# Is it too much to ask??

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by tnydancer (Generic Zoner) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 13:29:23

This is the first topic I've ever posted on here but this has been bothering me, only my entire life, so here goes: All I want, all I ever wanted, was unconditional love? Don't get me wrong, I would love to have everything else that comes along with it such as honesty, trust, total devotion, but the main thing I've ever wanted is unconditional love. I don't need financial support, I've had plenty of guys come in and out of my life that have done that and it's nothing special, believe me. The 1 and only thing I have ever wanted but could never seem to get is unconditional love. I can never seem to get what I want so badly. So, I ask all of you, is it too much to ask for? Are my expectations too high??

## Post 2 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 14:08:08

Dogs give unconditional love. Humans tend to have a hard time giving love completely unconditionally.

## Post 3 by fireworks77 (make sure you sparkle) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 14:22:13

I believe it is nearly impossible to have unconditional love from another human, because you can never forget or not take into acount the other persons feelings. If you do wish for unconditional love, you are optting out of being an adult and at the same time not returning the unconditional love you want, because you are saying, I will love you and be happy with the love you give me, only if 100% of your time is given to showing me that love, no matter how I behave or how you are feeling.

## Post 4 by nikos (English words from a Greek thinking brain) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 15:15:50

What exactly is the deffinition of unconditional love?
Does it mean like just having a nice time and walk out when getting board of each other? Or does it mean seing other people at the same time? Or maybe is not any of these.
Maybe you could explain better how you imagine the unconditional love. But in my oppinion if it is unconditional it is not love. It is something else. In my oppinion love means you love somebody and you are ready to live the rest of your life with this person. You share everything together and things like that.
But this is only my oppinion.

## Post 5 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 15:42:59

It's impossible, because of the following deffinition. Intimacy is a four syllable word for take my hart, grind it into hamburger and enjoy.

## Post 6 by PorkInCider (Wind assisted.) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 16:22:57

Oso, you already have uncoditional love by the only people capable of giving it to you. You have children, they can give you that for a time, because they know nothing else, because they do things because they have it demonstrated to them. You've given them as much love as possible and they until they grow old enough to question it,will love you totally and entirely back. Sadly there comes a point at which this no longer happens, because everything is questioned, love is tainted by thoughts, and so as an adult it's not possible to give because we think too much. We or at least some of us wish to be able to give unconditionally but we can't because we think and analyse, and react. Keep working for the best you can get, and hopefully someone will love you for who you are, not an idea of who you can be, and that will be the closest you can get.

## Post 7 by jessmonsilva (Taking over the boards, one topic at a time.) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 16:33:08

I sadly agree with Kev. Even if you have unconditional love, you only have it for a time, you can't have it forever, and that's what sucks the most.

## Post 8 by Bryan (This site is so "educational") on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 16:58:20

nicely said becky
, and i do agree with kev to
, i mean how many people really love them selfs unconditionly?

## Post 9 by Raskolnikov (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 17:20:50

I’d like to tell you no, your expectations aren’t too high, I’d like to tell you to keep looking for someone who will love you unconditionally because he’s out there, but the truth is that even if you did find someone who’d love you unconditionally, you’d probably have some other standard that he wouldn’t live up to, you’d probably reject him because, even though he loved you unconditionally, he’d probably not meet your standard of appearance or of personal hygene. That’s the way it is with all of us, we can’t conform to the governance of unconditional love because people who love thus are usually emotionally vulnerable. Besides, how many of us would be able to identify this kind of love? Nobody likes to be taken advantage of, nobody is completely able to respond stoically to negative or positive stimulation. We’re all damned fault-finders. No matter how much of ourselves we’re willing to sacrifice, no matter how much we’re willing to deny ourselves for the sake of others, there will always be a point where reality selfishness/insecurity brings us back to our senses whether we like it or not. I think the closest a person can get to loving or being loved unconditionally though is by really knowing what to look for in a partner; by this I mean having a good grip on your own values and morals, taking note of your partner’s reputation to see what kind of limits or rules he has set for himself that govern his conduct and that uphold his reputation, observing his reactions, etc. If you fail to match your values and morals with him, then of course there are going to be problems. I think it’s possible to find a partner who would show you something very close to resembling unconditional love, and that doing this depends on how well you match yourself with him; I believe it’s a fallacy to say that opposites attract. Sure, there would be a mutual surrender between both of you, it would resemble it but in reality it wouldn’t be unconditional love; you’d be very close to it though. Lol If I was in your shoes, I’d take some time to analyze my morals and values and really work on developing the areas I consider most important. For example, you’ve said that financial support isn’t all that important for you, so perhaps you can begin to look for a partner who isn’t materialistic. It sounds like common sense but I guess that’s all I can share about what I understand. I know it’s a lot more difficult than this though. Good luck.

## Post 10 by nikos (English words from a Greek thinking brain) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 17:40:42

Now reading back the other replyes i think i mixed up the terms uncontitional and no comitment. I thought by uncontitional love you ment that you didn't want commitment. English is not my first language so i mix some words sometimes.
But still i would like to know what you mean by uncontitional love.

## Post 11 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 17:50:12

Nikos, unconditional love generally just means that you love someone no matter what they do or say. You promise to love them no matter what. At least that's my take on it. And like some others have said, I think most of us strive for that and try to offer it in return, but in reality we might think we are loving someone unconditionally, but then they do something we consider unacceptable and fall out of love. So it's very hard to find and give totally unconditional love.

## Post 12 by nikos (English words from a Greek thinking brain) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 17:55:56

Thanks Becky for explaining to me. It makes more sence now. In that kace i agree with everyone here.
I don't think you ask too much. Everyone should love uncontitionally but unfortunately it is difficult.

## Post 13 by tnydancer (Generic Zoner) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 19:40:38

By saying unconditional love I see now, that I should have been more specific in what I meant. I want and ask for someone to love me regardless of my past, as horrible as it is, regardless of the fact that I'm 28 years old and have 3 kids, regardless of the fact that I've been through a pretty shitty life and gotten nothing in return, regardless of the fact that I'm sighted, short, hair color, eye color, skin color, how I dress or what music I listen to, the fact that I'm going through divorce from one of the most horrible people on the face of the earth, sexual desire, the fact that I expect 100% commitment and am not into cheating regardless of distance between us.. maybe my expectations are too high.. but is it too much to ask?? Is it?? To want to be loved.. given something I've never had my entire life except from my children?

## Post 14 by Raskolnikov (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 20:55:41

If you've been through all of that, and you still hope to find someone who will love you unconditionally, then I must honestly say that you're a precious soul. Not everyone who experiences adversity, pain, suffering, etc, would still be willing to hope in the best things in life. I admire you for not taking the opposite road, for not being hardened by your experiences. Your kids are lucky for having such a mother. Mothers are a shelter, and for many they're perhaps the only ray of light in this gloomy world (I know that for me my mom was). I sometimes find it hard to respect men; I've had friends who were rotten fathers, who beat their wives, who didn't step up to being a man, and they threw away everything they had because of drugs, alcohol, flings, etc. I remember having an argument once with one of my friends, telling him to live up to his role as a daddy, but that fool, instead of defending his family, you know what he did, he defended his "freedom" to drink beer, he defended that stupid bottle as if he'd made the damn thing. He was taken over by the booze not able to realize that the ones who sold it to him only wanted his money; in the end though he threw it all away: beautiful wife, beautiful kids, car, house, a good job, everything! Or maybe I shouldn't say that they threw away everything they had, they lost everything they had. I hope you don't allow bitterness against your ex-husband to pollute your heart, I hope you'll be strong enough to forgive him. I'm happy for your kids that you have custody of them. I don't know the conditions of your failed marriage but I'm glad that it is you who has the kids because, whenever I hear of children being separated from their mommy, it just seems more heartbreaking than if they had been taken from the father. Not everything is lost though. From what you've said here it seems to me like you're a good person, a person any guy would die for. It's always the women who end up with the greater burden, and I know it's wrong to use this word, but my mom always told me that raising us was a labor of love. You probably know what that is, it's when you do something with so much dedication, with all of your heart, soul and mind that you grow weary but in the end you look back on what you did and you feel that it was worth it. I hope you'll find a man, I hope destiny has someone for you because damn it you deserve it! But even if you don't, I'd just like to encourage you to always put your kids first. I know you need nobody to tell you that, it's in every mother to protect her little ones. You're a good person with or without a man, you demonstrate that by your words and by your desire to find someone who'll love you for who you truly are. Man, I need to tell you that I can relate with a lot of what you must be going through right now, and I know first hand that these things come into our lives with one purpose, and that is to make us deeper persons. I'm your age, and I've had to learn how to take life's lessons, I've had to break out of an emotional prison just to shake another human's hand, but I've done it. So can you. That's how it is with our conflicts, especially with the conflicts that truly mean a lot to us. It's a noble thing to fight with all our hearts to have in our hands something that is pure, something that is so dear to us that we'd even be willing to die for it. It's what makes life worth living. You'll find someone and that guy's gonna be a lucky bastard, your presence in his life is gonna make him a damn millionaire! Don't give up!

## Post 15 by kl1964 (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 21:16:41

Human beings have too much baggage to practice unconditional love, I'm afraid. There's just way too much judgment out there, particularly self-judgment. I shouold know, if beating oneself up was an Olympic sport I'd be a contender for the gold medal. It was hard to read the post before this one, as I did, in fact, throw away all the good things in my life, and now I deeply regret it, but it's too late, and all I have left is my stupid, crummy self. Sigh...

## Post 16 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 21:19:45

Hmm, so you want love, but only on the condition that it is unconditional love .. see, you already set conditions for the type of love you want, no wonder it is impossible to get what you ask for, if what you ask for is unconditional love &LT;grin> that's people for ya.

## Post 17 by kl1964 (the Zone BBS remains forever my home page) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 21:24:13

Hmm, I never thought of it that way, but looking at it it's true. By asking for unconditional love, one sets conditions. Way too pholosophical a topic for my brain at the moment, and I don't have the fuel that causes great philosophical thought around, beer. &LT;G>

## Post 18 by Susanne (move over school!) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 21:34:50

Well, a condition about conditions is a meta-condition, right? So they apply to two different levels of analysis. I.e., the specific love that she wants should be unconditional. That is a condition on the type of love, not the token, so the initial demand retains its validity *grin*.

## Post 19 by Susanne (move over school!) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 21:36:13

Just yanking your chain.... hehe.

## Post 20 by DancingAfterDark (I just keep on posting!) on Tuesday, 28-Nov-2006 22:43:27

Raskolnikov ... I think I love you. Heh.
That being said, I agree with the majority of what has been posted here. Unconditional love is a nice thought, and I have no way of knowing whether or not there are people out there who are capable of such, but I'm not holding my breath. It's awesome that you're still trying for it after all you've been through, and I really hope you find someone who will make you happy and treat you and your children well. You deserve that. I don't necessarily think your expectations are too high, and as I've said, you deserve it, but I don't think unconditional love is exactly what you're going for, at least not the way most people define it.

## Post 21 by SensuallyNaturallyLiving4Today (LivingLifeAndLovingItToo) on Monday, 04-Dec-2006 16:40:55

I believe in unconditional love. I love Kaitlyn unconditionally. I love Drew unconditionally. I love Sangsih and Polos unconditionally. It is a rare thing, but it is also a beautiful and wonderful thing that is worth believing in and hoping for.

## Post 22 by Siriusly Severus (The ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w7 The Taskmaste) on Wednesday, 01-Jul-2009 18:33:53

It's not completely impossible, but it's very rare.

## Post 23 by tear drop (No longer looking for a prince, merely a pauper with potential!!!!!) on Friday, 03-Jul-2009 8:43:53

Let me know if you find it. As humans, we tend to put conditions on life, even if it isn't intentions.

## Post 24 by psychic teacher (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Tuesday, 07-Jul-2009 16:40:05

It is possible to find what you are looking for. Just don't fear much, because you are probably not the only person to ask and wonder about this. Just get exposed to things and people you think you have things in common with and I am sure things would start going forward for you. Unconditional love sounds nice, but let him proof to you how much you and his children and all else you say count for him. Patience, time and action on his and your side may be required, but even if you get hurt until you find the right guy, just keep trying. Many guys in their late 20ies and early 30ies fear of great commitments, so I know it may not be easy. I am sure that there are some who also know and feel what you do, so keep looking!