# sex

Category: Joke Board

## Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Friday, 08-Sep-2006 21:37:05

Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better
have a good hand."
Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances
for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot
pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone
"My mother never saw the irony in calling
me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you
didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex.
men just need a place."
Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that
women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !'"
Jerry Seinfeld
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."
Steve Martin
" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good
money for in later life."
Elmo Phillips
" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde
" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns

## Post 2 by HauntedReverie (doing the bad mango) on Saturday, 09-Sep-2006 5:47:25

lol. I saw the title and had to read it.. haha

## Post 3 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Saturday, 09-Sep-2006 10:37:02

Lol, ha ha ha!
With a title like that, you don't need a message. Just watch the message "views" go up like... well,... what do we know that rises very quickly?... blood pressure?
Anyway, thanks for posting.
Bob

## Post 4 by frequency (the music man) on Saturday, 09-Sep-2006 11:26:30

you know, i saw the shows robin williams said those quotes on. I was cracking up nearly through the entire thing!

## Post 5 by TexasRed (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Saturday, 09-Sep-2006 12:53:02

good one Becky

## Post 6 by Bryan (This site is so "educational") on Saturday, 09-Sep-2006 18:26:06

lol, very nice becky, thanks, hugs

## Post 7 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Saturday, 09-Sep-2006 19:37:22

(Becky opens eyes wide and looks innocent) - Why Bob, what on earth could you be talking about...something rising? Why yes, it must be blood pressure.

## Post 8 by maddog (I'll have the last word, thank you!) on Saturday, 09-Sep-2006 20:26:50

lol I rarely laugh at a lot of these posts, but yours definitely cracked me up. Well done!

## Post 9 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 10-Sep-2006 1:07:05

Wow! I've made maddog laugh. I can die a happy woman now. LOL. Thanks Maddog.

## Post 10 by UnknownQuantity (Account disabled) on Sunday, 10-Sep-2006 5:01:19

I, like Cala, had to read it due to the title. *smile*, thanks for sharing.

## Post 11 by DancingAfterDark (I just keep on posting!) on Sunday, 10-Sep-2006 15:43:53

Just...fucking lmfao. I also read because of the title.

## Post 12 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 10-Sep-2006 15:46:40

I think my favorite of the quotes, although I liked them all, was the one from Barbara Bush about orl sex. It just makes me laugh picturing that old, overweight, gray haired woman talking about sex, let alone oral sex.

## Post 13 by JH_Radio (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Wednesday, 13-Sep-2006 1:58:04

I had to read it too! I'm sure there are countless ones out there. They are probably the easier jokes to invent. grin!