# A question for all the blind couples out there!

Category: Let's talk

## Post 1 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Wednesday, 30-Apr-2008 19:11:33

Hello everyone. I am posting this because I am curious to see what my other fellow blind couples do in these kinds of situations. My fiance and I live about an hour and some away from Boston. The Mass Commission will only provide mobility for us within our hometown but not outside it unless it's work related. However, Thanh and I are interested in going to Boston for more entertainment. We'd love to go to concerts, ball games, and similar kinds of things. We can take the train into Boston but once we're there, our options are limited because of lack of mobility. Taking the subway is all right if there are a lot of people we can ask for help to get from point A. to point B. but it gets kind of annoying to always ask for help. We don't have much family support and asking friends all the time isn't all that appealing either. lol We'd like to get away by ourselves for a romantic evening too! So I am wondering what you all do. What and where have you done/gone by yourselves as a couple?

## Post 2 by chelslicious (like it or not, I'm gonna say what I mean. all the time.) on Wednesday, 30-Apr-2008 21:36:32

I'm single, but I hope you don't mind me giving my two cents for what it's worth. my best advice to you is to get training...go to a training center, and learn the skills of blindness so you all can do things independently.

## Post 3 by Ukulele<3 (Try me... You know you want to.) on Thursday, 01-May-2008 9:23:03

Aww. Of course I don't mind you giving advice. But I think you misunderstood me a bit. We know how to travel by ourselves in our hometown. We have no problems with going places there but when it comes to somewhere we can't get training for because we either don't work or live there, it gets difficult. As for training schools, they cost a lot and like I said, the commission will not pay for anything unless it's work related and we just don't have the money either.

## Post 4 by moonspun (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 02-May-2008 17:19:33

Isn't there a system in the states where you can book travel assistance? In the UK, you can book help in advance on the trains, and they'll help you to a member of staff for the subway, who arrange to have you met at the other end. Might be worth making some phone calls and seeing if you can get that organised. If you want to pick my brains a little more, please feel free to PM me.
Carly

## Post 5 by jamesk (This site is so "educational") on Friday, 02-May-2008 19:51:00

I'm single, too, but would like to throw my two cents worth in.
I think tghe previous poster meant that by getting training, you need to get the proper training. With proper training, you can travel when and where you want and don't have to be re-trained in each new place you want to go.
It involves asking the right questions, learning the proper techniques, and most important of all, learning how to problem solve.

## Post 6 by ArtRock1224 (move over school!) on Friday, 02-May-2008 20:41:48

For what it's worth...
the OP has already explained why they can't simply move and receive training at this point. If you can't offer (or don't have any) other suggestions, perhaps those of you who have the "training" you speak of could take a few minutes and offer some general words of advice or techniques of your own to help this couple solve their mobility problems. This person is curious; what are some good questions to ask? good techniques to use?
As for the OP in question, I don't know If GPS would help you hear--perhaps it is worth looking into If you're unsure as to where to go, what streets to use, and where the general locations of buildings are.

## Post 7 by Preciosa (The precious one and her littledog too.) on Friday, 02-May-2008 22:20:20

Hey Michelle!
Well, as you know, the FI and I have spent the past two summers living in the Boston area. the easiest thing we found to do was look for activities in boston we wanted to participate in and then take a cab into the city directly to where we wanted to go. Granted, the cab rides were quite pricy from where we lived but they took lots of the hastle out of getting around. My best advice is to research where you want to go ahead of time and then take a cab or train to that location. If you do the train thing into Boston and your destination isn't too close to the drop off point, have a cab take you from the train stop to your final destination. that'll save you lots of money because you're not taking a cab from an our out of town.
My final suggestion is to call your destination ahead of time. for example, if you want to go to the theater, call them the day before you're wanting to go and tell them your situation. Bostonion businesses are extremely accommodating if you give them notice.
hth
danielle

## Post 8 by KC8PNL (The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.) on Saturday, 03-May-2008 18:29:49

I don't have much to add here that hasn't already been said, but I would like to say that sometimes you just have to ask for help. Yes, it's annoying, but that's life. GPS can help in some situations, but in terms of finding specific locations, it isn't quite accurate enough to be soley relied on. It's not really worth the money IMHO, but if you can get the state to purchase it for you, it could be of some assistance. Other than that, I agree that calling ahead and getting a cab as close to your location as possible are good ideas. Yes, cabs are expensive, so I guess you have to decide how much the anoyance is worth in terms of dollars and then decide what type of transportation to utilize.

## Post 9 by hypatia (Much Scarier in Person) on Monday, 05-May-2008 1:18:12

well, this may sound like more of the same, but asking and asking and re-asking is kind of the rule. One thing you can do is find someone who works for the, well, whatever you call your transit system, and just ask right there if they can help you get to the required tradck. I am more used to asking people one step at a time - and trying to avoid the people who want to attach themselves to me for life, but one good person going your way can make life much easier.
There is one more piece and that is to start talking about what real full access to these systems would mean. I'm in New YOrk and more and more there are places in the system where some annoying voice is warning me to be careful and be security minded. I don't see any reason the message that is telling me to be careful getting off the esccalator couldn't also tell me the uptown train is straight ahead and the downtown train is behind me. I don't see any reason why the announcements couldn't be consistently telling me which train is coming instead of always having to ask.
Part of the problem with asking these days versus thirty years ago is more and more people are plugged into some kind of headset and there are just plain fewer people who can hear you. I don't remember if Boston has more than one train coming on the same track but in NYC we do and even if you know which track the train you want is usually on you still need to check as they are always switching things around. . All that asking is annnoying but the other option which is to be trapped not being able to go where I want seems much worse. I really can't figure out what anyone thinks more training would help with. Subway systems are too noisy to get much information about lines of people traffic a lot of the time, most are pretty inconsistent so if you have a good memory you could get trained to know all sorts of details about each station. I don't have that kind of memory. Depending on other people to fill in the gaps is also really inconsistent. The only thing I have figured out of late is that when I ask someone a question and they just say "I don't know", that I shouldn't let them go but rather persist. As obvious as it might seem in my case with a large guide dog whose harness sign includes the words "working guide dog" I explain that I am blind and can't see the signs and that I don't need them to know anything, just to tell me what they see. And if someone says to take a right, I will point to the right and ask "this way?" since people often don't know directions.
So, you started with the premise that there is something specific difficult about being a blind couple. Well, compared to the those of us who are single, I think you have it good. you guys have each other. You can take turns asking, back each other up when people are doing weird things, and have someone else to figure out what to do when you are weary and can't think clearly anymore. Presumably you each have strengths you bring to the relationship that are not all the same. I had a partner who was blind for a couple of years when I was younger whose life was taken too young. The companionship during all that annoying stuff was such a treasure. In many ways it was easier and nicer than having a sighted person with me with someone sighted it is hard to establish that same give and take, you have everyone relating to the person with you, the weird things people do around you tend to too easily fall on them to deal with, and it can get to the point where you start forgetting how you ever got around on your own because the way they do things removes all the landmarks you used to deal with. And if they drive, since driving is such a big part of life in most of the US, at least, it takes a lot more work to find a way to contribute equally to the relationship and yet also assert some control over what you do together when the other person is driving and thus literally controlling your movement.