
    ,,*APT] ,,XXXI
  ,B ! SAME /IMULUS 6! HUMAN ORGANISM W
N 3T9UE 6PRODUCE ! SAME RESPONSE4 ,0&
0,I 4COV]$ "! 0 NO KICK AT ALL 9 "O
COCKTAIL4 ,"O COCKTAIL LEFT ME D1D4 ,"!
0 NO GL[1 NO LAU<T] TICKLE4 ,TWO OR ?REE
COCKTAILS 7 REQUIR$ 6PRODUCE ! ORIG9AL
E6ECT ( "O4 ,& ,I WANT$ T E6ECT4 ,I
DRANK MY F/ COCKTAIL AT ELEV5-?IRTY :5
,I TOOK ! MORN+'S MAIL 96! HAMMOCK1 & ,I
DRANK MY SECOND COCKTAIL AN H\R LAT] J
2F ,I ATE4 ,I GOT 96! HABIT ( CRAWL+ \
(! HAMMOCK T5 M9UTES E>LI] S Z 6F9D "T &
DEC5CY = TWO M COCKTAILS ]E ,I ATE4 ,?
2CAME S*$ULE--?REE COCKTAILS 9 ! H\R T
9T]V5$ 2T MY DESK & D9N]4 ,& ^! >E TWO
(! D1DLIE/ DR9K+ HABITS3 REGUL> DR9K+ &
SOLIT>Y DR9K+4
  ,I 0 ALW WILL+ 6DR9K :5 ANY "O 0 >.D4
,I DRANK 0MYF :5 NO "O 0 >.D4 ,!N ,I
MADE ANO!R /EP4 ,:5 ,I _H = GUE/ A MAN (
LIMIT$ DR9K+ CALIBRE1 ,I TOOK TWO DR9KS
6HIS "O--"O DR9K ) HM1 ! O!R DR9K )\T HM
&( : HE DID N "K4 ,I ,,/OLE T O!R DR9K1
&1 WORSE ?AN T1 ,I 2GAN ! HABIT ( DR9K+
AL"O :5 "! 0 A GUE/1 A MAN1 A -RADE1 )
:OM ,I CD H DRUNK4 ,B ,JOHN ,B>LEYCORN
FURNI%$ ! EXT5U,N4 ,X 0 A WR;G ?+ 6TRIP
A GUE/ UP ) EXCESS ( HOSPITAL;Y & GET HM
DRUNK4 ,IF ,I P]SUAD$ HM1 ) 8 LIMIT$
CALIBRE1 96DR9K+ UP ) ME1 ,I'D SURELY
GET HM DRUNK4 ,:AT CD ,I D B /1L T E
SECOND DR9K1 OR ELSE D5Y MYF ! KICK
EQUIVAL5T 6:AT HE GOT \ ( HALF ! NUMB]8
  ,PL1SE REMEMB]1 Z ,I RECITE ?
DEVELOP;T ( MY DR9K+1 T ,I AM NO FOOL1
NO W1KL+4 ,Z ! _W M1SURES S* ?+S1 ,I AM
A SU3ESS--,I D>E 6SAY A SU3ESS M
3SPICU\S ?AN ! SU3ESS (! AV]AGE SU3ESS;L
MAN1 &A SU3ESS T REQUIR$ A PRETTY FAIR
AM.T ( BRA9S & W P[]4 ,MY BODY IS A /R;G
BODY4 ,X HAS SURVIV$ ": W1KL+S DI$ L
FLIES4 ,& YET ^! ?+S : ,I AM RELAT+
HAPP5$ 6MY BODY & 6ME4 ,I AM A FACT4 ,MY
DR9K+ IS A FACT4 ,MY DR9K+ IS A ?+ T HAS
HAPP5$1 & IS NO !ORY NOR SPECUL,N2 &1 Z
,I SEE X1 X B LAYS ! EMPHASIS ON ! P[] (
,JOHN ,B>LEYCORN--A SAVAGERY T WE /
P]MIT 6EXI/1 A D1DLY 9/ITU;N T L+]S F !
MAD OLD BRUTAL "DS & T TAKES XS H1VY
TOLL ( Y\? & /R5G?1 & HI< _S1 &( V M* (
ALL (! BE/ WE BRE$4
  ,6RETURN4 ,AF A BOI/]\S AFN 9 ! SWIMM+
POOL1 FOLL[$ 0A GLORI\S RIDE ON
HORSEBACK OV] ! M.TA9S OR UP OR D[N !
,VALLEY (! ,MOON1 ,I F.D MYF S KEY$ &
SPL5DID T ,I DESIR$ 6BE M HI<LY KEY$1
6FEEL M SPL5DID4 ,I KNEW ! WAY4 ,A
COCKTAIL 2F SUPP] 0 N ! WAY4 ,TWO OR
?REE1 AT ! V L1/1 0 :AT 0 NE$$4 ,I TOOK
!M4 ,:Y N8 ,X 0 LIV+4 ,I _H ALW DE>LY
LOV$ 6LIVE4 ,? AL 2CAME "P (! DAILY
S*$ULE4
  ,!N1 TOO1 ,I 0 P]PETU,Y F9D+ EXCUSES =
EXTRA COCKTAILS4 ,X MI<T 2 ! ASSEMBL+ (A
"PICUL>LY JOLLY CR[D2 A T\* ( ANG] AG/
MY >*ITECT OR AG/ A ?IEV+ /"O-MASON "W+
ON MY B>N2 ! D1? ( MY FAV\RITE HORSE 9 A
B>B$ WIRE F;E2 OR NEWS ( GD =TUNE 9 !
MORN+ MAIL F MY D1L+S ) $ITORS &
PUBLI%]S4 ,X 0 IMMAT]IAL :AT ! EXCUSE
MI<T BE1 ONCE ! DESIRE _H G]M9AT$ 9 ME4
,! ?+ WAS3 ,I ,,WANT$ ALCOHOL4 ,AT LA/1
AF A SCORE & M ( YE>S ( D,Y+ &( N WANT+1
N[ ,I WANT$ X4 ,& MY /R5G? 0 MY W1K;S4
,I REQUIR$ TWO1 ?REE1 OR F\R DR9KS 6GET
AN E6ECT -M5SURATE )! E6ECT ! AV]AGE MAN
GOT \ ( "O DR9K4
  ,"O RULE ,I OBS]V$4 ,I N"E TOOK A DR9K
UNTIL MY "D'S "W ( WRIT+ A ?\S& ^WS 0
D"O4 ,&1 :5 D"O1 ! COCKTAILS RE>$ A WALL
( 9HIBI;N 9 MY BRA9 2T ! "D'S "W D"O &!
RE/ (! "D ( FUN 6-E4 ,MY "W C1S$ F MY
3SCI\S;S4 ,NO ?"\ ( X FLICK]$ 9 MY BRA9
TILL NEXT MORN+ AT N9E O'C :5 ,I SAT AT
MY DESK & 2GAN MY NEXT ?\S& ^WS4 ,? 0 A
DESIRA# 3DI;N ( M9D 6A*IEVE4 ,I 3S]V$ MY
5]GY 0M1NS ( ? ALCOHOLIC 9HIBI;N4 ,JOHN
,B>LEYCORN 0 N S BLACK Z HE 0 PA9T$4 ,HE
DID A FELL[ _M A GD TURN1 & ? 0 "O ( !M4
  ,& ,I TURN$ \ "W T 0 H1L?;L1 & :OLE"S1
& S9C]E4 ,X 0 N"E PESSIMI/IC4 ,! WAY
6LIFE ,I _H LE>N$ 9 MY L;G SICK;S4 ,I
KNEW ! ILLU.NS 7 "R1 & ,I EXALT$ !
ILLU.NS4 ,OH1 ,I / TURN \ ! SAME SORT (
"W1 /UFF T IS CL1N1 ALIVE1 OPTIMI/IC1 &
T MAKES T[>D LIFE4 ,& ,I AM ALW ASSUR$
0! CRITICS ( MY SUP]-ABUNDANT & AB.D+
VITAL;Y1 &( H[ ?OR\<LY ,I AM DELUD$ 0^!
V ILLU.NS ,I EXPLOIT4
  ,& :ILE ON ? DIGRES.N1 LET ME REP1T !
"Q ,I H REP1T$ 6MYF T5 ?\S& "TS4 ,,:Y
,,DID ,I ,,DR9K8 ,:AT NE$ 0 "! = X8 ,I 0
HAPPY4 ,0 X 2C ,I 0 TOO HAPPY8 ,I 0
/R;G4 ,0 X 2C ,I 0 TOO /R;G8 ,DID ,I
POSSESS TOO M* VITAL;Y8 ,I DON'T "K :Y
,I DRANK4 ,I _C ANSW]1 ?\< ,I C VOICE !
SUSPICION T "E GR[S 9 ME4 ,I _H BE5 9
TOO-FAMILI> 3TACT ) ,JOHN ,B>LEYCORN "?
TOO _M YE>S4 ,A LEFT-H&$ MAN1 0L;G
PRACTICE1 C 2COME A "R-H&$ MAN4 ,_H ,I1
A NON-ALCOHOLIC1 0L;G PRACTICE 2COME AN
ALCOHOLIC8
  ,I 0 S HAPPY4 ,I _H WON "? MY L;G
SICK;S 6!
SATISFY+ LOVE ( WOMAN4 ,I E>N$ M M"OY )
LESS 5D1V\R4 ,I GL[$ ) H1L?4 ,I SLEPT L
A BABE4 ,I 3T9U$ 6WRITE SU3ESS;L BOOKS1
& 9 SOCIOLOGICAL 3TROV]SY ,I SAW MY
OPPON5TS 3FUT$ )! FACTS (! "TS T DAILY
RE>$ NEW BUTTRESSES 6MY 9TELLECTUAL
POSI;N4 ,F "D'S 5D 6"D'S 5D ,I N"E KNEW
SORR[1 4APPO9T;T1 NOR REGRET4 ,I 0 HAPPY
ALL ! "T4 ,LIFE 0 "O UN5D+ S;G4 ,I
2GRUDG$ ! V H\RS ( B.S$ SLEEP 2C 0T M* 0
,I RO2$ (! JOY T WD H BE5 M9E _H ,I
REMA9$ AWAKE4 ,& YET ,I DRANK4 ,& ,JOHN
,B>LEYCORN1 ALL UNGUESS$ 0ME1 0 SETT+ !
/AGE =A SICK;S ALL 8 [N4
  ,! M ,I DRANK ! M ,I 0 REQUIR$ 6DR9K
6GET AN EQUIVAL5T E6ECT4 ,:5 ,I LEFT !
,VALLEY (! ,MOON1 & W5T 6! C;Y1 & D9$ \1
A COCKTAIL S]V$ AT TA# 0 A WAN & WOR?.S
?+4 ,"! 0 NO PRE-D9N] KICK 9 X4 ,ON MY
WAY 6D9N] ,I 0 -PELL$ 6A3UMULATE ! KICK
--TWO COCKTAILS1 ?REE1 &1 IF ,I MET "S
FELL[S1 F\R OR FIVE1 OR SIX1 X DIDN'T
MATT] )9 S"EAL4 ,ONCE1 ,I 0 9 A RU%4 ,I
_H NO "T DEC5TLY 6A3UMULATE ! S"EAL
DR9KS4 ,A BRILLIANT IDEA CAME 6ME4 ,I
TOLD ! B>KEEP] 6MIX ME A D\# COCKTAIL4
,"!AF1 :5"E ,I 0 9 A HURRY1 ,I ORD]$ D\#
COCKTAILS4 ,X SAV$ "T4
  ,"O RESULT ( ? REGUL> H1VY DR9K+ 0
6JADE ME4 ,MY M9D GREW S A3U/OM$ 6SPR+ &
LIV5 0>TIFICIAL M1NS T )\T >TIFICIAL
M1NS X REFUS$ 6SPR+ & LIV54 ,ALCOHOL
2CAME M & M IMP]ATIVE 9 ORD] 6MEET P1 9
ORD] 62COME SOCIABLY FIT4 ,I _H 6GET !
KICK &! HIT (! /UFF1 ! CRAWL (! MA7OTS1
! G5IAL BRA9 GL[1 ! LAU<T] TICKLE1 ! T\*
( DEVILI%;S & /+1 ! SMILE OV] ! FACE (
?+S1 ]E ,I CD JO9 MY FELL[S & MAKE "O )
!M4
  ,ANO!R RESULT 0 T ,JOHN ,B>LEYCORN 0
2G9N+ 6TRIP ME UP4 ,HE 0 ?RU/+ MY L;G
SICK;S BACK ^U ME1 9VEIGL+ ME 96AG
PURSU+ ,TRU? & SNAT*+ H] VEILS AWAY F
H]1 TRICK+ ME 96LOOK+ R1L;Y />K 9 !
FACE4 ,B ? CAME ON GRADU,Y4 ,MY ?"\S 7
GR[+ H>% AG1 ?\< !Y GREW H>% SL[LY4
  ,"S"TS W>N+ ?"\S CROSS$ MY M9D4 ,": 0
? /1DY DR9K+ L1D+8 ,B TRU/ ,JOHN
,B>LEYCORN 6SIL;E S* "QS4 8,-E ON & H A
DR9K & ,I'LL TELL Y ALL AB X10 IS 8 WAY4
,& X "WS4 ,= 9/.E1 ! FOLL[+ IS A CASE 9
PO9T1 & "O : ,JOHN ,B>LEYCORN N"E WE>I$
( REM9D+ ME3
  ,I _H SU6]$ AN A3ID5T : REQUIR$ A
TICKLI% OP],N4 ,"O MORN+1 A WEEK AF ,I
_H -E (F ! TA#1 ,I LAY ON MY HOSPITAL
B$1 W1K & WE>Y4 ,! SUNBURN ( MY FACE1
:AT LL ( X CD 2 SE5 "? A SCRA7LY GR[? (
BE>D1 _H FAD$ 6A SICKLY YELL[4 ,MY
DOCTOR /OOD AT MY B$SIDE ON ! V]GE (
DE"PURE4 ,HE GL>$ 4APPROV+LY AT !
CIG>ETTE ,I 0 SMOK+4
  8,T'S :AT Y "\ 6QUIT10 HE LECTUR$4 8,X
W GET Y 9 ! 5D4 ,LOOK AT ME40
  ,I LOOK$4 ,HE 0 AB MY [N AGE1 BROAD-
%\LD]$1 DEEP-*E/$1 EYES SP>KL+1 & RU4Y-
*EEK$ ) H1L?4 ,A F9] SPECIM5 ( MANHOOD
"O WD N ASK4
  8,I US$ 6SMOKE10 HE W5T ON4 8,CIG>S4
,B ,I GAVE EV5 !M UP4 ,& LOOK AT ME40
  ,! MAN 0 >ROGANT1 & "RLY >ROGANT1 )
3SCI\S WELL-2+4 ,& )9 A MON? HE 0 D1D4
,X 0 NO A3ID5T4 ,HALF A DOZ5 DI6]5T BUGS
( L;G SCI5TIFIC "NS _H ATTACK$ & DE/ROY$
HM4 ,! -PLIC,NS 7 A/ONI%+ & PA9;L1 &=
"DS 2F HE DI$ ! SCR1MS ( AGONY ( T
SPL5DID MANHOOD CD 2 HE>D =A BLOCK >.D4
,HE DI$ SCR1M+4
  8,Y SEE10 SD ,JOHN ,B>LEYCORN4 8,HE
TOOK C>E ( HMF4 ,HE EV5 /OPP$ SMOK+
CIG>S4 ,& T'S :AT HE GOT = X4 ,PRETTY
ROTT51 EH8 ,B ! BUGS W JUMP4 ,"!'S NO
=EF5D+ !M4 ,YR MAGNIFIC5T DOCTOR TOOK E
PRECAU;N1 YET !Y GOT HM4 ,:5 ! BUG JUMPS
Y C'T TELL ": X W L&4 ,X MAY 2 Y4 ,LOOK
:AT HE MISS$4 ,W Y MISS ALL ,I C GIVE Y1
ONLY 6H A BUG JUMP ON Y & DRAG Y D[N8
,"! IS NO EQU;Y 9 LIFE4 ,X'S ALL A
LOTT]Y4 ,B ,I PUT ! LY+ SMILE ON ! FACE
( LIFE & LAU< AT ! FACTS4 ,SMILE ) ME &
LAU<4 ,Y'LL GET YRS 9 ! 5D1 B 9 ! M1N"T
LAU<4 ,X'S A PRETTY D>K _W4 ,I ILLUM9ATE
X = Y4 ,X'S A ROTT5 _W1 :5 ?+S C HAPP5
S* Z HAPP5$ 6YR DOCTOR4 ,"!'S ONLY "O ?+
6D3 TAKE ANO!R DR9K & =GET X40
  ,&1 ( C\RSE1 ,I TOOK ANO!R DR9K =!
9HIBI;N T A3OMPANI$ X4 ,I TOOK ANO!R
DR9K E "T ,JOHN ,B>LEYCORN REM9D$ ME (
:AT _H HAPP5$4 ,YET ,I DRANK R,N,Y1
9TELLIG5TLY4 ,I SAW 6X T ! QUAL;Y (!
/UFF 0 (! BE/4 ,I S"\ ! KICK &! 9HIBI;N1
& AVOID$ ! P5ALTIES ( POOR QUAL;Y &(
DRUNK5;S4 ,X IS 6BE REM>K$1 9 PASS+1 T
:5 A MAN 2G9S 6DR9K R,N,Y & 9TELLIG5TLY
T HE 2TRAYS A GRAVE SYMPTOM ( H[ F> AL;G
! ROAD HE HAS TRAVELL$4
  ,B ,I 3T9U$ 6OBS]VE MY RULE ( N"E TAK+
MY F/ DR9K (! "D UNTIL ! LA/ ^W ( MY
?\S& ^WS 0 WRITT54
,ON O3A.N1 H["E1 ,I TOOK A "D'S VAC,N F
MY WRIT+4 ,AT S* "TS1 S9CE X 0 NO VIOL,N
( MY RULE1 ,I DIDN'T M9D H[ E>LY 9 ! "D
,I TOOK T F/ DR9K4 ,& P]SONS :O H N"E
BE5 "? ! DR9K+ GAME WOND] H[ ! DR9K+
HABIT GR[S6



















