# Twenty-five of the most highbrow jokes in the world

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Sunday, 07-Jul-2013 20:23:56

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”
2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”
5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”
6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”
7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.
9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.
10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.
11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.
12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”
14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.
16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”
17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.
18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”
19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”
20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.
22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.
23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”
25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

## Post 2 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 07-Jul-2013 21:13:25

LOL. I admit to not understanding a couple of these as I'm not very high brow, but I did enjoy most of them. Thanks.

## Post 3 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 07-Jul-2013 22:17:09

Yes, I agree with the funny lady.

## Post 4 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 08-Jul-2013 21:41:47

I got all but I think two of these. Made me burst out laughing a couple of times. I've heard a few of them before, mind you.

## Post 5 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Wednesday, 10-Jul-2013 12:34:48

I missed a couple of these also, but yeah these were really funny.

## Post 6 by Meglet (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 11-Jul-2013 2:14:30

Two I didn't get, but man, some of these are really good! Thanks for posting.

## Post 7 by Tila Tequila! (Zone BBS Addict) on Thursday, 11-Jul-2013 4:55:17

omg Pavlov, brings back memories of my undergrad in psychology

## Post 8 by Voyager (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 11-Jul-2013 11:17:22

I think my favorite was the one about the programmer. The sad thing is, something like that could have actually happened.

## Post 9 by roxtar (move over school!) on Sunday, 14-Jul-2013 23:19:56

Oh my god. These made my night.