# A special Letter

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Black Prince (Veteran Zoner) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2009 1:15:12

Dear Alcohol,
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect gift, post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.
While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone Calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact , they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions.
And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership..
Thank you,

## Post 2 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Saturday, 18-Jul-2009 14:06:48

LOL This is classic. Thanks.

## Post 3 by blindndangerous (the blind and dangerous one) on Sunday, 19-Jul-2009 1:57:14

hmmmmm number 2 sounds mighty tasty.

## Post 4 by ori9303 (This site is so "educational") on Sunday, 19-Jul-2009 2:25:15

LOL. very funny and canbe be very true!

## Post 5 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Tuesday, 21-Jul-2009 22:31:04

Lol! Funny but true. I like this.

## Post 6 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Tuesday, 21-Jul-2009 23:52:39

&LT;lol> very good.

## Post 7 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Saturday, 01-Aug-2009 13:53:32

I like this a lot; very true.

## Post 8 by Reyami (I've broken five thousand! any more awards going?) on Saturday, 01-Aug-2009 15:04:18

I have seen this before, but it's great to bring it back, even if it's a new thread. *smile* love this one.

## Post 9 by SunshineAndRain (I'm happily married, a mom of two and a fulltime college student.) on Wednesday, 05-Aug-2009 10:12:53

I should show this to a friend of mine. And number 2 does sound grossly appetizing.