# Important questions?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Friday, 14-Aug-2009 15:09:51

I just hav to know something. If u hav a bf or a gf and u hav phone or cyber sex with someone else is that considered cheating? If u even flirt with someone else is that cheating? I don't think it is because you're not actually physically doing anything with the person. But i'd like to hear everyone else's opinion. So what do u think?

## Post 2 by SilverLightning (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 14-Aug-2009 15:26:20

I believe there is a board on this already.
Personally I think the thaught is what matters, not the action. If your desire is to have actual sex with the person your cybering with, then its cheating. Honestly though, why would you cyber with someone you wouldn't want to have sex with in the first place?
I would probably be pretty upset if I found out my GF had cybered or had phone sex with a guy. Not as mad as if it was real sex, but mad none the less.

## Post 3 by Damia (I'm oppinionated deal with it.) on Friday, 14-Aug-2009 15:46:47

kind of depends on how open your relationship is and if that's all you have or not, but most people I know of would consider it cheating. Reading a chat log of it or hearing a recording of it or seeing a vidio of it.... anything like that being seen or heard from an unexpecting partner I'm sure would feel as much like cheeting minus the possible diseases and pregnancy posibility of physical cheating.

## Post 4 by DancingAfterDark (I just keep on posting!) on Friday, 14-Aug-2009 17:00:22

I've never been able to understand the idea that if you're not actually physically doing anything with another person then it isn't cheating. I completely agree with Cody, the thought does count. If you're already with someone, why would you even want to have cyber/phone sex with someone else? I definitely consider that cheating and I would probably be just as upset about it as I would if it were 'real sex'.
But as for the flirting bit, that's a little harder to judge I guess. Depends on what you consider flirting. I probably wouldn't really consider most forms of flirting to be cheating, but I can say from past experiences that it does bother me a lot if the person I'm with is flirting with other people. Again I just don't get why you would even want to if you're already with someone. It's all about communication though, and it's really an individual thing and like Candice said, depends on the type of relationship you have.

## Post 5 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Friday, 14-Aug-2009 18:25:14

Well, I was monogamous for two years, not flirting or even talking sexual with anyone else but my bf. However, he's told me if I find someone I really like, I can have them as an fwb in person too. He's not into anyone else btw. That said, I firmly believe that if you're in a monogamous relationship, flirting of any kind, except with a very close friend where both of you know it's totally a joke, and certainly any sex on or offline, is cheating. I'd dump a man for sure if he did that and would never dream of doing it to him. What's worse is if they lie about it.

## Post 6 by forereel (Just posting.) on Friday, 14-Aug-2009 20:32:05

I agree if you have a BF or GF and your relationship is good and not open or you have a hall pass what do you need with cyberr? Smile

## Post 7 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Friday, 14-Aug-2009 20:55:16

I've never understood that either. I mean, if it's just the two of you, what's the point in flirting etc with anyone else?

## Post 8 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Tuesday, 18-Aug-2009 16:12:54

Hey i like to ke my options open whether i'm in a srious relanship or not. Honestly, why get mad if your bf or gfcheats on u? What's the point of making yourself miserable about it? All u hav to do is get even with them. Seriously i don't know why people get so upset about cheating. At least once in everyone's life, yo' chea and you'll get cheated on so it's one if tose things u hav to brush off!

## Post 9 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Tuesday, 18-Aug-2009 16:17:51

That's pretty immature...but you're right, there's no point in being miserable about it, because it's their loss if they cheated on you! Depending on how serious the relationship was though, and how long you were together, I do think it's natural to be mad about it. It just wouldn't be good to get totally consumed with it. But getting back at somebody doesn't really help, because then you're stooping to their level, and besides if they cheated on you, they obviously find that person more attractive, so do you think they really care at that point what you do?

## Post 10 by turricane (happiness and change are choices ) on Tuesday, 18-Aug-2009 18:53:28

if a person is in a relationship and is unhappy the/she should honestly discuss it and either work things up or break up. for me as a woman cheating is a fundamental breaking of trust. most women associate sex with intimacy of bodys and hearts and minds. if the person with whom we are jinvolved thinks so little of us that they go behind our backs, then they are ppretty disrespectful of us.
the bible says that evil or the appearance of evil are the same. phone sex or cyber sex can open the door to the real thing.

## Post 11 by forereel (Just posting.) on Tuesday, 18-Aug-2009 20:54:29

I still say if you are calling someone your GF or BF you have committed yourself to them, so if you need phone sex call them, or get up and go over there. Now if you need to have phone sex, or any other sex with someone else then your GF or BF becomes a casual date. Now it seems easier to communicate from the start about your relationship boundries. If you are casual dating, then you do not have a GF or BF, so then you can have phone sex with your neighbor if you like. I do agree that payback is silly especially if it's wasted. Don't payback! Move on! Smile.
Peace.

## Post 12 by faithful angel (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Thursday, 20-Aug-2009 15:55:11

I agree. Pay back really isn't the way to go. I've known people who've tried to go that route, and it didn't help. OK, think about the cheating thing. What if it was done to you? It seems like a lot of people, no one who has replied to this board but people none the less, say one thing, but when it happens to them, they have a cow. So, for some reason, they feel like they can flirt or have whatever kind of sex real or fake, and it be cool.

## Post 13 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Thursday, 20-Aug-2009 16:27:44

Hey trust me getting even works especially if u go back and sleep with your bf or gf's best friend or a family member that works out great. And i'm true to my word if somebody cheats on me, yes i'll be mad about but hey i'll just go hav sex with someone close to them that'll really mess with them.

## Post 14 by SingerOfSongs (Heresy and apostasy is how progress is made.) on Thursday, 20-Aug-2009 18:15:20

I think that's something that you and your bf/gf have to decide on. For some that have a more open relationship, they'd not have a problem with it. But for others, they would. ON a personal level I think I would consider it cheating. But not everyone has the same kind of relationship.

## Post 15 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Sunday, 23-Aug-2009 14:49:45

Exactl that's what i'm saying

## Post 16 by forereel (Just posting.) on Sunday, 23-Aug-2009 21:35:17

You say you'd just go sleep with someone close to them to get back, but what if the person they are cheating on you with is better then you, so it doesn't bother them? Smile. If you can not talk it over, come to a agreement, or the person that has been cheated on can not forgive the other payback is fruitless. If you move on not only to you show them you are the better person, but the new person might actually be the better person for you all around. If you paying back, then you really just want to forgive, but need to glote. Not a good way to run a relationship. You pay them, so they pay you, and soon you both are just back to casual dating. Your mess up the enjoyment of casual dating by using it for your anger. Now what about the person your using to get back at your BF GF they have feelings too? Smile. Would you like to be the person being used? Also I am glad your confident enough to even think you could actually find someone close to them to use for payback. Lol
Sweet!

## Post 17 by Thom3of5 (Do the Doo.) on Monday, 24-Aug-2009 11:28:41

Hey Tilly,
This is always a good rule of thumb.
I would consider it cheating if you do something with another that you wouldn't do if yourr BF or GF were in the room with you.
Hugs and good luck,
Thom

## Post 18 by faithful angel (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Tuesday, 25-Aug-2009 18:12:46

I like that rule of thumb. ALot actually. Nice one.

## Post 19 by Miss Gorgeous (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Wednesday, 02-Sep-2009 0:41:39

I agree with everyone. Tilly, getting back at someone won't do you any good in the long run. If the person cheated on you, that just means that he is no longer interested in you, and he was not man enough to be honest with you, so he took the easier way out of the relationship. This means that he decided to pursue another person. Meaning, he does not care about your reactions or he totally disregarded the whole relationship. I would say, don't waste your time pondering on ways to get back at him or ways to make him notice you. just move on with your life. If he cheated on you he is not worth your time and attention. Why would you sleep with his best friend or get yourself caught up with people in his life by doing stupid things to get his attention? And another thing, why would you flirt or have phone sex with someone if your already taken? That is just plain stupid. If you want to keep your options open, then just stay single. If your in a relationship and your just thinking about meeting other people then that just means that your not satisfied with the person your with. Jus stay true to yourself and do not get in a relationship just to joke around with people’s feelings. If you just want to have a good time, make your intentions clear with the person. Good communication takes you a long way. Last but not the least, ones he cheated on you, then that’s the end of it, because ones or twice is enough for you to never trust him again. Discussions closed. Why would you complicate things by getting back at him or creating more problems for yourself surrounding him? Focus your thoughts on more important things. This board post is not going anywhere because everyone already tried answering your question. If you think getting back is the way to go then go for it. In the long run, you will only have emotional baggage and regrets. Just let it go. You’ll meet someone better.

## Post 20 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Saturday, 12-Sep-2009 15:19:30

I'd get back at hm because fun end of discussion!

## Post 21 by forereel (Just posting.) on Saturday, 12-Sep-2009 17:38:58

Cool! Hope you're not alone at the party though. Smile!

## Post 22 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Wednesday, 30-Sep-2009 20:02:24

O trust me, i'm not alone at any party!