# Rejecting your own language and culture to fit in?

Category: Language and Culture

## Post 1 by mini schtroumpfette (go ahead, make my day I dare you!) on Saturday, 02-Sep-2006 18:21:59

For those of yu who have immigrated to another country, While trying to "fit in to the new culture," Did you feel you have had to reject the "old one, in which you were brought up in?

## Post 2 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 03-Sep-2006 0:47:57

Well this doesn't really apply to me, but I do have a co-worker who is dealing with this issue. She and her husband are from China but came over here right after college. Their oldest son refuses to speak Chinese even with them. They both have cultivated friendships here in the U.S. with many Chinese people and choose to speak their own language as much as possible, and their second son is willing to learn. But their oldest refuses.
Of course, this co-worker I'm talking about has very poor English skills due to her speaking her native language in her personal life, and as she teaches mobility, many of her clients are frustrated with their difficulty understanding her. But that's another story.

## Post 3 by Grace (I've now got the ggold prolific poster award! wahoo! well done to me!) on Sunday, 03-Sep-2006 1:34:48

Greetings Mini Schtroumpfette,

## Post 4 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Sunday, 03-Sep-2006 1:54:34

Interesting question. I, honestly, don't think one needs to reject one's own culture when emmigrating to another country, rather one has to put it on the back burner and recognize that one needs to fit in. I think being accepted by a country/nation is a great favor and should be returned by you making an effort to "fit in". This, however, does not mean, for me, totally Americanizing, I'm proud of my country, tell people here about our food, crazy culture, teach them a couple of Icelandic phrases and encourage them to go visit some time. I feel more like I am an ambassador for my culture here. As such I want to be accepted, part of community and someone people think of as one of their own, my origin them makes me different, special or interesting. I've found that people ask a lot of questions about Iceland and Icelandic culture and I've never felt that being from there was viewed as negative or preventing me from being accepted here. It's rather a unique/cool attribute of me as a person. I've also learnt to see my culture back home in a different way, miss things I didn't expect to miss and seen things that I think we could learn from the Americans or at least improve ourselves (people here are more helpful than Icelanders, more warm and open, some of the foods here are amazing that Icelanders have never heard of, for instance).
That being said I don't believe in mingling just with Icelanders here or form Icelandic communities. I stayed away from the international students union in university and preferred to mix in with the American crowd, so that I could learn the language and fit in. I liked having the international students as friends and we met sometimes to discuss our experiences, but I did not start hanging out with that group exclusively, I felt it would be an insult to my hosts. Me and my sister who also live here talk in a strange mix of Icelandic and English by now, English when it comes to our jobs because we're used to the vocab, Icelandic when it comes to every day things. I think it can be said we both speak the language pretty well, with accents of course, but I don't think anyone has great difficulty understanding us. I certainly plan to teach my baby Icelandic from the very start and probably speak Icelandic to him/her because I'm proud of the language and I think it's really cool, but I'm happy I did things this way, I made a few good American friends, I've learnt the language and I've gotten some wonderful opportunities here. I think I've grown more Icelandic if anything, learning about how that culture is different from the American one and appreciating the unique aspects of it, but I also appreciaite a lot of things here, not all (who would) but lots of aspects of American culture.
So, in short, no, I feel like I had to put my culture on the back burner and such, but I've never felt I had to reject it or that totally denying my nationality was necessary, rather tha opposite.
Cheers
-B

## Post 5 by nikos (English words from a Greek thinking brain) on Sunday, 03-Sep-2006 5:52:47

I agree totally with wildebrew.
There is no need to reject anything.
For example here at the university i speak English during my lectures or when i go out with friends, but when i am on my own i can speak to my friends online in Greek or even to myself lol or listen to Greek radio.
I don't agree with people who go to other countries but refuce to feet in the calture but i don't agree either when people just forget everything about their calture or language.
It has to be something in between.
Very interesting subject.

## Post 6 by mini schtroumpfette (go ahead, make my day I dare you!) on Sunday, 03-Sep-2006 10:25:14

Hi all,
The reason I've created this topic is because, although we've immigrated from Vietnam to Canada when I was 8, you'd think that I would have an easier time integrating and accepting both the Canadian and Vietnamese cultures, but this was not at all the case.
As a child, I have had no problem embracing the Canadian culture, learning English was great fun, and have made some very very good friends.
The problem lies in that, up until I started college, I did not want to speak Vietnamese unless I was force to. For example, when communicating with my parents, I have had to speak in my native tongue. With my siblings however, I would only speak in English especially in front of my friends. In fact, I did not often brought any of my friends home with me because I felt my family was "different" from theirs, and I was ashamed of this differences. On the few occasions that they did come over, I would asked my mom to serve them only western food.
Needless to say, I've grown up since then, smile. I've learned to accept the diversity of both cultures, and feel enrich by them. I enjoy playing the role of an interpreter when my friends come over for meals.
I think that kids have a harder time accepting cultural diversity, because unlike adults, they lack the wisdom which enables them to see that being "different" is not a bad thing.

## Post 7 by Raskolnikov (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Sunday, 17-Sep-2006 1:10:24

This topic reminds me of a friend I had in high school. He was unfortunately shot down in a gang shoot out about three years ago.
This topic reminded me of a conversation I once had with him. He told me that he went one summer to the country where his parents were born but wasn't accepted by his relatives or the people there. He said he wasn't accepted by them because he had become so acclimated to the "American" culture that he no longer fit in anywhere else. If it was his parents fault or not, I don't know.
He said his psychology professor told him he'd turned to gangs because he was marginalized, being rejected by his own kind and by the American culture as well. According to this psychologist, gang members make up a great number of marginalized citizens.
I didn't know if it was a good idea to tell my friend that it would have been better if his parents had remained in their native country. But now that he's a goner, perhaps it would have been better for him if they had.
So maybe now you guys can think not only about those who reject their own culture or of those who make an effort to maintain a bicultural identity, but also of those who didn't ask to be born or raised in a foreign country.

## Post 8 by Susanne (move over school!) on Monday, 18-Sep-2006 0:21:46

Hey, that's a good point. Maybe most of us here are really lucky because we are getting the chance to be bi-cultural without either culture having a problem with that. In my case, for example, Americans don't have much of a problem with my being Swiss, and the Swiss don't have a problem with my living in the States/Canada. But perhaps there are people who are forced into being one or the other by cultures that don't mutually accept each other so easily. Of course it's really tragic, but apparently far from uncommon, when both cultures reject the person on the basis of belonging to the other.

## Post 9 by KC8PNL (The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.) on Monday, 18-Sep-2006 6:08:21

Interesting topic. To add to what Errie silence said, it's not only true of imigrants, but research that I was reading last year said that most members of gangs do come from other cultures, or are considered deviants by the western culture where the gang is, so this would make sense. I know it doesn't directly relate to the topic, but thought some of u may find it interesting. As for the rest, I can only give second hand accounts wich aren't the same, so I'll refrain from doing so. I'm just a lame ass who has lived in the same country my entire life.

## Post 10 by mini schtroumpfette (go ahead, make my day I dare you!) on Wednesday, 20-Sep-2006 2:48:16

Errie Silence, and Susanne, you both brought up some very valid points.
First off, although I failed in my effort to maintain a bicultural identity while growing up, never once did I regret my parent’s decision to leave Vietnam and immigrate to Canada. The latter has provided me with many opportunities to grow and learn. Opportunities which I would've never had, have we stayed in Vietnam. For example: a good education, a chance to lead a normal life in spite of my visual impairment. Moreover, never once did I make to feel like a foreigner since I have been in Canada.
Like Susanne, I'm lucky in that I am accepted within both cultures.
However, having live and study in France for the past 4 years, as an outsider looking in, I'm of the opinion that the French and the Arab, these 2 cultures do not mutually accept one another. What do I mean by This? I feel that the French outwardly and socially marginalizes people of Arabic origin. For starter, there’s a noticeable segregation in the living arrangement. The French has its "own" neighborhood while the Arab has theirs. With the latter tend to be situated in the ghetto, the housing is more run down, and of poorer in quality.
Moreover, there's an inequality when it comes to the job market. If presented with 2 resumes, one baring the name Jean-louis, and the other Mohammed, one can be absolutely certain that the former would be chosen even though both men have exactly the same qualifications.
With Racism being so pronounced here in France, if I was an Arab with children, I'd think long and hard before immigrating to, and bringing up my children in such an environment.
Please note that I'm only speaking in the broad term, and in no way do I suggest that all French people are racist.
Kim

## Post 11 by season (the invisible soul) on Wednesday, 20-Sep-2006 3:07:33

Kim, agree on you. but yet, there's people who rejecting their own culture even though without any culture problems.
as an international student in Australia, i do saw people rejecting their own culture and follow the ramthym culture of Australia. i'm not saying that it is bad, but i think, everyone should know where we from, and our behavior and atitude is represent our own native culture.

## Post 12 by sandrita87 (Zone BBS Addict) on Monday, 16-Oct-2006 15:12:23

I don't think it's right to reject one's culture, but a person should make an effort to fit in to a new one. For instance, my parents immigrated from Mexico to the US before I was born, but they expect me and my brother to speak spanish with them. They do know english, but they haven't forgotten there culture, and they have fitted pretty well into the american culture.