# Why flurt? and what is it anyway?

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Sunday, 30-Oct-2005 16:51:41

Hi all,
This is an extremely open-ended question. The topic itself has always confused me greatly! Why must people flurt? I have never felt it necessary myself, and if I like someone, I will just tell them straight off. I wouldn't play mind games with them, (or that's how I percieve it). i know people can flurt to try and hint to their crush they're attracted, and these people would argue that it's fun. Well, I dunno .. I'd just much rather honesty up front.
Then you get the kind of flurting which happens when one is already in a relationship. what is the point of that? I mean, do they do it because they are attracted to getting to know as many girls/boys as possible, do they do it cos they're unhappy in their current relationship?
I just don't get it and wanted to hear your thoughts on this topic.
I guess, because I don't understand it, it's partly the reason for my relationship breakdown earlier in the year. well, that and parranoyer about the whereabouts he is and what he's doing, etc.)
anyway he was also flurting with me before I realized he liked me. and I didn't respond well to it. I just wanted him to tell me up front how he felt and quit the games! Lol
Looking forward to reading your opinions/stories on this.
Cheers! :)

## Post 2 by SingerOfSongs (Heresy and apostasy is how progress is made.) on Sunday, 30-Oct-2005 21:07:26

Hmm, it also depends on your definition of flurting. I think part of it is that, while it might make things easier if people came out and said things, it takes a lot of confidence and nerve to do so. Also, I've seen some people use it to see the reaction of the person they like, as a sort of gage to their response, favorable or not. If they get a favorable response, then they think that it's ok to try to go further. Though maybe I shouldn't give to much commentary here. THere's been more than once where someone was flurting with me, and I had no idea until someone else pointed it out to me.. So end my ramblings on this topic for now.

## Post 3 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Sunday, 30-Oct-2005 21:58:55

oh yes, I have heard of such cases myself. forgot to mention that it's about the only explanation I may favour more.

## Post 4 by The Roman Battle Mask (Making great use of my Employer's time.) on Sunday, 30-Oct-2005 22:24:04

I flert when I get drunk, and that way don't feel bad if I get shot down.

## Post 5 by Twinklestar09 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Sunday, 30-Oct-2005 22:39:01

Yeah, I also think that it could be because of lack of confidence and wanting to see the reaction they get from it. I really don't like it much myself either. Maybe once in awhile is fine, but if a guy were to do it too often, when it comes to him seriously telling me he really likes me, I'd honestly tend not to take him seriously. And if that were his first or nearly first words to me, I might feel flattered but not know how to respond and it really wouldn't make me like him any more or less, until I got to know him over time. I understand it could be a way at hinting, but I'd rather him just be straight out and tell me, even if he was shy about it. I might be more likely to at least go out with him if anything. Also, this is a little off, but it's weird. It's hard for me to be into flowers or jewlery, and I think I'm one of the few girls that wouldn't mind getting something funtional as a present, as long as it were something cool that I'd been wanting. I guess it's that I'm not much into waring jewerly anyway, and don't see much point in something you can't use. I mean, I collect certain things, but it's more because they feel interesting or that I'm interested in the subject rather than just to look pretty I think. Weird of me but yeah. *smiles*

## Post 6 by Twinklestar09 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Monday, 31-Oct-2005 1:53:28

I take some of my last post back. The only nonuseful gifts (aside from ones that are tactilly interesting), are chocolates. *smiles*

## Post 7 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Monday, 31-Oct-2005 6:54:17

I think there are two types of flerting, the harmless type, and the suggestive type.
I think that it’s ok to flert with someone, tell them that you’d love to spend the night with them, … etc, as long as you make it clear that you don’t have any serious intentions towards them.
But then there is the other type of flerting, when you tell a person that they are wonderful, that you’ve never felt like this before, that you could see yourself being with them and how you’d love to be with them in certain ways, and as long as that flerting is well-intended, it can do no harm. However, if you are saying those types of things to someone and creating the impression that you are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with that person when in actual fact you are just “flerting”, and that person reads the signs and develops an interest in you as a result, then it has gone beyond the boundaries of harmless flerting.
If by nature you are a flirtatious person, then you should make that clear to the people you are flerting witt, so that those people don’t think you think they are special and unique, when in actual fact you say it to all the people you flert with :)

## Post 8 by PorkInCider (Wind assisted.) on Monday, 31-Oct-2005 7:33:25

Flirting is a part of me, a part of the person I am. I don't remember not doing it, and as for why, I don't know. I enjoy it, it's fun, but I'm always honest. Mostly it's harmless, and means nothing more than being friends with a person, I often flirt with good friends, but they know it's nothing more than me being me. I don't ever go around telling people I think more of them than I do, and if I do think more of them, than I do generally of people I flirt with, then I tell them, and we get past that in whichever way works. Sometimes flirting will lead to something more, but rarely, and as I say, I find it harmless. if I find someone is reading more into it than I'd like then I talk to them, to clear up any missunderstanding.

## Post 9 by Witchcraft (Account disabled) on Monday, 31-Oct-2005 7:58:10

I have to agree with Kev. I've been told I'm a very flirtatious person, but I don't always realize I'm doing it; I guess it's just the way I am, but if I realize it is or might be going on; do to someone's reaction to me I always tell them I'm married...

## Post 10 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Monday, 31-Oct-2005 9:39:45

Flirting is just a very human thing to do I think. I think in a way it's looking for appreciation it can also, of course, be a precursor to a more serious consideration with a person. E.g. personally if someone came straight out to tell me she liked me without any prior warning or indications it would just put me on the spot and make me feel a little strange and I'm not even sure how I would react to it, flirting is more of a process to send signals that you find someone interesting or attractive and then if that person reciprocates that's a positive gesture and you can choose whether or not to "step it up" or not do anyting about it. It's not a bad thing, per say, but it's a very delicate thing to do, especially if you are in a relationship. I flirt by nature, but I really have to watch it when committed to someone and I think if people in general are unhappy in their relationships they may take the flirting a lot further wich they shouldn't do until they've figured out what is going on with their lives i.e. either fix up the relationship and not flirt or get out of the relationship where they are free to take the flirting to whatever level they desire. So it's striking a balance, I think flirting enough to feel that you are appreciated and having people flirt with you to that same level is nice, you must always keep an eye out and make sure the flirting does not go over your confort line and it's a tricky thing to do really, especially online I think, but to me it's just another aspect of human nature. I think what sb is referring to is not flirting any more, if you feel that special about someone or tell them it's not my definition of flirting. Whatever that is it's different altogether.
cheers
-B

## Post 11 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Monday, 31-Oct-2005 14:27:23

Flrting is a natural part of the mating game even Great White Sharks flirt.

## Post 12 by blink183 (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Wednesday, 02-Nov-2005 2:21:01

Flirting serves a LOT of purposes. First let's cover what flirting is. Did you ever play fight or play wrestle with your friends when you were little? That's essentially what flirting is: the adult version of play fighting. How do you know the difference between when someone is play fighting and when they really mean it. The answer is you just DO. You know the difference between when your friend jumps on you, pins you to the ground and wrestles you vs. when they are being serious. So why flirt? Flirting communicates a lot about a person and their character instantly. It lets the other person know how confident you are, and whether you have any insecurities. It conveys to the woman that you "get it," that you can communicate with her at a level that goes beyond the surface and the words. This kind of communication is what triggers and builds ATTRACTION. It leaves the woman eager and anxious to guess what will come next. The anticipation leads to wanting. Making a girl wonder where a guy is and what he's doing is the RIGHT thing to do, because it leaves her wanting him.

## Post 13 by Inesle1987 (Account disabled) on Wednesday, 02-Nov-2005 2:31:18

Sorry that I have to ask another question: Most sighted peole flirt with their eyes. I am just curious - I always was too shy to flirt and don't need this anymore now - how do you start? What are you saying or how do you know that you want to flirt with exactly that person?
I can not understand the comparison, Blink183 - between playing fight and flirting - I can't see anything these two things have in common.

## Post 14 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 02-Nov-2005 9:22:55

Insele .Some people will actually use play fighting as a way of flirting when they are scared to reveal their true feelings to the each other. He is using mock violence in the hope of impressing her with his macho behaviour, while she is saying I'm fit for you lets get on with it. I use the sound of her voice, the subtle changes in tone as she relaxes, can tell you a lot. Also if she laughs sincerely at your jokes ect,or touches you, then your getting there.

## Post 15 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Wednesday, 02-Nov-2005 18:01:16

count me in as another person who doesn't like flirting. while i see the points some of you've made about it showing the other person you're confident, i just don't feel it's for me. i'd much rather a person tell me how they felt instead of playing games with me. honesty's the best policy, at least in my book.

## Post 16 by blink183 (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Wednesday, 02-Nov-2005 19:45:27

Well you asked a very interesting question? How do you know you want to flirt with that person? My question to you is how do you know you want to date that person? Just because you're attracted to somebody doesn't mean they're the best person for you. By flirting, you learn a lot about their character that cannot be conveyed in just words. People can fake things at a surface level. How can a woman know if a man is really secure, confident, mature, and able to fulfill her needs? Flirting communicates at that level below the persona. It's two human beings communicating at a deeper level that extends beyond what they're saying. Boringness and predictability are the ENEMIES of attraction. If you want a woman to be naturally attracted to you, then you have to develop a personality that is fun, confident and unpredictable. While guys are primarily more interested in results (looks, sex, etc.), girls tend to enjoy the PROCESS more than the result. Girls will respond better to how you make them FEEL rather than what you do, say or look like. Going through the steps of mating allows that attraction, sexual tension and anticipation to build which charges the relationship to its ULTIMATE CLIMAX, if you know what I mean.

## Post 17 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Thursday, 03-Nov-2005 3:28:33

they were pretty good explanations blink, but remember not to generalize! found another one who doesn't agree with flurting! yeah BD! :)

## Post 18 by Witchcraft (Account disabled) on Thursday, 03-Nov-2005 4:16:54

I don't consider flirting always sexual; or at least not always leading to a sexual incounter. For me it's just natural. I enjoy the company of males, and I'm always glad to let one know that. Flirting also can be a confidence booster for the one being flirted with, and what is the harm with boosting someone's confidence as long as your honest about any possible or not possible result from the relationship? I'm happily married and have been for almost 6 years; God, has it really been that long? Anyways, I flirt with guys I like and that liking can range from attracted to; I'm married, not dead, to simply appreciate and respect as being of the opposite sex.

## Post 19 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Thursday, 03-Nov-2005 13:11:22

There no better thing than knowing you are attractive when you are exhausted by 2 energetic children.

## Post 20 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Friday, 04-Nov-2005 18:21:13

yeah, we so rock, don't we rachel? :)

## Post 21 by rdfreak (THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE-BLUE KANGA-KICKIN AUSIE) on Friday, 04-Nov-2005 19:31:44

yeahyeahyeah BD! :) I sooo thought I was an outcast! :) or just weird or something.

## Post 22 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 05-Nov-2005 10:32:49

We all have to fit into that tight restrictive little box don't we.

## Post 23 by jessmonsilva (Taking over the boards, one topic at a time.) on Thursday, 17-Nov-2005 15:19:10

I agree flirting is just the human thing to do sometimes, I have been told I am a very flirtatious person, so I flirt half the time out of subconsciousness, but when I do finally find that someone I wanna be with, it goes beyond flirting with them, I make it known very clearly I wanna be with that person.

## Post 24 by Siriusly Severus (The ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w7 The Taskmaste) on Sunday, 28-Jun-2009 14:50:40

Uh, because they are bored and lonely and need something to do?