# dating and marriage

Category: Dating and Relationships

## Post 1 by Japanimangel (Account disabled) on Friday, 08-Jul-2005 10:24:58

Hey all,
How long do you think a couple should date before becoming ingated to be married? Also, how long should your ingagement be? I have been with radio man for almost 5 years, and althought I would love to marry him, I would like to wait until we are stable and on our feet with money, ect. I don't want my parents paying for the wedding completely, and I would like to contribute. I also would like a long ingagement. I have heard of so many people who get ingaged, and the pressure of just that makes them break up. I want to make sure that when I take that huge step of saying my vows, that I am truely ready. I also don't agree with dating someone for like 6 months and getting married. A lot of the time that doesn't seem to work out neither. I think that it takes a lot longer to get to know a person enough to make a decision. Thats just my opinion though, and I'm really curious to hear all of yours!

## Post 2 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Friday, 08-Jul-2005 10:29:14

That's very subjective 5 years is longer than I would be happy with..but as financial issues play a large part in a maritial breakdown it's understandable...I think the couple must be mature and secure mentally, before even considering marriage...how long they should wait is a purely personal decision.

## Post 3 by Twinklestar09 (I've now got the bronze prolific poster award! now going for the silver award!) on Friday, 08-Jul-2005 11:03:55

Japanimangel, all I can say is that I agree with what you're saying. It's great that y'all are waiting 'til everything's stable because then y'all can more easily share y'all's lives together as far as getting a place to live, and starting a family if y'all're wanting to do that. Although I'd think 5 years is a long time, I'd agree that it's best to date at least a year or 2 if not more so each partner could seriously get to know who they'll hopefully be spending their life with.
Leilani

## Post 4 by sugarbaby (The voice of reason) on Friday, 08-Jul-2005 11:08:52

Well, I think if you know you want to get married, you could get engaged, after all if you’re engaged it shows you are committed to one another but you haven’t yet shelled out all the money for the wedding … etc. to be totally honest, if I’d been with a guy for five years I’d be starting to wonder why he hadn’t proposed to me by now. and would also start to wonder if he ever would propose. There is one other thing which I personally think is quite important. I think personally that before a couple gets married, they should live together. You never completely know someone until you live with them.

## Post 5 by Japanimangel (Account disabled) on Friday, 08-Jul-2005 11:59:24

claire, I totally see what ya mean about living together! We're trying that now, and so far, things have been amazing!

## Post 6 by wildebrew (We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?) on Friday, 08-Jul-2005 14:18:26

Hmm, it's so hard to say, it really depends on the age of the people involved or what they are doing. I think e.g. if one has 3 years left of college and the other person is graduated when they start dating perhaps they can get engaged in a year or two but should not get married until after the college graduation. I really think while you're still travelling and learning and not really ready to start the every day life you should avoid getting married because you'renot ready to take on the financial responsibilities, commitments etc that marriage entils. So I think the older you are the shorter the dating time can be before peopple are ok getting married. I think e.g. if both people are 28 or 30 that they will pretty much know in 6 months to a year whether they can see themselves living with thatperson and then they can get engaged and move in together for another 6 months to a year and then get married. It's really subjective though, it really depends on what people are going through at the time. I think both engagements and marriages are very very sacred and I would never get engaged unless I was very sure this is the person I wanted a future with and marriage is really just a confirmation of that intension for me. But I've seen both, my parents got married at age 17 and they've been successfully married for 40 years now and quite happy, it's so hard to come up with a one rule fits all, because people are so different.
cheers
-B

## Post 7 by 1800trivia (I can't call it a day til I enter the zone BBS) on Sunday, 10-Jul-2005 13:08:10

I think people need to ask all the hard questions (values, sexuality, religion, wanting a family, ETC.) and need to be around each other a whole lot. Also, sometimes people go through cycles in their lives, and a few months isn't long enough to see a person's cycle. For exaple, someone who has had violent episodes in the past might have them again, but not necessarily right away. Really knowing the person inside and out is most important, so I rather start with friedship, then maybe physically exploring to see if you're attracted (like kissing/hugging), and then a relationship. Just my opinion.

## Post 8 by angel and devil (Generic Zoner) on Monday, 11-Jul-2005 12:30:57

I think five years is too long. If you haven't gotten him to at least give you a ring by now I don't think he wants marriage no matter what he says. Get a ring or look for someone else.

## Post 9 by Siriusly Severus (The ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w7 The Taskmaste) on Thursday, 18-Jun-2009 16:19:27

It depends for all of yourquestions.

## Post 10 by DancingAfterDark (I just keep on posting!) on Thursday, 18-Jun-2009 22:21:57

Such a worthwhile response. And considering that the last post to this board was in 2005, I'm guessing the OP has found answers by now anyway. Just sayin'.

## Post 11 by turricane (happiness and change are choices ) on Friday, 19-Jun-2009 14:04:48

It doesn't make a bit of difference how long a person is together. What is more important is the quality of the time and the depth of the relationship. A rule of thum though is to wait at least six months before engagement . There is a big difference between being in love and loving someone. After about six months the bloom is coming off the rose and we see what the person really is made of.