism, and some basics of who we are as people. In all fairness, this encompasses a good amount, since we love the art of conversation. We knew nothing of significance in the other’s life in terms of personal details, but that was OK with both of us.
To this day, he’s been the only man to make me scream, and I regret none of it. I have much more confidence in my body and myself as a person worthy of being noticed. While this was by no means a magic cure, it absolutely helped.
Try it sometime. If you can lay some grudges aside, you won’t regret it.

## Post 101 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 1:40:36

Yeah, and another thing is that women in their early twenties like me are
curious about sex and want to explore their sex life, so if a guy wants to
have any kind of intimate relationship with the woman, then the woman will
most likely be all for it.

## Post 102 by Aaronizer (Newborn Zoner) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 6:50:09

Well if it's about a woman Warrington explore
her sexuality then I'm sure that there would be a
line of guys willing to help with that.

## Post 103 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 7:43:39

That, Apple Girl, was not quite the point. I was suggesting a coping mechanism for you, not downing this new girlfriend of his...

## Post 104 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 11:36:24

Ah, so why should the guy be held responsible when he agrees to enjoy the girls exploring her sex life? If a woman says "I'd love to explore my sexuality and learn about it, or experience sex." Does that mean for life, or until she is ready to let go, or does that mean, she is open to a free and easy relationship?
Men are always getting blasted for taking advantage of a women's feelings, or whatever. Should men go back to believing women are supid and need to be guided?
Meaning, no, I can't help you explore your sex life, because you have no idea what you are doing, or what you mean. Have your parents find you a nice man to marry first. Smile.

## Post 105 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 12:49:49

And that precisely is my biggest beef with modern women's activism of the past 15 to 20 years. Before that, in my own coming up years, women strove to be personally responsible and independent. I can respect that.
I have far more respect for the Lesbian separatist who builds her own house and generates her own electricity and economy, more respect for that than I do these contemporary SJW types who constantly bang on and on and on about how it's somebody else's fault.
Listen, kid, I went to school with only a typewriter and a Braille writer. I had to work places where people asked on a daily basis what the fuck the blind guy was doing here. I have been denied residence at a place because the landlady said, and I quote, "We can't have your kind of people here in case you try and sue us." The government isn't going to come and save you, demanding everyone else bend to your will and so-called respect you isn't going to help you. If you want respect, you damn well have to earn it. Take some personal re-fucking-sponsibility, or expect to have everyone think you're just a child in an adult's body, even if they don't have the courage to say it to your face. I'm pretty sure I'm more flawed than many. But
This victim complex so many have now? You mauy think it's cute now, but wait until your parents start aging, people around you should be able to depend upon you as a full-grown adult, and seejust where this demanding and lack of personal responsibility gets you.
Once you're out of college and there aren't any more safe spaces, diversity officers, and activist groups to make you feel warm and fuzzy, you'll be on your own. You'd better get personal responsibility figured out now, because if your father didn't teach you when you were young, the rest of us aren't going to.
Think I'm just a misogynist pig troll? keep doing what you're doing for the next ten fifteen years, see where it gets you.
This victim nonsense is as unbecoming as a twelve-year-old smearing food on their face the way a one-year-old does. When a baby's one, everyone says it's so cute, takes pictures, sends them to grandma. But it's not long before they get too big for that shit.
I don't blame you, I blame aca-ffuckin-demia for this shit. The rest of us are payin' for it, they're making safe spaces and proper speech for everyone except us rogues who refuse to comply, and lying to you, telling you you're getting respect. You're not getting the kind of respect that really feels good. If you own your own shit, make your own way in the world, even people who hate your guts will respect you. Don't you want that? Wouldn't you like for people to actually have respect for what you are, and what you do? But if you blame everyone else, nobody will respect you, and you will be infantilized. Infantilized means people won't really see you as an adult they can come to and trust wit things. Sure, they may meet your demands, try to pass all your shit tests. But hell, people meet the demands of wild animals too, to avoid being eaten.
Being someone other people can respect -- even if they don't agree with you -- is a whole nother ball game, and it's something that I see lost on kids now. If you're being told it's never your fault, that you're perpetually the victim, yes even that somebody's thoughts can hurt you, the one telling you this is just calling you a baby in a really sexjed-up softheaded sciences academic way. You don't have to wag your tail and go along with them. You're free to own your own shit, carry your own load, learn from your mistakes and move on.
You think we older people didn't fuck up? Oh jesus we fucked up way more often than you can imagine. We just didn't have the Internet to go get support for it on. Everyone does. Those of us who own our own shit, learn from our mistakes. And hopefully get some actual respect in the end, not the respect you're hearing about in all your rag mags and academic safe spaces.
You can, of course, dismiss what I'[ve said as just some (fill in the blank) troll, and keep doing like you've been doing for the next ten years and just see where that gets you. Or not. It's your choice, which is your challenge, and ultimately your best chance at anything in life.

## Post 106 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 13:18:59

Which is exactly why I've never tried the FWB thing myself. Like others have said I would want it to be with somebody I already had a positive conection with. But I also know how my feelings work and that I would probably get more attached than I should. That often happens to me when I just talk to a woman who seems cool even when sex is left out of the equasian.

## Post 107 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 13:38:50

Bitch please, don't blame your gender on your shitty behaviour.
Newsflash, young dudes like sex too, they want to explore their sexuality. It's not just you. And if you knew this guy was older and settled, why the fuck did you go there if you wanted something more. Sounds like he made it clear what he wanted and you completely ignored that.
Stop trying to shift the blame onto someone else. Stop saying this isn't your responsibility. It is, now, stop sharing his info on here, stop bitching about it. Move on with your life. Because seriously if you think someone you were fwb's with getting into a relationship is sooooo unfair you have a lot to learn.

## Post 108 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 14:04:39

not to mention, the first post clearly states that she wants to take things slow.
you can't really do that, explore your sexuality and as we see here, be mature
about it.

## Post 109 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 14:09:17

Agreed! There is no such thing as slowly exploring sexual whims.
Friends with benefits is just that: friends with the added perk of sex. Friends don't "have" to do anything, and this includes not telling you about their personal lives.

## Post 110 by Real Pimps Use Dial Up (Stop, drop, and belly rolls) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 14:25:18

Hey Apple girl,
you're funny,
you're smart,
we should go out,
I love you,
let's get married,
....
I think we need a break.

## Post 111 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 14:29:48

I like Danni's (contradiction's) advice. Unfortunately, though well thought out and interesting, it is misplaced.
Sleeping with a stranger to boost one's confidence and get over shit when you're young and free and adventures? Well, not my personal cuppa tea, but certainly sounds great.
not for applegirl though. Because though she is young (true) sexually curious (true) lacks confidence (probably), she also, at what--23? 24/--has the maturity of a peanut, and an army-sized entitlement complex. lol
Danni's young (if profiles are accurate, younger than applegirl), and maybe she did struggle with similar issues and maybe she was underconfident. Growing up in a conservative, sexually oppressive atmosphere can do that to ya. But Danni, you can apparently run rings around applegirl in the maturity and common sense department, and guess what? when you wanna play adult games, you have to be one first.
Don't mean to be harsh, but, just having sexual desires and being curious and longing for sex doesn't warrant you to actually have the maturity to explore and experiment.
I'm someone who is a big proponent of sex. It's fun, it's a confidence booster, it's healthy...
that said, applegirl, close your legs. It's not for you. Sex may be healthy, but you're not healthy enough--not mature enough--to have the kind of adult relationship you may want. Not yet.
I think that if you slept with a stranger, you'd just stalk the poor fucker afterward, because of course, he needs to wean you off of his dick. lol. Or you'd end up trapping him into coParenthood with you, because I have serious doubt that you know how to use your birth control properly, or that you even care enough to do so.
Casual sex is not for people who can't let go. It's not for people who confuse sleeping with someone with dating that person, especially after the lines and boundaries have been established.
You said it yourself: you think that intimacy is for dating couples. So you should know better than to make someone else into a villain and yourself into a pseudo-victim by entering into an FWB with that person. Or by sleeping with anyone casually.
I'm 26, applegirl. Only a few years older than you. I did my share of experimenting, I had my share of confusion and heartbreaks. But I didn't act malliciously toard someone who wasn't interested in me anymore, and I know myself well enough, and had for a long time now, to know that FWB's aren't for me. Casual sex is not for me. I associate sex with being in a relationship, and so I have sex within relationships. And you know whaat? tha'ts fine. it's fine to be all about casual sex too. It's fine if you can seperate sex from love, to have sex with a friend. but only if you're a, mature enough to know that over means over, and b, if you are above blurring the lines between dating someone and sleeping with them as friends.
You all know why they discourage kids from having sex? It's because sex, though not complicated by itself, can be made complicated by the humans who partake in it. We are humans, and humans have feelings. Unless you know yourself well enough to know that it doesn't have to, sex and emotions will mix and make a huge, nasty mess of things.
Don't cope with your shit by having sex with anyone, because you can't handle it. You don't have the maturity level sufficient to handle your own shit, so don't spill it over to someone else. Some people just want to have sex for pleasure. No strings attached. and that's cool. You're not the person to give them that because even when you say there are no strings attached, there clearly are. So don't fuck yourself and other people over like that. lol.
Gain confidence by actually learning to cope with life on your own. You can't run and throw yourself into a security blanket of sex whenever shit keeps piling up and gets too tough.
You're several steps beneath the personal capability to do that.
It's time for you to own up to shit, like leo said, and take care of yourself. And until you learn how to do that, until you can contain your own emotions to the point where you're not spreading rumors about past lovers like a bitchy schoolgirl, you shouldn't be spreading your legs for anyone but a vibrator or a dildo. lol. Seriously. Need sex? Get some toys. Because you can't handle people yet, little girl.
Casual sex may be more than ok for a girl with some sense like contradiction, or for an easy-going guy like ForReal, but you're too little (maturity-wise) to play the game. Stay celibit until you can grow the fuck up. lol.
If you're bored, go and buy easily distinguishable coffeecups so you don't fuck with anyone else's like you've done recently. lol.

## Post 112 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 16:55:27

Yeah I just feel like this man was using me as an object. He was just
bouncing from one woman to the next, and that is not all right. That is the
biggest issue with fwb relationships, feelings develop, and that is what
happened here.

## Post 113 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 17:35:19

If I ever found myself on my own again, I could see getting into a FWB situation. But AppleGirl is a good example why anyone who wants into one of these should only do so with someone who obviously owns their own shit. She's still talking like a little girl ... it's his responsibilitiy, ... he's treating me ... that's child's talk and I'm sure any grown man would say, "I'm not a pedophile so no thank you!".
An adult woman would talk about the situation as an adult. Feelings changed, I wanted something different now, so either we need to negotiate that or I need to move on.
See the difference, AppleGirl?
Because you're a child, your gender studies, social studies and other soft(headed) sciences are keeping you that way. Not because they like you, but because to them you are food, you are mere fodder to keep the ideological train going.
This girlish attitude is gonna be rough when you deal with any number of other negotiations you make in life, where feelings change. Rent from somebody, and feel like you really like the place and would like to buy it. But the contract says rent. Too bad, negotiate, or move on and actually find a place for sale, and buy that.
Lease an automobile for a sighted family member or spouse, feeelings change, you now want to own that car. tell that car what to do and when to be home at night, how to sit, how to stand, too bad. that car is for lease not for sale. You either have to renegotiate that contract, or go buy one elsewhere.
The people who are using others as objects? That's the people who make the most demands. If you're making demands that people should change, that's because you see that person as the object you can change.
When I see all these shit tests, fifty things x person should know, I think to myself. There's someone I'll never buy anything from, sell anything to, hire, rent to, let alone ever have sex with ... that, folks, is a little tiny child. Maybe in an adult's body, but a tiny child nonetheless.
Little tiny children demand things. They cry for milk and to have their diapers changed, because they can't do anything for themselves.
Adults manage their own situations, negotiate deals in life, deal with their own feelings positive or negative, and own their own shit.

## Post 114 by Striker (Consider your self warned, i'm creative and offensive like handicap porn.) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 19:29:50

And this ladies and gentlemen is what they warn you about when they say "Never stick your dick in crazy."
Like everyone else has said here, the guy did exactly what he told you he'd do. You weren't comited, so he owes you absolutely nothing, apart from telling you that the agreement you guys had wasnt working. At least he was a real adult that was able to tell you "Hey, we had a good run, but i'm ready for something more." He didn't string you along. He did what he had to do.
You on the other hand, are someone who made an agreement and then wanted to change the contract after you both signed the paper. Stop blaiming this other guy because you wanted to change the situation after you guys made an agreement.
Casual sex can be a very liberating thing, but like others have said... Grow the fuck up first. Figure out exactly what you wan't and don't before you play with real peoples feelings.
Start taking some responsibility, because its you that can't handle an adult situation here.
I know this may be hard for you to hear... But you were not used! You got yourself into an agreement and you didn't likewhat happened when someone chose to wrip up the contract because they wanted a different more exclusive contract with someone else. Sometimes things change, that's life.
Worst part is, this situation isn't even about you. Him saying he wanted out is where your involvement stops. Thankfully you didn't name this guy, but you still mentally involved yourself in a situation where you're not needed or wnated. MAybe that's something you don't want to here. But its true. You guys had an agreement. He met all the conditions of it and moved on.
and yeah, considering you don't keep track of your iPhone or expensive bags, or even your cups. You've really got bigger problems right now than love and relationships.

## Post 115 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 20:05:00

Oh dear Jesus, bernadetta...
Advice retracted.
I didn't know some of this was said in other threads/the inability to keep track of personal belongings was present.
Please don't procreate.
Perhaps you fall into the category of demisexual, AppleGirl?

## Post 116 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 20:15:29

Coming from someone who is demisexual... no, she's just childish and can't
handle her own stuff enough to know what friends with benefits means, let
alone what she wants from a relationship regardless of what type it is. My 13
year old cousin is more mature than this. Its sad really.

## Post 117 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 20:18:44

Fucking hell. You made an agreement, he honoured it. Stop acting like a 5 year old.
Sometimes, in life, things we don't like happen. It sucks, but that is just one of those things. Normally, we move on. Please, do that.

## Post 118 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 20:26:05

Maddy, many of the demis I know are much like you in this respect, though one or two seem to be more like her because they have no communication skills. Could this in any way be the case here, or is it straight up impossible?

## Post 119 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 20:35:48

Did i say it wasn't possible? no. i pointed out a fact that coming from someone
who is, she doesn't seem like she is. Never said definitely either way.

## Post 120 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 21:35:29

Hey, keep calm and carry on. It was a question, not in any way an accusation or a written doubt of what you said. I was asking out of ignorance and curiosity, nothing more.

## Post 121 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Friday, 20-Nov-2015 22:18:42

and that's how i took it. take my replies how you want. doesn't effect me at all.

## Post 122 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 0:34:47

This man is not in any way a petaphile. I guess there is an old saying, it's
easier said than done, and that was what I learned from this. For the record,
almost losing my phone and leaving my Coach purse in the bathroom that was
an accident. We all forget, stuff happens we're human. And I got my stuff
back, I was lucky that someone turned it in.

## Post 123 by Westcoastcdngrl (move over school!) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 2:47:09

AppleGirl, if you're feeling this wound up and vindictive about everything, have you thought
about calling the Jerry Springer show to confront your FWB and his girlfriend and fight it out
there in a winner takes all contest... I think that you're just cuckoo for Coco Puffs enough
that they may take you on.

## Post 124 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 2:52:56

I will not laugh.
I will not laugh.
I will not ...
LOL

## Post 125 by AgateRain (Believe it or not, everything on me and about me is real!) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 3:20:02

lol Kate.
Oh my...ok...I'm not going to say it.
Now bye.

## Post 126 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 8:59:16

Oh, my! hahahaha.

## Post 127 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 9:17:44

The term demisexual is interesting. It is my opinion people claim this so they don't feel as if they are putting out, is the only way I can say it.
What creates a strong emotional bond, and who decides when a couple has this?
That is a question, or open statement.
I had a strong emotional bond with Jane, so we started having sex. One day Jane called me up and told me she felt she wanted to break off having sex with me, but we could still be friends.
Has Jane done me wrong? I am demisexual, but Jane was not, or didn't claim to be.
She was highly interested though.
Was it okay for me to have had sex with Jane, and should I feel okay about it, because it was the right way to give my body to someone, even though the relationship was seemingly no stronger then an FWB from Jane's point of view?
Does being demisexual make all my relationships what is called meaningful?
Sex, or adding sex to a relationship is complicated.
I personally think people put to much weight on the fact they are having, and enjoying sex instead of what is actually being done and meant outside of bed not related to sex at all.
Just some thoughts.

## Post 128 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 10:33:33

Ok. I'm going to admit ignorance for a second. Can someone please, please explain to me what is demisexual? thanks. lol. There's one thing I have no clue about. lol.

## Post 129 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 11:09:59

As I understand it, demisexual basically means you get attracted only to people you form bonds with. Rather than being attracted by a nice voice or a hot body or whatnot, on someone you don't know well.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong on this.
I agree with almost everything said here, but I do want to play the moderation card just a little here. The bit about coffee cups and personal belongings...maybe shouldn't be used as leverage in this situation. All the other points stand well enough on their own that involving these ansillary points just feels like an attack instead of harsh advice.
A couple of years ago I flew back home on Christmas Eve. I was dog-tired and I owned an iPod plus a nice set of headphones at the time. I was dozing on the plane, which is something I normally never do. The attendant told me to take off my headset and shut down the iPod when we started to land. I did so, and shoved them unthinkingly into the seat pocket...where I promptly forgot them. I was home, like two days later, before I realized what'd happened. Westjet somehow lost the items even though I described them well, and I never did get them back. I still miss that iPod; a friend of mine gave it as a gift a few years ago, it had Rockbox on it, got a good charge and meant I could read audiobooks without leaving my laptop on. Also, those headphones were awesome. I'm a pretty responsible, dependable person otherwise, but that was one huge mistake for which I would hate to be tarred and feathered. It's over. I fucked up. I lost something I really liked because I wasn't quite aware enough to think straight. I blame absolutely no one else, though Westjet didn't make it easy on me.
That said, otherwise well-meaning, well-intentioned and skilled/competent people can make really silly mistakes. AppleGirl may not qualify here, but using some of her more silly mistakes in order to justify the attacks on the more salient issues in this thread strikes me as both dishonest and inaccurate. Keep to the subject at hand.

## Post 130 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 11:49:50

It happens. We lose stuff from time to time, or something happens.
Like girlfriends. I was really responsible, attached, and everything and... Lol
A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone is how I understand this.

## Post 131 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 12:07:15

Which in accordance to those terms, kind of sounds like our AppleGirl here, taking well over a year to warm up enough to this man to have sexual relations with him. Guess we'll find out in time.

## Post 132 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 12:43:15

I don't think she spent over a year getting to know this friend before giving up the benefits. lol. I think she's advising everyone else to do so, lest they should find themselves in an icky situation such as hers. lol.

## Post 133 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 12:52:05

LOL. To quote post 26:
Cody, friends usually tell each other everything. Someone said how long is
slow, and I forgot to answer that question yesterday. My friend and I took it
very slow I started visiting him at his house in January of 2013. He began
touching me and I objected because I was shy and wanted to get to know
each other. In August of 2013, all we did was lay next to each other as a
start. Then things progressed from there. We had sex in August of 2014 and
didn't start sleeping together in November of 2014. So we took it slow, but I
guess that is just me.

## Post 134 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 13:21:04

Okay, and what good did all that warming up do? When things got to the point things got to, he still decided he'd like to be with another woman.
The relationship, even after all that warning up only got to the FWB level.
Next, who made the decision they were now emotionally bonded?
I am not knocking anyones preference for how they conduct there sex life, however, being demisexual seems to me is no better then just simply enjoyingsexual relations when you have the wish, or desire.
1 day, 6 months, or over a year, won't give you any better security your relationship is meaningful or lasting.
I understand this demisexuality might make a person feel better about sex, or themselves as related to sex. Other then that, it doesn't help at the end.
What matters is what you have outside of the sexual relationship, I think.
I'd hope a woman that decided to give herself to me sexually would explain to me she's demisexual . That way maybe I'd have a heads up and could talk to her about my feelings for her so she could decide.
If I had strongor weak feelings for her, I'd say so, but, we'd need to talk about realistic things, and it isn't always going to be on my side that things might change.
For this reason, I gave up cheating, jealousy, and the pile when I started to understand how sex affected others. About in my late teens, early 20's. That stuff never profited me anything once I'd set down and thought it over.
It seems now the more enotionally involved with a woman, the more I wish her well, happiness, and a good life. If that isn't with me, so be it, just so she's happy.
If she moves on, and is not happy, I'm not responsible for that.

## Post 135 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 13:22:19

Oh, ok. Yeah, now I remember. lol.

## Post 136 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 14:47:35

Meh, doesn't sound like she's demisexual though, just inexperienced and awkward. and there's nothing wrong with that, except where she then goes all psycho bitch on him.

## Post 137 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 15:09:20

Demisexual is when a person does' feel sexual attraction to anyone they aren't
emotionally connected with. However, this is different from everyone who
identify with it. It doesn't mean we don't have casual sex or we don't like sex, it
just means we aren't attracted to people we aren't emotionally connected with.
What apple girl is describing is a relationship of a middle school kid who is about
to go to high school and can't decide if she wants to lose her virginity or not.

## Post 138 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 17:35:11

Here's were I'm lost some on the Demisexual deal some.
How deep of an emotional connection is required.
Usually when people have casual sex, they are only interested in the sex, and sometimes the friendship, as I am, but emotion, or love, is not really in the mix.
If the sex is good, it brings closeness to a degree, but it isn't felt in the heart.
So, would a Demisexual person be able to have casual sex without strings on it?
Or would you say that she or he would have to control the hurt feelings when there emotional attachment wasn't returned?
Would it be okay with a Demisexual person if it was one sided, and I mean honestly that emotional attachment?

## Post 139 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 18:17:18

everything your asking Wayne depends on the person. For me, i have to be in
love with a person first. for others they just have to be friends. it all depends on
the person and how they feel

## Post 140 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 22:49:48

This is very interesting. I love that I learn something new everyday. I literally do. This may mean I may be a demisexual then. lol. I literally don't have the desire for casual sex. I mean, it literally doesn't turn me on. It's actually a turn off. I don't begrudge it for others; I get that it could be fun, but only because others swear it is. I don't feel it. I tried casual sex before and, just, it's not for me. lol. I didn't get anything but a sleepless night after each time, and not a pleasant one. lol. And that's not to say the guys I experimented with weren't technically attractive. I just wasn't attracted to them. But I had this feeling like, if I were with them, and if we had more of a bond, I'd be totally into it. lol. Now I know I'm not alone in the feeling that the idea of sex with a stranger is a total turnoff, personally. I thought I was weird. Lol. But if there's a name for it, means there are others with feelings akin to mine, and so I'm no weirder than anyone else. I'm serious. I literally associate sex with a stranger with the idea of eating a bug or a snail. lol.

## Post 141 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Saturday, 21-Nov-2015 23:47:57

yeah, i'm the same way.

## Post 142 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Sunday, 22-Nov-2015 1:10:18

Yeah, let's stick to the subject and not use things I talk about in other
threads as it's not relevant.
But yeah my friend and I we were attached to each other, and we got
really close. So we were intimate with each other. We were doing
outercourse. I was the one who wanted to do intercourse, and I forced it,
but he thought about it and thought it would be nice for us to do it since
we got really close. That though was the one thing that was worried
about though, it being hard on me emotionally if he found someone he
wanted to date. He did warn me and say that if he found someone he
wanted to date, then our stuff would hav3e to stop, but easier said than
done. He asked me if I was ok with it and if I understood that it was just a
friendship thing, I said yes. I wasn't lying to him; I didn't know how I
would feel if things changed, and so I went into our relationship with good
intentions.

## Post 143 by Frozen Teardrop (Veteran Zoner) on Sunday, 22-Nov-2015 1:35:31

you knew it could have happened, you let it, so that's your fault then. i
understand we can't control our emotions, but he warned you and you didn't
pay attention to that. you didn't tell him how you felt. no matter how you word
it, it doesn't change that fact

## Post 144 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Sunday, 22-Nov-2015 2:02:28

Again, there's a reason people don't engage in sex with children. The problem here is that applegirl is in her 20's. An unsuspecting person might not realize she's really still a child who won't own up to her shit no matter how you slice it. Applegirl, none of us know how we're going to feel about anything when we're just trying it for the first time. He was clear with you about what would happen and about his expectations. He thought he could trust you when you gave him your word. You say you weren't lying to him, but you also say you weren't sure. That's what you should've told him. That weren't sure. That wouldn't have been lying. But here you did lie. You lied to your and therefore to him. You thought that maybe if you tell him what he needed to hear, that he'd do you and then want to stick around. You thought maybe he wouldn't want to find anyone else, or maybe that he just wouldn't do so by chance. How foolish. when a person is laying it out for you, boundaries and what-if's and all, the respectable thing is to go with it only if you're confident within reason that you can respect those what-ifs and boundaries. Not just for your own personal gain. Not just because you hope the boundaries might change.
I have a partner. We have an understanding that we're exclusive. I'm firm on that, because I have no interests in an open relationship, and I know myself well enough that I couldn't handle an open casual thing very well. So my partner knows that if he no longer wants exclusivity, he can't be with me. If he wants out, he can get out, but it'll be a clean break. And I know that if he no longer wants exclusivity, I can respect him enough to get myself out of the situation to give him the space and opportunity to be happy. No disrespect, no vengence, just terms and the understanding that if one of us wants something else one day, the terms are over. No sticking around hoping the other will change. You can either agree to something fully or do the other person a favor and don't engage at all. Can't have it both ways if the other person is not down for it. And you can't bitch about it if they aren't. If someone's being honest with you and sets out their wishes, you can't be rightfully vengeful if they do exactly what they said they would. Seems like the guy was caring, and he cared about how you might of felt, and he did what he could to make sure you were ok with things. And in the end you tricked him with your immaturity. If anything, you did him wrong, not the other way around.
He's the victim of crazy immaturity, not you the victim of a man who won't settle down. He didn't promise you shit. And so you can't be mad that he didn't give you shit in the end. lol.

## Post 145 by VioletBlue (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Sunday, 22-Nov-2015 4:00:37

Seems like the commonly held assumption is, or maybe just used to be, that women were more demisexual than men. And I have never heard this silly term before it came up in this thread! I had to Google it to find out what it meant, and wonder why we have to affix a label to every little nuance! However, I guess that describes me, too.
When I was a naive 18, with no sexual experience, a 30-something year old guy I believed I loved refused to sleep with me, because he said he thought I'd become too emotionally attached! LOL I already was that, and doubt it would have changed a thing. I also later came to the realization that despite his words, he probably never was interested, although he was an insecure sort who loved the attention from me, but didn't have the guts to say so. I was as hurt as if we'd had something, and broken it off. Emotions are erratic, no matter the nature of the physical relationship. A person who's impressionable and ready for a relationship will invent one, no matter the reality.
I think that's what's happened here. Determined little girls can hang on to hope and emotions for a shockingly long time, so "taking things slow" doesn't make any difference, except that the overly emotional one will feel angrier, later, when all this devotion wasn't rewarded.

## Post 146 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Sunday, 22-Nov-2015 18:07:44

I think evolutionary psychology has an explanation for it, and yes, it's typically a
female thing. It's related to resource acquisition, whether the resrouces are
material or emotional.. I only learned about demisexual recently but I'm
guessing it's the default setting for many a human female looking for resources
be they emotional, financial or otherwise.
If I were single I'd only try the casual thing with someone beyond childbearing
because resource acquisition, hangups and all the rest they now are coming up
with words for doesn't exist then.
If demisexual is a thing I'm guessing a majority of younger female human apes
are demisexual, while very few male human apes of any age are. Males just
agree with the females and go along with what she wants because she's the
proverbial gatekeeper. It's not high and mighty, or moral, or anything fancy, it's
just biology pure and simple. Those who aren't demisexual, if they're young and
female, probably are a biological statistical anomaly. Just a guess, but I've been
reading a lot of evolutionary psychology and genetics of the human ape
recently. Interesting stuff.

## Post 147 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 24-Nov-2015 0:42:52

I'm open to sex, but not with strangers. I need to know something about them, and I have to like them in some way.
However, I don't need more then a general liking for them, not emotional bonding.
I've never been interested in picking women up from a party, or bar, but don't mind sex with them after a couple conversations provided they are interesting.
I would say even if we had a good conversation at the party, it could be on.
When you add sex, you add emotional bonding many times, but you still have to understand that people change, or don't feel the same as you.
Even when they say they do, and they might for a time, change happens.
It seems that being demisexual, applies to both men and women. I do think that people many times mix love and emotional binding with the need to be wanted or use it as an excuse for why they wanted sex.
I've seen people get connected to someone in a matter of hours or a day.

## Post 148 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 24-Nov-2015 14:24:08

Yeah at first I told him I wasn't sure how I would feel, but then I thought
about it and said I maybe could handle it. But as I've learned, it's easier said
than done. The biggest issue, in my opinion, with fwb relationships is that
feelings develop. And when feelings develop, you may have to cut off those
feelings in a moment's notice like what happened here, and coping with it
emotionally is extremely difficult, and you have to learn how to cope with it.
Also, I went on vacation. I knew this girl was coming to see him before I left,
but I didn't know he was going to use me being on vacation as a token to get
naked in bed with her.

## Post 149 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 24-Nov-2015 14:53:17

It wasn't personal. He had no bind or claim with you, so was free to do as he chose.
Same was true for you. On vacation if you'd met someone and wanted to be naked with him, it would have been fine.
These just aren't for everyone, but with the correct mind set, work okay.
I don't think anyone, not even myself, can account for how feelings might change, but an agreement is and agreement.
It is just best to wish them well, and mean it.
If you force them to stick with you our of guilt or obligation, what do you actually have?
Nothing but someone that will find away to get out as soon as possible.
Not a good way to enjoy them.
The friendship suffers, and so does the sex, if that is why you are in it.

## Post 150 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 24-Nov-2015 20:47:33

Yeah. Friends with benefits is something I do not agree with;

## Post 151 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Tuesday, 24-Nov-2015 23:54:19

If you don't agree with it for yourself, that's one thing. Not agreeing with it on principles though, for other people? That's edging into dangerous territory. See my post in a different board talking about homosexuality and how saying that you don't agree with it is probably a bad idea.
If two or more people want to do something you don't want to do, and no demonstrable harm can be gotten from the act itself, then you don't really have a lot of room to preach. If they want to go around killing and eating people, then yeah, that's got a moral angle to it, and you may say killing is wrong. But if they want to be friends with benefits, then who are any of us to judge them for it? If it works for them, let them alone. If people could use that mentality more often in the world today, it would be a more peaceful, less judgmental place, I promise you.

## Post 152 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 25-Nov-2015 11:34:41

People who "don't agree with" things others do are just being special snowflakes
looking for attention. If a couple consenting adults engage in something that
doesn't cost you, mind your own business. Now it gets to be fine line when
we're talking the results of that activity being taxpayer-sponsored ... then the
situation becomes more complex.
You know what "I don't agree with ..." reminds me of? A middle aged average
guy I knew, who was kinda like me, not the big tall dark handsome type, but
he'd only work out in the gym when the huge fat dudes were in there. Not when
the studley types were working out.
It's the all-grown-up version of one of my daughter's friends, presumably in
pigtails or other little girl getup, coming into my garage to ask for something,
and upon hearing what was on the boom box, presumably crinkled her nose,
and said: "We don't approve of Slipknot!" Annoying and reprovable on a young
girl, but damn near insufferable on an adult of any sex / gender / whatever they
call it these days.

## Post 153 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 25-Nov-2015 11:36:29

Think she means it doesn't work for her, or she doesn't agree with it on principal.
I'll not invite her to be my FWB then. Smile.

## Post 154 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 25-Nov-2015 12:29:10

I'm curious how you knew that he got naked with a girl while you were on
vacation. Did he tell you? Or did you just assume, cuz you've assumed a lot
here.

## Post 155 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Wednesday, 25-Nov-2015 21:02:30

Cody, I could figure it out if she stayed with him. Of course if she stayed
with him, she's not going to stay in a separate room.

## Post 156 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Wednesday, 25-Nov-2015 21:25:39

Just saying, but some couples don't share the same room for any number of reasons.

## Post 157 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Wednesday, 25-Nov-2015 21:38:31

Yeah. If he didn't tell you, then there's no telling. Maybe they did share a room and they snuggled but went no further? Who knows? The only way you can be sure is if he told you.
But never mind. Stop obsessing over it and picking at it. It's done. You got hurt. That sucked. Move on.

## Post 158 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Wednesday, 25-Nov-2015 23:53:04

True.There've been many times where I've had significant others stay with me and the clothes never came off once beyond the necessity of getting changed each day.

## Post 159 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Thursday, 26-Nov-2015 21:19:22

Go on Brian, what else happened behind the closed door? Lol Lol :)

## Post 160 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 26-Nov-2015 22:25:11

She knows her man. So she probably could safely assume he and she got naked.
Plus, he's still with the gir, so probably didn't have to wait a year and a half to get some sex.
Might have been his reason for choosing her. Smile.

## Post 161 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Friday, 27-Nov-2015 22:09:55

Um, I'm 99.9% sure sex is going on. She has been with him for 3 months, so
they are obviously fucking.

## Post 162 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 11:00:42

I truly hope so.
Spending 3 months with a girl, and much of that time with her near enough to touch, is difficult when you want her, but can't have her.

## Post 163 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 16:03:36

Yes

## Post 164 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 16:42:11

Never assume. I've had seeral non LDR relationships that lasted months before we did the hanky panky. Sex is fun, certainly, but there are other things in a relationship that are just as important.

## Post 165 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 17:04:10

The important thing here is that people do go at different speeds. My very first girlfriend (I was seventeen, she was a couple of years younger) didn't get up to much more than kissing for at least a couple of months. We were both pretty new to things, and we took it slow. Some people take it that slow, or even more so, with more experience than I had. It's personal preference.
And here's something else to bear in mind: if someone takes six months to have sex with their first partner, but only three for their second, that doesn't mean much. They might be more comfortable. They might have more chemistry. The partner might be more interested in the prospect in the first place. It can go the other way too, although that's less common. I'm apt to go quicker now than I would've back then, but still.

## Post 166 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 17:49:37

True. Very true.

## Post 167 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 19:05:38

This man isn't 17, nor is he living across town from the girl.
She traveled and stayed in his house.
He's a sexual man, and Apple Girl knows this.
She's 99% probably correct. He's confortable and wants his girl in his bed.
I personally don't like the waiting game. If we are dating, and I mean on a kissing bases, I'm going to want her.
She has to have a really good reason why I must wait 6 months, or even 3 months.
Why? If she comfortable enough to kiss me, go on dates, cuddle, and whatever, what is her issue?
She is for sure not going to live under the same roof with me for months, kiss on me and such things, and say, well, we should wait.
In that case, I have to admit, she has to go home, and we have to visit.
We can kiss generally hello, good bye, but we're not going to get in to any heavy kissing and petting.
I'll have a headache everytime she leaves me to go home.
Nope.

## Post 168 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 20:20:24

True. And quite frankly even if they did do the hanky panky it's absolutely nobody's business but their own.

## Post 169 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 22:36:59

Well a lot of guys think sex is the only aspect of a relationship. They do not
realize that there is more to a relationship than sex. They definitely do the
"hanky panky" and I'm 99% positive. You don't know what goes on behind
closed doors. They could have a baby coming for all I know.

## Post 170 by AgateRain (Believe it or not, everything on me and about me is real!) on Saturday, 28-Nov-2015 23:30:59

And, even if they do it's none of your or anybody's business.

## Post 171 by Scarlett (move over school!) on Sunday, 29-Nov-2015 0:36:13

That's also a big generalisation. Believe it or not guys contribute way more to a relationship than just sex.
Stop underestimating them.

## Post 172 by contradiction (aww, I always knew my opinion mattered to you!) on Sunday, 29-Nov-2015 5:11:36

Oh, honey...
I just had a conversation about how much being as close as I am to my SO scares me. It frightens me to my core because I feel too broken for him. I trust him with more than I'm willing to admit, and while I put all I have into this relationship, so does he, and dear Jesus does he give a great deal.
Don't ever underestimate men this way. Please.

## Post 173 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 29-Nov-2015 10:08:35

For conversation sake, open opinions.
I have read many times that people should be comfortable before they have sex.
I understand this in theory.
Give me some valid reasons, that are not religious, a man, or woman, should make the other wait 3 months, 6 months, a year, before submitting to complete sexual activity?
I have read it is okay to kiss, and date, and all the things a couple does when they are interested, but when it comes to sex, the waters get muddy.
So, why?
Men are not always in relationships only for sex. Many times, they actually enjoy the woman otherwise, believe it, or not. Smile.
And you have women that only want sex from a relationship. This is really happening often now.
But, my question? I am interested in responses.
I am referring to adult couples, not teenagers.

## Post 174 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Sunday, 29-Nov-2015 17:25:13

Definitely some excellent points here. Maybe he and his girl do have a baby coming along and maybe they don't, but even if they do it's no one's business but their own. Maybe, just maybe they took precautions?

## Post 175 by write away (The Zone's Blunt Object) on Sunday, 29-Nov-2015 17:30:02

I'd like to attempt to answer your question for conversation's sake, wayne. But I'm not sure I understand it. Can you reiterate what you're asking? I myself am of the oppinion that comfort matters most. If two people are comfortable enough with each other to sleep together, have fun, dammit!! But a lot goes into the comfort factor. Comfortable may mean different things to different people.

## Post 176 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Sunday, 29-Nov-2015 20:37:18

Yeah sex is a big step, and some people may not be comfortable to do it right
away. I remember I was nervous when I had sex for the first time.

## Post 177 by oddly-charming (Generic Zoner) on Sunday, 29-Nov-2015 23:12:04

Some people just need to wait. Many people in this society are nervice as hell to expose their naked bodies. It's a shame, but it's true. And an even larger part of people are (at least subconsciously) ashamed of their sexuality, or feel somehow wrong or dirty about sex. It takes a bit for some people to break that barrier.
And excuse me, Apple girl, but saying things like "men think that sex is the only aspect of a relationship" is extremely generalizing, as Holly pointed out, and very offensive. Don't do it.
Jake

## Post 178 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Monday, 30-Nov-2015 13:34:46

True there are a lot of men who think that way but there are a lot of women who do as well. It's not just one or the other.

## Post 179 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 30-Nov-2015 19:22:52

Basicly, I am wondering what would be a valid reason for holding off on sex if you are pretty much intimate.
You don't have any religious reasons.
Fear was good. Shame? What else?

## Post 180 by oddly-charming (Generic Zoner) on Monday, 30-Nov-2015 20:06:22

Honestly, Wayne, those are the main two reasons other than religion. And I don't think there are any hard scientific data I can give on that, though I'd love to if I could. There's really no rhyme or reason to not want to have sex even though you are in an intimate relationship with someone. There are just a lot of people who feel uncomfortable because, again, sex is often times seen as this dirty, embarrassing and shameful thing. It takes a lot to get over that for some people.

## Post 181 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Monday, 30-Nov-2015 20:55:24

It's also seen by some as their leverage or power, if they are the gatekeeper,
the one who can say yes or no to the other party who wants it. That's part of
the waiting, see if they can make the other one buy them enough things first, or
respond in exactly the way they want them to first, etc. I've seen that.

## Post 182 by forereel (Just posting.) on Monday, 30-Nov-2015 23:24:01

True, but that wouldn't be a valid reason, and it is used all the time.
Now, my next question.
If a guy or girl is shamed, or afraid, is it right for the party that wants sex from them to inquire the reason?
Is it wrong to suggest they should work past it, or does that make you unloving, or caring?
If you are the sexual partner, how long is reasonable for them to get past it, or stop dating you?
I'm just looking for opinions. I want a set time frame.

## Post 183 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 01-Dec-2015 5:46:12

Yeah I think fear is mostly why people hold off on having sex. In my opinion,
it is important to get to know each other well before having sex. Because
some guys just use women as sex objects and violate them, and you want to
be careful. I think I mentioned this earlier in this thread, but my friend and I
we were hanging out at his house for the first time. I objected to him
touching me because I wanted us to get to know each other first.

## Post 184 by VioletBlue (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Tuesday, 01-Dec-2015 14:10:56

Life is too shoart to waste time dealing with someone who is that fearful or that prone to pointless guilt! Pass them by, they are a child.
I hope this is only a common issue for young people. If it's still a problem for anyone over 30, that's sad, and aggravating, for their partner.
AppleThing, re your previous post, where does violation come into this? It isn't violating someone to have sex with them, unless they clearly stated they didn't want it, in which case you're talking about rape! I don't think you meant that most men are rapists, did you? You're developing a truly bad attitude. Doesn't sound like you like men, much.

## Post 185 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Tuesday, 01-Dec-2015 15:03:06

Comfort is complex. That's all there is to it.
I don't think people should force each other to wait as leverage though. On that I agree.
If I was in a relationship where my partner wanted to move forward and I didn't, I'd have no problem explaining why, would have no problem with her asking either. If she pushed, that's a different story. And if it turned out I didn't really have a good reason, or that she wanted to help me get over my problem, I'd be open to that.

## Post 186 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Tuesday, 01-Dec-2015 19:38:07

No, not all men are rapists. I used the wrong choice of words here.

## Post 187 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Tuesday, 01-Dec-2015 21:46:15

I agree with Violet. Life is too short to waste.

## Post 188 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 02-Dec-2015 12:06:02

I agree with Violet post, but I wanted to know others thoughts as to what might be a valid reason to hold off.
So far all the reasons seem to be problems of young people, so fixable.

## Post 189 by oddly-charming (Generic Zoner) on Thursday, 03-Dec-2015 4:10:28

Well, yes, fixable in a way. But not all young people have this fear and shame problem and not all of the people who have it are young. As a matter of fact, I'd really be willing to bet that many people who are huge prudes and terrified of having sex are older, because before the last few decades, this culture was pretty sexually repressed.
But yeah, it's fixable, and it's not a reason to let yourself, as the other partner, wait for as long as it takes. Relationships are two-way streets. If one person wants to wait for 6 months, and the other one wants to jump in the sack pretty soon after starting to date, they might just have to admit that they're incompatible, if neither of them are willing to compromise.
I don't see why this is a huge issue. People can be as prudish or as promiscuous as they please as long as they're not hurting anyone else. It's just that super promiscuous people don't belong with super prude people. It's rather simple.
Jake

## Post 190 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Thursday, 03-Dec-2015 9:45:53

Yeah I was shy about intimate activity, I didn't want to talk about nor did I
want it done. But when my friend and I started doing it, that was when it
opened a whole new world for me.

## Post 191 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 03-Dec-2015 13:50:44

I'd not label a person a prude. Sex is complicated for many, even the people that claim to be sexually active, or informed.
It just seemed to me, many were saying, well, you should understand, and a person has to be ready, and if that take 6 months or a year, you should be willing to wait, or you're an uncaring person.
So, I wanted to know what were legit reasons to refuse to even think about sex, or open the door, if you are the person that is holding off.
You want the company, you enjoy the dates, the close, and as posted here, the kissing.
If you enjoy all this, it seems to me reasonable for the sexual person to say, I want you sexually.
It has been posted that all men want is sex in the relationship, and many think this way, not just a few.
Agreed, a relationship is a two way street, but I don't think it fair the sexual is perceived as an uncaring person, because they explain to a person they turns them on and if we're going to continue the girlfriend treatment, I want a complete girlfriend.
People get surprised, and angry when the person that has been asking for intimacy finds another partner. The sexual person seems to always be the bad side, because they didn't understand, or were not patient enough.
So, that was what motivated my questions.

## Post 192 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Thursday, 03-Dec-2015 17:47:58

Definitely right about not all of them beig really young. The very first woman I ever dated is my age, 35, though older by a few months and she remains a virgin. Partly this is for religious reasons but also because she'll only consider sex with a blind or otherwise disabled person. Nondisabled people are a dangerous unknown in her mind and she's creeped out by the idea of a sighted man looking at her and possibly becoming aroused by what he sees. This from a woman who actually has some vision herself. Thenif he's sighted he could also come to her whenever he wanted and that also scares her since she does everything according to a rigid plan

## Post 193 by nascarfan54 (Generic Zoner) on Wednesday, 06-Jan-2016 19:14:21

I definetly am for taking it nice and sloew to. As for me I do like to just take it nice and slow and really enjoy the moment.

## Post 194 by nascarfan54 (Generic Zoner) on Wednesday, 06-Jan-2016 19:23:04

I think the longer and slower the sex the nicer and better it is. Also I feel that age is just a number to.

## Post 195 by forereel (Just posting.) on Wednesday, 06-Jan-2016 21:45:09

I agree. Age is a number as long as it is withen the bonds of legal.

## Post 196 by nascarfan54 (Generic Zoner) on Thursday, 07-Jan-2016 4:34:49

Oh yu deffinetly want to keep it legal, I like hearing about couples with extreme age differences, think its neat when they can work that out.p

## Post 197 by DevilishAnthony (Just go on and agree with me. You know you want to.) on Thursday, 07-Jan-2016 6:54:07

I knew a couple who thought they were in love. I was only a teenager myself. The guy was 16, and the woman was 34. She was married with 3 kids, but soon became divorced with 4. I've never been so torn up and conflicted. I was happy for them in a way, since they seemed to love each other so much. In hindsight, it was just lust, but still. I was very young then. On the other side, she was cheating on her husband. She was fuckin' around with a minor and worst of all, she was alone with the guy in our house, so technically, if anything had gotten out of hand, my mother would have found herself in some legal mess. Of course, the relationship didn't last very long at all.

## Post 198 by forereel (Just posting.) on Thursday, 07-Jan-2016 15:55:21

That wasn't legal.
It also wasn't responsible on the woman's part.
I'm sure she just wanted some young stuff. That happens more then you'd think.
When I say age is a number, I mean between people that are adults in thinking and also of legal age in that state or country to make choices.
If the guy had been over 18 it have been just a bad choice if he was the one to get hurt when the relationship ended.
If it was the woman, well, she has to write that off as a bad choice if it bothered her after.
Age nearness as you can see doesn't mean success in relationships at all.

## Post 199 by ApplePeaches (If the zone bbs was a drug, I'd need rehab.) on Friday, 08-Jan-2016 0:24:10

Yeah it's hard when you are intimate with someone, feelings develop, and
then out of the blue, you are forced to cut off those feelings. Like I said in a
previous post, it can be very difficult to cope with the emotional aspect of it.

## Post 200 by Meglet (I just keep on posting!) on Friday, 08-Jan-2016 23:35:08

Interesting stuff here. I wonder if, like Bernadetta, there are a ton of e experienced, confident women who just like to wait, damn it. I wonder how many people whose preference just doesn't mesh with casual or really fast intimacy who are called repressed, or dismissed as ashamed/fearful. I know firsthand what repression, especially religious repression, can do to a person's viewpoint on sex, to the point where your body actually feels it's wrong on a physical level (I don't know how to describe it; it's like a slow wave of nausea that doesn't go away, a bit like regret). Still, there are plenty of people out there who just like to go slowly. They're not broken or repressed, it's just who they are, and I don't think they need a "valid" reason, because what is valid? No, they should not be using leverage or power, but as long as (and I do stress this) the other party is okay with waiting and doesn't become unhappy in the relationship, then no one needs to be dishing out "valid" reasons.

## Post 201 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 10-Jan-2016 9:35:01

You gave some valid reasons Meglet.
Here’s the thing though.
When a person states they need to take things slow, and I don’t mean as a power play, they have to give quarter too.
The slower person can’t expect to be given the red carpet treatment, but often times, this is the case.
The slower person, if they truly wish to remain in the relationship and be treated to that red carpet must provide some valid reasons for holding off.
Without valid reasons, they can’t expect to be understood.
Without valid reasons, you leave the other person at a loss, or make them chase you.
Their desire doesn’t turn off just because you say you want to take things slow. They have a right to know why.
You stress that the other person should be okay with it. Okay with what?
Telling them their just a pig grunt and need to wait, or I don’t know, or just because I want to isn’t fair.
Their desire isn’t a crime, and often times desire is seen as such.
It is far easier to give the slower person space when you know why.

## Post 202 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Sunday, 10-Jan-2016 19:35:50

Wayne is right; an explanation would work much better than just saying "I want you to wait." Because, as humans, we wanna know what makes a person feel the way they do, so that if we can help them fix it in some way, we'll be made aware of that. Whereas, if no explanation is provided, then it's likely both parties will eventually become unhappy due to letting things fester.

## Post 203 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Sunday, 10-Jan-2016 19:45:41

Boom! The last two posts make a ton of sense. Maybe the last two posters will
write it in a book? Lol Just very good sense there from Wayne and Chelsea.

## Post 204 by Meglet (I just keep on posting!) on Monday, 11-Jan-2016 21:17:24

I never said we should cater, always; indeed, I've said the very opposite. I'm just saying that "valid" reasoning thing gets a little iffy when external parties are doing the judging. We might run into some issues because how can they know, on a gut level, what it's like be wired differently from the outset? So, yes, we should always explain ourselves to the "waiting" one as much as possible, and if our explanations are not good enough then they should, of course, leave. I just don't think it should be a universally agreed-upon measuring stick for validity. Bernadetta and I are not casual sex people, but we're not sick, either. We're not repressed. We're not broken. We're just a bit different, and no one other than our partners ought to be judging.

## Post 205 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 11-Jan-2016 23:08:43

This is very complex, in my opinion.
Both parties have rights and responsibilities here.
The hesitant one does have a right to hesitate, and this should never ever be taken away from them. However, hesitancy should be explained if possible, in a way the other party can understand even if they don't fully accept it. At this stage, the hesitant party should be asking themselves a vital question: "Does my partner's desire put me in a bad position? Is it forcing me to compromise things I don't want to compromise?" If they decide it is, then they're at liberty to get out of the relationship or, if they think resolution is possible, they've got the freedom to tell their partner how they feel. I feel it is the responsibility of the hesitant party to communicate as clearly as possible the reason for their lack of progress.
On the other hand, the party who wishes to press forward should do everything they can to either 1. respect their partner's desire to wait or 2. get out of the situation in a respectful fashion. There is nothing wrong with a desire to take things to the next level, in itself, and there's equally nothing wrong if you just aren't ready yet. This process should be as free from personal recrimination as possible. The party desirous of progress must be equally clear with their communications, to ensure that the hesitant party 1. does not feel overly pressured and 2. understands that a difference of opinion on this subject is neither person's fault.
In short, this is either complicated and harmless, or a veritable powder-keg when someone invariably steps over a line someplace (or their partner thinks they have).
The word "no" has power, and should be respected. But the question "why?" has power too, and should also be respected as a valid query.

## Post 206 by Meglet (I just keep on posting!) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 2:11:57

I struggle with the hesitation thing. I might be reading you wrongly, Gregg, but when I hear "hesitant" I think tentative, unsure and so on. What if I'm not unsure/tentative? What if I'm just one of those people who won't want to have sex with you until I get to know you really well? What if I'm simply not wired to want to jump into bed with someone unless I've formed strong social bonds? Yes, people do wait because they are scared, and they have to get over that if they can, but they also wait because it's the way their bodies are set up. As long as the other partner's cool with that, I don't see the issue with it at all. It's like you're saying "Jumping straight in is the ideal situation, and if you delay for any reason, you have the right, but it's not ideal."

## Post 207 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 9:37:33

I took hesitation to mean remaining reluctance after the relationship is established.
General hesitation is to be expected.
Even when you think about a one-night stand, or a hook/pick up, people are hesitant and do some checking. They don’t say yes to the very first person that comes over and invites them.
Even at a swingers gathering, believe it or not, people have some hesitation.
I find it interesting and educational. It is always the person that is hesitant is viewed prudish, broken, and the person with desire, horny, not understanding.
I have yet to see a person from the hesitation side say, I understand a person might desire me, and that is good and healthy.
I should understand and help them with the desire so they feel comfortable with me.

## Post 208 by VioletBlue (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 10:59:42

Oh yes, relationships should be taken slow, but not *VERY* slow. LOL
... The thread title just makes me chuckle, each time I see it.

## Post 209 by nascarfan54 (Generic Zoner) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 12:18:31

Yes when it comes to relationships and love making I do really like to take lots of time and take it nice and slow and really enjoy the moment.

## Post 210 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 12:49:17

Ok, we're all ok with the sex thing, where people can delay it if they want.
Now, putting the shoe on the other foot on all counts. For s/he who wants it quicker, are they also all right if the other party wants something else quicker, say, money, resources, emotional dumping ground, etc.? Many are, but I'm not sure if the hookup types are or not since I've never done that.
On the contrary: To those with the moral imperative of being hesitant. put the shoe on the other foot: the other party takes a moral imperative to be hesitant when it comes to giving up resources, emotional dumping ground, etc.
See, it doesn't actually work, does it?
Naturally respect between parties works, but the moral imperative doesn't, because you didn't want to "go fast" anyhow.
Look at it this way: I can see a Powerball and not be tempted. I've been to the liquor store a zillion times and the lottery machines are just beeping buzzing machines to me. I'm not even tempted to buy a ticket when it reaches into the tens or hundreds of millions.
Now I have the intellectual honesty to just say I'm personally not drawn in by that. It doesn't make me special, demilottery, better than a bunch of other people, super uber pruder. It doesn't even make me especially wise with guarding my resources, as you might hear from some of the hookup people. It just means that I'm not personally taken in by that. I'm so indifferent to the lottery thing that if my Wife bought a lottery ticket, I wouldn't be upset.
Too often the one group wants everyone else to believe how extra special they are, how amazing they are, coming up with new words to replace old religious terms, and when you look under the surface, there's nothing there. You need not get to the sex part to see any of this. But they'll want *their* part taken very slow, while *your* part should go fast.
You know how you can tell one of these doesn't have a "Look at me!" complex? If they ask you to take it fast or slow, and since they're asking you to make the concession, they would make one too, one that actually puts them out also. I'd say the exact same thing for the hookup people if they were the predominant, but they're hard to find in the real world.
Saying that your "compromise" is that you won't do it either, when you're not even tempted, makes no sense except to the entitled. I've already said that I wouldn't buy lottery tickets, but that's not a sacrifice to me. Now, if my partner wanted to buy one once in awhile, or whenever they come out, me asking Her not to is asking Her to make a sacrifice. So for me to do so fairly would be me also making an equal concession. Because I'm not an entitled little thing, that actually makes some sense to me.
Again you don't even have to get to the sex part at all to understand this.
I'd be willing to bet real money that those who want to "take it slow" would get all mad, entitled and upset, if the other party said, "fair enough, I'm gonna take it slow, and not be your emotional drop-off either." And the equal opposite, for the hookmup peple that may or may not exist, if one party wants to take it very quickly, they might also get entitled and upset if the other says, "Fair enough, then I want to be able to get a lot of information from you very quickly also."
It pays to put the shoe on the other foot, and do so meaningfully. With my lottery ticket example, that doesn't mean get all morality-minded about those tickets when I'm not even bothered or tempted to get one. But it does mean consider what kind of things I want to do every once in awhile that are low-cost, low-impact but enjoyable to me, and *at very least* understand, if not be willing to part with one if I'm gonna start carrying on about someone I'm with buying those.
It's like those preachers you see preaching on and on about liquor, how they're so special because they don't and everyone else does, when they've a. never done it, and b. aren't interested. That doesn't give someone credibility, not at all.
Hell, there's a whole host of things now that I've done in 20 plus years of being a dad that, if it were the 1930s, would be special or something, but in the modern era when everybody does it, not special at all. Not hard, not a big deal, and so I claim zero cred, it's just life.
That's how it goes when you're doing like the near entirety of society. And most people who have this high-minded attitude? Will never put that shoe on the other foot. I've made the same types of arguments on other types of forums for different issues, it's not a sex thing. It's an uber morality entitlement thing.

## Post 211 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 13:25:37

No, Meglet. That's not what I meant at all. Some people, as you say, aren't wired that way. They're hesitating, or not wanting to go to the next level as it were, for some reason or other. Maybe it's religious, maybe it's simple preference. They owe it to their partner to say this, and to try and explain why if they can. That partner isn't an asshole if they don't want to wait, but they are an asshole if they continue to push.

## Post 212 by DevilishAnthony (Just go on and agree with me. You know you want to.) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 13:41:59

I know a woman who went to visit a perspective boyfriend, after having a long distance relationship with him for a while. The guy still lived with his ex, but only as a mutually beneficial financial arrangement for both him and the ex. while this new girl was there, she overheard the guy filling out some paperwork on his ensurance for work. She found out that the ex was listed as the beneficiary. The new girl totally lost it, saying that if he didn't change it right then and there, she was calling the whole thing off. how dare he leave the ex as the beneficiary, now that she was being replaced. Yes, this was on the very first day they met. She didn't think she was unreasonable at all. as a matter of fact, she felt that he was the unreasonable one for not wanting to make sure she was provided for.
Some might defend this woman, but if he'd told her that either he got sex on that first day, or he was calling the whole thing off, I wonder how many people would lable him a total asshole. And yes, the poor pussy did change it.

## Post 213 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 14:11:36

Seems you're an asshole if you don't want to wait, and you're an asshole if you push for an honest explaination, or continue to ask now and again.
You are good if you say, okay, I totally understand, and wait until you receive the okay.

## Post 214 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Tuesday, 12-Jan-2016 14:30:58

Yup. That's the way the cookie crumbles, I don't see it changing any time soon. Anthony, there was a time when I would have been that guy.
These guys aren't just looking for sex; the deeper issue is they're looking for approval. The Catholic word being absolution. Looking for that absolution, looking for her to say he's that "one good man," when her economic and social benefit is to keep that absolution out of reach.
The trick is to wake up and realize as a man you're always societally fucking wrong, and stop chasing after the absolution, or the "one good man" syndrome. It won't turn you into an asshole or make you do things you wouldn't, you'll just be more like, "I'm out!" when it comes to all this head games / social justice political correct morality shit. That is actually why these days I'm apolitical. Both sides are mere inverse of each other, and, yes, they both deserve each other.

## Post 215 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Wednesday, 13-Jan-2016 14:53:59

Exactly right Wayne--you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't.

## Post 216 by Jack Off Jill (why the hell am I posting in the first place?) on Tuesday, 14-Jun-2016 7:40:41

Old thread but had to post.
First of all, I've had a a couple of FWB type relationships. I fell into bed pretty fast because the attraction was high and fuck it, who doesn't want to get laid. Each one we departed either because found someone we could connect on an emotional level including sex, or it was just not fun anymore.
I jumped into sex with a partner two weeks after meeting, some will say this makes me a skank. I say, sex is just sex, it's what you make of it. IT developed into a healthy relationship, turned out we both wanted all the same things. Doesn't sound like your cup of tea Apple peaches, but that's when we are all different comes into play.
I had an ex who was all in my business, felt it was his business to know who I slept with, why, where, how good was it. Very nosy, he was told to fuck off. It's no one's business who's in my bed but my own.
Now cheating, cheating is what spouses do, not Friends with benefits. He didn't owe you anything.
Sex is something adults should only engage in, you said you were ok with it. I can understand developing feelings. But just because you did, doesn't make it right to act the way you did with him.
I developed feelings in my last friend's with benefits, I was the one who had to break it off because I couldn't stand him flirting with other women in front of me. Could I be upset about that, sure, did I have a right to? No, he wasn't mine. So to make a healthy situation from an unhealthy one, I dropped things.

## Post 217 by Damnable Reverend (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Tuesday, 14-Jun-2016 10:56:10

I've rushed things a little in the past and at this point in my life experience seems to have taught me to be more on the cautious side. I've had one really long-term relationship (as in, we were together for over seven years all told) and a lot of short ones. I sometimes really miss the sort of connection and companionship I had with that long-term partner, but I figure that's actually an extremely rare thing that I was fortunate to have for a comparatively lengthy period of time. Unfortunately, I've found that though my body often craves sex, the mind and emotions are a lot less easy to satisfy.
But yeah it really depends. Sometimes you just want to have a good time and sleep with someone and you have no expectations of one another. I do find sex more satisfying though when you've are genuinely excited by each other's character and personality. And it takes time to find that out. My last relationship only lasted about three months; we had some really sweet times in the beginning but soon discovered we annoyed the hell out of one another. Personality clash, I guess.
You want to know what the real test is? Spending a long period of time together without a break. Go on a trip or something. if you can stand each other's company for forty-eight hours without once thinking "god I wish they'd get out of my face for a while", signs are probably good! lol