# wrapping gifts, and merry Christmas

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Wednesday, 20-Dec-2006 4:44:03

This is the time of year when we think back to the
very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar,
Balthazar, and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus
and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto
Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them
carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked,
theological fact: there is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have
said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits
of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of
Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it
away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it!
That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did
rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested
in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which
means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped.
This is because the people giving those gifts had two
important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand
the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody
else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion, this is a
scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two
guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever
wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want
to be there when the person opens it." The other is Gene,
who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle
never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever
had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas,"
Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous
spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my
motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take
a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact
center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation
volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you
can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I
camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had
been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower
half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch
tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch
square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My
wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If
she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps
the batteries separately, which to me is very close to
being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my
wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those
skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than
to men. That is why today I am presenting:
Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already
wrapped If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of
you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran
an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a
design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and
dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch.
They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a hard-to-wrap
gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and
stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a
festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky
recipient on Christmas morning:
YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the
tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf
blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is
not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing,
during this very special time of year, is that you save the
receipt.
Author Unknown (but definitely male)

## Post 2 by fuzzy101 (The master of fuzz!!) on Wednesday, 20-Dec-2006 6:56:21

lol

## Post 3 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Wednesday, 20-Dec-2006 7:37:06

This is great Bob. Even though I am not a man, and I actually used to enjoy wrapping, now that I have no vision left I find it much easier using those nice gift bags you can buy anywhere.