# Barbie's Christmas wishlist

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by laced-unlaced (Account disabled) on Sunday, 24-Dec-2006 4:46:19

FROM: Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245
TO: Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 20, 2006
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year,
playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY
PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this
Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me,
you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish
list for 2006:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized
sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white.
What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation
underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over
that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring
anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and
me) anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp
away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to
twist, get it done.
6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it.
How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior
account exec!
8. A new, more 2000s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a
miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag
of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and
handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol
patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 45 years--I think I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to
society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you
disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.
It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie

## Post 2 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Sunday, 24-Dec-2006 10:17:47

hahahahahahahaha!

## Post 3 by changedheart421 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Sunday, 24-Dec-2006 13:36:09

how dumb.