# Letting Go

Category: Animal House

## Post 1 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 12:00:44

So this is the letter that I sent to Sid just now... I think it's better just to cut and paste since I'm crying to hard to think right now...
"Dear Sid,
This is one of the most difficult letters I've ever written and one of the hardest decisions of my life. But I feel that it must be done. Sotis is a wonderful and beautiful cat and he hasn't done anything wrong. But this morning, Mom and I had a very serious discussion. There was no yelling or pressure. We even hugged and she said that she'd support me no matter what I chose to do. She stressed that it's all up to me. But she brought up something that's far too logical to ignore, and deep down, I know that she's right. When she and Joanie came up here yesterday, they saw that there was hair everywhere. Sotis had gotten up on the counter and there was hair on my bowls, which I had just washed, and he had rubbed up against my coffee maker. Of course, I've been trying to keep everything as neat and clean as possible, but I just can't see these things and having pet hair around, especially in my food, is unhealthy at best and just not a good thing. I tried to argue it with myself, but then, Mom came up this morning and there was litter all over the place (she had to get under things to clean it) and food outside the bowl on the tray. I just know that there's no way I could do this myself because there will always be some spots that I just can't see to clean and this could bring bugs and other pests, which are unhealthy for both Sotis and I and which we've never had here.
When I took him, I swore that I would insure his health and happiness, so naturally, I was immediately concerned about him finding a good home. I know that this is ultimately your responsibility, but Joanie was so worried that she actually told Mom that she's willing to drive down to Virginia to bring him to a relative who is a cat lover if ever there was one. Mom even said "Joan, this is ridiculous" but she was serious. The woman, dianne, has far more money than I could dream of right now and I know that he'd get all the love and care that he could want there. She does already have four or five cats (Mom wasn't sure on the exact number) and bends over backwards for them. This might be a problem for Sotis, and that came to mind as well, so I figured it's best to tell you right up front. Joanie left a message on her machine, but of course, we would never do anything without your consent. She's also thinking of asking some close co-workers who love cats if they'd be willing to take him. We just want to make sure that he has the best home possible with someone who could really love and appreciate him. My biggest nightmare is him winding up in a bad place.
Mom says that the longer he stays here the harder it'll be for me to let him go, but again, this is up to me and she's not telling me to have him picked up this instant or anything. I say, so long as you'd agree, to give it a day or two to see if the people we're considering would be interested. Of course, if you want to run the ads, I have no say in the matter. But I know none of this will make letting him go any easier. I held him for awhile and simply cried. But I feel that it's better to do it now than to get atttached to him and then discover that they were right.
The one thing I can say, though, is that this was not a mistake. I'm truly greatful for the time that we spent together. I named him Sotis, as you know, because I thought that he could save me from alot and he has. I've learned that I really am ready for an animal and that I can sacrifice of myself to take care of one and I've also proven that I had the discipline and organisation that I've been craving for many years. Joanie's still willing to get me a little dog. Part of me says it's too soon but part is thinking that I'm ready for this transition. Whatever happens, I sincerely thank you for the experience. I keep thinking of things to write and looking for grammar mistakes here so that I don't have to send this....
Talk soon,
Eleni"
I feel like such a failure, like I didn't give him enough time, like maybe, I could've made it work after all. But I know I couldn't. I'm already attached to him. I always wanted a cat and was looking forward to this so much... I just gotta do what's right for him and can't be selfish and I know that, in the longrun, I just won't be able to take care of him like I should and that's not fair to him. And please, for once in my life, I'm not in the mood for debating. No shit about "blind people can do this and that..." This one can't.

## Post 2 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 13:43:49

Wow. I could never give up Max. Then again I've had him for over two years now.

## Post 3 by rat (star trek rules!) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 13:52:57

it's not a blind person can't or can do it, we have a cat here and my mom who is fully sited can't keep all the cat fur and stuff cleaned up.

## Post 4 by snowflower (Zone BBS Addict) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 13:53:25

You are doing a very hard thing because I can tell in your letter how much you love your cat. You know what is best for the both of you and letting go of someone very special is hard. As long as your cat is with someone who will love him and take good care of him, I hope it will brings some happiness to you at this time .
Don't let anyone tell you it is a blind thing, I have a so-called friend who got rid of her cat because it was blind, now that is a self-center person if you ask me!
You sound like a very caring person and I hope things work out for you.

## Post 5 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 14:00:26

Thanks. Out of all the decisions I've ever had to make in my life, this is truly the hardest and I can't even think of it without crying. But I love him enough to let him go. He deserves not only love and attention, which I can give him, but a clean and healthy home. It's not that I'd be unwilling to clean up everything cause I certainly would. But I agree with Mom that it would be too difficult to keep up with him and I just know that I'd be doing this sooner or later. And despite what some may think, I'm not letting her make up my mind. There was no command here, no "you must get rid of this cat". She knows how difficult this is for me. She's just looking out for the two of us and I would certainly argue with her and decide against it if I knew in my soul that she was wrong. But yeah, I do love him... very much, and I'm so scared for where he'll wind up. If anyone knows of someone whom you truly trust in New York or New Jersey, tell them to go to
http://newjersey.craigslist.org
and under pets, type in superb. You'll find the post about him. Contact Sid and let her know that Eleni told you about this.

## Post 6 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 14:13:38

I agree with Rat. Cats are just messy animals. I lived in a house with three other sighted people, and we have ahri everywhere too. It's just one of those things you have t deal with if you decide to get a cat. Having said that, if you truly think you can't care of the cat, then it's probably best for the cat, anyway.

## Post 7 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 14:14:09

Ug. Sorry for the typos. JAWS said the entire post was blank.

## Post 8 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 14:19:24

I agree with those who've said your blindness isn't a valid reason to give up your cat; there are plenty of success stories that've proven it can be done, and isn't as hard as some make it out to be. in saying that, though, sighted people have the same difficulties, so it's unfair to say it's blindness related. I'm glad you're giving it up, though, to someone who'll probably be willing and ready to care for it as it deserves.

## Post 9 by moonspun (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 16:41:08

Tif, can't you close the door between him and the kitchen? Have you tried the methods I suggested on the other board for keeping him off your counters? There are ways to deal with these problems. I'm not saying this in the usual "you're a failure" vein, but simply because I know how hard you thought about this before you got him. You haven't had him all that long, and there are going to be teething problems. I'll make you the same offer as I did before. I'm here if you want to talk, either on ZBP or regular phone (I have a calling plan that allows me to call for free). I just want you to be sure, after exploring every other avenue, that you're doing the right thing. There are ways to keep the litter in the box and the hair off your dishes. It just depends on the effort you're prepared to put in.
FM

## Post 10 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 17:43:09

I have two dogs, two cats, and a parrot and they all make a mess.
I'm sorry - I'm going to be blunt, but you can't just get rid of an animal because you can't deal with the hair.

## Post 11 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 18:09:48

I agree with Sugar Baby. Dogs will leave just as much hair around as a cat would. Basically, if you want a pet that has fur, expect to find some fur laying around. It's nothing a vacuum cleaner won't fix. As for getting hair on the dishes, well, have you thought about not leaving them on the counter where the cat will possibly rub on them? You can put your clean dishes away right after they dry if you wash them by hand, and this is even easier if you use a dishwasher, because you just unload it and put them away.
I honestly think this is a bad reason to give up a pet. I'm not trying to come down on you or anything like that but you haven't really had him long enough to throw the towel in so soon. Isn't there some way you can work out these issues?

## Post 12 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 20:55:32

I usually do put away my dishes, so that part about the bowls wouldn't have been an issue. But the jumping up on high places and possibly getting hurt because of objects that might be found there and/or knocking said things from there and breaking them could be. He was up on the high shelf of the desk again, walking on my scanner this time. Dog can't do that. They also can't climb over dog gates, something a cat can do. I always make sure to put Sotis in the bedroom and close the door whenever I open the main door to the apartment. But if someone were to not do that and, say, open the oor while leaving, he could get out and get hurt because he's an indoor cat. Yes, all dogs do shed, but some shed less than others. I noticed that the hair really does get all over, on my clothing, on my hands (which have a tendancy to sweat) etc. This is not a good thing and is something that I'll have to seriously consider when getting a dog, even though I intend on getting one that sheds less than most. It's just been a really shitty day to put it bluntly. He'll be leaving early tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I'm still giving him all the love and attention that I can. I held him on my lap for about half an hour, just stroking him and then letting him relax for awhile and I noticed that, even though he was in no way attacking me, his claws did get caught on my sweats and I even felt them on my skin. Please, for the love of everything sacred, do not suggest declawing. I would never ever do that. I've been grappling with this decision all day, turning it over and over in my mind, crying, getting frustrated and rethinking it again, and I still think this is the best for both of us. I'm far from happy, but I think that, in time, both of us will be.

## Post 13 by GreenTurtle (Music is life. Love. Vitality.) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 21:16:42

Well, cats are naturally playful, and they do get themselves into trouble, but so would a dog, and so do small children. It's basically the same concept, and while I admire your caution, accidents do happen no matter what kind of animal we're talking about. However, I can tell that for whatever reason, you're just not ready to care for a cat at this time until you're more secure in that fact. All the cats we ever had never got themselves seriously injured, and that uncluded a cat we had for about 20 years, so she was around all my life. We recently had to have her put to sleep, actually, which was very hard for me, and around the same time our other cat started suffering from severe allergies to the point she was biting and scratching herself until she got skin infections and it was just all around not a good situation, so we just let her outside because frankly my parents were done with animals at that point, so I lost both cats at basically the same time. It sucked, so I know how hard it is to lose a pet.
I personally would never suggest declawing. It's cruel, and what would the cat do if they accidentally got out and needed to fight? I'm not sure what else to say, except I hope sometime not too far in the future you can find another kitty and give it a try, because cats are great to have around. A lot of people would say they're not as exciting as dogs but I prefer something more laid-back anyway. I don't want something licking my face and demanding my attention 24-7, and I have a feeling just from your posts you're the same way. If you prefer a quiet lifestyle, I don't think you want a bundle of energy, and in my opinion there's nothing more comforting than a cat's purr.

## Post 14 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 22:47:24

Tiffany, it's obvious you're nowhere near ready to take care of another life of any kind. stop giving yourself a false sense of security, and focus your attention on something more productive than solely trying to care for another being, such as learning how to be self sufficient (something that'd really benefit you/improve your quality of life more than you could ever imagine). excuse my being blunt, but someone has to say it.

## Post 15 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 24-Aug-2010 23:02:06

No, you're just a bitch and have a problem with all my ideas. I'm sick to death of your criticism and bullshit. If you don't like them, don't read my posts. Sorry that life turned you so bitter.

## Post 16 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 6:22:11

Eleni, I know this is a hard decision for you. I personally disagree with it, but it is your life, your choice, and you certainly need to do what you think is best, whether some of us agree with it or not.
Though I don't think you've really said outright that blindness is your reason for giving him up, it seems to be. I have owned several cats, and dealt with these problems. Cats can be trained not to jump up on things. That, and I think you're being too overprotective of him. You worry very much about him getting hurt, but cats are survivors. They don't get hurt as easily as you think.
My first cat was part Persian, so I do know about shedding. I kept him groomed every day, sometimes even twice a day, and this cut down on shedding dramatically. I also vacuumed every day, particularly around the litter box. I used a regular vacuum, but I also had a smaller dust buster, to get at little areas. I had sighted friends over to my house, and none of them ever complained about too much cat hair or litter being around. and believe me, most of them are candid enough with me that they would have told me if it had been a problem. I think that you could keep up on all this if you worked at it. Owning any pet is going to be a lot of work, but they are well worth the rewards.
I know your Mom isn't commanding you to give up your cat, but I also think that she is suggesting, in her own way, that because you're blind, you can't take care of him, or that it's too much work for you. This, in my opinion, is amazingly false.
Again, I say all this in a spirit of respect. I know you are grieving, but I had to voice my opinion here.

## Post 17 by Alexander vongrippen (Veteran Zoner) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 6:23:10

First of all, I really feall sorry for what you had to do,Tiffanitsa . Giveing something up that you love isn't eazy. But at this time,The words that the fictional dumbledore said lol,but they are true.Some times, we must choose bitween a path which is eazy and which is right. Keeping the cat,wile knowing that you couldn't takecare of it to your best,was the eazy thing to do,but giveing up it is the right thing to do.As there might be someone who can do things for the cat,which you aren't ready doing yet.But as the others said,and you know already,whatever you keep,you'll have problems.Because those animals are like little babys.They shit around,make a masse of things,but yet what the parents do is,care for them,and well love them.So when you get a cat,you are its mum and sister and mate all in one.Not only for cats,but for all the animals.
Anyways,Good luck,and I wish that he gets a good home.

## Post 18 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 8:14:56

instead of resorting to name-calling maybe you ought to at least consider some of the comments here and question why people have those opinions.
The reality is that there are clearly far bigger issues at play here than the fact you don't think you can take care of this cat.
It is very apparent from your posts that you do not accept your disability and find it hard to be independent. And clearly your mother isn't helping.
I would say that before you do anything, you should try and get some help, from someone independent, to help you to come to terms with things and to help you with some strategies for more independent living.
And if you must rehome this cat, then I would say don't take on any more animals.

## Post 19 by OceanDream (An Ocean of Thoughts) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 8:26:25

Have you tried brushing your cat? It really helps with the hair. It won't stop the cat from shedding, but it will definitely keep it under control, because most of the hair will go into the brush. Of course, the only thing is that you would need to do it at least every other day. Some cats love to be brushed, and others not so much. Personally, I've seen both cases.
Also, if you get a spray bottle that sprays a fine mist rather than a squirt, if you know what I mean, and spray the cat with it a couple times every time he goes somewhere you don't want him to go, that should help prevent it happening in the future. My mom did that to our cats when they were kittens. Believe me, they were on the counter every time we blinked, and after a few sprays of water, it stopped, and has yet to happen again since. The good thing about the spray bottle is that the cat hates it, so it should be really affective, but it won't hurt him. I agree with the people who say you should really think long and hard about this before getting an animal, and before giving it up. There are plenty of other options.

## Post 20 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 9:17:38

To SisterDawn: While I am generally a clean person, certainly with my own body, I'm not sure how well I could handle vacuuming every day. It's not that I wouldn't be willing to do it. I'm just saying that there would be times when I wouldn't want to and it would become a real chore. Even Mom, who is fully sighted, said that she was having difficulty cleaning. The litter was tracked all over the place, outside the pan, even ontop of my braille embosser and there was hair everywhere. Even if we took care of the hair and the jumping, I'd still have to worry about his litter and food being thrown around. She had to sweep up and while I'm decent at vacuumming, I personally am not very good at sweeping. But dust busters are neat for the places that I could feel and do a good job of cleaning up small messes. I was going to say that brushing twice a day might have been an issue but I think that would be unfair, since I actually might have enjoyed it and it might have bonded us. I know that with myself, I like to comb and go, not spend forever on my hair. But I think it would've been far different with an animal. I'm sure that you're right about them getting hurt. It's just a personality thing with me, to worry about someone who's in my care. Yes, Mom never sugar coated the fact that it has to do with my blindness and I think she's right for me personally because she also knows my personality. And thank you for reaffirming your tone of respect. I would never think that you meant it in any other way.
To Alexander vongrippe: Thanks for your civil and heartfelt post. It meant alot to me. I too hope that he finds a good and suitable home and am intending to keep in touch with Sid so that I could learn how things go with him. Of course, your right in all you say about caring for animals, how I'd take on ifferent roles and how each is a responsibility.
To SugarBaby: Usually, I'm not the type for name calling. But this woman has a way of constantly putting me down and especially yesterday, when I was emotionally vulnerable, to start with that shit wasn't a good idea. I'm 26-years-old. So I'm old enough to know what I can and can't do and I don't need anyone to affirm whether or not I've accept my disability. I've been blind since I was two-months-old. I think that's plenty of time to get used to it. I resent the fact that you're making asumptions about me and more so, about my mother. You don't know either of us and are unaware of how much she's sacrificed for me. She would never steer me in the wrong direction, and when I truly disagree with her, I've got a mouth and know how to use it and she respects me for it. It's just that I think that she was right this time. Also, Joanie, who hardly ever gets involved in my decisions and who is an absolutely huge perponent of indepenence, was the one who brought it up. If anything, she would've been the one to tell me to keep him and try my best! She certainly supported me, because she came up all 18 steps to see him, all with a broken leg. But when she saw the situation, she made those comments and Mom showed me later the problems that I would have to face if I kept him. I'm also living alone and taking care of myself. No, my mobility skills aren't the best, but I'm totally fine and self-sufficient in other areas. I've also gone to a place for independent living and then took classes at the Diamond Spring Lodge, where I learned even more things. So I did "get help" as you said. Perhaps, there's a civility and sensitivity class that you two can take.
OceanDream: Thanks for the suggestions. I didn't have a cat brush on hand, so was unable to brush him. But I think he would've loved it as he loves to be petted and held. I didn't have a spray bottle but I did fling a small amount of water at him when he was on the table and he jumped off and went into the other room.
Sotis left this morning for Sid's place. I know that, if nothing else, she'll try her best to find him a decent home and would never even consider sending him to a kill shelter, so he'll be safe. It was a very emotional good-bye for all of us. I held him and cried and Mom saw us and started crying. But we both think that it would've been far worse if I woul've waited an then had to do this. Right now, he's young and can still love other people. But he was already getting attached to me and it would've been cruel to keep him for awhile, to let the attachment grow and then send him off. I have alot to think about now that I've had the experience of caring for an animal. Everyone agrees that I'm emotionally and mentally ready. It's just a matter of how much I can handle the little problems that might come up. They feel that a dog would be better for me for a number of reasons. But I can't talk since I haven't taken care of one.

## Post 21 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 11:54:18

I agree with sugarbaby; if you can't handle what others have to say, don't read it. before you call me or others names, think about why people are saying certain things to you. also, try not to lean on mommy so much; you're 26 years old, after all, so you should be able to make decisions for yourself.

## Post 22 by moonspun (This site is so "educational") on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 16:43:07

Tif
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Unfortunately though, I've got some bad news for you. Even if you get a dog, you're going to have a lot of problems to deal with. you're going to have all the issues I talked about on the other board, together with shedding. Dog's don't jump as much, no, but they do still jump, and when they cuddle you, believe me, they'll leave just as much hair as a cat.
If your litter was tracking, it suggests that you need to use a different type. Some track less than others, you see.
Regardless though, if you have an animal, you're going to have mess, and that goes with whatever animal you have. If you're struggling to deal with that with a reasonably well-behaved cat, please, please don't get another animal until you've got this sorted. It isn't fair to bring them to a home where they're likely not going to stay when they mess it up.
Cats can be trained not to jump as we all told you, yet, even with the results you had when you flung water at your boy, you didn't keep working with it. All new pets will take time to adjust and work out the ground rules, and I promise you, you're going to have these difficulties again.
you know I respect you. I've said so in other posts. That's why I'm telling you, because I know that you care for the animals' welfare, if you can't independently deal with the issues your cat raised, don't get another animal, whether it be cat or dog.
FM

## Post 23 by Shepherdwolf (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 17:09:31

Hi there, Tiff,
I'm sorry this has happened, but I'm afraid that for the most part I tend to agree with the "this was too soon" consensus. I guess it's too late now, but, to be honest, I'm kind of appalled to see what's happened.
A few nuts and bolts for you to chew on, if I may:
First: litter-tracking, counter-jumping, shedding and the like are either trainable or copable, depending on which we're talking about at any given time. Multiple users have given you entirely workable solutions to this list of problems, and a week or two is by no means enough time to decide that the issues are beyond you.
Second: I have read and reread many of your posts concerning daily living, and as far as I personally see it - you are utterly free to disagree with me or dismiss my findings if you wish - you are entirely too dependent upon your mother. It's my belief that she is one of the primary reasons for you being the way you are. Many perfectly well-intended people have no idea how to facilitate the independence of someone with special needs - any special needs, really - and can very easily smother, by drips or by huge piles of good intentions, the efforts of said person to assert themselves. Your mother seems the small-drips type, which is to say that she doesn't appear to be terribly overbearing. You would be right in saying that I don't know either of you personally, but I don't have to in order to feel confident in the assertions I make; just as a counsellor or psychologist need only observe patterns, causal relationships and the like, I need only read your attempt - and subsequent submission - to believe what I believe about your situation.
Third: It is my personal opinion that the first thing you should do is to firmly put your foot down on the issues you find dear. If you loved that cat as much as you claim, you would likely have told your mother that this tracked litter and the hairs on dishes and the like were transitory problems. If you were as truly dedicated to owning an animal as you attempted to imply in your other thread, you would realize that a bit of mess is par for the course, and instead of moving your cat on because he made evident the inherent flaws of your condition, you would have worked with it, put in a little overtime for awhile, until some of the worse behaviour tailed off and until you found manageable ways to contain the rest. I have two cats, one a medium-hair, in a small apartment; anyone who knows me well will tell you that I'm no slob, but no neat-freak either. I get hair on my bed, on my couch, all over my floor; I end up with cat-litter in my carpets, in my bath-mat and god knows where else. If it's not too bad a job, I do it myself, hope for the best and pray that those who see my house - friends and family, for the most part - will forgive the occasional lapses in perfection. If I can't do it on my own, I can easily call someone with a set of eyes who is more than happy to help me mop up what I missed. None of these things are beyond the capacity of a twenty-six-year-old with aspirations of moving to a new country and attempting to assimilate a new culture. Simply put: you're smart, you're perceptive and you're articulate; you have absolutely zero excuse except either laziness, a propensity to cave in to the well-meant but disastrous suggestions of those who mean you well, or perhaps fear...and all of them are inherently conquerable with a little effort. If you don't put in that effort, no one else will; you'll spend your life uttering vague phrases about the so-so nature of your cleanliness and the sub-par state of your mobility skills; you'll spend forever being dependent on others not only for how to act but what to think. Being the person you are, do you want to live with that? Or would you rather stare conflict in the teeth, get knocked down and try again?
Tiff, listen. Failure is in itself not shameful. Failure, in this case, was not the litter on your floor or your embosser, and it wasn't the hair your well-wishers and such saw. Your failure was in giving up. You can live that way if you wish, but as for how fulfilling it will be for you...well, I'm not in your shoes and can't juxtapose my own position atop your own, but it would drive me nuts. The purported failure embodied in the dirtier household is a setback, but not anywhere as true a failure as conceding the animal before fully trying. If you are to be ashamed, be ashamed of your own inability to fight instead of your inability (thus far, at least) to care for your animal.
I'm done now, and probably won't post in here again no matter what is said. I don't wish to be called names by anyone, and I don't intend any open disrespect with what I've said. If you're rattled, outraged, perhaps even a bit angry with me, that's fine...I'd rather you be angry than resigned, so if you're outraged enough to get a fix on your problems and right them, I've done my part. I really do want you to succeed, and wouldn't have bothered saying any of this if I thought you had no chance. Good luck with whatever comes your way.

## Post 24 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 17:32:44

I agree with Shepherdwolf. My cat Max is a bigtime shedder and a litter tracker, but I think the latter may be partly my fault since I probably put too much litter in the box. But for the fur I plan on getting a pet hair vacuum and my mother recently gave me a Furminator to clean out his undercoat.

## Post 25 by Shadow_Cat (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 21:11:27

Hi, Eleni. I've got to admit, I agree with FM and Shepherdwolf. I know you said in another post that your mother would never steer you wrong. Forgive me for this, but I'm going to make an amendment to that. Your mother would never *deliberately* steer you wrong. Many, many parents shelter their kids, and keep them far more dependent on them than is necessary, out of the very best of intentions. I swear that most of the time, they actually do it for the love of their child. It's terribly misguided, but I've seen it so often. They're not looking at the big picture: the fact that someday that child is going to grow up, and what's more, have to survive without them.
As I said before, I'm so sorry to hear of this incident with your kitty. But I do think it's indicative of a larger problem here. I think you're going to run into these exact same problems, as far as animals go, if you choose to get a dog. And I think, as someone else said, unless you put your foot down, you're going to continue to encounter your mom holding you back due to your blindness, and your pressure to cave into her well-intentioned advice.

## Post 26 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Wednesday, 25-Aug-2010 23:25:01

Again, I agree. And I've personally seen examples of this firsthand, one case in particular where the girl literally couldn't function on her own and had to be put in a group home because she was apparently a suicide risk. THis girl spent her entire educational life at the Oregon School for the Blind, never experiencing public school and therefore never having to work to get assignments made accessible, all because her adoptive mother apparently thought it would be too hard for her. Well the School for the Blind only accepted you until you turned 21. Well Shyamali hit 21 and they turned her out. Needless to say she was so unprepared for the real world because of her mom's meddling that she had to be put into a group home. Did her mother realize the possible consequences of her chosen actions? Probably not. But she did what she did and this was the result. And that's what this post reminds me of. And do I need to get better about trying to clean Max's fur off the furniture? Probably. LOL.

## Post 27 by moonspun (This site is so "educational") on Thursday, 26-Aug-2010 8:17:44

That's the thing though. Perhaps you do have to get better, but you accept that with an animal comes mess. Whether you can cope with it to the extent that you clean it all up, or whether you cope enough to keep your home livable doesn't really matter. It's the trying to cope and partially succeeding that counts.
If I'm honest, this thread and the other have upset me tremendously. I feel big time for the cat, especially because it's stated that he was getting attached. Given that he was only there a day or two, it sounds like that little soul was craving a bit of love and comfort. I'm not meaning to drive the knife home, but I'm really shaking my head over this whole thing.
I don't really know what else to say. There's plenty I'd like to, but it's not constructive, nor would it be particularly helpful. Shepherdwolf embodied my sentiments much better than I could.
I'd appreciate it if you'd let us know what happens the little one. I'm hoping he will find a home that will love him for what he is and not turn him away just because he spreads a bit of litter or dares to shed as any normal cat would.
If you get a dog, please don't ask me for advice. I don't think I could stand to go through all of this again knowing that another poor animal will have its hopes raised and then dashed.
And with that, I'm done
FM

## Post 28 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Thursday, 26-Aug-2010 10:10:22

thank you, FM; I feel the same way you do,.

## Post 29 by BryanP22 (Novice theriminist) on Thursday, 26-Aug-2010 19:27:57

I agree wholeheartedly with what's been said. I think you and your mom are jumping the gun here. And as has been pointed out before a dog isn't going to be much different as far as the shedding goes, and dogs are more expensive to care for. I hope Sotis finds a good home. But I'll give you the fact that at least you're not giving him up because you've taken away your kids' pet privilleges. I found an add on Craigslist from a woman who was getting rid of I believe a bird because her kids had misbehaved and so they'd lost their pet privilleges. Needless to say that made me extremely angry when I read it. It'd be one thing if it was because one or more of the kids had allergies (that's why Max had to be given up by his first would-be adopter), but when you're punishing a child you ought to be able to think of something better that doesn't risk traumatizing a poor animal.

## Post 30 by LeoGuardian (You mean there is something outside of this room with my computer in it?) on Thursday, 26-Aug-2010 19:35:21

get a plant

## Post 31 by daileyt (Zone BBS Addict) on Thursday, 16-Dec-2010 19:05:36

To the originial poster,
I know what it feels like to give up the pet u love and grow attached to. I got a pit bull for christmas in 2008. His name was Snoopy and we were the closest of friends. But then, I moved and the place I moved in to wouldn't allow me to have pets. I ended up giving him to my step dad's brother, but recently, he moved and he didn't take Snoopy with him. So now I'm wondering where he is, who he's with and is he happy and being well taken care of every single day.

## Post 32 by Eleni21 (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Thursday, 16-Dec-2010 20:53:02

You know, even though we had such a short time together, I still think of Sotis and wonder the same things. I wonder if things really could have worked out with us too. I'm sure he has a new name and a new family but I'm a bit afraid to call Sid, because if he's still with her and hasn't been adopted out, I think I might cave in and take him to keep. But I think part of me knows that I did the right thing. It just hurts to admit it and I still cry when I think of how I let him go... I really loved that cat. He was the perfect cat you could ever want. But he was also fairly young and could adapt if he left after only a short time. I couldn't live with myself if I would've kept him for a few weeks or so and I then let him go and he couldn't adjust. I also agree with what you guys said about dogs. Alot of the same problems might be there. I think I really will get a plant, or perhaps a pet that doesn't need to be walked and can't jump out of my arms and run into the street or something. I just don't know.